BPD is very difficult to live with. I know that those who love me have had to deal with some very confusing emotional outbursts and feel as though they do not matter to me at times. I can clearly see how illogical my thoughts and actions are yet do not seem to be able to predict or prevent them from showing up and taking control. Ihave made a lot of progress towards addressing the symptoms and have grown tremendously yet fear there is no path towards a thriving life. It sucks to know that I can be so evil with my words, and thoughts. I cannot trust my own mind to be objective nor do I trust myself to take care of my own needs.
My daughter (Chante' 35) is the only person in my life that knows about AND accepts my illness. She is amazing in the way she deals with me and knows more about BPD than I do. She has helped me see the good things I bring to the world and makes it easier for me to accept that this IS an illness that has been grossly misunderstood.
At 55 it is to believe there is hope for me because therapists did not offer any and contributed to the negative stigmas surrounding BPD. In my era the professionals did not have a clue how to help us and would often contribute to our fears by refusing treatment or referring us to someone else. I was given a lot of med's, unsolicited advice and put in confinement., I spent more time in solitary than out of it and was blamed for all issues that arose on our unit.
The one thing I feel has always been lacking in my life was human connection. I cannot be me and not address the BPD so hopefully this group can help us to have that place of understanding and/or acceptance to grow together.
In July I will begin DBT and want to document the journey. From what I have learned DBT was developed for those of us with BPD so I am going for it.
We do not need to be alone so, let us be there for ourselves and others.