A fellow died and went to heaven. St. Peter was showing him around when he saw a little group of people way off in the clouds, he said. "Hey, St. Pete, who are those people way over there." St. Peter said, "Sheee! Those are (insert any religion of your choice here), they don't know anybody else is up here."
Three friends all died and went to heaven at the same time. Saint Peter meet them at the gates and said to one of them "Welcome to Heaven! here is your reward." after saying that Saint Peter immediately handcuffed him to a extremely unattractive woman. "Saint Peter! why is this my heavenly reward?" the man asked?
Saint Peter replied, "When you were five you killed a bird with a stone." Saint Peter then turned to the next guy and did the exact same thing for the exact same reason. He was asked the same question and answered the same. Finally he turned to the third guy and said, "Welcome to Heaven! Here is your reward." the third man was immediately handcuffed to a beautiful girl.
Extremely happy the man walked off. The other two men, who had stuck around to see what their friends fate was, were outraged. "How come he gets a beautiful girl and were stuck with these?
We can name a few things that he did that were worse than ours!" Saint Peter said, "When she was five she killed a bird with a stone."