Can we not see terms like transgenders and fags here? “ Transgender people” and gays would be respectful options, rather than using slurs from back when. Thank you.

@UUNJ I was refering to those days and times... that vivid reality of yesteryear. Not trying to offend but trying to paint the reality of those times and they were not hurt or beat up as happening now despite your kindness. Violence then was live like now, bigotry, racism was real then. Weapons available, not the same kind but laws that came after my youth took care of fixing that with plenty of availability to weapons of massive casualty.

@GipsyOfNewSpain I get that, but is the pain caused to trans and gay folx reading the post worth that bit of authenticity? Would you have casually tossed in the N-word?

@UUNJ I had tossed nigger, wetback, spick, beaner, cracker in a few post... expressing my "ameriKKKan experience" I learned the definition of those words at age 27 when I was a member of US Navy. So I didn't grew up with those words and first time I read about the "N" word was when two blacks athletes mentioned it... Bob Gibson and Muhammed Ali and neither of them used with the connotation of a white man may use it despite they did implied it how they referred to it. Bob Gibson, a St Louis Cardinals Pitcher made the reference how he treated (white?) rookies facing him for the first time "If you don't know what a nigger is, I am about to show you" and then he will threw his fastball aiming to the rookie head. When Muhammed Ali beat Joe Frazier in their second fight he told Frazier's son your dad is a bad nigger. I know that not growing up with those words makes me unaware of that pain that they bring and when used to me do not hurt the same way because I won't allow you or anyone else to reach me like that. I got bi-sexual daughter and first time she came out of the closet I told her give me a hug, does not matter you always going to be my daughter but my knees buckled within a minute of telling me and not because of hate or anger... simply because I knew that she had made her life more difficult and more challenging. My children can tell me anything. I had lived a long life facing plenty situations that a different individual may had not made it alive. I try to be a Straight Shooter. So if my words hurt anyone, they are in for a lot of pain because this world we live in has no respect for the individual, any individual and they better be ready, I was hoping they understood the use of the word. I can ask for an apology from you or anyone offended. No ambient alibi. And even today I was lamenting how come when I was growing up we had songs like "Teach your children well" in the Radio... is there any song like that right now? But I do thank you for your concern and for looking out for them.

@GipsyOfNewSpain It’s not “looking out for them.” It’s looking out for all of us in hopes that we might have a more civil discourse. Also, I’m bi, so “them” includes me. #youcanttellbylooking

@UUNJ I got you. Thank You.

If hormones were to blame, every male would be violent.

Are you trying to say.... football or guns?

@UUNJ

um...

Because girls are not responsible for being nice to guys so they don’t freak the fuck out.

Let's consider how this country was created. It is the product of a 300-year-long race war between invading Europeans and Native Americans. One of the reasons the Europeans won the struggle was because they had guns. This is why there is a gun culture in America. Over the past fifty years our immigration laws have been gutted and our borders have been thrown open to millions of non-white immigrants. We are undergoing a radical transformation in a VERY short time. The results of that recently concluded race war are being negated. Most people know at a gut level this will not turn out well, and they had better hold onto their guns... which after all, were the decisive factor from 1600 to 1900. Everybody knows there's lots more bloody killing to come here in America.

@skeptic99
I totally agree there is a gun culture here.

My dad, and many other dads, uncles, and grandfathers had a rifle or shotgun, or two, in the house. But I can honestly say I didnt know a SINGLE one who had what we would call a 'home defense' weapon. AR15's, and pistols, pistol grip shotguns, etc... people that never hunt, and don't have a desire to do so. And people who have never been a victim of a crime, nor know someone who was robbed packing a pistol with a ccl, because they need protection. They fear crime like people who live in a large city and can name two people on their block who were strong arm mugged this week... they feel as if its that real. I think that's where the change has come. Fear of crime. And while immigration has changed some parts of the country, there has not been an explosion in violent crime. The statistics don't back up the fear.
Hell, even my ex mother-in-law went out and bought a small .25 caliber pistol for her purse. 60 years old living in a sleepy Missouri town. Why? Immigrants? Nope. She couldn't find one to show you. Just fear of non-existent crime.

I blame 24/7 news WAY more than the actual changes. Perception has stoked the fear. And now we are raising kids in it.

I also wonder about the drugs we give kids so readily today.

@Quattrostagione I don't carry a gun, even though the area where I live has been flooded with immigrants over the past 20 years. I live out in the boondocks, which is all white. Go into town and it's a different story with whole areas of town taken over by mostly Hispanic immigrants. The public schools, once 90 percent white, are now half Hispanic and Asian. One gets the feeling this thing could unwind pretty quickly if the economy ever collapsed. It's been said America is a place with a lot of different kinds of people who all agree to get along for their mutual economic advantage. Take away the possibility for economic advantage and people will stop getting along. One sees formerly stable nations like Venezuala and Syria crumble into chaos, and you realize it could happen here, too. All the raw material is in place for a nasty situation. No, I don't carry a gun, but I own guns... just in case the dollar collapses and things go bad. With a 21 trillion-dollar national debt that is doubling every ten years and no hint anything can be done to correct this problem, I'm wagering the good times will not last forever.

@skeptic99

I think once again its fear driving thoughts like that. The depression didn't create masses of tribal warloads in our country in the past. Are most people going to start shooting neighbors for gasoline if the econmy crashes? In the depression most people got help from neighbors and strangers. So I don't buy that sort of fear at all. Most people are generally decent. We're not on the verge of going Road Warrior anytime soon.

@Quattrostagione In the 1930s we were a white nation, the one you see in Norman Rockwell paintings. Now we have become a multi-racial/multi-ethnic empire. Homogenous nations are stable. They endure for centuries and only pass away because of foreign invasion. Multi-racial empires are highly unstable. They never last long, quickly succumbing to internal divisions. This is history. The United States is nothing like it was 85 years ago. So any comparison to how we behaved during the Great Depression does not apply to how we might behave today. Also, the nation was much more rural back then, allowing a major part of the population to feed themselves from family farms. Farming today is big business, corporate farms. These enterprises would collapse with the economy and would feed nobody. The collapse of the Soviet Union is worth considering. Although the USSR was racially and culturally diverse, the various ethnic groups lived in their own distinct republics. When the empire collapsed, the various republics split off into separate independent nations. This kept violence to a minimum. The United States is nothing like the old USSR. We are a vast mix of ethnicities in almost all major cities. Cut off the food distribution network and these places would collapse into chaos rapidly.

@skeptic99
So... now we're at kick out the 'not-as-white-as-me' people, and the school shootings will stop?

Or its a subconscious fear of food distribution being cut off driving fear and need for CCL's in America?

There are other countries are more diverse than us right now and their kids arent shooting each other up. And other homogeneous cultures that are crazy clusters of violence like Haiti.

@skeptic99 America has never been a “white” country. And you, you piece of shit. My kids are mixed.

@FreethoughtKaty Take the time to study history. It was necessary to pass the 14th Amendment to the Constitution to enable a legal pathway for blacks, Native Americans and other non-whites to attain US citizenship. The Constitution itself had only offered citizenship to the white citizens at that time and to their literal posterity. The 1790 Naturalization and Immigration Act had required a person to be "white and of good moral character" to become a US citizen. All subsequent immigration laws up until 1965 pretty much restricted US immigration to whites only. The US Supreme Court decision "Dred Scott vs. Sandford" settled this issue by clearly stating that the Founders of the country intended it to a white nation only. Look it up and read the lengthy comments by Chief Justice Roger Taney. It took a long and bloody civil war to overturn the "Dred Scott" decision and the subsequent passage of the 14th Amendment under the force of military occupation, so even this was not legitimately ratified according to the Constitution. More like victors' justice, similar to what the US did to Germany and Japan after winning WW II. Calling me a "piece of shit" doesn't change US history. You simply expose yourself as being ignorant and ill mannered.

@FreethoughtKaty BTW. I see you live in Idaho. Back in the 1800s a lot of the northern lilly-white states like Idaho strongly discouraged non-whites from entering them. This is they remained overwhelmingly white. Oregon went so far as to legally prohibit black people from entering or residing in the state in its early years. Oregon became a state in 1859 and its constitution forbid blacks from being citizens or entering or living in the state. And any black people living in Oregon at the time of the ratification of the state constitution were given something like a year to leave the state or be arrested. Amazingly, this part of the Oregon Constitution was not rescinded until the mid-1920s. Also, Oregon rescinded its initial ratification of the 14th Amendment in 1868 and did not re-ratify it until 1973. This shows just how "racist" by today's standards even very liberal states like Oregon were not so long ago.

@skeptic99 oh I have no doubt that people like you have always existed. I don’t question that. But, there has never been a time when America wasn’t a melting pot. Fuck off with your blatant racism.

@Quattrostagione Yep. My dad had a shotgun to kill rattlesnakes and a Civil War-era gun and bayonet of my great-great grandfather’s. Neither would have been useful for self protection.

YES. This.

*white, male

Hear, hear. Validating everyone's opinion is partly to blame for why we have Nazis again. Actual swastika-waving Nazis.

I grew up in the era of "stoicism" and I didn't find it beneficial. The boys teased me mercilessly and the self-loathing that was the result has scarred my soul irretrievably. Feelings DO matter. We should be teaching kids, both st home and in the schools, that feelings, both our own and others', matter and should be respected. It's not that kids get rewarded for the wrong things; they don't get punished for terrible things that they do. Kids that tease and torture others deserve to be snatched up by their short hairs and made to understand that their actions are wrong. But first their parents need to get on board, and that fails to happen all too often.

@citronella I disagree. I was bullied in school mostly for being skinny and "too smart". Stoicism was a blessing. I had a teacher basically tell me that the kids I was in school with didn't matter and that there was a whole world waiting on the other side. I have always made it a point to really not give a damn about what anyone else thinks --- I even have a "saying" that I say to my friends, colleagues, and employees --- "The only opinions you should care about are those of the people you love and the person who signs your paycheck". Children NEED to develop tough skin and the ability to "shake it off". I am thankful for the bullies that made me stronger and more determined. Did I want them punished at the time? Of course. But the truth is, if they didn't change their ways, they were going to have miserable lives (and I know some of them did!). Karma gets everyone in the end.

Finally, people suck. You are expecting too much from parents. Our society brainwashes people that they need to breed and be parents so every idiot does that. Until we start requiring education and licenses to breed, there are always going to be rotten parents and horrible, rotten children. Our prisons are proof of that. The ONLY person you can control is YOURSELF. Why are you allowing idiots and assholes control of your "soul"? Do you love them? Do they sign your paycheck? No?? Then let that shit go. What's the point of hanging on to the "victim" role unless you enjoy it....and I hope that's not the case.

@citronella here.... in my handwriting in my office. Words to live by. Daily reminder and I can see it every time I’m at my desk.

Personally, I think we should stop trying to masculize or feminize people in general and just accept and celebrate them for who they are.

What do you mean when you say "feminization of men"?

@citronella We need to celebrate masculinity.

@NFAguy53 Actually most women are attracted to masculine men, and celebrate the fact. Some just don’t like to admit it.

@KenG I still don't know what what you mean by that. What are the qualities of masculinity that you want to celebrate?

@NFAguy53 absolutely!

@NFAguy53 In other words, the masculine ideal of 1955. Someone who is totally unable to adapt to changing gender roles and who blames society for that. I think I understand now.

@citronella Do women prefer strong men or weak men for a partner?

@KenG It's not an either-or question. Both men and women should be capable of being strong and being gentle if needed. Men who have to proclaim their masculinity, and who have stereotypical expectations for how women should behave, are going to experience stress and frustration as they search for partners in an ever-shrinking pool of women who share their prardigm.

@citronella Are women the same as men (apart from appearance)? If so, does this mean that straight men and women only pair up with the opposite because of their bodies?

Bullying like this is dreadful, I had a similar experience. I feel for you

@KenG It was a long time ago.

That and neurology often I think! We are often raising directionless men aren't we. Toxic masculinity and entitlement mixed with resentment and feelings of inadequacy

Homophobia racism and misogyny are just prevalent in most of culture .. PC just made it go underground. For a decade people like me have been shouting about it and being told, "that is dead. We are past all that" because it just wasn't there on the surface. So people thought it had gone where as from a male perspective (and I am sure many females alike) it was always still there. Bubbling away. I think guns worsen the situation as they allow a greater amount of destruction and loss o life in less time. Think some men are just lost. Don't know who they are. White male privilege. Tragic really.

@Nickbeee

That's a great and insightful comment. I agree with every word.

The Patriarchy also hurts men this way... It doesn't celebrate fatherhood, instead it endlessly plays the mother and child narrative.

This makes me angry because I believe fathers are vital to ending the cycle of misogyny through being role models.

And then capitalism creates inequality which drives everything.

@Ellatynemouth Yes it's so impossibly hard to break the current narrative isn't it. All mixed up with education and competition. If competition was kept disciplined it might not be so bad but it has no form and seems to spill over into everything .. Now it's as much trainers or brands consumerist based as sports. It really is insanely complex as you said. Just nailing down motivational forces or facets to combat it is hard. I do think you are so right saying men need to be part of that picture of repair. Something to do with men not being allowed to admit defeat or they need help too! It all totally plays in the hands of capitalism too doesn't it. Amazing people can feel so alone so packed in really x If men cold see fatherhood isn't so much providing as just being there then things may be different I suppose as you say. It's like we forget adults were kids once .. we are all vulnerable in some way.