oops. I did some research. According to Jesus Luke 16:18 " A man that marries a divorced woman commits adultery". And since we all know when you commit adultery you go to hell. Soooo...a woman that wants to do right by the buybull, you know stay married and take care of her man...must stay in a horrible marriage. It is written. sorry kids

@Leetx Anyone who seriously interprets the Bible that way can shove it up their ass...

Often! Not always.

@Beowulfsfriend True for me. I have never been a violent person, but it did raise me to have an intense, nasty, temper, like my father. Unlike him, I never physically acted on it.

I grew up in an abusive household. It inspired me and my brother to be just the opposite. My sister not so much. I think my brother and I are extra patient, just to make up for it. We knew who we didn't want to be. I have never been in an abusive relationship, either.

@Organist1 Same here. Never been in an abusive relationship and it's also why I chose to never have kids or be a parent. Probably also why I married late in life and had only one long term relationship so far, my marriage to my late wife. Probably also explains why I am estranged from my siblings, for the most part, because our lives growing up together involved so many negative memories at home, so when we get together there is so much tension to only talk about happy stuff outside of our home or just surface, superficial impersonal stuff. Frankly, that kind of censorship just makes me feel that contact with them is not worth the stress or effort.

@TomMcGiverin Growing up in a violent environment affects your perception of everything, probably the most of which is the ability to trust others. We have already seen the worst that can come out of people, so probably we expect that and try to avoid it whenever possible. I guess that's why I avoid aggressive folks, and tend to be attracted to gentle, soft-spoken people. At the same time, it takes me a long while to trust them, so I tend to feel like a rogue planet in a galaxy of people where everyone else has an orbit. My siblings and I aren't close either, but I love my brother, as he was the only person who was 100% kind to me always. I think he hid his feelings much more than I did, because I spoke out about about everything, and got abused for it. My father and sister were narcissists, and Mother was an alcoholic. I have some good, close friends who are like sisters and brothers to me. I had a 30-year marriage, but got divorced because my husband, who always hid his feelings, had been a gay man in the closet all those years. We are both happier now, and are still friends. I have one biological son whom I love, and am very close to, and my other son, whom we adopted as a teenager, passed away from COVID at the age of 31. Because of all the stress, I have cardiovascular disease, but still work and exercise, and eat healthful stuff, and maintain a sense of humor, such as I'm able. Thank goodness my marriage was not violent, but just not close, unfortunately. I know what you mean about superficial conversations with siblings. On the rare occasion when I can get my sister to stop talking about her achievements, the conversation is very superficial as well. Still, there is the uneasy feeling in the room which feels like a storm brewing that never quite breaks.

@Organist1 Sounds like we grew up in the same family. My siblings value status and career success, achievements, over relationships, and I just can't bridge that kind of difference in values between us. Like you, my friends became my real family in my adult life, replacing my family and giving me people I could trust, who also accepted me as I am and valued me, instead of, like my siblings, judging me negatively and feeling embarrassed about me. My siblings sort of replaced my parents, who are now dead, as being my critical, emotionally unsupportive parents..

@TomMcGiverin Wow, that does sound like the same family! My sister and father never had a long-term, deep relationship, because that would have taken the focus off of their achievements for however long it would have taken to form a meaningful bond with someone. Besides, I think they were incapable of it. Some truly horrible things happened in my family, some of which I didn't even know about until a few years ago, being the baby of the family. Both parents were pathological liars, which was so easy for them. Thaty's why I value honesty above all things. On the positive side, my mother did quit drinking, joined AA, and truly turned her life around. I was able as an adult to make amends with her, and she had a good relationship with my son when he was little. My sister still has an insufferably imperious attitude, which will never change. My sons could never tolerate her either Thank goodness for supportive, non-judgmental friends! Are you the youngest too? Right off the bat that makes you a victim in a family such as that, much the same way as stronger, bigger baby birds will push a weaker one out of the nest so they won't compete for food. That was my sister's M.O., only it was attention she was after.

@Organist1 No, I was the second oldest, the oldest son, out of two boys, two girls.