Why hold yourself to your old ways? Try new stuff and put on a new shirt. Wallowing in it ain't gonna cut itbrfore or after
I have been there....and then somemore.
I learned to learn different things, found they were very beneficial.....the eve of my 40th birthday i woke in a hospital not knowing how i got there, a 40 foot drop through a windshield. I quit wallowing started changing.
Now for the "validity of life". Life happens, we have no choice or after because the life doesn't exist before or after. Life is only valid as long as we are here. Chill man, by the acceptance of the hardships that come with living in an eat or be eaten world. In otherwords, eat, be merry and try new things....

There are way too many humans on the planet. Most are completely bereft of any ability to affect the future of humanity in any positive way. Most are ignorant. Starving. Stupid. And dangerous to themselves and others.

However, if you live in a western democracy, the most unique societal structure ever, there is reason to stay alive. You can effect changes the rest cannot. Voting and such will provide purpose.

Otherwise, stop sniveling, man up, and deport yourself. (more lyrics.)

Great lyric.... Now for the tune.

Are you alive? Are you depressed but stable? Do you have a job? I'm not going to tell you to enjoy life but you are alive. You sound to be doing okay. I have depression myself. I'm sorry but that is also what life is for me mostly. NB. I'm still living because I have a purpose. I'm sure you do too.

It sounds like you're getting all the professional help you need. That's good. For me, my escape has become motorcycles. The riders course is the first step. Then the fun starts. As you learn to trust yourself and your bike, you start to relax and enjoy the moment. Your confidence soars as you realize you can do this. You get instant acceptance from other riders with the wave as you go by. People talk to you all the time about what they ride, or were riding. And the biggest thing, it puts you in the here and now. It's you, your bike, the elements and the road. The heat, the rain, the cold all make you feel alive. The rear views don't matter (except when changing lanes or at stop signs), and the future is only as far down the roadas you can see. When I ride, all the pressures of life dissipate, at least as long as I'm on the bike.

Hope you get things figured out. Be safe

Sounds like you might have clinical depression. 3 things you need to do.

1. Go to a Doctor
2. Go to a Doctor
3. Go to a Doctor
   There is such a stigma around mental health issues. If you had a kidney infection you would go to a doctor. Your Brain is an organ in your body just like your kidney or Liver is an organ. And sometimes it does not function correctly. If you have a problem with your brain then go see a doctor. It can be fixed. You will not regret it. Go to a Doctor.

I have been there. When I separated from my ex-wife, lost physical custody of my children, and walked away from everything I valued. I pretty much have up, I saw no purpose, meaning, or reason to live except that I was the only one who cared about my kids for reasons other than monetary ones. I was determined to be there for them always. Now that I'm single and they're grown and living in separate states, it's tough again.

At any rate, this year has been difficult with everything that's going on now, and personal shit on top of that, but my struggles are not the worst I know of and everyone is dealing with something. Find something worth living for. I can't tell you what that should be, but I think you can find it. You should also seriously consider counseling. It can't hurt.

I have felt that way for about 5 years. It turned around for me when I had my son a year ago. It just gave me someone to care for and a reason to care about myself more. Having a child isn’t the answer even tho it helped me come out of it a bit. Painting has also been a lot of help. Maybe creating something all yours is helpful? Therapy didn’t help going out didn’t help but drinking and painting does help some. Hang in there and try new things find something that will restore joy to your life. I don’t know if this will be helpful but I have been there and it sucks!