Why do guys say in their profile that they have sarcastic humor?
Sarcasm is defined as: harsh or bitter derision or irony; a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remarks; bitterness, ridicule and jeer." (Dictionary.com)
“Sarcasm is really just hostility disguised as humor,” said Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D. “If you want to be happier and improve your relationships, cut out sarcasm since sarcasm is actually hostility disguised as humor. Despite smiling outwardly, most people who receive sarcastic comments feel put down and usually think the sarcastic person is a jerk.”
Perhaps men aspire to be like “the meathead clowns floating through the films of today,” said Linda Holmes in “Bad News, Men: You’re Not Very Charming” in The Atlantic.
Why do some men think sarcasm is positive? This baffles me. What are your thoughts?
8
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17 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I see that in a lot if women's profiles. I don't get to see any men's profiles.
BitFlipper
Level 8
Mar 22, 2022
1
It might be that they want to warn prospective love interests about their humor so what they say will be taken in the way it was meant.
I used to enjoy a bit of sarcasm myself and likely still have that habit of conveying my thoughts sarcastically to be humorous or light hearted, instead of saying something negative. I usually don't mean anything truly negative by it, just trying to make the best of a situation, but I can see how some people can be hurt if they don't agree with me.
I am trying to break my habit of delivering my views sardonically as I've become aware of how negative that can sound to people who have opposing views. Helps to surround myself with people who enjoy my style of humor, but also trying to break some habits. I'm trying to find better ways to convey my views with a more positive spin.
We are all at different levels of our maturity between how we were raised and how we want to be. I was raised in a home with a lot of sarcastic humor -- but I have a friend who doesn't understand that and takes offense easily -- so I try to speak more plainly to him.
We're all learning and growing as humans, so it's smart to warn people in advance what to expect from us.
I also find it funny that some people who complain about sarcastic remarks actually do use them but don't realize they do, haha!
Julie808
Level 8
Mar 20, 2022
1
I usually understand "sarcastic sense of humor" to be "I'm an unhappy person and I like to drag everyone else down to my level." Those go into my folder marked "life is too short for this sh-t."
HippieChick58
Level 9
Mar 20, 2022
5
I'm with you. Life is too short for that sh-t
When growing up my family was not into hugs and expressions of love. We all got along and had a happy childhood. My parents cared for us and were always there for us and had a happy marriage. But the first 3 of us were guys and a younger brother and I were frenemies. Making mildly and sarcastic remarks were how we bonded and I got to be really good at it. Recently I discovered even though I am introverted and often at a loss for words a (once) friend and I used to take cracks at each other all the time and I found I always had a quick comeback. People often asked us to work together on projects because of our constant bantering. One even told us we should do a show together. BTW I used to really admire Don Rickels. As usual, it's not always a simple issue and often comes down to 'it depends.'
JackPedigo
Level 9
Mar 20, 2022
2
I too find sarcasm to be mostly hostile in nature. I'd prefer satirical humor myself.
As a guy, who dates guys, I too find the idea of "sarcastic humor" to be, putting it kindly, to be unattractive. They use the excuse that they are joking, to be mean to others. So, I tend to categorize guys who describe themselves as having sarcastic humor as "jerks".
I think many men don't know the difference between sarcasm and satire. Sarcasm can be mean, while satire is just generally funny. The overlap between the two is very tiny, but many men, as well as people in general think it is all the same thing.
I think "The Simpsons" demonstrates my point that when it is being satirical, it is funny, but when it is sarcastic, it isn't. However many people don't can't when the joke is satiracal or sarcastic.
snytiger6
Level 9
Mar 20, 2022
2
SARCASM ....that's all you got Buckwheat ? I'd be checking out before the 1st cup of coffee is down
Hey Kathleen how'd you like to go on a date with the World's Biggest Smartass? What fun ! Maybe eventually you could shack up and listen to the ranting and raving 24/7! What joy that would be , poking fun at everyone and everything ! As some have mentioned....punching down ! Whoopee !
In all seriousness, sarcasm is a part of one's personality. Too small of a part to even advertise if you ask me. Unless ya wanna potentially be seen an asshole........
As was also mentioned (richcc) sometimes we don't differentiate well between sarcasm, satire, smartass, shithead and other "S" words.
twill
Level 7
Mar 20, 2022
3
It is a function of immaturity. It's like the adult man who says "I tell it like it is", or dresses sloppily and says "I don't give a f@#k what people think of how I look!"
Really?
No, actually, you are immature and still have a toddler's "It is all about me!" level of maturity. Self-centered, shallow, lacking in empathy.
Mitch07102
Level 8
Mar 20, 2022
2
Well said. Thank you.
Sarcasm as the dictionary states, is humour. We humans find it funny. When humour is broken down it often becomes a relief at unfortunate acts such as a cat falling asleep on a radiator and then falling off. Charlie Chaplin et al kicking someones posterior. Non normal use of language indicating a difference and so on.
Even general silliness such as clowning around are acts of hostility and violence once unpacked.
As for the level of sarcasm, that is driven by the culture and sub-culture of the society as thus the acceptability of said sarcasm.
Consider the movie Full Metal Jacket, Gunnery Sergeant Harkness played by the late R. Lee Ermy employed sarcasm to belittle recruits to produce a coherent unit which would potentially have to go into battle and do things no person in their right mind would do. So, it is a tool to pick on people and at the same time bring them together to conform to the norms of their society through the employment of embarrassment.
For the users of sarcasm it can be a defence against a situation such as being cut up at a road junction or a phishing call trying to gain access to money because of an accident you've never had. Perhaps the use of sarcastic wit allows the brain to calm down more peacefully as the pent up violence is burnt out with words and not fists.
In the end humour is subjective, it can be very subtle or brash and both at the same time with varying degrees of something in the middle.
I like a bit of sarcasm, it sharpens my mind and allows me to process situations - it is also employed in helping defuse incidents successfully with people who have autism and learning difficulties so that they can use a level of calm verbal violence rather than physical thus, allowing my staff to keep their own teeth and everybody gets a bit of laugh.
Sofabeast
Level 7
Mar 20, 2022
5
As a point of interest, would you classify using "reductio al absurdum" in an argument as being sarcasm?
Petter
Level 9
Mar 20, 2022
0
It would depend on your viewpoint. The irrational numbers arise from use of the reductio ad absurdum argument.
@anglophone
Please excuse me if I make a mistake... This is starting to sound like a a grammar police discussion and I make way too many errors to enjoy those.
But I thought an irrational number simply has a value that cannot precisely be expressed by a ratio of two integers -- as pi for example as opposed to 1/3.
As to your answer above, I agree with the first sentence -- 'It would depend on your viewpoint.'
I've associated reductio ad absurdum arguments with straw man arguments. People often go to such lengths making an argument look ridiculous that they change the basis of the original and they begin arguing against their straw man rather than the original.
I might agree with a reductio ad absurdum argument if it is legitimate -- as long as it's not a straw man for instance.
As for 'sarcasm' vs 'irony'...
To swipe part of LiterateHiker's quote above -- 'sarcasm' includes "sneering or cutting remarks; bitterness, ridicule and jeer".
As far as I know, 'irony' doesn't necessarily include the hostility angle. Irony can be clever without attacking. FWIW.
@RichCC My awareness of the roots of mathematics sometimes gets in the way of the way that I express myself. You are quite correct in your statement about irrational numbers, and it was something that caused the ancient Greeks much distress. The reductio ad absurdum argument is useful in showing that the square root of 2 cannot be a rational number, and it has nothing to do with the strawman argument, the latter being a misrepresentation of your debating opponent's position.
I agree with your observations about irony.
I am naturally sarcastic to the religious esp. priests and bishops.
Theresa_N
Level 8
Mar 20, 2022
1
In my case my sarcasm is not humour, it is a direct attack on their arrogance for trying to ram their monumental stupidity down my throat.
In a word, ignorance.
I suspect they've mistakenly mixed the word 'sarcasm' with other words 'irony' and 'satire' in their minds.
The latter two concepts can effectively communicate if used carefully. Even then the speaker must be careful not to 'punch down'(tm) or attack.
Obviously if the goal is to impress the person being spoken to, belittling them is not a great idea.
RichCC
Level 8
Mar 20, 2022
6
Well stated
I don't but I reserve the right to call out nasty assholes
bobwjr
Level 10
Mar 20, 2022
5
Likewise.
Although Oscar Wilde, himself an acknowledged master of wit, thought sarcasm to be “the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence”, I don’t find it witty or intelligent to cut someone to the bone to prove how clever you are.
Sarcasm is just plain unkindness dressed up as humour, by getting a laugh at someone else’s expense. It’s nasty, and in the end will not win you any friends but may lose you many.
Marionville
Level 10
Mar 20, 2022
6
Well said. Thank you.
@LiterateHiker No probs…always disliked guys who were sarcastic….it probably indicates a narcissistic personality too I’d bet!
It depends on those doing the sarcasm. It's often a give and take exercise.
@JackPedigo Yes…of course it can be very funny when two people do it in a humorous way…but to actually list it as a character attribute to attract a partner.…I think not!
@Marionville There was no mention of advertising it as a character reference. I didn't even realize I had this 'skill' until my friend and I got to talking one day. Still a little deprecating humor can be a good thing in a committed relationship.
Parvin and I often made mistakes and felt guilty afterward. We got to calling each other funny names. She once backed our new car into my truck and dented the bumper. She felt really guilty about this and I wanted to support her feelings but in a way that minimized the seriousness of the accident. We got to calling each other 'silly goose or silly cow.' I was able to fix the dent. She loved to play sometimes mean April Fools jokes and once did it to me. She did one on me and I told a friend and he asked if I felt like slugging her. I said no because the relief she was not hurt overcame any anger. I also realized she sometimes needed to vent and do things she could never do with her former, horrible spouse. Humor, of many kinds are important in a marriage. To me marriage is not 2 becoming 1 but two who are separate and also good friends. Mild, give and take sarcasm can be a attribute in a happy relationship. Sometimes it's just plain fun, for each member. Does that make sense or am I being a silly goose!?
@JackPedigo Jack the heading which Kathleen posted reads….and I quote - “Why do guys say in their profile that they have sarcastic humor?”. ….perhaps you missed it. That is what I describe as listing it as a character attribute. Deprecating humour is quite a different thing altogether from habitually using sarcasm….for a start sarcasm is not directed at oneself as self deprecation is, but at others.
What you are describing is a mutually accepted relationship of poking fun at each other or affectionate banter, which many close couples develop...including what would be considered by those outside of the relationship as insulting terms or nicknames. We are getting quite far removed from the sarcastic humour Kathleen was referring to in her post I fear.
@Marionville You are right, I did miss it. Thanks for the heads up. However, I did note the comment by Garban "In certain groups sarcastic and even what may be see as cruel remarks are a sign of endearment. Military, machine shops, brothers, fraternal groups." Yes, extremism is creating havoc in a lot of our cultural norms.
@JackPedigo You didn’t respond to the music post I tagged you on last night Jack …did you get it? It was a video of an aerial view of the approach, fly over and landing at Seattle which accompanied the song I’d posted. I thought you’d enjoy the view over the Cascades, the Puget Sound and probably the island where you live. If you didn’t get the notification then your alerts may not be switched on, because you should’ve got it as I tagged you. You will find the post in the Music Fans group dated 19th March if you care to look.
@Marionville Sorry, I've been away visiting some friends, Sandy and Dennis, and just got back last night. Been trying to keep up with the site but I often help out with house repairs. Dennis has Parkinson's and can't do a lot of things he used to + the area is very rural. They have a large house on 3 acres and a 300+ bluff overlooking a body of water (Port Susan Bay) and an island, Camano. These visits help me maintain some sense of sanity. Thought I'd send some info on these places and give you another view of the beautiful area we call home. We once did a project for the Nature Conservancy on a large farm on Port Susan and I never thought I'd be doing regular visits to the area. [washingtonnature.org]
[google.com] Go to the map and enlarge it. Their home is East of the island (facing W) and just north of Tulalip.
@JackPedigo It’s really nice of you to help your friends out, where they live sounds really beautiful….I’m reposting the video of the aerial shots prior to landing at Seattle which I posted 2 nights ago in case you can’t find it….the music is by my favourite band….
@Marionville Thank you thank you. I was gone 4 days and have some catching up. I do get all the notifications are turned on and I did look for it. Maybe in my rush (today's a gym day) I missed it and was going to look again this afternoon.
I remember flying into Seattle many times. During the day, from Texas,one flies NW over the many farmlands and empty spaces. I would then doze off or be reading and all of a sudden the plane would start buffeting. I knew then we were headed over the Cascades. An amazing beautiful transition from the flat lands to the snow covered mountains. Often the plane would fly close to Mt. Rainier one could almost reach out and touch it. Then we got to Seattle. Many of those places I recognized. Seattle once had 7 hills, but one was in the downtown area and it got leveled called the Denny regrade). The one at the end was part of W. Seattle where I lived. It was the highest point in the city (some 550 ft). Especially beautiful was flying in at night. Leaving Dallas one would see the usual ocean of lights but not coming into Seattle. You did see all the trees, water and hills and the home lights would be hidden by the trees and hills. As you flew along the lights would appear and disappear. The waters would be black often with lights in them from either boats or the Ferries. Some of the bridges I recognized and even one building (Boeing) a former partner worked in.
Even one special geographical item many cities would kill for but Seattle was blessed with very many. When one looks at a map the city is almost an island surrounded by waters (fresh and sea) and other islands. This is why this area is so concerned with preserving our life support system. Unfortunately, our geographical and climate blessings make it a desirable city and it has been found and being taken over with the big money and industry people.
Just before the pandemic I had wanted to fly my daughter to the island vie San Juan Air [sanjuanairlines.com] (there are two airlines San Juan Air and Kenmore Air - one is via floatplanes). That way she would fly over the islands and get a different perspective. The pandemic came and she missed a visit but the next year my sister moved to Bellingham and my daughter, Marilyn, decided to fly into and out of Bellingham and got to fly over the islands. She was so excited. But, the islands are being discovered and we are being inundated with people wanting to move here.
"Sarcasm is really the best that you can achieve? Pismire, go home."
anglophone
Level 9
Mar 20, 2022
2
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