I'm presently working on my 7th book - a non-fiction work meant for people in grief and, just as importantly, those who encounter them. It's entitled, Lives After Death. Our culture actively avoids unpleasant subjects, leaving concerned friends, family, neighbors and associates to spout trite and over-used phrases like "he/she's in a better place" or "let me know if you need anything." This book offers REAL and USEFUL things to say and encourages us all to take the subject out of the closet. There is a lot more to this book but if you have ideas or suggestions or even a story of a strange happening after a death, (like grandma suddenly appearing in someone's room as she died in another location) I would be glad to hear it. I'm presently working on obtaining permissions from the various sources I've used in the book.
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8 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.People does not know what to say to a grieving person; that’s for sure. Looks like your book will equip people with good things to say. I suppose you will include a lot about WHY is it that some of the things people usually say are so inappropriate, and WHY is it that what you are recommending is paropriate. Which probably means to talk about what people goes through in those moments of grief, and hopefully you can give your readers a sense of that so that they not just know what to say, but why they are saying it.
Rodatheist
Level 7
Feb 27, 2018
1
@Druthewriter People can actually make their death more palatable if only they would drop their hubris and stop thinking they are immortal. Sadly religion has played its part with promises of heaven and hell. Get over that and you can then realize that if you give others permission to die before you and they you, a large part of grief arising from survivor guilt is eliminated.
It also helps to not think of/ believe that others whether spouses, children or siblings are possessions .
FrayedBear
Level 9
Feb 20, 2018
1
An always timely topic, for sure. As for permissions, aren't you attributing any quotes you use? And limiting passages you quote and attribute to under 500 words, the fair use legal requirement? So far as I know, and I do have several published nonfiction books out there, you need to get permission for song lyrics absolutely, but not so much for a sentence or two of quotes, so long as you say who said it. You may be doing more work than you need to.
Sooz
Level 6
Feb 20, 2018
0
I'm not quoting sources, i'm extracting and paraphrasing data from various sources. To my understanding, this is nor fair use, though it certainly would save me a ton of work it it were!!
Sooz:
Seems one can't reply to a reply easily. Anyway, fair use means quoting exactly. What you propose is to borrow the ideas of another writer or expert, which is done all the time, and so long as you mention the original idea-supplier, you should be fine. I've written several nonfiction books and never had to fuss over permissions. I always credit the original thinker and never copy their words exactly without using quotes. Just look at the books in your personal library (or anywhere) for models to follow.
What do you say to someone who is going through this process. Having gone through it I find that there is nothing one can say that will make it better. Help, being able to ask for it and or give it works as it had better be authentic or a problem is created.
dalefvictor
Level 8
Feb 17, 2018
0
The object is not to make things better. Grieving is a process that must be gone through. Offering genuine assistance such as making calls for the grieving family or running errands to drug store or grocery or funeral home, offering to take family members to a meal or a movie - these are the gestures that do help. Even just being there if someone wants to talk offers comfort.
Thank you for thinking of people like me. I just lost a girlfriend August of last year. She was closer to me than any others that I've lost. Including family. I don't grieve much. I know death will come. But I didn't want to let her death be just another. Maybe you can arrange to sell me a copy
newt1744
Level 4
Feb 17, 2018
0
i'm sorry to hear of your pain. It will be a long while before the book is sold and published but i'll announce it when that good day comes. All I can offer now is the advice to let yourself grieve in the way that seems best to you. Don't hold it back. Talk about her to trusted people or remain silent - whichever gives you relief. Nobody knows how you feel but close friends can recognize pain and offer their help and support in helping you rebuild after your awful loss. It takes time. You can't get past this forest unless you go through it. Keep it real.
I don't have any suggestions, but I think it's a great idea for a book.
Lysistrata
Level 7
Feb 17, 2018
1
That book sounds wonderful. I really could have used it seven years ago when my wife died, but even now, I suppose I would still find it useful.
DharmaBum50
Level 8
Feb 17, 2018
1
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