Thank you for that. So the pursuit and maintenance of happiness is the big one for you. I agree by the way..friends do drift away for so many reasons some valid..some not so. It is a pity that we can't always keep our friends as much as we would like.

Yes it's easier to chastise yourself for not expressing your feelings or emotions when your life is coming to it's end..but harder to actually live that way 24/7.

@Hitchens I would add that I make a distinction between regrets and disappointments. To me a regret is knowing the right thing to do and not doing it anyway. A disappointment is doing the right thing and having a crap outcome anyway. I have no significant real regrets in life because I've always been true to the light I had at any given moment.

However, you might call me the Prince of Insufficient Light because I have disappointments in spades. I'm disappointed in myself for the years I spent in theism. I'm disappointed in love for the most part. Those are two areas I did the best I knew how to do at the time, but it mostly didn't work out, and I'm still dealing with the knock-on effects of those things.

Then there is my fellow man ... as a theist I was pretty pessimistic, as a deconvert found a new compassion and respect for Other People, since the Trumpocalypse feel rather hugely disabused of that; I'm not going to die in the same sort of country I was born into. Thanks in large part to evangelicals, which I used to be a part of! There's irony for you.

On my deathbed, I'm expected to say "I had a good life". I can make a strong case either way. I drew the best possible card coming into this world -- white, anglo-saxon protestant, heterosexual, male, born into an upwardly mobile middle class family that was unconditionally loving and ultimately intact. Then I blew a lot of that capital, largely through religious faith, and had a lot of bad luck with people sick and dying, and other unwanted drama, grief and loss.

But ... at least, no regrets. There's that. I'm just pointing out that major regrets is only part of the story when you reach the clearing at the end of the path.

I think sometimes when people assess their life and have regrets as in the subject article, they are in part saying to themselves, "if only I had done more of x and less of y, maybe I'd be happier with the outcome." My thought is, you're probably grasping at straws. Life is inherently difficult, and we make lots of portentous decisions when we're young that end up being the gifts that keep on giving, whether we want them to or not. We make these decisions when we are inexperienced, impetuous, hormone-crazed, not fully-formed. When you get to my age you're only really starting to hit some kind of intuitive stride and live down your worst moments, and then you get sick and die. It's not much of a deal honestly. That's why I think we need better quality of life and longer healthspans / lifespans and less mortality pressure to figure things out and find ways to truly enjoy life -- without regrets OR disappointments. Long enough to write off all the mistakes as a sunk cost and reboot once you figure yourself out.

@mordant Wow Mordant... I was stuck to my seat there..sounds as though life has dealt you a shitty set of cards..but that you did the absolute best you could..and in the end you took over and became master of your own ship....steering out of the fog and into the sunset..while there is still time to enjoy it..I hope and trust.
You made a very observant and poignant distinction between regret and disappointment..a fair point elegantly demonstrated.
As you say you have endured a multitude of disappointments and few if any actual regrets based on what was within your sphere of control.
I hope life still has plenty to offer you.....and time to enjoy it. Thank you again.

@Hitchens Thanks. It's always a work in progress. Letting go of attachments to particular outcomes feels like lowering your expectations into the toilet (maybe even the septic tank) and reinventing yourself as someone who doesn't care about the things you used to, if about anything at all. Life is unkind to idealists.

That said I have people who love / care about me at least in their own way, I have a kick-ass professional life, am debt free, and am at least half-baked ready for retirement. And as I said above, Trumpism is not coming for me personally. So my disappointments and disillusionments, while huge, are at least somewhat offset and on my better days I just write them off as a sunk cost. And yes I have 10 to 30 more years to hopefully enjoy rather than endure. No rational reason to think it won't continue to be a combination of the two, but I'm used to the condition of not knowing whether to laugh or cry. At least my current wife has taught me the value of laughing at the absurd. That helps!

@mordant Seems to me you can hack it pretty well now..no major issues and s wife that reminds you to laugh..and I'm sure makes you laugh too.
I wish you both well. Thanks.

Wow..yes I feel the same way about my two girls....maybe if I was 10 years younger I could keep up with them! Thank you Pixie ???

Hi Sassy, firstly I hope and trust you are feeling well now. I feel sure that an illness like that can take a serious toll on anyone..but you beat it..I can't begin to imagine the horror of what you have been through. Are you in remission now ..or do you have the all clear? I hope you do. I have taken your 5 points to heart..and thank you so much for your real life and detailed response.

That's fine may I call you Dave? I barely venture on to it myself these days, that was a FB post I saved from a long time ago because I got a lot out of it, and still do, I worked with many many dying people in an Oncology Hospital many years ago, and their last conversations over a friendly game of chess for example were painfully honest. Hope the reference to FB didnt spoil your evening too much.

@Hitchens didnt mean to seem snooty. I wonder if there is another route to the same material.

@CallMeDave That's ok, not sure about that..but I would say it could probably be found on Google.. but may well lead back to the FB source rather than original blog etc but it's a good question...I must have a look to see.

Yes! He was sitting there in his wheelchair, and I remember sptting my coffee all over my lap,..it was so unexpected yet refreshingly honest, I often think about that,..and endeavour to persevere in not ending up with that particular regret.?

Thanks Bee, that must have been a difficult transition to make..I mean speaking your mind rather than keeping the peace...that is to say, you can change your work-life balance by working less or retiring, but deciding you are going to change something like expressing yourself completely and honestly is not so easy.

How is Texas treating you by the way?

@Hitchens, very nicely thanks. I have a great hostess that spoils me! So having a wonderful time.

@Hitchens, actually the transition wasn't that hard. I am retired but the speaking my mind is just becoming easier and easier. I think age plays some part, we become less inhibited I think.

@BeeHappy Glad you're being looked after.
Yes agreed, I think as you age your tolerance for B.S bottoms out, therefore you learn to speak your mind if only to avoid or counteract situations that no longer have the patience or time to endure. It's certainly true that the older you get the less you care about what some people think.