I don't think there is such a thing as normal really and dysfunctional with children is bound to happen to varying degrees. I think its a bit strange if everyone is perfectly polite and nice always.

When rumors started flying in the mid '70's through the bar scene in every major city in the country that there was a deadly "gay cancer" going around it created an atmosphere of fear. It was associated with the Haitian community as well as gays and there was a dark joke circulating about how, if you came down with the disease, did you convince your parents you were Haitian. Rumors circulated about the cause with poppers being blamed as the popular suspect. When it became apparent this was a new and deadly venereal disease people began pairing off and disappearing. There were many "shotgun weddings" at the time and the days of the 24/7 Mardi Gras were over. The gay world marked but its unbridled licentiousness began morphing more into a community brought together to fight a common enemy. Lesbians, who were least affected by the disease and largely ignored by gay men up until this time became leaders, caregivers, comrades-in-arms. The thriving hubs of gay night life like the Castro in San Francisco became quiet and even foreboding. By the time AIDS got its official name the gay world had turned upside down. You will think this strange but prior to AIDS I and many others knew no one who had paired off to play house. That simply wasn't the goal. Those who did were seen as odd stereotyped as nelly old queens too old and ugly to thrive in the bar scene. The only goal when going out at night was to "trick" with the most attractive stranger possible. If you could bed two or three in a single evening so much the better. AIDS permanently ended all of that. The plague descended and took many thousands with it. The rest lived in fear. In my case, I began taking "lovers." I had four LTR's which I would arbitrarily define as relationships that lasted two or more years, involved setting up a household and were, more or less, monogamous. The last endured for 19 years until he, too, succumbed to a viral infection as a consequence of an AIDS related compromised immune system. We had lived and worked together and were as "married" as any two people could be but had no paper to prove it. By then I was nearly 50, 110 in gay years, too old for the bars and too jaded to believe lightning could strike twice and I would be able to find another like him. I have been on my own since 1999 but have never thought of it as "ending up alone." The longer I live by myself the more i come to treasure my independence. If I want to have dinner at 10 pm and sleep until 2 pm the next day I do. I can walk around naked, fart, travel or pursue inappropriate relationships without answering to anyone. I don't have to mediate between my friends and a disapproving partner, or give up the remote control, or nest in a house too big spending my time and money on maintenance. I guess I am alone but I am not lonely. I have recently started to have a presence on dating sites. All I can say is that, "The woods are full of cuckoos!" I haven't met anyone I could live with but many that I could gladly live without. I've served my time doing most of the work in relationships. Nothing could induce me to marry someone. I am exactly where I have aimed and where i want to be. I know nothing of the statistics involved. My experience is that 99% of the gay people I know are in relationships. I'm not aware of a large number of elderly gay men "being alone."

I would question what is the definition of 'basic needs'? Is it emotional, physical, shelter or just what one needs to survive?
I grew up in a large (Catholic) family. Our basic needs were met but my mother was the world's worst housekeeper. The house was always messy and dirty. She was a great cook and we always had lots of food. No one had any addiction or abuse issues and life was relatively serene (aside from the arguments about money - neither had a clue on how to handle money. Good this was before credit cards). We had what is known as a free range (as opposed to helicopter) childhood. As long as we stayed out of trouble we did as we pleased and everybody got along (mostly). Everyone is successful and, out of 7, only one still embraces religion (Jehova's Witness).

I think many people, at least of my generation, compared themselves to the Cleavers of "Leave it to Beaver" fame to measure their dysfunction quotient. Ward goes to work every morning for an insurance company. June keeps the house immaculate in her knee length skirt and simple strand of pearls. The two boys are rascals whose biggest transgressions are bring late on their paper route or associating with bad company like Eddy Haskell. Many of the kids I went to school with led similar lives in the upscale neighborhoods of Santa Barbara. I wonder if I could find even one such family now even in an upper middle class enclave.

Not trying to pick a fight or anything, but some of the most dysfunctional families are the rich ones, a lot more absent parents, helicopter parents, split homes, substance abuse of all kinds, etc. than you would think. They are just in general better at hiding it, and a lot more uncomfortable talking about it.

My parents divorced when I was one. They both remarried. All of my aunts and uncles are on their second marriages. My sister on her third. Only my brother is on his first. He’s really religious, so like my grandparents, he will stay in that marriage until he dies. I’ve never gotten married, as I know what divorce will do, and how hard it will be.

I'm a Boomer meaning my parents were raised in the Depression. My mother's mother was a flapper in the '20's, married and divorced at an early age. My father was made to pay room and board by his father at the age of 12. Both my parents made it their life goal to provide their three kids with the stable family and creature comforts they never enjoyed. And they did. My father worked 12 hours a day as a self-employed machine shop owner while my mother worked the graveyard shift as an RN, Despite this we ALWAYS had a home-cooked dinner with all five of us gathered around the table. I thought this was how everybody lived, with family vacations camping in the Redwoods and summer camps and piles of Christmas presents under the tree every year. I wasn't blind. I knew it was a loveless marriage. The year my younger brother graduated from high school they divorced. Their job was done. I look back now and feel guilty. I could never live for 25 years with someone I didn't love. And to think that two people did it for me is hard to wrap my head around. Still, they took pride in all three of us and we did all have some good times together just camping and fishing or taking in an amusement park. You don't meet people like them these days. Every time I hear about some homeless woman with 7 kids it makes me queasy.

GareBear517 We have shared histories, meals together, boomers' parents, and camping. My mom's mom was a flapper too! I just found a chainmail purse and necklace of hers. Pretty cool.

It's ironic how the intended lessons are learned and the unintended lessons are absorbed.