Just for fun: I wrote this for a Rant contest in Toastmasters. I placed a large, closed box for some sort of computer equipment on the table beside me. At the end of the poem/rant, I opened the box and pulled out a large teddy bear. The poem is based on actual shopping experiences.

Big Box Blues

Do you like to shop and buy?
I don’t even like to try.
Big box stores aren’t any fun
You’ll understand why when my rant is done.

10 minutes after I enter the door,
I might find the section I’m looking for.
The store is crowded, but where’s the staff?
I think they’re hiding just for a laugh!

That must-have item in the flier –
They couldn’t shelve it any higher.
It’s way beyond my feeble reach
No matter how far I stretch or leap.
It takes me 10 minutes to find a grabber
Or something like a small step ladder.

When I finally get the item down,
I read the label, I start to frown
For now I have a few little questions
Only I don’t see staff in any nearby sections
Another 10 minutes just to find a clerk
Who answers my question with a supercilious smirk

(Sniff) “We don’t sell that item here.”
Perhaps I haven’t made myself clear.?
I show him the flier; I show him the box
With a shrug and a stare, off he walks!
I wander some more until I don’t care if I know
I’m hot, I’m tired, I just want to go!

But now I’m lost and all turned around
It’ll take at least 10 minutes to track the till down.
By the time I get to the checkout spot
The line extends from here to Minot
I’m telling you that line is SLOW …
I’ve time to read the collected works of Poe!

Finally, the deed is done –
The cash is paid, the thing is won!
It’s too early to celebrate
For I’m facing yet another 10 minute wait!
All of a sudden there’s staff all about
They have to scrutinize everything before they’ll let me out!
10 + 10 + 10 + aagh! An hour or more
Just to buy ONE thing at a big box store!
Even if the sale is double
I’m not sure it’s worth the trouble!