I just ended a short relationship with someone who was over a decade younger than I. I finally found out that age is more significant than I had expected. I haven't had a lot of relationships but definitely found the need to end this one due to the lack of maturity in my former partner. I'm still reeling a bit from this breakup and would love any input or opinions that people may have with regard to age.
As a general rule I like men to be at least as old as my kids. My oldest is only 16 years younger and the youngest 18 years younger. My oldest has started to look old enough people mistake him for my brother.
It seemed when I was younger I dated older men. Now that I am older, men my age often seem too old in spunk and spirit. I think a lot has to do with what milestone they are in. My kids are grown, my grandchildren are half grown. I don't see myself partnering with a younger man with small children because it's not what I want to spend my time doing at this stage of my life. Middle aged dating is tough.....
It's not necessarily age itself, but things that go along with age. Maturity Level, kids/no kids, friends, things in common, etc. I wouldn't limit yourself to a particular age or range, but rather look at other important factors and keep an eye on what their level of interest and motives are. I naturally end up having a range of about 40 to 60 (I'm 53).
I tend like older men, that being said I wouldn’t necessarily discount someone due to age. It’s about chemistry. I’m dating someone who is about 14 years older. We have lots.
My last husband was 14 years older and my more recent live in was 12 years younger.
The more recent was a significantly better relationship. Not saying everyone in his generation is of this opinion, but seeing me as an equal partner seemed to come naturally to him.
My last bf was 25 years younger than me. He knew about the age difference when he first asked me out but we had a lot in common. Did not introduce me to friends or family and long distance relationships are tough. Turned to friendship. Stood by me through cancer treatment as a good friend to this day-7 years later.
On dating websites, I often get messages from guys in their 20's, looking for an older, experienced sex partner. Ugh. My daughter is 27.
With a man my age, we have shared life experiences. We lived through enormous national upheaval: the Vietnam War, when Lake Erie caught on fire, the establishment of the Environmental Protection Agency, women's rights movement, the Civil Rights Act, Voting Rights Act, rock and roll revolution, sex and drugs, and the assassinations of President John F. Kennedy, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Bobby Kennedy and Malcolm X. And much more.
All of this shaped who we are. This gives us endless, interesting topics of conversation for the rest of our lives.
"Who is Jackie Onassis?" a 30 year-old woman asked in the post, "How Do You Style Your Hair?" I rest my case.
Shared life experiences is important but often improbable. Generational culture is what is important to me and that can span a period of time, say + - a decade.
If they're too much younger than me, I can't relate. I haven't yet had a chance to try with anyone older than me.
Married a lady 18 years younger when l was 42. She ask me. I said yes. When you are a 42 year old musician you don't find alot of women your age into the lifestyle. It was good for about 3 years. Eventually the fact that we were in different places in life was hard to get around. She had changed her mind about not having kids and l hadn't. I had gotten sick and spent a month in the hospital. I am sure l seemed really old at that time. It was still a great first 3 years. 3 out of four ain't bad.
Age isn't the issue, maturity is. That's a person by person thing, instead of a number
I agree with others who have said age is just a number, tho a bit cliche. LOL! I've been in two marriages. Both of them were to women who were my age, within a month. That was fine. Now, however (and this could be midlife crisis crying out from within me) I have a preference for younger women. Maturity has been mentioned and I feel that is valid, but maturity and age are not necessarily conjoined. I've met some "old souls" who are quite young. I was recently in a relationship with someone MUCH younger than me. I had to end that relationship for a number of reasons, but in terms of getting along with one another, cohabitating, maturity, physical compatability, things were great. If anything, maybe I'M the immature one, who knows. I just don't think age should be a huge driving factor unless YOU feel compelled in that direction. I feel if you meet someone and you click with them, you either go for it, or you don't. Love and relationships are kind of a crap shoot, even on dating sites where you think you sort of know what you're getting. It's a risk, but taking that risk could pay off big. =]
I'd say give or take 5 years. Unfortunately, there are more than a few men and women in my age range with children still at home. That's a dealbreaker for me.
Edited to add women because I'm actually open to all possibilities that don't necessarily include me having sex.
When you get to be my age (59), a 5 year difference, especially if they're younger, seems rather insignificant. It can get to be an issue if they're much much older than me, although I have recently dated a 72 yo man, who is in great shape, both mentally and physically. We are not involved romantically, which honesty was his choice, but we are friends. I'm poly, and although I cherish long term (lifetime) relationships, I'm not looking for "the one."
Maturity and activity levels, health, and compatibility are key, regardless of age. My boyfriend is only 9 months older than me, but my girlfriend is 42, which is the largest age gap I've experienced, by far, and we seem very compatible. I feel very young at heart, and am active and health concious.
I'm sorry about your breakup, and hope you are able to find the love you're looking for.
Age really doesn't play a roll compared to compatibility with me. If we click we click.
This has nothing to do with appearances or desire or age.
I've met younger women mature beyond their years and knowledgeable enough to at least understand me while some in my age group just lost to all thought.
What's the 5 year thing about?
I think you kind of already answered your own question. It's all about maturity level. The youngest I've dated was 6 years younger than me and that was fairly recent. She had just turned 31 and I'm 36 going on 37. However, I've generally always dated older women. I honestly don't think there's any issue with dating younger (within reason of course), but I do firmly believe that as long you're with someone that you get along with, share interest with, and can handle each others bullshit, then it really doesn't matter much. I know some very mature 20 something's that I'm fairly positive I'd be happy with dating. But that maturity level and priorities do need to be there.
If I'm looking someone to have kids she has to be 10+ younger than me. Most women 30+ already have kids and don't want any more.
There are some educated women 30+ with no kids who want kids. It's harder to find but 30+ are less likely to be non committal and in a phase where they are ready to have a family.
Another thought about age as it relates to those seeking 'that one' and 'long' term as primary in importance is life expectancy. I like to think of it as shelf-life. No substitute for time in getting to KNOW another person and by that I mean months to years. How else can sincerely felt admiration, affection and craving for the person, not just the body, eventuate? Most are content with spawning their own fantasies about who another person is out of impatience and 'falling in love' with the fiction.
Finding 'that one' isn't a prerequisite consideration for me, but I'm admittedly a very strange man. For so many others it isn't practical to cultivate something at say, 53 with a person who is 66 (example only) because in ten years it will be 63/76 then 68/81 etc. If the male is the elder good health and longevity statistics make it even darker. Lets say he goes at 79. She's still 66. Does she start looking for 'the one' all over again?
If the quality of bonding reaches something ideal, I suppose a few years of it is better than more years with less. I think in practical terms, for parity, women are better suited to finding men a bit younger.
Age doesn't really matter. I seem to get along with older guys. I find guys my age immature . Am dating a guy who is ten years older than me and we seem to get along so well. I guess I have an 'old soul' or something like that.
I'd actually stretch it out to within 8 years of my own age, maybe further. The older you get the wider the window can be, I think. My kids have "suggested" a potential long term should be closer to my age than to the oldest child's age, so for them as long as he is within 13 years of my age they'll be cool.
I find that within 10 years, older or younger, usually works okay for me, especially if he has a young heart or an old soul! My observation is more than 10 years either way doesn't last very long.
I try to stay within 8 years. If I really like someone, though, like Keanu Reeves, I can make an exception
I agree. I always date people within two years of my age. I don't want to deal with age-related cultural expectations.
But I do have friends of all ages. When I was in my mid 50's I was the dance partner, for about a year, of a 75-year-man who was not only a dapper dancer, but had memberships in three ballroom clubs!
I'm 19. Dating someone five years younger than myself would be pretty much guaranteed to label me as a paedophile.