Here is a story that I wrote last year. It has some (many) juvenile locker room/bathroom talk parts. If you get past the song and the Grotto story there's a part about the benefits of cold showers. There is an advertisement I made up about natures urge that I put in due to the fact that as a construction/home improvement worker, sometimes the boss will leave you at a job with no bathroom, where no one is home and no where to hide. Those were dismal times for me, and that is how the Brequisse ad came about. There's even some political mentions in this one of a kind story that is not for everyone. Here goes:

Todd is Back ! If you didn’t know, Todd and I were walking downtown on Bowster Street. It was early September a cool crisp morning, and he was getting ready for classes by purchasing some mediocre items for drafting. We dined at Teddy’s Restaurant, he ordered a hot dog and fries, while I munched down a burger! We had a ball that day. Little did we know he would have a strange accident that night.

Todd and I parted that afternoon shortly after lunch. As I understand the events Todd had undergone, while travelling up the stairs to his apartment, he heard a quick, loud screech and immediately turned toward the commotion. He was witness to an unusual occurrence that plays out every day, though not seen by your average (or even above average) student. An osprey snatched a sewer rat about 5 feet away from Todd’s front steps. Poor Todd, startled by the raw, brutal and gross nature of the event, screamed. A splatter of rat blood appeared on his sneaker and pant leg. This was too much for our dear Todd to control and he himself stumbled, and fell down the concrete steps face first as a result of this uncanny scenario.
Lucky for Todd his neighbor Marie Josephina was observing this exact happening from her second floor apartment window across the street. As she told me on the phone that night, “ I heard a scream, and as I was by my window looking out toward the noise, I saw Todd falling down the steps. He landed on the sidewalk and wasn’t moving. So I called 911.”
Todd then was taken to the hospital and treated by Drs. Kneelson and Scratchert for blunt trauma and shock. As soon as I found out what happened by my aunt Marie Josephina, I rushed to the hospital and was informed that Todd was in the ICU because he was unconscious with a head injury. I asked to go in and see him and the Head Nurse, (whom turned out to be my understudy in drama class last year) gave me permission to do so. I quietly approached Todd and as I drew near to him I could see his chest rise and fall. He had bandages on his face and a portion of his hair was shaven on the left side of his head. I shook away the tears as soon as I realized I was experiencing fear and other emotions. That made me temporarily dizzy and I had to sit down in a chair that was positioned next to Todd’s bed. I was moved to sing him a song that I made up on the spot called “Todd’s the Best” it goes like this:
Todd you’re the best
I am your special guest
As I see your rising and falling chest
Todd you’re the best

I know you’ll pass Dr. Kneelson’s test
Because I believe you are so blest
I’ll call your sister Celeste
And tell her you’re the best

As soon as you awake
I’ll take you to the Clam Bake
And buy you lots of vittles
And a little bag of Skittles~

I cried, just momentarily, as I was leaving his room after singing this special song. I felt so helpless standing there singing a stupid song watching Todd’s chest!! Well, I walked home. As soon as I arrived, I called my sponsor Rita, whom also knows Todd and she told me that she was previously informed of the news. We talked briefly and then we said goodbye. I hung up the phone feeling better. I then decided to call his sister Celeste from Philidelphia to break the news. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Every ring gave me pimples. Then she answered and I broke the news in one fast sentence that came out like this: CelesteToddisinthehosPITALLlllllwithaheadwoundandhe’sstillunconscious!!!! Celeste hung up the phone. All I heard was the dial tone after I had finished speaking. I decided to call it a day and drooped into my recliner. I nodded off for a few moments and woke up to the phone ringing. I cursed that phone because I felt like sleeping, but after cursing I grabbed it and announced to the caller “Hello this is Teever, who’s calling please.” "Hi Teever, it's me Dillon." Dillon said. I said gleefully " Oh Dillon did you hear the horrible news about Todd the drafting student from Stukes University?" Dillon replies, " Oh Todd the one we went to the Grotto with?" " Gosh, yes Dillon, I completely forgot about that." I state. Dillon extrapolates, " yes we had such a ball that day with Denise and Gath at the Grotto." I'm listening intently as Dillon continues, " Yeah Denise went to get you a mixed drink and as she handed it over to you she spit on Todds napkin and wiped your face with it because you had cheese on the side of your cheeks." I'm now turning red as my buddy Dillon reminds me of this embarassing moment. I'm also thoroughly enjoying this talk though. Dillon keeps talking, " You almost puked because of the residual onion breath on the napkin, and we all just cracked up because of the look of disgust on your face." Oh Golly Dillon!! I exclaimed. He continues, "Yeaghhh, and then Gath laughed so hard he abruptly passed gas and everyone in the place left, except for us!! Jeez chryst!!" I butt in, "Oh yieeeeeaaugh! Then the waiter comes to our table after the incident and looks directly at Gath and puckered his lips and closed his eyes and says Ohhhh Gath take a bath. Then Gath starts singing the Archie Bunker Theme- Boy the way Glen Miller played... ... ... Haaaaaaaaaa! Everyone of us raised our glasses for a toast and that's when Todd said You have to have that checked out Gath, I mean really."
You know Dillon and I had such a memorable chat. We both promised one another to call on the weekend and make plans for another get together with the same group we had at the Grotto that night. I was just spellbound listening and laughing to dear Dillon. This was just what I needed that night to feel satisfied enough to go to bed. As I was adjusting to my comfort quotas for sleeping I giggled a few times while thinking about the Grotto Night!! Soon I was sleeping like a baby.
The next morning came to pass and as usual my cat Ronald woke me up by sticking his nose in my face and purring. I petted Ronald and he jumped off the bed. I arose yawning and stretching, tossing the covers from myself as I plant my feet on the floor while scratching my head. I stand up and walk over to the bathroom to get cleaned up and ready for my day. I reached in the medicine cabinet and by accident took the container of Pinworm Medication that I mistook for a new bar of soap to shower with. I put back the Pinworm Medication and grasped the bar of soap. That was my first mistake of the day. One I count as I shake my head while undressing and walk into the showering unit. I decide to take a cold shower to invigorate my morning as I close the shower curtain. I turn on the cold water and feel that familiar cold wetness that gives me the freaks. I begin to dance a fit out to get the blood flowing while lathering up my body. I am rinsed off and out of there in two minutes. When I get out there's no mist in the room or fog on the mirror. I feel satisfied and begin to shave and groom. I'm all dressed and immediately my thoughts are on Todd.
What should I do today? Do I go to my job and wait for word about Todd or call my boss to possibly delay my arrival and go to see him (Todd). I call Dix my boss at the hotel. " Hi Dix it's me Teever. Uhmm I'm wondering if I can postpone my start time today?" He (Dix) answers, " Oh ahh well Teever what's the story here? Is there some kind of problem? I tell him like this " Yeah Dix it's my cousin ughh Amanda Gander who recently had a bad accident and asked me to do an errand for her. I told her I would if you would let me come in later than the standard punch in time." He replies with an aggravated tone, " Teever if this is another one of those false emergencys then you better come in now. But if this is for real and you do have a relative named Amanda Gander then by all means come in later after you have taken good care of her." I'm smiling now and answer him graciously, "Oh Dix you are such a great boss, I'm getting you that bottle of Scotch for your birthday that I always promise you, yeah Jonnie Walker Red Dix, Jonnie Walker Red my man, Amanda will be relived when I tell her the news Dix I guarantee you that. See you soon Dix, Bye bye." "You Sap" I add after I hang up the reciever. Hurray I get to see Todd!! I think, Todd baby here I come. I in-audibly whisper to myself.

Have you had that weird feeling that you will bust if you don't find the bathroom immediately?
Well it's time for Brequisse~
(tchibnoshcdivanosied) by sanvosaid
Brequisse is a
small lavender shaded pill that can give you needed relief for those times when you can't get to the bathroom at the proper time. A PRN of sorts to give you time when you don't have it. Brequisse 1 or 2 for either type of relief. Brequisse has side effects that may include upset stomach, severe abdominable pain, tightness in the ribcage, headache and/or vomiting due to headach, discharge, nervousness, swollen bladder and constipation. These symptoms may not effect all patients and if you should experience any of these symptoms please stop using this product and call your doctor.
Brequisse
a life saver when you want it!!
*If you are having difficulty paying for this medication Sanvosaid may be able to help

Chapter II
Teever and Todds visit

I am psyched! I run out the front door of my apartment, into the hallway skipping toward the building means of egress, I burst open the door and run full speed down the sidewalk toward the hospital about 2 and a half miles away. I'm blasting by people like they're standing still. Some guy yells at me: slow down you punk. I turn round and give him the middle finger and find out it's Jenny's Uncle whom is a Police Officer at Stukes U. I laugh and gain speed as I completely disreguard the verbal reprimand from the officer. I'm feelin peachy as I pass the Voughler Bldg. that spans over the Greenway which recently opened after renovations that included an elevated walkway that's right above the Greenway that skirts Crinn Crick. I smell the industrial odor that is ever prevalent for miles in each direction of the Crinn. It was encased in cement once the GVC (Gavender/Volrich Co.) opened thier doors about 1 year ago. Before that it was such a lovely green place that hosted many life forms and flourished all year, except for the dead of winter when it froze over for a month or so. The residents complained regularly about the odor and pollution, so they made a greenway that cannot compare with the way this place once looked.
I see a familiar person ahead of me and it's Clovis Pierre. I give her warning by shouting her name, then my name, "Clovis, Teever." She turns to look and she smiles broadly as I come closer. "Clovis did you hear about Todd in Drafting?" She's gleeming in my direction as I am jogging in place to keep my pace, so as not to interrupt my momentum in a way that would
(when we're done talking) allow me to sprint off full speed again. I acknowlege her answer, "Oh so you know." She clarifies briefly, "Yes Teever I heard last night, I guess everybody knows now about what happened to him." I answer, "Oh. Ok I am on my way to visit him now in the hospital." I am off again and I am cruzing (Ted) along making great time. I should be there momentarily and then I can inquire about Todd. I rush into the hospital waiting room and I can't sit, my chest is pounding and I'm trying to catch my breath. I am approached by a nurse and he asks if I'm ok. I look strangly at the person as if there truly is something wrong with me. So I try to speak and am unable to shoot out a word between breaths. "Please sir sit down here and we'll take you to a room." I'm bewildered at this statement the nurse is making and he somehow senses this and I think he attempts to comfort me. He put his hand on my shoulder and I quickly turn my head in the direction of his grasp and jump. By this time there are several Security Officers coming my way. I'm cheesed by this and I make an attempt to jet out of there. I sprint to the door where I entered, the guys hand is no longer on my shoulder. I stutter a few words "Hey, HEY, get out a here!!" burst forth from my mouth. I am now out the door and I see several Officers running in my direction. One of them draws out a stun gun and shouts, "Hey you!! Stop right there before this stun gun goes off, you are within range!" I am in full panic now and I immediately stop running. I am now looking at the Officer with the stun gun and he tells me to get on the ground, I do as he says. He next tells me to put my hands behind my back and stay calm. I feel him approaching and then I feel hand cuffs on my wrists, click click. I calm down enough now to punch out a few words. I ask the Officer if I'm in custody. He tells me that he is in the process of determining that question. I feel someone pick me up by my arm and shout at me to get up. So I comply with the order. What the Flick? I can't believe what I'm going through right now, my gosh. I'm being arrested for running to the hospital to see my buddy Todd? Unbelievable!! What the... "Hey you, Shut UP!!" An Officer shouts out. Holy cheeit, they must be able to hear me. Oly chrysto!! I think to myself. What the.. "Officer can you tell me what's going on yet?" I say. "Yeah uhh we're almost ready for you so sit tight a few more minutes." He says to me.
I'm standing up now with handcuffs on waiting for any info from the Police.
Here they come. "Hey there Teever we got your info and we want to know what your doing here. Are you here for a medical emergency?" I reply, "no Officer I am here to visit a friend." Officer, "Oh well whom are you intending on visiting?" I answer, " Todd O'China." He looks at me kind of surprised and he starts to grin. "Oh my, I had no idea that's who you were looking to see." Says he. "By all means lad please go your way and may you have a wonderful visit. "What the hell?" I think. They're letting me go after all that? I'm calm- by now and promptly start walking back to the info desk inside. I go right by it because I'm still rather pumped from the incident and I'm not ready yet to show my face there. l head for the exit on the other side of the building. I decided that I want to order lunch at Sub Dude where my high school friend Modique works, Modique Quooche. I walk with a little more jazz now because I am entering the Sub Dude and I see Modique. She looks and catches my ...