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Feelings about your own Funerals

How do you feel about the number and type of person(s) who will attend your own funeral. Have you given much thought to it?
It should tell us how you value the one life you have. OR should it?

Mcflewster 8 Apr 17
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27 comments

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5

I want to be a tree. Cremated then my ashes mixed with seed and soil. As for the funeral, I’d rather my loved ones have a big party on my behalf where they share stories about all the dumb shit I did while alive. I want laughter and celebration.

4

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Observations on Funeral post
This contains some generalisation but it may well not be a representative sample of Americans and the UK population. It is not meant as a judgement on anyone’s views of their own funeral. It is more about what can happen when religions do disappear.

  1. It is amazing how the template of religious funerals has straightjacketed so many people’s thoughts. Are we not Freethinkers?
  2. Although many people say “Don’t want a funeral” others rightly say “It is not for the dead but the living." I did ask about the people who would attend your funeral but very sadly not much mention there. This same effect many years ago led to the establishment of the job “professional mourners” Very sad.
  3. It is usually a civic duty to dispose of your body hygienically and with respect. Although some cities will give paupers funerals to those in appropriate circumstances.
  4. Funerals can and are becoming completely in your controls [subject to bye-laws]. And with of course the help of someone that is not you. Just keep asking funeral directors for a personal service. Planning now IS a possibility. Start a readily accessible book . Why keep it secret?
  5. Making sure it is enjoyable( through learning) for everyone there IS an aim.

I stand by my earlier statement. The people who matter the most to me already are aware of my wishes when it comes to my death. Funerals are entirely too expensive and those in the "death business" take advantage of those grieving. I found that out when I had to make arrrangements for my Mama's funeral. It is highway robbery. No, just cremate me and toss my ashes wherever. The ocean, off the side of a mountain, out the car window....

the best I can really do is get cremated and poured over near the trees I planted for this very thing so I directly help nature. even that is a £1000 on its own with no service or any of that crap. id be happy to be dragged over there and buried but too much red tape bullshit or recycled into fertiliser would be better. really the trees are growing well and it doesn't matter if im poured on the flowers at the crematorium. I just hate waste so keeping bought flowers and grass healthy just to be cut goes against the grain and there's a little sentiment. one thing I don't understand is why even with know hearse, service or anything but being burnt it's a £1000 yet my much-loved dog I lost cost £80 to cremate with the price of euthanising her. there's still obviously some more money orientated red tape bullshit going on.

I did not answer this post, but a recent similar one. My answer is still i want a wake, anyone who is interested can come, booze will be paid from my will.

I fail to see the point in this tagging post.

We've given our answers.

It was pointed out to me this week that medical schools/university are on desperate need of bodies. I am already an organ donor, so the remainder is of no value. I had gone for cremation, but will be talking to my kids this week re medical science. A dead body is no more me than a discarded fingernail. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate your comment and for many families what you say is correct. People need closure, this often is begun with the funeral. I have had to go to many. When my kids were small we had to bury a lot of pets, still do. So they grew up seeing things grow were their pets were laid to rest. My father had a lot of notice he was dying. He organized his own funeral, selected pall bearers, music, the lot. He enjoyed the process so maybe that made things ok for him. I found it was pretty much like the professional mourners you mention. BTW I plan on a 3 month wake, in my final year. I want to be there to enjoy. I know your post is about funerals

Perhaps I should have added that I personally have confirmed a lot from other people on this website about how to conduct my own funeral and that I have no intention of advocating the control the format of anyone else's funeral as the church has done in the past. Freedom on the way out for everyone!

4

I don't really care -- funerals are for the survivors. I'll be dead. Stuff me, stand me in a corner, have a party, don't have a party, bury me, burn me -- I'll still be dead.I leave it to the survivors to decide what to do.

3

No funeral at all and MOST IMPORTANTLY, no embalming. My body was nurtured by mother nature. She provided me with animals to eat, air to breath and the environment within which to survive. Her system simply ask that when you die you allow her to have your body back,
To ebalm the body, seal it in a coffin, then seal in a vault is just too obscene for me to even envision. All this just so people can come see my shell days after I pass. Hell no. give me to nature. I have decided to donate my body to science allowing me to be sliced and diced and then researched all over the place.

EMC2 Level 8 Apr 18, 2018
3

Zero fucks, I'm dead.

3

My mom wanted a party with food and music when she died, and that's exactly what we did for her. I would like to have something like that for myself.

3

I want it to be a party. Kind of like a wedding reception but just people hanging out and having a good beer and meal on my final tab. I want to leave a list of topics to talk about so they don't have to talk about me if its uncomfortable and a decent music playlist for people to listen to. I'll make sure it's stocked with jenga and other games for people to play and maybe get to know each other.

As far as my disposal I'm fine with being donated to science. I want to go to a good medical program though where they will be used. When I was a neuroscience student, the department just had a guy's preserved head hanging out in a bucket of formaldehyde. I wan't to make sure my parts go to use and aren't just hanging out in a jar somewhere.

3

Could not care less, I will be dead, it won't matter to me, but when asked I have just said put me in a bin bag and throw me in the furnace, then go and have a party and bitch about what a bastard I was.

2

When I die, I'll be cremated and my ashes are to be scattered in the ocean.
My nephew is going to throw a "roast", not a funeral, not a wake, not any kind of service.
Who shows up, or how many do, really doesn't matter to me. I'll be dead.
The party is for them, not me. They get to eat, drink, and tell stories about what a monumental
pain in the ass I was. However they wish to conduct themselves is entirely up to them.
Again, I'll be dead, so it won't matter to me one whit. Luckily, I have a good feeling that it will
be completely irreverent, and a good time will be had by all.
How I "value" my life is my business, and I honestly feel no need to explain that to anyone.
What anyone else thinks of how I've chosen to live my life doesn't mean anything to me.

Right on!

2

I'll be dead, so I don't really care. Toss me through a woodchipper, put me in a garbage bag and toss me downriver.

Exactly. Just recycle me asap.

2

Personally, I don't want a 'funeral.' Once I die, just cremate me and be done with it.

2

not having one or any reminders. If people remember me, fine, if not, fine.

2

I'm not having a funeral. I just want my ashes sprinkled under a weeping willow I planted near the river I used to play as a child to directly help nature. death is life over so has no reflection on how you live. I'm not paying loads of money so some stranger who doesn't know me can talk a load of shit to a load of people who have better things to do. the trees are doing beautifully and have been where they are for at least 10 years. I don't want anyone but the person sprinkling the ashes to know my ashes are there either.

2

I plan on being cremated then shipped to Alaska so my son can spread my ashes. I hate wakes and funerals and am not going to have either. The only person that benefits from a funeral is the undertaker.

2

No funeral for me. Who wants a buch of sobbing people telling huge lies about how wonderful you were to people who really think you were an asshole?

If you plan it, your funeral can be a commemoration and celebration of whatever good aspects of your life that you want. Who is so in charge of your life that there is no one who would see that such hypocritical people do not attend your funeral? Please do not think that your funeral will be like the bad ones you have seen. Start planning now. Some of your relatives at least will appreciate what you do now.

@Mcflewster Thanks for the kind, well meant thoughts. My relatives and close friends ALL know well that rituals of any kind aren't part of my life. For me to plan such a thing would be, to them, high comedy. (to me too) 🙂

2

Told my family that I want a wake. booze must be paid for out my inheritence. My body has been donated to University of Stellbosch medical faculty.

2

Naw. I could care less. But if someone wants some place to say I where was buried, they could spread my ashes around the roots of a tree sapling, to nourish it.

1

@Gwendolyn2018 From Wikipedia A "living funeral" is usually done by someone who knows that he or she does not have much time left to live. Whether the reason is that the person is terminally ill or is at an old age, the person knows death is near and could use it as closure. It is used to celebrate the happy times, and forgive the body for "failing".[1]

That's a good idea so you can enjoy it and have one last nice party while you're brain's still with it before you go. Definitely something to consider if I ever face terminal illness.

1

I hope it's a quick fire and very few people. A brisk wind afterward would be nice though.

1

Not one word of God or he is in a better place... Other than that. I don’t care.

1

Don't want one.
My nephew told me he's going to have a "roast" for me instead. I like that idea better.
Whoever shows up, shows up. They can swap stories about what a pain in the ass I was.
Have a few drinks, eat some food, enjoy themselves. No tears.
My "value" for the life I have is irrelevant upon my death.
How I choose to live it now is the ONLY thing that's important. Whatever anyone
has to say after I'm gone doesn't really matter to me, I'm not going to know anyway.
All that matters is now.

1

Still want to be buried in my back yard than a family plot with my dysfunctional family. Small and informal.

0

There is a lot that this site can do to get people to trust other people. Not to destroy your privacy - just to trust. If you have planned to have others at your funeral you have been trying to see the value in all people. Good luck with yours.

0

@Gwendolyn2018 I would like to join you in your pursuit of accuracy over “Your Funerals’. Is it not obvious from the context of the site that I am asking a lot of people about their own particular funeral ? What should I have said to make it clearer ? Only just passed all my English exams here in UK. Anyway I hope that I have convinced you that any single person can have more than one funeral . It has been known for relatives to hold a ceremony on each subsequent anniversary of death but maybe those person’s relatives do not move on from the death so is a bit obsessive

0

I applied for my body to be given to medical science @ Queens university they wrote back and on every page they had a disclaimer that when it came to them they might not want it and would send it back to be buried - is a bit of a no brainer to just get cremated and forget about Queens

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