More funny that embarrassing, a Lady bite my manhood while putting a condom on with her mouth, and no it wasn't a hard bite
Off the top of my head I would say queefing/farting ??
can get you an awesome score in scrabble though.
I knew farting long before it was a queef. WTF is a queef anyway? I have these same problems with twerking. Will these words be around in 100 years?
wasnt really embarrassing for me, but i was embarrassed for him. met a guy, got along, hung out a bit, eventually started to get romantic. keep in mind, this fellow had managed to slip into several conversations, how well endowed he was. anyhow, this was back when i was super shy, so the lights were mostly off. we were rolling around in bed, started taking our cloths off, and that was all the foreplay he was after. he climbed on top, and attempted to put his riffle of life in my ham wallet. he was having a hard time, i kinda tried to reach down and help him, but he pushed my hand away. all of a sudden, dude starts humping away...only problem...this fellow who was supposed to be hung like a horse, had such a tiny sperm stick, that he stuck it in my bellybutton and thought he was in. i couldnt handle it. i made up some excuse about needing to stop to go pee, shut the bathroom door, grabbed his robe off the hook, climbed out the window and never looked back. no joke, probably shorter than my pinky.
LOL ok but ham wallet though. xD
pinky ? Then your naval was a perfect fit !
Hahaha ham wallet.. best word ever lol.
sperm stick ha!! ? ham wallet. you always crack me up!
@KnowThyself lmao awe thank you kindly. i was just telling my mom that i use alternative words for private parts on this site and ive noticed quite a few of you get a kick out of them. i was just thinking about posting a list of the ones i can think of, and asking for other peoples odd words for unmentionables.
Not me, but my sister. It's a long tale. Buckle up.
So I wake up to like 6 missed calls on my phone. 4 from my sister, 2 from my parents. My sister's message is that her husband is in the hospital having surgery and I need to call her. I try calling a couple times and get no answer so I call my parents. My dad answers and asks if I have talked to my sister and proceeds to tell me my sister broke husbands name's dick. (Not anything you ever want to hear your parent say...or thought you would ever say. Lol) I didn't really want to hear anymore at that point so I asked what hosoital they were at and promptly had her paged at the hospital because I know that it's a story that I'm going to have to know about. Lol.
Here's how that went down. They had traveled to a neighboring city to meet up with his brother's family to watch their nephew play in a state tournament game. Since there was likely to be drinking (knowing his brother) they opted to stay over at a hotel sans children. (One of the very few opportunities they had to get away at that time.) Since there were state tournament happening, they only hotel room they could find was the honeymoon suite at 1 hotel. (Ok, not really relevant, but just makes the story that much better. Lol)
There was indeed drinking involved over the visit and eventually they retired to their room to do whatever young, inebriated parents without children do in the honeymoon suite of a hotel. At some point of the excursion my sister was riding cowgirl style and went up too high and came down too hard causing my BIL to cry out in pain and jump off. What she say haunts them to this day. She had fractured his penis. It isn't altogether uncommon, and when it happens the penis engorged in blood and it's very painful and must be treated urgently. What was uncommon is that it tore his urethra so instead of filling with blood, the blood poured through the urethra filling the condom he was wearing which then blew up. My BIL is frantically yelling at my sister to call 911. She is horrified and shaking her head. He finally convinces her and like 30 emergency medical personnel show up....beacuse who is going to miss that call???? So he's taken to the local hospital, a urologist is called in because it's middle of the night only to find out they don't have the skill necessary to repair the damage. They have to life flight him to a major hospital 200 miles away. He comes out of surgery with a cute little pink donut on his penis and all is well...mostly. To add insult to injury, the epidural has leaked spinal fluid and he has a massive migraine, but they didn't realize this at the time. He is released, they have friends drive them back to the hotel because they still have to collect their belongings and vehicle. The hotel is not pleased, to say the least. Remember that condom that blew up? They had to have hazmat come clean the room because of all the blood and possible pathogens. Pretty sure they have a lifetime ban from those properties. Lol. They finally get home and my BIL has to have another procedure (and explain everything to their small town doctor and hospital.)
All is well now, but my sister carried the name of "black and Decker pecker wrecker" for a long time. Also, if my BIL ever asks if you want to hold $45,000 in your hand, just politely decline and walk away. Lol. Also, also pretty sure they only have missionary sex now. ? As a side note, when I had my sister paged at the hospital and she told me waht happened, she begged me not to tell anyone. I told her that was a promise I couldn't keep. It was just too good of a story. Lol. I did promise not to use names...but since I only had one sister and one brother-in-law, it wasn't hard to piece together. ??
I suppose there is a moral to this story, probably several. Lol. Also, if I believed in a God, I would swear to them that every bit of this story is true...because it really, really is! ?
Oh dear. This happened to a buddy of mine as well. His wife has definitely not lived it down 10 years later, though that might have something to do with how much he relishes telling the tale.
Thats one of those stories that when ever its told it just doesn't get old
Does finding out there is a small gap in the bedroom curtains and the brat from down the road is selling tickets to his mates count as embarassing.
We all have a favorite sex position. Doggy style is my personal favorite. My ex REALLY liked riding, cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. One morning, after a wake and bake session we both got super horny and she climbed on top and started grinding. Half way through she spun around to reverse and rode me to almost finish, slamming herself down on me harder and faster so we both could finish at the same time. Just as we were both about to cum, she lifted herself up too high, I popped out......and shot my self in the face. Not really embarrassing, but we both laughed about it for days after it happened.
The bed had wooden slats supporting the box spring, and we broke the bed, all of a sudden we were on the ground.... we could not stop laughing.
Me, too... more than once until we pinned the slats in place... wow, that was 50 years ago!
Broken beds are always worth a good laugh. You can fix them...later.
My girlfriend at the time and I pulled behind some storage buildings and began going at it in the back seat. We were quite into it, and the windows were all fogged up when there was a knock on the window, and a voice saying "police, open up". We scrambled to put on clothes while I asked him to wait a sec. When I opened the door he asked "what was going on?" I said "exactly what you think".
...why are these tales bringing up so many memories Favorite makeout spot (Mt Tabor), fogged windows in my VW bug, yes, it can be done.. I had a ‘bed’ on the permanently folded down rear seat. That same knock.. “Portland police,” “I need to see some ID.” ...after some serious searching, we passed it out the ‘unscrew & open’ slotted back window. “You’re barely OK,” he said … she’d turned 18 a couple weeks before.. “We know,” I answered.. What he didn’t know was that I’d spent that day in college in law enforcement & criminal justices classes … I’d wanted his job
Most embarassing sex story? Probably when I was with an ex, she's on top and we're both about to cross the finish line. She cums, hops off quicker than I thought and as I came, my own cum splashed me in the face.
Yes you read that correctly, I am the man who gave himself a facial. Needless to say after toweling off the comically massive load, we laughed for a solid 10 minutes. ?
Oh let's see...finding a gap in the curtains, been there done that. The worst was finding out his dad had come over during the act and heard us. He had a habit of just walking in the house without knocking. With another guy, he broke part of the headboard and my dad asked what happened later during a move. I was mortified and all I could say was don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. He just blushed and said got it.
Only thing was this kid was quite literally selling tickets. Reason we realised it was during the act heard kids voices outside the window dickering over the price. Look up and there are two sets of eyes peering in.and the window that was behind the headboard of the bed, also it was summer, so no sheets or anything over us.
Adults don't bother me, in the same flat which was shared by four sailors, one of the bedrooms could only be accessed by walking through my boyfriends bedroom, so somebody waltzing through often brandishing a curtain rod to keep the "beast with two backs" at bay for comic effect was quite common, but kids about 12 years old?
The other guys in jail started laughing
LMAO!
Had a party at my house, spent the night hitting on this cute punk chic, we hit it off. Got wicked drunk together, then proceeded up to my room. Then we're off to the races, and next thing I know, the light on in my room, my best friend sitting there, girls gone. Turns out I passed out on her, he was checking to see if I was okay?
Oooo... Ouch.
Called my boyfriend at the time by the wrong name.
Have had 2 bad ones.
Once there was this loud noise, it broke, I screamed,
another time just as I finished she said, I waited until you finished, but who are you?
followed by,
Where am I
why am I here
who am I?
ok, off to the emergency room
Temporary global amnesia, lasted 6 hours
When my ex and I first got together, I (not knowing the dangers of such) had one and a half Corona Lites with 2-3 Tramadol over a few hours for a mild migraine. It was the most disorienting, foggy, scary, confusing 16-20 hours of my life. Later that day I saw that the combination can indeed be lethal.
Fallen asleep!
Yeah... I'm guilty of that too.
I had a guy fall asleep, I was extremely insulted.
One night my first wife and I were getting busy. Pretty soon she's thrashing about...squalling and bawling, about to rupture my eardrums. I'm thinking I"m one hell of a man to elicit that kind of a response. The reality was that she was having a severe leg spasm...not an orgasm. Fecking duh!
Ha! This exact thing happened to a friend of mine. ??
oh my golly! that just reminded me that my hip sometimes pops out of place, lmao!
I'm not sure if this counts, but...
BDSM club (a few years ago, when I was seriously into the lifestyle) with a couple who were in an M/s dynamic, and I'd ended up being part time submissive to both of them. He'd got me mostly naked, and had written that I was his 'slut' on my back with permanent marker. Later, having forgotten all about the slogan, we were doing other things that involved me lying on a vinyl covered piece of furniture. When I got up, the words on my back were printed prominently in mirror writing on the vinyl.
We tried everything we could find to get it off. We eventually had to confess to the owners of the venue, who were very good about it. They never succeeded in getting it off either, and ended up having to re-cover the piece of furniture. Thankfully, it was something they'd built themselves, and they still had the materials to do it.
Was about 25 had a beagle she liked to pull the sheets off the bed. We were getting busy and did not notice that the dog had come into the room, opening the door. The dog pulled all the sheets off of us. My girlfriend`s 16 years old daughter had seen the door open came in to ask for a cigrette. Think she did not even talk to us for a month after that.
You asking but you not telling, I know your kind.
Lol, when I was still in high school my dad started coming into my room and I rushed to put a shirt on--it was the guy's shirt and it was inside out and backwards and he stayed under all of the blankets in my bed. My dad said nothing.
@Mea Thank You... what I see a problem with your question is... I live a life with No Shame, so I don't get embarrassed regardless of the circumstance so falling asleep and snoring during the act at 24 was of no consequence in my book. But you asked.... a Sunday in my sexual prime, girlfriend complained I shooted blanks... dry air during ejaculation. I couldnt tell her... it is 4 PM and you are the third customer on this bed! So I wasn't embarrased. I was very satisfied. It was the 70's and afro's were the shit! ...and mine was Espectacular as my pictures show in my profile.