Married to a JW
Anyone married to a religious person? When we met, my wife was not particularly religious, which suited me fine. She later made friends who were in the JW, and has slowly got deeper and deeper into their philosophies.
Now, my wife was never the most fun person in the world before, so this religion was the last she needed! These people take their holy book FAR too literally, and seem to place a huge priority on finding things that annoy god, to avoid doing them. This means - no Christmas, no birthday parties, no smoking or drinking, no clothes that show too much skin. Real party animals these guys!
I am at a loss what to do. I love my wife, but I would have never married a JW. We have a daughter who I adore also, and as I am an expat living in a part of Italy where I have yet to meet another one, to leave my wife would mean a choice of chronic loneliness if I stay here to be close to my daughter, or returning to my home country and missing out on my daughter’s life, which would kill me. Besides, I would never leave her so completely exposed to the craziness of this religion, without me around to contradict it with logic.
Anyone out there with a similar story? Or just married to a religious person - how do you make it work? By religious I don’t mean belonging to a faith - I know many “Catholics” who really don’t care about their religion, they were just brought up in it and don’t spend much time thinking about it, yet still call themselves Catholics if asked. By religious I mean people who actively think about their faith and sincerely believe in its teachings.
10
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28 comments (26 - 28)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I’m sorry you’re going through this. Has there been any update since you posted this? I’m exJW. I know first hand how badly it sucks to have a spouse mentally-in that cult. You will find much more support on reddit r/exJW. It’s very active and there are a ton of people who have been in (or are going through) similar situations and are eager to help. At the very least you’ll have a place to vent to people who understand your situation.
kdmom
Level 6
Aug 30, 2020
0
I grew up Seventh-Day-Adventist, which has a lot in common with JD in that it's a dangerous and controlling cult. The fact that she's in it means that she's probably surrendered logic, thought and reason to a group of people who's only purpose is to brainwash her. I'm not sure that opposing her is the best response (and I think it will be a real struggle for your daughter if you do).
What kicked my ass in my religious endeavors were well placed questions connected to my real-life struggles. "Okay, only 144-thousand people get to go to heaven, what happens to the rest of us?" "What if you're NOT one of those 144-thousand?" "God loves me, so why would he try to hurt me?"... questions like that, which cannot easily be answered, force us to think about and BEYOND our ideologies.
Reason will never work with these people, because in order to believe as they do, they have to abandon reason. They have to deliberately push it away.
It sucks that you ended up in this position, but keep in mind it's the long-game, especially in the case of your daughter. Teach he how to think for herself, how to 'question' ideals and ideologies. But if you try to vilify her mother, that may not work well for either of you. Instead, look honestly at the God that is portrayed, and reflect that back to them in the kindest most empathetic way you can, and create a world where compassion and empathy is the end result. We want that more than anything, even if we're not willing to admit it.
Benthoven
Level 8
Dec 25, 2019
0
Is your wife an ex pat? Are foreign JW's just as.......? So many of my European friends, at least at one time or another, just stayed married and had mistresses. Best wishes. I have no solution at hand.
Beowulfsfriend
Level 9
Dec 24, 2019
0
No, she is Italian and I am living with her in a part of the country where there is no expat community.
I would have no interest in getting involved with another woman from here, believe me!
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