The Christian God as a father

1. Gets a 14-year-old girl who is technically his own daughter pregnant by rape and sends someone else to tell her he is going to do it, then does it anyway.
2. Lets another man raise his child and does not show his face for 30 years, nor pays any sort of support, but then turns up to tell his son how proud he is of him and how much he loves him after letting his cousin try to drown him in a river.
   2a) Lets his nephew get his head cut off by a tyrant who wants to screw his own daughter, so said nephew does not over shadow sonny boy in the book and film version of his life.
3. When his son becomes a wanted criminal, for hanging out with revolutionaries and assassins, tells him not to worry, it is all part of his plan that the boy be tortured to death, stabbed and locked in a cave, so that after three days he can become a zombie and start all over again, all because a mythical woman pinched an apple thousands of years ago, when a talking snake told her to.
4. When his son asks him not to do this, because it all makes no sense and is in point of fact fucking insane Daddy God pretends he has a call on the other line and hangs up on him.
5. Watches his son get nailed to a cross, and hung out to die, when being omnipotent, he could have just called the whole thing off,
6. Gets angry with his son when he screams in agony for help and demands to know why his loving father has abandoned him in his hour of need. SO angry he causes an eclipse during which an enemy soldier is allowed to stab his son who totally deserved it for being such a crybaby wimp.
7. Brings his son back to life after three days and then gets bored so tells the boy he is beaming him up home, and that he might be allowed to come back out and play later, but not for at least 2000 years, if all his friends are good little boys and girls until then, and start a shiny new religion.
8. Goes and hides for a couple of millennia

Ladies and gentlemen Father of the Year, now love and obey him or burn in eternal fire forever
Well why wouldn’t you?

Parents are real. All gods are fictions. Anybody who tries to pull that damned-fool stunt on me gets sent packing with a flea in his ear.