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A question for you mathematicians.

How many communions must a Christian take part in before he/she has consumed an entire Jesus?

IndySent 7 Mar 31
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41 comments

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1

The answer is 34128.34. I was constipated when I started the calculation so I worked it out with a pencil.

8

There are 0 parts to non-existent entities, so each cracker is 1/0 Jebuses.

6

It depends on whether he's a homeopathic jesus or not.

6

If you take into account Jesus was a normal weight of 65 kilos and a cracker weighs 5 grams it would take 115000 services or 2211.5 years of crackers to consume Jesus but if you take into account Jesus had 3 litres of blood then that would drop to 110300 services or 2121.15 years to consume the body of Christ and if it were 20ml of wine/blood and blood is heavier than wine it would be about 3.5 kilos or 175 services or 3.37 years of every Sunday to drink his blood.

@IndySent Men weren't that tall back then. Recalculate!

5

I won't be able to get to that until I'm done figuring out how many angels can fit on the head of a pin.

That depends on whether they are jitterbugging, or cheek to cheek.

5

I found this thought you mite like

Someone asked:
"How many communion wafers you would need to consume in order to eat the entire body of Jesus?"
Well, here is the answer:
If the average human body contains about 80,000 calories, but Jesus was a man from the Middle East 2,000 years ago we can conclude that he had a certain degree of malnutrition and should be at most 1.65 meters, so his body would contain about 60,000 calories.
The communion wafers are made from unleavened wheat flour. So they are 100% carbohydrates.
Therefore the communion wafers would have 354kcal per 100g.
Then, if each communion wafer weighs about 0.2 grams, each communion wafer has 0.7 kcal (less than 1 kilocalorie); This means that a person should eat about 85,714 communion wafers to eat him completely, minus the calories inherent to the blood that could be compared with that from wine if the average human body has 4 liters of blood.
I base this on caloric content instead of on his body mass to have a better equivalence of content than comparing the mass of the communion wafer with that of Jesus.
-AMV

5

Not allowing for physical regeneration, it would take about 42 (FORTY TWO) lethak of wafers.

Calculations.

Average weight of a wafer is 0.96 grams. A lethak is 5 eipha which is 3 se'ah which is 6 kav which is 4 log which is 6 eggs. An egg being the basic Hebrew unit of measure. Based on this Jesus would be about 192 pounds, which would match the image on the Shroud of Turin (believed by many to be the burial shroud of Jesus) is of a man variously estimated to be 5′ 11½” to 6′ 2″ tall.

However according to a medieval writer, [the Jewish historian] Josephus described Jesus as an old-looking man, balding, stooped, with joined eyebrows and approximately 135 cm (4ft 6 in.) tall.” This is based on the standard 46 cm. long regular cubit — an ancient unit of distance. Using the 53 cm. special cubit, Jesus’ height would have been about 156 cm (5ft 1in.). Harwood also makes the point that if Jesus were really 6 feet high, his height would have been so remarkable that he would certainly have been described as a very tall person by the writers of the Christian Scriptures.
Sorry you asked?

I admit, I did reverse engineer the numbers to come up with 42. I originally used a higher measure, but came up with like 180 tonnes. Didn't sound very plausible.

way too much time on your hands!

@Lincoln16 That is the truth, I live in a high tourism area with a festival down the road, not game to go outside, pity, it is my fave season.

4

I'm not a mathematician, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once or twice. It was either once or twice, not sure. My math ain't too good. Your question reminds me of that commercial when I was a kid about how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll sucker.

4

Have a piece of π instead. It never repeats and never ends

4

The only way to really solve this is with a balance scale. Put Jesus on one side and wafers/wine on the other until equilibrium is achieved.

4

Since there is no record of his body weight (assuming he existed) a rough estimate will have to suffice.
😉

4

Lol I never thought about it being the literal body of Christ but I know some do. Maybe that's why the nun in grade school told me not to have communion on Friday and Sunday. It was too much Jesus.

4

One basic question would be, what did Christ even mean when he said that to people, when he was talking to people and they turned away from him that day, and what did he mean at the Last Supper when he said the wine and the bread are his body and blood? In the Lutheran liturgy it says do this in remembrance of me. So I guess a basic explanation could be he wanted them to remember him.

3

We had unleven bread for Communion. One serving weighs as much as 14 wafers.

3

Impossible... jessie regenerates faster we swallow.

3

I find it a silly question - unless it is posed for some humourus reason.

I'm thinking it was for fun. It is under the category of silly, random and fun. Just guessing though.

3

0+0=0, but you can make up the difference in volume.

3

There are many variables to account for: how much Jesus weighed, whether his "flesh" includes bone, ligaments, tendons, and organ meat, the size of the communion host, etc. We also have to take into account the blood, which has been separated from the flesh to accommodate the alcoholics. So, I'll have to make a few assumptions to estimate, but here goes:

  • I'm going to estimate body weight at 160lbs, based on the shorter height of people during that time and the fact that he's presented as walking a lot so he would have been rather lean
  • blood makes up about 7% of body weight, which would bring the weight down by a little over 10lbs; because these are rough estimates anyway, I'll say resultant body weight is 150lbs
  • typical communion wafers are pretty light: about 10oz for 1,000, or one ounce per hundred wafers
  • 150lbs is equivalent to 2,400oz
  • 2,400oz x 100 wafers/oz = 240,000 wafers

That's a lot of flavorless Jesus to eat, but the trickier part is calculating how may trips down the communion aisle it takes to drink ~11 pints of wine to account for the blood one sip at a time. When I was a kid, I tipped the chalice and barely tasted it — a literal drop. Maybe 25 drops to an ounce? There's nothing scientific about this, and everyone sipped a different amount, but here goes:

  • 11 pints is 176 ounces
  • 176oz x 25 sips/oz = 4,400 sips of wine

Thus concludes today's edition of Catholic math. Tune in next week when we revisit the geometry of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.

3

Purple because aliens don't wear hats.

3

Well, see, you're thinking about it all wrong. Every time a Christian takes communion, they consume an entire Jesus. It's just that, like any other psycho-active drug, the effect wears off and you have to start all over again, lol.

3

It doesn't matter, because the transubstantiation isn't real.

Still, it did make me laugh. It made me think of the old saw "how much wood can a woodchurch chuch if a woodchuch can chuck wood." IIn my mind, just pictured a bunch of christians munching down on communion wagers tryign to eat an entire Jesus' worth after the old saw came to mind, and it created a very funny picture.

@fathercat Thanks. I made the edit. I was raised Mormon, and although they do have a sacrament, it is said to only be symbolic, not an transubstantiation, so I was not familiar with or exposed to the proper religious vocabulary.

2

As a reply, I offer you this Eddie Izzard routine

2

Why are Cristians canabals ? they like to eat pieces of this characters body, and drink his blood,
Not very civilised to my way of thinking.....

2

45 yrs worth lols, i see it as quite a silly practice

2

6 pounds 7 ounces of wafers. (Only if you consumed the equivalent baby Jesus.)

2

clever

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