New Study Finds Mammals Can Actually Breathe Through Their Anuses

Researchers at Tokyo Medical and Dental University, have shown that it is possible for mammals to absorb oxygen through their anus. After being intrigued by how certain sea creatures are able to breathe through their intestines in emergencies, Japanese scientists decided to run experiments that eventually proved this phenomenon was also true for mice, rats, and pigs.

Frankly, I’m not one bit surprised. After all, we all know people who “talk right out their ass,” so why not breathe out of it also? Hell, this may even account for why Republicans always seem to shout "Butt, Benghazi,” every time one of their political shenanigans gets their asses backed up against the wall. It may also help to explain Donald Trump's breath.

Now, I realize many of you may think studies like these are just a big joke, but scientists claim this research involves some really “serious sh*t.” In fact, they say in order to prove this hypothesis in humans, it will require a good deal more research, and are asking for volunteers. Well, if that’s the case - then I’d like to volunteer Marjorie Taylor Greene. She seems to be in possession of all the qualifications needed for a study of this nature. And, once the experiment is over, everyone can finally take a deep breath.

Of course, on the downside, I shudder to think what all this could mean for “CPR training,” let alone scuba diving. The fact is - some of us are apparently getting a helluva lot more oxygen than others. Take Rudy Giuliani for example. Could this research mean that Rudy may not have actually been farting during that Michigan Election Fraud Hearing last December - but instead, just breathing? I guess only time will tell, but in the meantime, frat boys may now have something new to amaze their friends with at keg parties.

[johnnyrobish.medium.com]