LINK Dear Prudence: What should I do if my husband got a secret vasectomy against my wishes?
Ladies: his body, HIS choice, right?
3
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I know a cop who did the exact same thing. his wife, who is a devout Mormon, felt quite betrayed. they already have 3 young children. I felt sorry for the both of them. he felt they could not afford any more children. but I know that he did it because he is in love with my married daughter. what a mess!
springlover
Level 7
Apr 23, 2018
0
KenG:
I wasn't married when I got the snip, but I was in a relationship. I didn't tell her until I'd had it done. I believe it is the right of the man to not have children if he doesn't want them.
It's 100% his choice and her response is 100% hers. In a marriage major life decisions should be discussed together. If this were me I would probably threaten divorce. You don't get to make life decisions this major without talking to me first if you want to stay married to me.
MamaMOB
Level 5
Apr 23, 2018
5
What she said ?
@Rideauxb yep. Gender doesn't matter. If two people decide to live their lives together neither one should have the right to make a lifelong decision for both of them without discussing it with the other. I don't care if you're male or female. If you made a commitment like that you should talk life-altering decisions over with your significant other. Otherwise don't make a commitment like that.
I personally married an Atheist who wanted more children but her ex had a vasectomy the next day after she became pregnant with their 3rd child.....we had a beautiful brilliant baby girl age 23 now but my ex was violated by her ex not wanting to pay child support for their 3 children. ...she let him get away with this series of his crimes so much so I had to divorce her ....loyalty is everything in marriage and worthless at best in divorce. ...we could have had more children but not while he manipulated a blended family into disarray. ...now she is all alone regretting her loyalty to him and living in his old trailer while he lives in a gentrified house. ...pride won't let her apologize to me so they are in Iowa sterile and hoarding. ...I am fertile and mobile
GreenAtheist
Level 8
Apr 23, 2018
1
They talked about kids before marriage & agreed to 2. They had 2 in 1 go with twins. She was physically laid up for 5 months, preemies in the hospital for months, all the stress, worry & financial strain would put anyone off more kids.
I don't see the problem here. You can't demand body autonomy for yourself & deny it to another. She needs to decide if another kid is a make or break deal for her.
SallyInStitches
Level 7
Apr 23, 2018
2
To her defense. ..he could have waited until she was healthy again if she wanted a 2nd pregnancy. ...some people refuse to masturbate for orgasmic pain relief or mutual stimulations that are barriers to pregnancy
.....I think most women expect fidelity through times of illness and separations. ...while too many boys think with their penis instead of their vows. ..it took years to find love in my life and it did not feel that good to be sampled for my chemistry by women who thought I was like all the boys satisfied with cheap thrills. ...loyalty is proven many ways not just notches on a bed post or breeding to carry on a family name or farm
It might put you off of having more children but it doesn't seem to have put this woman off of having more children. And yes maybe they did discuss it before they got married but this is after they had one pregnancy. When a lot of women say "have children" they mean pregnancies. In her mind two children may have meant two pregnancies and in his it meant two babies. And maybe she changed her mind in the years since they got married. That's why people need to discuss things before they take a permanent action that affects other people's lives. If they weren't married I would 100% agree that it's 100% his right and his decision. But they are married. They agreed to do this together. And he went behind her back and did something she didn't want. That will affect her for the rest of her life if she remains married to him. You're 100% right though she does have to decide if this is something she wants to divorce him over. But I think it would be 100% understandable if she decided to do so. What other decisions is he willing to make without talking to her first?
I'd also feel this way if she had an abortion behind his back or got her tubes tied without his knowledge.
@GreenAtheist the twins are 5 years old & they are healthy & she has baby fever again.
I would like to think they worked out the details of making babies before they got married - but I know many don't even touch on the subject till much later, only to discover vast differences ! Oy.
evergreen
Level 8
Apr 23, 2018
2
Because no one ever changes their mind about the amount of kids they want as they age or have children. That NEVER happens.
@Rideauxb when did I say that it wasn't his body and it wasn't his choice? Oh right I didn't. I pointed out that just because they made a decision over five years earlier doesn't mean that she didn't change her mind. She can completely respect his decision and divorce him. She can respect his decision to not have more children in his life while wanting to have more children in hers. She still has the ability to give birth. She could easily divorce him, find a man who wants more children, and have them. At this point she has to make a decision. Does she want to stay married to a man who took the option of ever having more children off the table behind her back or not. My personal decision would be to not. Even if I chose to not have more children.
I would love to see more people adopt, instead of this seemingly single minded need to make more mini-mes !
Dont get pregnant...!
BucketlistBob
Level 8
Apr 23, 2018
2
Vasectomy is good way to guarantee that!
@Petter think outside the box peter. A buddy of mine found out he couldnt have kids. He had 3 that looked like a mixture of his wife and his boss.
@BucketlistBob At least they all looked like the same mixture. It's when the milkman and the office messenger also feature that things get "interesting"!
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