Just the same excuse could be used for women that pick partners based on income which would be viewed with suspicion. Him spending money on you could be because he knows that's an easy way to get in your pants seen as thats how you measure men. Then do the same thing to all the other chicks he wants to lay. Doesn't say anything about loyalty. In fact if he's wise with his spending and likes to save, food shop instead of eat out and spend quality time (that doesn't cost much) then thats a greater sign of responsibility, if his feelings are clearly visible. For example a ladies man knows the game he will take women out do and say what they want but it's goal orientated. She'll stupidly think "yh he's got momey, good investment let's give him what he wants" but in reality he knows what your perceiving and doesn't need to be creative or invest much emotionally. Just splash cash on her. A man that isn't easily swayed by these expectations has a longer term goal in mind either for himself, the future or whatever not just trading money for favourable perception. Could also switch it and say a woman should then cook , clean and show her abilities to look after her family and help save money that they need to pay bills instead of smoozing and dining. The only thing that shows is how the guy thinks he should act.

@JoelLovell When I retired from my last job , it was after working there for 42 years , 9 months , and 3 days . 100 % of my earnings went into the pot to support the family as well . I didn't make the babies by myself , or without his full knowledge , before we married , that this was the plan . In my opinion , a marriage is a partnership . Two people joined together , agreeing to have sex , which is the route to take , for having a family . I did not ask him to support me . I have never under any circumstances , either asked for or received alimony . Not one red cent . As my partner in making a family , I do feel he also carries responsibility for their support and welfare . In divorce , I asked him to contribute $130 per month to support two children . His lawyer increased that amount to $150 per month for both children . I think that must have been due to some law about minimum requirements . To put things in perspective , over time , the child care service increased their rates to $150 per month , for my two girls . He frequently informed me that he should not have to pay , because the cost of living had increased . I pointed out to him , that this fact was correct , that it now cost more to support the girls , AND that the Federal Government had given him a COLA (Cost of Living Allowance ) , which the girls had not received . A lawyer told me most divorces are due to one of three problem areas . 1. Sex . 2. Money 3. In-laws . Personally , I suspect, 4 Would be addictions , whether it's booze , gambling , drugs , abusive behavior or whatever . According to the 2015 U.S. census , it now costs over $250,000.00 (that's right , over a quarter of a million dollars ) to raise a child . Women are still paid 20% less for doing the same work , as men are paid . So , please forgive me , if I expect men to adult , before starting a family .

What she said.

Being polite is never sexist. Although sometimes it's seen that way. I open the door for a man, or if I'm in front of a man or woman I'll hold the door. I have dropped the door on both sexes trying to push past me. I shouldn't it's a jerk thing to do, but rude will on occasion get rude back.

I think what triggered my response was the statement "playing socially defined gender stereotypes". I do NOTHING based on what society thinks. Change needs to happen. Women outnumber men and men are still making the rules because so many women are either too intimidated or too lazy or too spoiled to assert themselves. I have always been a rebel...and therefore, considered odd. That is, however, just fine with me.

YES!! Why should kindness depend on one's gender???

Whats good mannered about paying for everything?

The paying for everything came under the sexist category. On my first "dates", I'll get the tab if we're having coffee or beers unless she wants to pay for her own, but dinner or movies or things like that is when I'm all about equality. If/when we become closer, we usually take turns picking up the check.

That guy's trying to make a lame joke (I hope) or he's just an asshole. A pleasant smiling "fuck off" usually works I've found.

I'll steer clear of someone that "gives me an ear full" if I don't offer to help. I'll leave the room they're in and not engage the next time either way. That's male or female. Who needs that crap. I'm old enough that I generally don't take an "ear full of anything from anyone" unless they are paying me lots of money.

hahaha OH SEXIST not SEXIEST. hahahaha Forgive me JoelLovell for screwing up your vote. Hell yes Chivalry is sexist btw. Hope you have a good day

YES!

A well structure responce sir i can clearly see you can read. (Unlike some)

Exactly - thank you. I hold doors for everyone, and reciprocate when paying. It's all about being nice, for g*dssakes.

@poetdi56 I think that what you're describing is exactly what Joellovell is saying: for everyone and common courtesy GOOD, treating women special and ONLY women BAD That's what I think anyway so I totally agree with both of you!

What's wrong with "Men discriminating by gender to act nicer towards women than men."? First, it's unfair to the human beings who are men. Why should they get less kindness because of their gender? Second, the tradition in western culture of men "acting nicer towards women than men" is based on a historic view that women are weaker and need men to protect and take care of them (in certain ways). So even if, in the moment that you "act nice" to an individual woman, you are feeling and intending complete equality, your gesture still carries the weight of centuries of women being considered "less than" men. Therefore, this kind of different treatment of women still telegraphs that they are inferior, even when you don't mean to do that. Sort of like calling an African American male a "boy" - you are responsible for knowing that the word carries a lot of meaning in this culture, and therefore you should use it very carefully.

@Atheisteuse

I'm not sure if I understand. Are you agreeing with me and elaborating on a point?

I mean I'm just naturally respectful and courteous towards everyone unless they give me a reason not to be. I'm a kind person but I have a very anti-human agenda. I'll do things for others but I also dislike being used like some kind of tool.

@Lancer Hi Lancer. I'm disagreeing with a part of your comment. I find your comment a bit confusing, in that one paragraph says you treat men and women the same, and yet in another you say what's wrong with acting nicer to women. I disagree with the part about acting nicer to women, and my reply was directed at that. I understand that many people mean well, and think that being nicer to women than men is benign, but I don't think it is, for the reasons above. Does that make sense?

@Atheisteuse

Yeah, that makes sense.
I personally treat everyone with courtesy and respect but I accept that everyone is different and some people may treat women better or worse than they treat men. That's up to them.

This is just my personal experience but I have to friends who are sisters. Their dad basically raised them as boys if that makes sense. They both like to go shooting, drive race cars, both are studying engineering, etc. They're tomboys. I found that they were much easier to get along with than other girly girls who are more concerned about their looks and getting boyfriends than focusing on their future careers and self improvement.

I could be wrong but I just think that maybe instead of raising boys to be girls we should try raising girls to be boys. I honestly think that's absurd but these 2 sisters are just so easy to get along with, they are intelligent, hard working, honest, etc.

@Lancer I like your story about the two sisters. I was a "tomboy" myself. It was difficult in many ways, because everyone criticized me for not being "girly" enough - my parents, my schoolmates, even teachers felt free to tell me I was too boyish. I am straight, but many times people have assumed I'm gay just because I am not into makeup and clothes and pretty things. On the other hand, even though it was difficult to be criticized, I am glad I came up during the 60s so at least there were a lot of other people doing rebellious stuff and that gave me some support.
I think the best way to handle ALL of these gender issues is to stop pushing people into gender stereotypes. Why is a girl who likes to go shooting and drive race cars any less of a girl/woman? Is there something about having a penis that makes a gun or car easier to use? Of course not!! Our culture has arbitrarily assigned certain activities, feelings and interests to each gender.
When I visit Africa, some of the things considered "manly" here are considered "girly" there, and vice versa. The men I met in Kenya wouldn't be caught dead carrying firewood for the family - that's women's work!! They scoffed when I even suggested it. Conversely, I saw a man in Kenya driving a tractor and wearing a hot pink fleece jacket. I asked my Kenyan friend if that was a normal color for a man to wear and he said "sure, why not?" He was amazed when I said that in the US it would be considered unmanly. We have to start thinking of each other as people first, regardless of gender. We are so much more alike than we are different!

@Atheisteuse

I completely agree with you on everything you've said here.

I would say rather than force gender stereotypes we should just think about what kinds of qualities are important to pass on to the next generation. Qualities like integrity, respect, discipline and manners are very important. But other less important qualities can be optional as far as I'm concerned.

For me I just want the next generation to be better than the last. Regardless of whether they're male or female, we should all work together for a better future for our children.

Yes, this is definitely the way to go

I like this. For my part, I was taught to be polite, including holding doors open and my children have been taught and practice the same. We always make sure we say thank you and smile when doors are held open for us (or whatever niceness has ocurred).
In my experiences with men, both personal interactions and via observation...the type you describe certainly exists!
But I've never had a problem with being "taken care of". I like it! I expect it. Like you said..."why bother" if they aren't there to protect you? But then...I'm taking care of him as well. I've always felt it goes both ways.
Is this a generational thing? I just don't have that negative, knee jerk reaction when men act "chivalrous" to me. It doesn't insult or demean or threaten me in any way. I just think..."oh, a gentleman, how nice...thank you!" And go on with my day...

I know its sexist that why its phrased like that I don't mean he holds a gun to her head but the adamant insistence to pay. That's sexist, even a woman expecting to be paid for is sexist and it does happen but looking at the comments there's plenty of sympathizers
Preferential treatment based on race =racist
Preferential treatmemt based on sex =sexist
Simple deduction