Today I received this message from a man in Australia:

“You have a fine bio and a set of photographs which has understandably resulted in a huge following. However, what you enjoy does not quite match up with your proclaimed need to intimacy, no mention being made of love or sex. I suspect that you are asexual and therefore, not compatible with my needs.”

I felt gob-smacked and amused by his incorrect assumption. In society’s eyes, a very real dichotomy holds sway: you are either a sexless, socially acceptable “mommy,” or a bad girl who purrs and oozes sex. His message reeked of the age-old, odious Madonna/Whore Complex.

With online dating, it is dangerous for women to explicitly mention sex in their profiles, especially if you want a loving relationship. I learned this the hard way, after being deluged by messages from sex hounds.

So, I deleted the word “sex” from my profile, replacing it with “intimacy.” Also removed “naked body” from the skinny-dipping paragraph. Previously, I wrote:

“Skinny dipping at night made me a lifelong sensualist. In August the lake was warm as bath water. Icy cold streams flowed up from the bottom. Swimming after dark through the warm water, I dived down and let the cold streams caress my naked body. The feeling was exquisite.”

Oops. This triggered an avalanche of sexual messages. I downshifted to:

“Skinny dipping at night made me a lifelong sensualist. August evenings at the lake were warm as bath water, accentuated by icy cold streams flowing up from the bottom. It was an exquisite experience I long to share.”

My profile describes me as a lifelong sensualist who is intense, playful and passionate. I described the pleasures of skinny-dipping. “I miss the tender touch, laughter, conversation, intimacy, teamwork and fun of a committed, loving relationship."

I posted a variety of recent photos, from hiking to wearing a sexy, little dress. My goal was to show a well-rounded, fun and active life.

Your thoughts?