Along with substances, I was also addicted to the stress hormones released in toxic relationships. These relationships also gave me reasons to use because they pointed out my flaws and fed my self doubt. Get the fuck away. People who constantly point out your mistakes (especially in times of personal growth) are likely triggers and were probably on some level addicted to the turbulence of the relationship themselves. I get the want or need for that acknowledgement, but they are honestly unstable on some level themselves. Fuck 'em.

There will always be people that will never believe I've healed the symptoms of my tramas that caused me to do self harm and in turn, harm unto others. I accept that. What I don't accept is those same people, essentially "poking me" just to say "see, I told hasn't changed" when they get a negative response from me. What I'm asking the group for are rational rebuttals. Not emotional reactions. Thank you all for taking the time. Even if what you said, has no relevance to me, I appreciate the effort.

If you made amends for the mistake remind them of that and say you are grateful you don't have to live that way anymore. If you have not made amends for the mistake (or made sufficient amends) then do so - with the help of another member of your program. Also, I don't recommend making an amend before cleaning house in the way outlined by your program. Doing so is asking for more trouble.

Still dealing with this...from fam I think I always will.

• I try not to sigh each and every time
• I remind them of how long ago that was, specifically
• you can remind them that that life and this life are separate
• you can remind them how long you've been clean, exactly
• you can keep showing them that they're wrong
• you can calmly explain that each time they drudge up the past that it hurts you

I hope something I said helps.
for you

I usually say something along the lines of, "That kind of shit is one reason I quit," or, "Yeah, I was a different person when I was trapped in the hell pit," or, "Shut the fuck up."

Really, I don't have a lot of time for people who try to bring me down with shit from the past. Wallowing in it by letting them control the conversation does me absolutely no good. That's why I think that, in most cases, "making amends" is a bunch of crap. Getting clean and sober is my amends. I can't move beyond that period of my life if I keep going back to it.

The best amends I can continue to make for the people who truly matter in my life is to remain clean and sober and move my life forward with a genuine smile on my face, and that is exactly what I focus on. Some may think of that as being selfish; I don't care. Being too worried about what others think was always part of my problem (ironically.)

That doesn't mean I never talk about it. I will occasionally tell an embarrassing, self-deprecating story from those days, talk about how deep the hole was that I was in, or discuss how it nearly killed me -- if it's appropriate and relevant. I just don't spend a whole lot of time there. Looking and moving ahead is far more useful, important, and therapeutic.

I don't know if this helps you or not. I just don't deal with such people for very long. If they won't be respectful, I walk away and, if necessary, cut them out of my life. I don't need people dragging me down when standing tall is so vitally important to my recovery.

Reduce or discontinue time spent with such negative people.

The best way I've found to make amends is by living a better life actions speak louder than words once you've done that then people will be more accepting of your apologies

Well, I think you grab the bull by the horns and explain how right they are and then go on to say how far you've come. we all make mistakes in life. I always talk about my past, warts and all. I used to drink and wake up wet where I had pissed myself and all sorts of things like that. get in there first and remind them I say and do.

I appreciate everyone's comments, thank you. I have learned during this process that passivity does not work, but neither does violence. Finding the proper volume is difficult for me mostly because of my introvertedness, and of course the lack of emotional couping skills that usually accompanies destructive behavioral patterns. To quote a philosopher: "0-100 real quick!" Having the ability to pull a thoughtful response out of my "pocket" instead of my fist is exactly what I'm looking for. Thank you everyone for your replies. Be good to yourself and others.

In my life I’ve learned that when people repeatedly hurt me, I tell them plainly what they are doing, to give them a chance to change. If they discount/dismiss me, or repeat the behavior, i walk away, and try to stay away.

Have you told them this is not helping you? Sometimes others will try to bring you back into old behaviors. If they can't hear what you need you may need to cut them out of your life or at least limit the time you spend with them. Keep those fists in your pockets and good luck man.

Making such a change might mean leaving some people behind. Those that make your struggle harder or are just toxic in general need to go.