The past year and half has been especially tough for me. A set of my grandparents passed away. 5 months later my mom passed away. And a few days ago my girlfriend of 6.5 years and I decided to break up. How the hell do I deal with this stuff?
That's tough! Sending you hugs.
I have problems in my life too. I don't cope very well I'm afraid.
My brother-in-law was one of the sixteen maries killed over Mississippi last year, and it has been brutal. When friends ask how I'm doing, I tell them, "I'm riding the wave. When it's up, I'm up. When it's down, I'm down. When it's crashing... then I hang on for dear life." There's nothing more that I can do.
A friend of mine gave me this book, and it was a great help. It's called, "It's Okay that You're not Okay," and it has some powerful insights into grief and we can integrate it into our lives while allowing it to be what it is.
[amazon.com]
I am so sorry for all the losses you've experienced recently. That's an awful lot to go through at your young age. And especially when you're trying to work and go to school at the same time. It's a cliche, but time will help. But you do have to grieve. Please don't try to be tough and just get on with things. That will just hurt you in the long run. Be gentle with yourself and know that you're going to have good days and bad days. Some really bad days -- but they will pass. You might seek out some writings on the grieving process or find a counselor or therapist. They can't do it for you, but they can help you through the process. You do need to talk. You need to feel. You need to cry, to be angry, and to feel sorry for yourself -- but not get stuck in any of those things. What you really need is a hug.-- so consider this a long distance hug. Over time you'll start to enjoy things again, and find things funny, It's a process we all have to go through since loss is a fundamental part of life. You will be ok,
HI Jonathon. be brave.i am writing (on a keyboard where the caps are broken, sorry) as a mooma to some young adults, and i am looking from the other end of the telescope. yes, it all seems overwhelmimg, and it is, and you have to accept it. sorry, but sometimes, often in fact, the universe is shitty. scream, cry, give yourself some duvet time.....and then go and do something positive. put your shoulders back, flip the universe the bird and walk tall. tomorrow you can do dome more screaming, crying, writing , whatever just don't make it a habit. i see in your bio you are quite sporty, so go snd get hot and sweaty - some of my best "Its not fair " rants are done out in forest trails where i can let rip and kick stuff. or hit it with my cane, like the evil old lady i am.
one day you will smile again at something, then you will find you had a full half hour without morose thoughts, then a morning.....and so on. it will pass, but do not rush the process, it hurts for a reason, but it makes you stronger. do i sound like a patience strong poem? Well maybe, but thats how life works. Sending one of my special mooma hugs to you. after 15 seconds you have to wriggle and go "OK, thats enough already" . at least thats what my kids do.
Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, don't abuse bad stuff, exercise, prioritize sleep. Embrace Stoicism: It could be worse. Find a way.
Good luck.
Sorry for your losses I know how lonely it can be. Personally marijuana is invaluable to how I cope with depression, anxiety, pain, and insomnia. If you do use psychedelics make sure you’re using them as a vehicle to deal with your feelings, not as a way to bury or avoid them. Also highly recommend taking up some sort of martial arts practice, yoga, meditation; and engaging your creativity with music, art, photography, writing, any productive hobby that interests you. Pick any two or three things in that direction and throw yourself full heartedly into self improvement mode. If you don’t know where to start mentally throw yourself into nature and working out. “Free your mind and your ass will follow” works both ways reciprocally: free your ass and your mind will follow just the same. Put on some funky music and just dance and be silly at home, it’ll rearrange your feelings from the outside in.
Also when these thoughts of loss overwhelm you don’t push them away or be afraid to feel them as deeply as you can. If I’m feeling that way I lean into it and feel the depths of despair as fully as I can. Have a good cry when ya need to, no shame. Just allow yourself to feel how you feel and release it. Then take a cold shower n take deep huffing breaths, inhaling about 3x deeper than you exhale until you overoxygenate your blood and feel like kicking life’s ass again. It won’t take as long to pass as it will by trying to put on a brave face and repress it. Good luck.
remember there is no god! Everything is about you dealing with it with rational common sense
remember there is no god! Everything is about you dealing with it with rational common sense
I have difficulty coping too. It really helps me to talk with friends. I have explored counseling too. Similar to your experiences, I had my sister die, then my best friend (like a second mom to me) and then my mother. After my mother died I had virtually no more family left and felt like an orphan. I do have a son, but he has just decided to move on and makes some questionable choices and decisions. Most of the time I feel lonely and continue to look for ways to get out with friends and make new friends. I like to travel, but just like going out for social reasons - movies, eating out, etc. I don't like to go alone. I like talking to people that helps me the most to cope.
I have had a pretty hard life, all told, and think I have some sort of immunity these days. Not much bothers me any more; maybe its just being old that helps. You deal with that stuff because you have to if you torture yourself in advance of the grieving process , you're giving yourself an even harder time - Relax take life easy cry when you want to kick doors when you need to and seriously don't let your thoughts keep going to the place of hurt - Many of u have been here and it is possible to get through it - If neccesary get some counselling. Good luck!
All of life is not an ass kicking my friend ... but it IS all about balance. The more luxurious and majestic the highs, then the more spectacular the lows. So much so, in fact, that when you encounter something exceptional you should almost expect something equally unexceptional to follow. But not as a matter of dread. It's a matter of objectivity. Understanding the balance of things allows you to see a bigger picture when the fine tuning becomes harrowing or particularly painful. It is also the entire base of eastern philosophy. Congratulations! You are now a master as well.
Wait until you get to be 60! At this point I have no parents, no grandparents, no aunts or uncles, and there were a lot. I've been to too many funerals. All I can offer to you is empathy -- been there, been there, still there. I take comfort that this is a natural process -- whether natural, accident or suicide. For me natural represents about 95%, accident -- 0%, suicide -- 5%. People have come and gone in my life. One step at a time. One day at a time. Remember the good things as well as the bad things -- this helps keep the person alive in your memories.
Find things you enjoy, no matter how small, and do it. Everyday. Like smelling a flower, or extra pet cuddles. Anything that makes you feel like you're living for a moment, not just existing. In time it gets easier and you'll find more things that feel like living.
That's how I survived my relationship of 9.5 years ending, having to give up our dog, and move in with relatives that thought I was a liar.
You are being courageous and open in seeking support, therefore your future happiness is in the bag. Every second of conscious awareness makes it all worthwhile.
Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, don't abuse bad stuff, exercise, prioritize sleep. Embrace Stoicism: It could be worse. Find a way.
Good luck.
These are things every guy has to deal with.
Open a can of "MAN" and drink it.
Guys aren't the only ones. We all have to finagle our way through this life.
@KKGator
Very true KK. Very true.
But, he's a guy. Hence, a can of "MAN".
@Ciravolostone
I'm going to take your comment as a compliment Gary.