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I have so far handled my wife's religiosity well...I think. My 2 daughters with her, much to my chagrin, follow their mother to church. Recently, she stopped going when some of her fellow congregants jubilated the fact that their God answered their prayers and had Trump elected. We have done well as a none and a believer couple. Sometimes, when my wife asserts that both of her deceased parents visited/spoke to her in a dream, her mom, before she died and her dad after, I would listen out of sympathy will resist the urge to ask questions. It has not been a smooth sail to say the least.
Yesterday, Sunday 12/11, as we were driving from Houston TX she brought up religion via the topic of Israel and Jerusalem (if you follow the news, you'll know what I am talking about.) Then she says "I know the Jews are God's chosen people..."
When she asks me what I think, I said the idea of a being with such extraordinary properties as being ascribed to her God having a "chosen" people is totally repulsive to an egalitarian like me. It is akin to me picking one of my children. I finished by making her understand that my statement is based on the assumption that her God exists.
This is a "normal" course our discussions usually take, but this time, I am blindsided by this statement from my wife "If God didn't exist, I will have no reason to be kind. I will do everything to get even if someone wronged me"
Upon probing her, because obviously I knew she was joking, she doubled down on her stance.
I said nothing after that. She noticed and asked me why I was silent. I just changed the topic.
I was slightly unsettled, but mostly disappointed. Am I justified? How would have handled things? What do you suggest moving forward?

Ownyrvoice 5 Dec 11
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7 comments

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1

Leave her alone my brother. This could cause a chain reaction with her line of thinking. She may really need what she has. She may get crazy on you. Keep low on this... let her work it out.

Yes, sir. I hear you!

1

If the only thing keeping her in line is her pretend man in the sky. Understand at her core, she is a bitch.

1

Ask her if she's willing to put up with the way others will begin to treat her if she starts acting like an asshole.

2

I told one of my friends that i was a atheist and she told me i couldn't be, because i wasa good person. I worked at Sears for 15 years and i was the one responsible for the can drive, toy drive, and for school supplies for teachers. I also donate blood and volunteer for meals on wheels and work in their kitchen. Just because i don't believe in god doesn't mean I'm not a good person and try to make the world a better place. I don't completely understand the because i know many Christians who are only Christians in church. As soon as they leave they are only out for themselves! Not all, but many.

4

"If God didn't exist, I will have no reason to be kind. I will do everything to get even if someone wronged me"

I would have responded to that as "So, you're saying I'm a heartless vindictive ass?"

The kindest, most empathic people I have met have been agnostic or atheist. The most immoral people I have met have been fundamentalist Christians/Muslims.

5

I think I would engage her further in discussion, telling her how you still feel even without a belief in God that you have a responsibility to others and to yourself to be kind and just. And maybe tell her you don't think she's giving herself enough credit for what sort of person she'd be without belief, because you don't think she's deep down the sort of person to hurt others who refrains from doing so only because of a fear of God's judgement and punishment. Let her know you believe in her goodness, and tell her that the many religions, as varying as they are, have a common thread of goodness in them, though often perverted by power systems, and this hints to a common decency. Our species created religion because we're looking for goodness, but such formal structures can mislead us and convince us that our nature is evil. But goodness is innate to us, except in extreme sociopathy and psychopathy. We also have selfishness and anger and other traits we see as negative, and that's what humanity stands against in religion. Ask her if deep down she really wants to hurt people. Does she honestly think the only reason she doesn't murder people or steal from the needy or cheat on you is because she fears God's punishment? I'm guessing if she's honest about it, she doesn't want to be a murderer or a thief or disloyal. She doesn't actually believe those are positive characteristics in the absence of an authoritarian disciplinarian.

Thanks. I'll do that. I like your calm response.

4

I would say to her, if she were my wife, " You assume that morality is grounded solely in religion and only Christians can be moral. I reject that, I believe that all people can and should always act in a moral manner. And, by a moral manner, I mean always treating others with full dignity and respect and showing concern for their well-being."

Thanks. I had made the argument prior to the day in question. I was just surprised by this new "development", especially given the fact that she is a kind person (kinder and more understanding than me) who is currently applying to go to medical school to "help" people. You see my point?

She mist have reached a point that she was not comfortable with. That is often the point at which one doubles down.

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