If you feel you must visit, maybe you should make a point of using the wrong pronoun on every relative who does that yo you. When they protest, you tell them exactly what they can do to fix the situation.

I am with the show up for the big dinner and spend as much of the rest of the holiday with people that are on the same page as you

I don't think there's really a full-proof thing that just won't make you feel like shit. Obviously, it's going to suck. Take something to distract yourself, a book or something that won't cause you to have to talk to them more than you have to. And remember that they're ignorant and you've done nothing wrong. I face the same thing and have gotten into some pretty heated arguments with my family over my sexuality. But what I always do is just remind myself that they are the ones who need to get over it and whatever I say isn't going to make them less ignorant. Just don't blame yourself, I guess. And hey, you could get on Agnostic.com and talk to us while you're there.

Just try to remember that the Christians "appropriated" the winter solicits for themselves and called it Christmas. Usually that gets me through the holidays with my sanity kind of intact.

A little Xanax might help! lol

Pardon me for playing therapist, smoking is a way to remove yourself from the situation. Remember you are a child of the universe just as much as any one of those people with whom you must associate during the holidays. They aren't authorities in life, maybe for their lives, but not for yours. YOU are the best judge of what is right for you. Don't let someone else's view of what's acceptable affect what you see as right, fair, acceptable. Be confident, be secure in your decisions. I hope you see this comment as supportive of YOU! YOU are what's important in YOUR life. Love yourself! I see you as being affected by the view of others. What about YOUR view of yourself?

No family in Adelaide, bummer. How was the food?

Enjoy! ... the best you can.

I've always thought of it this way: When it comes to family, I don't care if they prey to Mecca, sacrifice a goat every full moon, or beat the Tooth Fairy up to steal her spare change. They are who they are and I am who I am. I am comfortable with me, so whatever they say or do does not affect me in any way other than my constant sense of wonder as to why that thing on the wall has some poor sonofabitch nailed to it or why dear auntie is reading turkey entrails on the kitchen floor. They pull out the Ouija board and I reach for my Kindle. Easy peasy.

Ooooh.... i don't have anything that would help you. I had a problem with my dad and he was the god father of our clan. He gave out money and advice and expected you to kiss his ring. It was such a pain being around him. I loved mom, but i had to stay my distance from him. It was a fight in my head to go. I finally realized that at his house he was the man. I just kept quite because he was looking for something so he could control it. What ever i said, he had an opinion and he wanted to be right. So , i had no opinion and didnt bring up a topic. That pissed him off to the max. All the family and friends died off and he got old. He ended up in a nursing home and that killed his ego. He gave up on life and died. It was sad. He kept rocking back and forth saying oh god. I couldnt help him. Sad journey of life for him.

Your comment seems self-absorbed. Everybody else does not do what you want, so you are pissed off and maybe even uncivil to them. I hope that I am misinterpreting. If my perception is correct and if you were my daughter, I would tell you to do something to contribute to the relationship or stay the hell away! I find selfishness and incivility revolting!

If at all possible, take a companion who backs you up. To the comment about exercising patience with your family, I find myself wondering how long they've had already to adjust to your identity. You could be waiting forever, and that is not fair to you. I do think, when it comes to family, there are many layers and aspects of love and caring to think about, and you can't expect realistically perfect enlightenment from most families, especially if religion is heavily involved. You do, however, always deserve and need the opportunity to speak your truth, regardless of whether that is uncomfortable or awkward or even offensive to them. That's why back-up would be so helpful. btw, my Dad's almost 80, and though he really loves me, he probably won't ever accept that my being gay doesn't damn me to his imaginary hell. I routinely rake him over the coals about his delusion. I don't let him off the hook, but I try hard to keep it to the topic and avoid name-calling or presuming to be able to read his mind. When talking to him, I try to respond assertively to what he actually says and repeatedly point out his inconsistencies and hypocrisies, even as I remind him that I recognize ways in which he's a good person. Maybe that's an option for you to maintain your self-respect without blowing up the relationships entirely. Good luck!!

There is what is real, and there is what is not real. A Christmas gathering of family is a microcosm of that statement. The religion which is being celebrated does not represent reality, yet family, even an unsupportive family, is still family. In your situation, it is unquestionably going to be stressful to you, it always is when family undermines you, for whatever reason. Yet, to require understanding and respect, one must be willing to show those qualities, and as unfair as it must seem, if your family cannot or will not show those qualities to you, it becomes doubly important to not lower yourself to that level they choose to occupy. In the long run however, you may have to come to the point of POLITELY offering them the choice of either respecting who you identify as, or else you will find it necessary to withdraw from the family, at least to a degree. One small point I would make, as valid as your gender identity is, as unfair as it must feel to have to wait for your family to emotionally and psychologically come to terms with who you are, it is in your best interest to remain patient with your family while they learn to accept you for who are, because as I'm sure you've discovered, there's no good way to rush them.