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First date: he acted as if he had discovered a diamond in his nostril.

Women hiking partners warned me about Jeff, saying he is controlling and arrogant. Jeff was on the helicopter mountain rescue team for 30 years. Needing a new hiking partner, I agreed to meet Jeff three weeks ago.

His username on Fitness Singles is Mountain Knight.

As a conversation starter, I brought a typed list of 2016 hikes and possible hikes from Gro, a past hiking partner. Checked off the hikes I've done on the list. That was a mistake.

Jeff spent the entire time pouring over the list, bragging about steeper hikes he did. He barely looked up. Showed no interest in me as a person. I see why he has been hiking and camping alone.

Four times he bragged that his family has lived in Cashmere WA for three generations, as if he was royalty in that small town.

"So, what do you think of me?" I asked wryly as we left the restaurant. "You are driven and fit," Jeff replied.

Next in a long string of texts, Jeff lectured me on brook trout identification, ending by bragging his grandfather stocked trout in the Alpine Lakes Wilderness Area. Fishing severely bores me.

That was enough for me. My friends were right.

Photo: Brook trout in Merritt Lake, WA. Couldn't understand why I felt so tired on that steep hike. The next day I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I collapsed by the lake and was so inert, fish came close. Felt lucky to get this photo. Sept. 2018.

LiterateHiker 9 Dec 9
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6 comments

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2

As to the trout rant, if it had been me I'd have said very seriously, "Ya know, salmon mate for life".
The only fishing that bores me is the catch and release. If I catch the fucking thing I'm eatin' it.

A few years back I was at a little dinner with a few of the people here in this apartment complex and there was this one guy who sounds just like this date you had. The only difference was he is not fit. He went on about when he was in Alaska how big the mosquitoes are and how annoying it was trying to find something to combat them, at a pause in his non stop discourse to combat mosquitoes, I piped up with, "I prefer bats".
Everyone giggled and he shut up.

2

You are always an interesting read. Can't wait to find out what the next installment will be like. You should make yourself a booklet and keep it on your coffee table. What an excellent conversation starter that would be. 🙂

Betty Level 8 Dec 9, 2022

@Betty

Thank you for your kind words. Learned at the feet of the master funny storyteller: my Irish mother.

@LiterateHiker I am delighted that I get to enjoy your stories and I truly look forward to more. You will always have an audience with me and I suspect many here will agree. 🙂

1

I really should get myself in shape and travel across the great Atlantic sea then then upper states of America and take you on hiking date where I could pay decent attention to you and the beauty of your country, before returning to Scotland.

3

SARCASM ALERT: Gee Whiz, I just can't imagine why every fit, intelligent attractive young woman hasn't tried to claim him as her prize. After all, Everybody wants Gaston.

4

To quote Kelsey Grammer in Up Periscope..."NEXT CONTESTANT?" 😂

4

That would have been enough for me too but these days people do have diamonds in their nostrils. 🙂

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