Christians are fanatical about not thinking about sex, especially not the naughty bits of of "Holy" people.
I once heard a catholic monk's talk about Glorification, the raising of the dead on the day of judgment in perfected form. In the Q & A section someone asked exactly what a perfected body would be and the brother blushed and then explained that all parts of the body would be perfect and free from sickness and injury, but that "earthly" parts would not be glorified and in fact would not be there at all, since on the perfected earth they would not be needed anymore and omitted so they could not be misused, when praising god was all all our hands should be used for.
I think a lot of people in the audience decided there and then that Catholicism was not for them.

Is Christian porn like watching a baby nurse from the breast of it's mother?

Has anybody told you you're an absolute heathen. Well done

AH. CHRISTIAN PORN.

As she knelt down deeply to pray, her bonnet slipped forward, revealing a perfectly smooth half inch of her neck, glowing golden in the light from the altar candles.

( Skip twelve paragraphs. )

"Oh vicar." She said. "That has left my asshole feeling really sore." "Our true faith in the lord, will remove all of our pains and discomforts." He replied. "And what about the marks the altar cloth has left on my belly and breasts ? What will I tell my husband ? " She asked. "Tell him you were praying really hard. Its not a lie. At least that is what it sounded like to me."

The end.

And the lesson from this story is. If you are washing the altar cloth, make sure the dyes are fast before you fold it, don't try to pray and do housework at the same time, and don't shut the washer door with your butt while your hands are full. ( Why ? What did you think happened ? )

Nicely done.
I'm in favor of most things that enrage believers.
Keep poking the bear.

Sounds like something Facebook would do nowadays.