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"That's all you can muster?" I thought.

Dating sites appeal to men's laziness. Ninety-nine percent of messages I got on Silver Singles were a "smile." I quit Silver Singles after one month.

Fitness Singles isn't any better. You can choose a canned message from a drop-down box:

I'm interested in learning more about you. Let's chat.
Great smile! Wanna chat?
I like your profile. What do you think of mine?

Today I got an email from Fitness Singles: "You have new mail." I felt excited.

I'm interested in learning more about you. Let's chat.

"That's all you can muster?" I thought. It seems so feeble. What a letdown.

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 Oct 3
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12 comments

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1

It's entirely possible this was site generated if someone looked at your profile or even just hovered over it. If it's a paying site-it could also be all he was able to send-a canned messgae.

1

I have a burning desire to discover and understand the lady who reads, writes and hikes.
What are your thoughts on life, love and the beautiful little planet on which we live. I wish to come to know these things. And who are you now, the person you have been, your life journey, victories, defeats, hopes, fears, likes and dislikes.
Prey enlighten me with your thoughts, the contents of your mind, what you wish for. Let us stay up together late into the day exchanging ideas as if we were laying in bed together talking for real and gazing into each other's eyes, until we can stand no more, and fall asleep. But do not tell me you like Trump, for I could never countenance that and would break my heart's hopes.
Mr Perfect xxx

Is that what you're after? If so, cut and paste using it as a slapdown example. It took me but a few minutes to weave these words.
If we were 'word dating', then this is what you'd get from me. I'm like that in real life too.
Mr Unperfect

2

Yeah, c'mon guys make a bit of an effort ffs, this is literatehiker.
Tease with your academic acumen and professional prowess.
Perchance some Yeats:

As my arms rapt you round I pressed
My heart upon the loveliness

That sort of stuff ok.

Then surprise her with your adroitness: mention your bilateral symmetry and bipedal perambulation.

Me tease @LiterateHiker with my academic acumen? Hmm, kinda difficult that, being as I haven't got any. The same goes for professional prowess. See her conversation with @ASTRALMAX - she would spot me as a liar at 50 paces and within three seconds.

Bilateral symmetry? Sorry, but I am right-handed. Bipedal perambulation? Sorry, but I am so not into hiking.

(Hey Kathleen, have I done enough to ruin my chances with you? 😉 )

@anglophone

Very funny! I'm a leftie.

I grew up in a family of six left-handed musicians and artists.

@LiterateHiker Hence your eye for making clothes. 🙂

@waitingforgodo

Did you mean "as my arms wrap around you"?

"Rapt" is an adjective that means "deeply absorbed or engrossed."

@LiterateHiker I edited Yeats to see if anyone was paying attention.

@anglophone Animals with a central nervous system display bilateral symmetry, leaving to one side dexterity.

@waitingforgodo My ignorance of Yeats is vast.

Thank you for filling in one tiny piece of my immense knowledge gap.

@LiterateHiker I am a leftie, however, only when using a pen, pencil or biro. Use scissors in my right hand and also use my right hand for opening bottle caps and archery when drawing the bow string. I tend to use both hands and it all depends upon the task.

1

As Paddy said, they're meant to be for people who are awkward at writing, to help them come up with a quick introduction. But I always felt that they were more of a starting point and one was meant to personalize them. That's what I did until I found my "voice", as it were.

And it's not just men who are lazy, I got several myself. Either from ladies or from scambots.

4

Some people have trouble starting a conversation. I'm one of them and I'm terrible at it, absolutely dreadful, forinstance. When I was using dating sites I used a lot of those ice breakers, not ashamed to admit it. That's why they were made for. In the least, it's my two cents on this, if any use.

They can be that, or they can be the lazy person's way to send a lot of messages quick to a lot of people, without putting any effort into it. They're very handy for scammers. (Not that I have ever received a message from a scam artist, no of course not.) (And not passing judgement on people who use them as intended.)

@Paul4747, true. Nevertheless, it depends on the case. Everyone is different and does things in a different way.

1

Dating sites are a great source of income for those who own them and their is little or no accountability. The proverbial Jane or John Doe make up a user-name and enjoy a certain degree of anonymity. Those who write a very brief profile of themselves are usually not worth contacting.

As in any new relationship there are often unstated and sometimes unrealistic expectations which may surface on a first meeting. Both men and women lie and do not always post a recent photo and some even post a photo that was taken ten or more years ago.

There is a lot of sifting to be done to find one whose actions accord with his or her word. Nobody will ever meet all of our expectations and if you find someone who meets the 50% mark then you are doing well.

@ASTRALMAX

Good point. Research shows with online dating profiles, 80% of people post old photos and lie about their age, marital status, activities, fitness, height (hello, short guys), profession, etc.

Here's what usually happens. I arrive early at a cafe' for lunch, nicely dressed to make a good first impression. "Kathleen!" I hear. Turning, I recognize no one.

My 'hot date' has suddenly aged 15 years, gained 50 pounds and lost all of his hair. As if I wouldn't notice.

"I got a manicure for this?" I think.

@LiterateHiker I really, really don't get that behaviour. What's the bloody point, what can it possibly achieve, as it brands you as a liar right out of the box?

@Cyklone

Exactly. Immediately I see him as a liar.

4

When I tried that route back in the 90s, Internet dating sites I am speaking about, I found that I had to realize that other people were not as good as I was at writing my feelings down. Sometimes it takes a little back-and-forth before you finally see the real person you are conversing with. I would say give it a little more time. You’re a smart and sharp woman and some guys are too, you just need to give them a little time. 😉

2

You deserve better

6

Most men don’t have the amount of activity that women have on dating sites. They get tired of getting zero responses and probably give up trying to be clever or unique.

So, yes, they may be lazy. Or they may just be tired of putting in the effort for no results. I personally wouldn’t automatically discount someone for a canned initial message. It’s how they interact after I respond that matters.

@Apunzelle

He's a transit worker in Seattle with a high school diploma. A golfer.

Not my type.

Ok, so it sounds like it’s irrelevant that he sent a canned response.

1

Agreed. Laziness is nearly always a sign of a weak mind, and if he was really interested, he'd read your profile and craft a thoughtful response. I get a kick out of it when the occasional scammer on this site will reach out to me with a message like "hello handsome." I block them immediately. As to a too-short message, I send a polite reply but move on.

3

@Cyklone may have a point. If I was in the dating game, which I am not, one thing that I have learned from this site is that there is a multitude of opportunities to learn a lot about any other member, and I would certainly use that opportunity to learn about somebody else. I am also extremely comfortable with sites such as this.

Patience is essential, and some people may lack that personal quality.

I start with the profile, if someone took the time to write a few llines it's easy enough to draw from that and write a dozen words or more. Others are lazy and have the attention span of gnats.

@MizJ

Well said. I agree.

4

I don't think it is necessarily about laziness. I think that many people are likely to choose those options because they're shy or unused to online dating and not sure about what to say. Having said that, I've cancelled my profiles because I got fed up with the whole process.

I sometimes have social anxiety around people I don't know but for some reason not via keyboard, also troll behavior would seem to indicate people being braver via typing. I think they are lazy or boring.

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