A tiny bit of my story. No details, no names, just my experience at a glance. I am finding that it is different than most, and only a nutshell version.
I didn't walk away because I was tempted with sin. There was nothing I desired out 'in the world'.
I didn't walk away because I was stubborn and rebellious. I had learned to submit and obey very well.
I didn't walk away because I wanted to change the way I dress...i didn't have a problem with that. I would have been willing to dress like the amish. I have hardly changed my looks, even after 6 years.
I didn't walk away because I was mad at God...that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I didn't walk away because I was weak. Walking away required more strength than anything I ever had to do in my life. I didn't walk away because I wanted something else more than I wanted truth. I wanted truth more than I wanted to live.
I didn't walk away because I didn't want to serve a good God. I have always, and will always want what is good and right and true.
I didn't walk away because of mistreatment to me or others, I had endured that many times over the years.
I didn't walk away because I saw people who broke the rules but prospered anyway...but I did see that, many times. I didn't judge them, even when they harmed me and mine.
I didn't walk away because I failed to study the bible. Some say that I studied it too much.
I didn't walk away because sins were called 'mistakes' if you had the right last name... I wasn't aware of that until later.
I didn't even walk away because my son now lay in a grave...though that was the very worst thing that happened on my journey, while sacrificing life's greatest treasures on those beliefs.......
It would be 7 years later before I walked away.
I walked away because my house had been "built on the sand .... and great was the fall of it." It was the foundation that crumbled. And "if the foundation be destroyed, what does the righteous do?" The beliefs that I had based my life on turned out to be man's teachings rather than God's. I had no doubt that they thought they were right...which is a danger unknown to many. But, when you take away everthing that MAN says that God says...God is very quiet. I walked away because I needed to work out my own salvation, instead of depending on man to do it for me. I walked away because 'proving all things' made more sense to me than believing all things, without proof. That is the definition of gullible. I had been very gullible. I walked away because "God is not the AUTHOR of confusion"....because his ways are "past finding out", though many men claim to have done so, and pass their opinions down through the generations as fact. I walked away because following man's ideas, presented as God's, had damaged my life beyond repair. I walked away because I care what the younger generations are taught. Sometimes truth is just the absence of lies. There are many things we can't know, and that is ok. There is no reason to make things up....
I walked away because I was taught to base my life on feelings...and I learned the hard way that feelings can be wrong. VERY wrong. I walked away because I couldn't blindly believe over what I could plainly see.
I wasn't kicked out. But, I had seen that happen to some of my loved ones and friends. I didn't walk out proudly. It was quite an humbling experience to wake up in my middle age years and discover that I had raised my children all wrong and had trusted these beliefs with all my heart, soul, mind and strength... to my hurt. I didn't skip or dance out, or even run. I didn't have a plan b.
I crawled out quietly, all alone, battered and bruised, gasping for breath...
I was in uncharted territory. I didn't see the mountains that lay ahead. I could only imagine how big they would be. I am still climbing. It hasn't been an easy escape. but I have NEVER regretted it.
I am not 7 times more evil. On the contrary. I am 7 times better. I am finding the real me. The one that had been buried under indoctrinations, opinions, and beliefs for so many years. I am much happier within, in spite of anxiety, grief, depression, and gaping wounds. I have learned that there was nothing wrong with the original me. I am less judgmental, I don't put people in hell just because they don't see things the way I do. I don't 'just pray over all things". I actually get up and take action. Because ""Faith without WORKS is (definitely)dead".
Now I think for myself...that's what brains are for. I observe actions, because "we'll know them by their fruit", not by "good words and fair speeches that deceive the hearts of the simple". The "spiritual wickedness" is definitely in "high places"...
.I am much more easy going..and I have noticed that there are a lot of good people in this world. They aren't evil, just because they're not holiness.
I now realize, more than ever, that every "man is right in his own mind". Yet, the deceived don't know they are, because "the bread of deceit is sweet". You have to believe something without proof before you can be deceived. And I was done with that.
I walked away because I "tried the spirits to see whether they were of god" (the bible told me I could)...otherwise how would i know? They weren't. Vain imaginations can seem very real...only a picture that other humans had painted for me and conditioned me to go along with. What had once seemed divine, was now plainly neurological, and involuntary muscle movement. But as long as they didn't know I knew, I was still one of them.
I walked away because I trusted (man's teachings taught as God's) with all my heart and soul and mind and strength...and got devastating results.
I walked away because the bible told me, in multiple places, not to trust man. But... I don't remember hearing those verses in church. Nor thousands of others...even though "ALL scripture is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness".
I walked away because I was told that it's ok to study the bible ...to a certain degree. And i wondered, "Why? Why not thoroughly, why not diligently, why not 'study to show myself approved'? Why not "search these things daily to see if these things be so"?
I walked away because many bible verses couldn't be explained to me without adding to, taking away or twisting the words...all of which is forbidden, according to the bible.
I walked away because low odds were mistaken for miracles, and hearing those kinds of stories 4 times a week and basing one's life on them is very dangerous. I know this too well. I walked away because I had learned the excruciating difference between intuition and indoctrination. .
I walked away because I, finally, for the first time as an adult, had dared to ask questions. The more questions I asked, the more questions arose. .. and the answers I found scared me..they didn't confirm my beliefs that I had held for over half my life.
I walked away because I had played the 'asking for signs' game, just like you hear about in church, got my signs, believed in them, trusted in them, based life decisions on them. .. and they never came to pass and never will.
I walked away because when I read a list of cult characteristics, they were entirely too familiar.
I walked away because 2+2 does not equal 5, ever.
I walked away because a good God would not forgive sins only once while demanding that we forgive our brothers' sins 70x7.
I walked away because I had seen children kicked out of the church and told they were going to hell. I walked away because I saw children suffer that belief, thinking they were doomed, the rest of their short lives, because a few men in Alabama/Tennessee said so. I walked away because God is GOOD, not evil. I walked away because I can't call evil 'good' ....
I walked away because God is not the AUTHOR of confusion, and I was nothing but confused..for the biggest part of 30 years. I tried with sincerity to walk by faith, not by sight, until I realized that it is "foolish to have eyes that see not." It is more likely to be deceived with ones eyes closed.
I walked away to be free of bondage... because when I realized the difference between man's rule and God's, a huge weight lifted from me that I didn't even know was there.
I walked away from a fear based religion ...because there is no fear in love. I walked away to shun the very appearance of evil...because I saw the wolf in sheep clothing, satan disguised as an angel of light, the man behind the curtain.
I walked away because I couldn't continue passing these dangerous teachings down to future generations, though it may be too late for mine, because they've been indoctrinated so very well. As long as they don't trust it as much as I did, maybe they will be ok.
I walked away....because I had taken it all so very seriously. Why would I not? I had trusted so very much, thinking that man's words were God's
....and I was duped.
This is MY experience, and it's the only one I have..I am not guessing these things nor making them up. This is my life. I lived it. And i suffer the consequences. Some days I can hardly live because of them.
And NOW I am shunned by the holiness community, (by some not all), for no other reason than that I no longer accept their beliefs as fact, nor follow their traditions. And they don't even know my story, nor do they want to listen. And most of my children live thinking their mom is going to hell...because that's what they are taught.
Most of my PRE holiness community are now scattered and indifferent...one can never really go back, not after that long.
I walk alone, at 54 years old. I am left with no community.
But for me, it wasn't about community. It was about truth.
I was asked if I was willing to listen to instruction. I answer with another question... whose instructions? God's or man's?
Everyone has a story. This is a snapshot of mine, which may likely be misinterpreted. There is much more to my story, much much more between the lines.
I was 100% sure that holiness was the one right way. I would once have died for it...but now I am 1000000% sure that I was wrong."