Do you guys think monagomy is natural or is it a less effective practice for humans? Or we more wired to have multiple sex partners? Let’s discuss.
Yes.
Interesting question. I don't think that monogamy is natural. However, I do think that monogamy is achievable and expected, even covetable to many people.
I think humans are naturally inclined to be serial monogamists.
People naturally get jealous and don’t want to share each other.
But people also naturally like new things and new relationships are exciting.
The feelings of jealousy are most likely aroused by our evolutionary history ... namely, that our genes, and no one else's, matter. In a competitive breeding population, the 'strongest' genes need protection from the 'weaker' interloper who might impregnate members of the 'harem.'
@pnullifidian
shrug if you say so. But why do women become jealous easily if they are used to being a “harem.” Just seems to be a very male centric assumption in my opinion.
I think humans naturally pair off. The population is 50-50 male-female. Why did evolution decide that? Society becomes unstable when there are too many young single men. Monogamy just makes sense. Serial monogamy makes even more sense.
Also through out evolution, I don’t think there were many harems (as a percentage of the general population). There simply weren’t enough resources. (Let’s be honest- harems=rich) The truth is closer to women being out on the world interacting with the world to help bring food to the table because otherwise they would starve. Why would they choose one man to help them if he had multiple obligations? I would chose the man that was more invested in me individually, that makes more sense.
I don't think people "naturally" get jealous. I think it is the upbringing in the sex suppressed culture that brings out that emotion
I mean you could basically say the same for preference for monogamy vs polygamy etc. that it is upbringing.
@Myah Actually, I do think that as well.
@Myah ive had it both ways.... if you want my story then send me a message..... i can say this. More than one lady in the house...sucks.
If you wanna fuck around be single that's the way I see it
that is one way of putting it!
I don't believe monogamy is natural human behavior. It's a societal construct, encouraged by religion, and the aspect of human nature to "own" everything.
People are going to do what (who) they're going to do. However, if you make a promise
to be faithful to one person, you'd damn well better keep your word.
If you know you can't, you shouldn't promise that you will.
Well - as polygamy is understood in our culture it is all to the advantage to the male. Since you are a male how would you like to have her be with more than one husband? Somuch of polygamy is bound up wtih male domination.To me it is saying to a woman if you have say three wives each one is only a third of value to you. How would a male feel if he was just one third f of the equation?
Polygamy may have been useful at earlier times in human development. When men went off to war and got killed, the only way women and their children could move into another man's house and stay alive - the powers that were decided the polygamy was necessary. Today, polygamy is not useful. I say that consenting adults can do what they want. But, me, I would not want to be wife #2, #3, or #4. That would not be comfortable.
Polyamory is what I prefer.
But not polygamy. I don't want to be married to more than one person. Or at all.
Exactly this.
An idea I've had for a while is that we are more biologically wired to have multiple partners to continue our species. A study was done in 2005 (Helen Fisher, Harvard) that measured the levels of dopamine released over during new relationships. The dopamine levels increased dramatically for a year or so, before declining (the Honeymoon phase). Just long enough to get to make semi/permanent bonds and/or get pregnant.
However, after that depends on who you are as a person. Your upbringing, your values, and your actual compatability with the other person when the chemistry is less in sync.
I suppose this involves how you define monogamy. If divorce is prevalent in a society then can it be really characterized as a monogamous culture?
That is an interesting question. Along that topic - is the divorce prevalent because biologically we are driven not be or because the value we place on marriage is decreasing? (or the value we place on something else has increased above the value of marriage)
yes, it would be a serial monogamous culture.
@vmfreesoul I have read that it is due to an increased in the value of materialism in our culture. We seek things, 'stuff' as George Carlin used to joke about it. Materialism crowds out our other relationship priorities such as communication, conflict resolution and intimacy.
@cava Absolutely. And an increasing push to be an individual, to not rely on anyone, to the detriment of the community, to our families.
Technically "monogamy" is one partner for life, so very, very few of any humans are truly monogamous.
Despite 1000's of years of mongamy being idealized, in today's society more than 70% ae nto mongamous. I do not think it is natural for humans to be monogamous, as that is nto how we behave.
Then again, I am not too keen on polyamy either. Tooofen polyamourous persons focus on the sex and not the individuals and partners are left enoti0onally wanting.
I think monogamy is a nice ideal to srive for as a way to try to get closer, but I think it woudl be an error to actully expect it.
I think the key to making a relationship last is honesty. If a monogamous partners has sex with antoher person, they shoudl be honest about it right away. If they lie and put off tellign their partner, then when their partner does fidn out, it will seem like a huge betrayal, while if a person is honest almsot immediately, then the smarter partners will at least know they are still loved.
Secrets in relationships and families creates dysfuncion. If you want to doom a relationship to failure, then keeping secrets will do it.
"If you want to doom a relationship to failure, then keeping secrets will do it."
So true! And more fundamental than many of us would admit ... peace.
I think most animals are wired to take on as many partners as possible. Propogate diversely.
The ultimate goal for all species is survival, or procreation—the strongest drive of all organisms—the accomplishment of which was not likely possible early on under a system of monogamy. Later (much later), the establishment of a ‘pact’ or ‘contract’ was necessitated in order to ensure the continuation of the clan and the retention of resources (wealth) within a clan, most often under a system of primogeniture. This arrangement was later appropriated and ‘sanctified’ by religion, which had the audacity to claim that the entire system was an institution that had been ordained by God—bollocks!
Today we appear capable of being of two minds. We respect the bonds of trust, genuine affection, partnership and even being ‘soul mates’ that may be experienced in a monogamous relationship, while at the same time we recognize our history, as well as potential curiosity, of having multiple partners. However, at this point, I am unconvinced that polyamory is a net positive, and would hope that more of us might strive to deepen the relationship we have with our life partner.
Weirdly enough, being able to be polyamorous has made me deepen my relationship with my partner.
I have the opportunity to date others and sleep with them if I wanted to. I just haven't felt the desire to do more than kiss. However, I do bring that energy I get from being in the presence of other men home with me and feel more attracted to my partner.
Having the freedom to have sex with others if I wanted to has had the opposite effect on me than it did when I was trying to be.monogamous.
The issue here is "natural" so pre civilised. In that case we are not monogamous.
I bet you never realised how much into sex ecologists are.
The shape of the human penis, particularly the glans and coronal ridge evolved because we are so promiscous. (well the women are). hahaha. We are talking about the human species, long before we had speech and rules and such.
While I believe some people can make poly relationships work, I know it's not for me. I do think that relationships often run their course after several years.
Still think majority are brought up to be Monogamous, get married and have children. Multiple sex partners might be right for some but monogamy right for others.
From my point of view it depends on the people, there are those who like to have more partner and others that are happy having just one,we have plenty of problems just couse of the society, with the freedom this questions wouldn't even exist xD
If I act poly when seeing someone it means I'm not in love with you, period.
I think as with various creatures there are degrees of people more prone to "poly" than others.
Also seems very trendy right now. JMO
My kind is not. NFW am I gonna be poly caring for and wiping your --s on your death bed.
Nopety nope noping that from space. What a fustercluck that would be. Just no.