I think it can hurt to pretend you will see loved ones again. That way of thinking can keep you from living your life fully, moving on, trying to glean something from the loved one's death to carry with you into your present life.

I feel that by cherishing the memories, holding them close to you in your everyday life, it is more meaningful and helpful than setting their memory aside assuming you will meet them, unchanged, at some time in the future.

I can see the value in wishing so, and longing for children lost to death too soon. That is a natural thing to wish for, when your heart is broken by such an event.

But for parents and other adult loved ones who have maybe not been perfect examples or models in my life, I find it easier to reckon with making my peace, without fear of seeing them, unchanged, still with the mindset they had when they died.

I prefer to think that if they had lived, and had seen the changes in the world, maybe their outlook would soften, they would become more understanding, apologetic, etc.

It's easier to imagine this softening, without the fear I would see them again. Giving them the benefit of imagined maturity, if they had lived longer, is helpful to me in my own healing from various forms of abuse. This is coming from the perspective of an adult orphan from a dysfunctional family.

Of course, my grandmother, with whom I identified with so closely, lived a long life and imparted her wisdom to me, which I think I've continued with in my own way. I keep her wisdom inside me, and build on it. If I were to ever see her again, I think she'd be proud of me. I am fine without imagining that, as I have her with me, in my heart always.

@Julie808 You wrote a beautiful response. On a different subject, I guess most people have wondered whether it might be better for people to learn to "block out" grief for the loss of others close to us. There is nothing we can do, everyone dies sooner or later, and the mental anguish serves no purpose. Some people do seem to feel that way but they are usually seen as hard-hearted and uncaring.
I noticed that you used the term "broken-hearted". I have never understood how that feels, I don't think. However, I have also never felt what I thought was great happiness. I am a happy person most of the time, and I think I enjoy life most of the time.
I guess broken-hearted means really badly hurt feelings. Your mind tells you that your heart is actually hurting, I guess. I dunno. Maybe it's kind of like being really, really, embarrassed.

@Grecio "Grief is learning to live with someone in your heart instead of your arms." A quote by Lynda Cheldelin Fell, who lost her child. This sums up grief, for me. To ignore it, or to sweep it out of mind and replace it with churchy worship stuff, is a disservice to the healing process, I think.

I have performed funerals for parents of children who died, and they seemed truly broken hearted to me, mourning a love that never got to run its full course, or come to maturity. A love cut short.

For me personally, I have never really had a true love, but thought I was on the verge of love once and that person abruptly left the relationship, ghosted me actually, and it seemed that I was broken hearted for serveral months about it, pinng away for something didn't get finished. Well, we actually did get back together a year and a half later, and I have since learned what a jerk he is, and now can't get rid of him. Lesson learned, haha, not to take broken heartedness in love too seriously.

I hope never to lose a loved one to death before their time, when a love hasn't been able to come to maturity. I lost my mother suddenly, and I was grief-stricken and in shock, but not broken-hearted. I lost my father after a long illness, and tried to come to terms with him a bit on his death-bed. Not sure how that went on his end, but it helped me. Sometimes we just need to deal with things philosophically on our own, stop blaming others and take responsibility for how we deal with what we were dealt.