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Do people actually find a soulmate or is that fake?

I've only dated 2 "boys" in my life. They didn't act like men. Are soulmates real, or is that fake? I gave up on relationships. I tried online dating, it failed. In the dating apps all these guys blew up my messenger on the app. "Hey, beautiful. Want to hook up?" That is a turn-off to me. I wanted a relationship. Not just sex. I won't get that now. When a parent ruins love for you, it sucks. Fathers should not touch their daughters like their wives. Or ask them for sex. No! I stand against abuse. So, I hope someone out there found their soulmate.

Sarahroo29 8 Dec 22
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47 comments (26 - 47)

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2

"Soulmate"once meant something, and it may well again, but it's been overused to the extent that it now means little more than a weekend "hookup."
To me, the concept means the one, the only, the one-in-a-billion person who is completely compatible in every possible way. I don't think it happens twice.

2

I don't know about "soul mates", but I do know of married couples where they're basically perfect for each other and comfortable to the point where they could shit on the rug in front of the other and they wouldn't mind.

2

if somebody you're in a relationship with connects with you in a positive way in the areas of life that are important to you as a human and a female i would consider that person a soulmate, although i don't believe in the soul. good luck

2

No such thing...in my opinion. I am sad for you that your father was a pervert with no soul. Not all men are that way, many are, but not all. I hope you are seeking therapy for the scars he inflicted.

Yes, I am. Thank you.

🙂

2

I don't believe in "soul mates" per se, but i do believe that some people find someone with whom they are highly compatible. Unfortunately tht is the exception and not the rule.

If you want to meet people online, rather than a "dating site",, I'd try a common interest site like meetup.com, where you will encounter people with at least one mutual interest in each Meetup group you might be interested in. And, i fyou dont' meet anyone who would make a good date you might still at least meet a good friend.

As a gay man, I think finding good friends is a lto harder than finding sex partners. So, I value finding possible "good" friends much more.

I wrote you a reply once. But this site isn't working too well rn on data or Wi-Fi. So I will write this again...

The last time I was in a local MeetUp atheist group, a 67-year-old lonely man befriended me. He became infatuated with me. I'm 29 and told him I only wanted a friend. He said him too. I found a man my age on a dating app and was dating him for a while. We broke up a month later. Anyway, this atheist got jealous and mean. He blocked my number and me on Messenger. Now before I blocked him for good, we had made up as friends. He exposed himself to me. I am an at-risk adult. I called the cops. He lied to the cops to get out of the charges. Then lied to the atheists group and I was shunned out basically. I have a invisible restraining order on him. If he disobeys it, I was told to get a real one from the police. I didn't take into consideration as to why he has cameras all over the inside and outside of his house. He has a lot of guns. Semi-autos and hand guns. I have not spoken to him since I blocked him. He used me. Also used my mental illness as a leverage to get out of trouble. Who would the police and atheists believe? A white older male or a mentally ill 29-year-old?

@Sarahroo29 At least there i snow a police report on the guy, so if he does it to someone else, then the police can establish that there is likely a problem and the guy needs to be watched.

There are assholes and predators virtually everywhere... not that I am tryign to make you paranoid. Most people are not either. Personally, if the other person was the one to initiate contact, I am reticent about sharing information of a personal nature. Of course I am pretty reclusive by nature, which to some people makes me seem stuck up, which I guess is better than appearing vulnerable and a possible target to be taken advantage of.

I happen to be gay, and am mostly attracted to Asian guys. A couple months after I moved to Portland, I met a guy, we had "a fling", and it turned out the number he gave me to get in touch was invalid.

So, Portland has a gay Asian group that meets for social events, and I strted going to those. It turns out that the guy I had the fling with was a board member, and althoug hhe represented himself as "single" when we had our fling, it turns out he had a long term partner. So, after I attended a few events, I get an email telling me I am no longer welcome at the events because someone accused me of coming onto them sexually and stalking them.

Anyway, after making a few inquiries, I found out that they I had the flign with, handled emails for the group, including handling RSVPs for events. So, basically I got banned from the group and falsely accused because he was afraid his partner would find out he was beign cheated on.

So, I started going to meetup groups that did day hikes. I have yet to go to an atheist meetup. I have been to LGBT meetups, hiking meetups bicycling meetups, and a meetup especially for those who appreciate craft beer. I think part of my reluctance to go to an atheist meetup is that when I grew up in a religious family, I didn't want to identify as religion being what defined me, and I don't want to be defined either by my atheism.

Well, anyway, I think my point is that life goes on, and the longer we let past events define us and affect us, then it only makes a greater victory for the assholes of the world.

The best revenge against all those who hurt or betrayed you is to make a happy life for yourself in spite of what peopel have done to you or tried to do to you.

I do think that if that guy knows where you liver, you might consider moving, especially if he has a gun collection. That you make a police report though would probably make him very hesitant to do anything against you, as he would likely be one of the top suspects. If it were me, I'd still move. I tend to usually error on the overly cautious side. The plethora of cameras you mentioned would suggest (at leaat to me) he may be either paranoid or into something illegal. Like I said I am overly cautious.

As a lost note, I would generally beware of older single people who don't seem to have all that many or any friends. I am not adverse to making friends outside of my own age group, but when I first came out (as gay), although I was 23, I still looked like i was 16, and a lto of older guys came otu the woodwork thinking I was naive and easily taken advantage of. I think perhaps tht is why I present as aloof or stuck up (which develoed into reclusiveness), which is something I developed as a defense to deter predators. I pretty much kept guys who were older at arms length. If you tell them anythign personal they just tke it as encouragement and wonder how they can use it. So, when they ask questions I only gave them general nonspecific answers. Let the other p[erson reveal themselves first, watch their body language and make sure waht they are sayign matches how they are behaving.

I am told that not everyone can read body language easily. I have always been a narual at it. People often reveal the most when they think they are not beign observed. If you can't conscious read people then pay attention to your instincts. If you instincts say there is something wrong with a person, ALWAYS trust it. The biggest mistakes i have ever made about people was to not listen to my instincts. There was a point in myu life where after a couple of drinks I'd argue to myself to give a person the benefit of a doubt, even though my instincts said "get away from this person", and I always regretted not listening to my instincts, which picked up on something my conscious mind had missed. ALWAYS give your instincts more weight than what a person tells you.

As an example... You mentioned you told the old guy that you didn't wan tto be more than just friends, so you picked up on what he wanted. He told you that was all he wanted too, and you let what he said carry more weight than what you felt instinctively.

A lot of human mistakes can be traced to the erroneous belief that man is separate from animals, when in fact man is an animal. We evolved, and our animal instincts is how we first survived as a species. Peopel make the mistake tht thinking that just because we can reason, that we can always reason things out correctly. I myself have a relatively high IQ, but I have learned over time that my instincts, which do nto seem to follow logic are more reliable for keepign me out of conflicts and problems than my rational mind, which often doesn't have enough data to make a good decision. I am an animal, and my instincts have evolved to protect me and keep me safe for a lot longer than our species had rational thoughts and used logic to figure things out. Even if it doesnt' seen rational on the surface, in a way, it is.

Wow. I think this is the longest response I have made on this site... to date. I hope you, or whomever else may stumble across this finds it useful.

That was long, but good. All older men are messaging me on this site. I give one word or one sentence answer. I'm not a fool or falling for that again. I want someone my age and whom lives near me. I don't want a long distance or any sugar daddy. I preferably now want a girlfriend. I'm bisexual. I just got off work, sorry for the delayed response.

2

I've never found a soulmate. Whether one exists or not, I cannot say. If one shows, I'll be pleasantly surprised. If not, I won't be surprised. Expect the worst, so when something good does happen, it'll be that much better.

2

In 1973 this girl I really liked her told me... "You May Not Be It but If You Are at The Right Place at the Right Time... You Are Going To Be It". Well, I got Tired of Being It and I am Sure She Was Glad. But Here is The Teaching of a Lifetime... We Were One of the "Couples" in the College. I know Once We Ended It... all Eyes Were On Me and On Her. We Handled it with Dignity and We Stayed Friends. No Scandal. She Choose a Musician... I Choose an Harem and Never Again Got Exclusive. I saw her new beau very Pissed when they broke up. We were friends... I didn't asked him or her, not of my interest. There are SoulMates I found one and we decided to postpone it for another life. You Can Only Do That with Soulmates Kiddo!!!! Nah, was not the 1973 girl. And you can Fake Soulmate but the Souls will Know. So Don't!!!!

2

It's a lovely mind game.

1

Souls don't exist, therefore they cannot mate.

Lol. Yep.

1

The problem is people do not realize that a relationship is work. It is constant rebalance, constant compromise and constant support. If all that is one sided then you are not in a relationship, you are more likely babysitting. I often tell people who are looking to focus on a hobby and go to groups set up for that hobby... more than one if they have the time. Get to know people with similar interests and be friends first. Take time because rushing into a relationship with someone you don't know well has an extremely high probability of blowing up in your face. Learning about other people, how they are and what they might be like to spend a lot of time with is a long, drawn out thing, especially when looking for a life partner. It's too important of a choice to make through hormones or loneliness.

AmyLF Level 7 Mar 24, 2018
1

I think it is time you show you some love. You are open to sharing and building a healthy relationship and no way change that ethic. But have fun. . Redefine hookup? The parent was a POS and not a parent. But I suggest healing helps us beat them at their own attempt to keep us small and vulnerable. Heal thy self and you will blossom A soul mate? I want a really lovely and sensual partner with a great sense of humor. As a woman seek a man and to hell with the boys

EvaV Level 7 Feb 27, 2018

I seek no one now.

1

I think they are real and sometimes we meet again on life's highways. They are special.

1

It took me a long time and lots of mistakes as I too had been abused as a child. However eventually I found a beautiful soul who I loved truly for the first time in my life and I believe was 'the one' my soulmate.

1

I was certain i had met my soul mate, ( love at first sight ) and was equally certain the feeling was reciprocal. Ah, ... "feelings" or the biological, neuro-chemical brew that happens. Should we "go with it ?" I'm suspicious, and consequently, cautious. It was a little complicated as she had two children and the relationship with her ex was ambiguous from where i was standing. There seems to be the expectation that the male will lead, and i've never been much of a mind reader or any good at un-jumbling "signals". Anyway, it didn't happen. She moved on. Retrospectively i think she really want to get the sex happening, grew impatient / frustrated and moved on. She is a highly organised lady and i even spotted a bossy streak in her now and again. I'm not convinced of the idea of a soul mate for a variety of reasons based on some understanding of biological drivers, tempered by my own and others experiences. Endlessly discussing and attempting to untangle the drama of relationships has made the likes of Oprah and Dr Phil et al mega wealthy with no discernible impact beyond the titillation of couch potatoes. I may have missed the opportunity of a lifetime or dodged a bullet. Neither of us will ever know.

1

I've been single almost 30 years and I have found my soulmeet yet and eventually I'll find her

1

The term "soulmate" is used by marriage bureaus in some countries. Among billions of men and women , to find the so called "soulmate" it would take nearly 100's of years to find the one. Which means no one is perfect.

1

i think some do

1

Relationships have become different than they use to be the world has changed so much. I though I had found mine , but alas too many things pulling us apart, very sad because everyone wants that special someone. But it is so hard now .

1

If you don’t believe in the premise of a soul, seems pointless to ponder further..? I think we’ve the ability to ‘lock in,’ so to speak.. To become so emotionally connected that we’d die for our mate, which may be the necessary mindset for protecting offspring? Few human ‘laws’ appear to reflect our biological base behaviors...

You seem high-octane, most guys can’t handle - let alone appreciate that. I’ve a daughter for which it may take longer, and she’s ok if a permanent r/s never happens. And, as the father of daughters ..a loving father protects - period Heal, you Atheist Warrior 🙂

Varn Level 8 Dec 22, 2017
1

We may have thought with each marriage or long term relationship we did-maybe someone who is with their partner till death like my mom and dad. Though I remember my father;s words as a teenager whenever we fought- "What do you want me to do -leave your mother,"? Were they soulmates? My dad and mom were married almost 60 years. I don't know @Sarahroo29.

1

To me a soulmate is someone you had an attachment with in a past life and we would wait for each other no matter what. Being that most people in the world are "fucking around" (pun intended) in gets harder to find them. Even when we are next to each other social sterotypes can block us from each other. in example: religion.

1

Oh wow. I'm so sorry you've experienced that. All of that. I can't say for certain on the soulmate thing (having never found one for myself). But, I do wish to believe it.

Duke Level 8 Dec 22, 2017
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