You’ll Buy Any Stupid Trash I Put Out, Won’t You, You Dumb Suckers — Joel Osteen: In perhaps the most important work of the year, Joel Osteen lays out an iron-clad case to millions of readers that they will undoubtedly continue to buy any and all stupid, meaningless, mind-numbing, gospel-diluting, Jesus-disrespecting trash he puts out, in bulk, without so much as a second thought. “I spread this hair-thin Christian veneer on it, smack my huge smile on the front cover, and collect my $15 million advance because you morons just keep eating it up,” he says in the intro. An instant Christian classic that’s sure to sell millions of copies.