I wanted to relate a story. For one it's self soothing for me to write. For another maybe someone can take something away from it. The story is just one part of small incident of a 17 year relationship with a narcissist.

It's also worth noting before you read this that a narcissist, and the one I was in a relationship with specifically, feeds off supply and that supply is from gaslighting and enjoying the emotional response they get from their victim. This pattern went on for most of the 17 years I was with her.

I'll relate one experience of the relationship regarding what the narc does after the discard to seek revenge.

What my ex narc did to get to me was she filed an order of protection against me so I couldn't contact her or my 16 year old daughter. Obviously I was already no contact with the ex narc so I could care less. I wasn't fine with losing contact with my daughter and she knew that. Using our daughter to get to me was what she was clearly doing.

So she got her 21 day emergency OP (order of protection) for making simple accusations and then we went into court for her to prove her case and get the order extended or vacated based upon evidence. My strategy was to basically be unmoved by anything she said and let her prove her case which she couldn't do based on the facts. Anyway she went on and on about this and that which wasn't true. Telling both outright lies and exaggerations trying to evoke a response from me. I sat silent and unemotional. Then she called our daughter to the stand and she also lied on the stand through direct questioning of is this true, etc. Now I could've went after my own child on the stand regarding her lies but to what end? First it wouldn't look good, me going after a meek 16 year old girl, second if my daughter doesn't want contact with me I'm certainly not going to force it. I remained stoic during the entire process. When it was my turn, I only asked my daughter one question, "In the last 4 months, during the total 1 hour we've got to spend together did you have fun with me?" She said yes and I said no further questions. My desire was to send a clear message to my child that I will not attack her under any circumstances and I love her.

Obviously the judge ruled in the narc's favor as he believed my 16 year old daughter and said so. Making a point of making it clear he didn't believe the narc without explicitly saying so. Frankly she looked like a loony in court making wild accusations, interrupting me on the rare occasions I spoke, and answering my questions not with the yes/no answers they required but with long winded diatribes about how horrible I am. I remained unemotional during the whole hearing and ruling. After it was over I was in the hallway waiting on the paperwork as was the ex narc and our daughter who were a ways away in the hallway. I walked past them a couple of times to use the bathroom, etc. When I did I made a point to completely ignore them as if they didn't even exist. What I wanted to get across was that the narc had no power over me, no control, no ability to move me in any way emotionally. That was what she did for 17 years and now her attempts yielded nothing.

Now it's sad our 16 year old daughter was/is in the middle of this and used by the narc but it is what it is. I can't change that. My divorce clearly states if my daughter wishes to live with me at any time for any reason she can do so without any court intervention. I've left the door open and will provide a safe, nurturing environment for her if she so chooses it at some time in the future. Albeit the relationship will have clear boundaries as I won't tolerate narcissistic abuse from anyone ever again.

Point is don't let the narc get you unnerved or upset. Whatever they do just roll with it and let them know in no uncertain terms that you know it's all lies and silliness that you won't give the time of day to or be moved by in any way. They feed and live off the reactions they get and when they don't get any reaction they starve. Maybe at some point in the future I'll set the record straight. I've got all the documents that clearly show what the truth is and that what was said under oath in court are lies. That said, one must pick his/her battles carefully with a narc. Those that know me and love me know the truth and that's all that matters at the end of the day. My daughter too knows the truth. Hopefully one day she'll come around to it in her own way in her own time and when/if she does I'll be there with open arms.