Some of you may remember a few years ago the late and unlamented apostle Mark E. Petersen's "inspiring" little talk at conference aimed toward serving missionaries "STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION”
If you have never read it, there is a sequence on You Tube of it being read out to much hilarity by comedian Graham Norton.
It inspired a little parody, I wrote many years ago I recently came back across and thought I would share with you.
STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTICATION
Markie. Pitabread
Council of the 12 Appetites
Midnight snacking and over eating is a problem for many young people in the church today be assured you fat pig that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.
This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice.
After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:
A Guide to Self-Control:
As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming Mastication can be implemented using some of these suggestions. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.
Suggestions:
If only I heeded his message. I could have been a better cucumber ready to be pickled. ??
I'm sure your cucumber is perfectly adequate
@LenHazell53
It seems to work for me.
Posted by LenHazell53One afternoon in The Sacred Grove
Posted by CManSo Very True
Posted by LenHazell53Anyone else know this?
Posted by CManQuestion: Why are the mormon$ allowed to build & operate ca$ino$ in residential neighborhoods? Answer: Because the house always wins!!!
Posted by LenHazell53While mourning the deaths at Colorado Springs park to honor five people killed and 17 wounded in a weekend shooting at a gay nightclub.
Posted by snytiger6Just as I thought...
Posted by snytiger6LMAO... Help me Joseph Smith...
Posted by snytiger6The desert quadrillogy.
Posted by snytiger6An apt description.
Posted by snytiger6Missionary positions...
Posted by snytiger6Sadly, I was raised Mormon...
Posted by LenHazell53LDS opens new incontinent "men only" old folks rest home in SLC
Posted by LenHazell53Proof that Mormons really are special
Posted by LenHazell53And Why is President Nelson Scrooge McDuck evicting people at Christmas? To build yet another Temple in Utah that no one wants or needs. These bastards just get worse and worse [fox13now.com]
Posted by CManHappy conference weekend
Posted by LenHazell53Saw this on reddit, sums things up quite well I thought