Here's a bored moment from 2016

Cat Shit or Die (CSD)
by Ronald Theodor Parker

It's time to sacrifice, to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. Most of us, according to the Hemorrhoidal Research Coalition, need to tighten our belts. The President of the greatest country in history, at great personal sacrifice, is doing everything he can to help us.

There's no more wasteful program to start with than Meals On Wheels (MeOWs). According to President Trump, dry cat food in 50 lb bags is cheaper and more palatable than the "shit from Meals On Wheels (SMOW)."

"SMOW is a cold, unseasoned plate, with reconstituted, coagulates that look like chicken veins and green bean stocks," according to my source who prefers anonymity because the MeOWs delivery drivers are known to substitute horse manure for meals if you complain about the food or service.

Seniors surviving on cat food are begging for help according to the 2013, WBOC of Frederico, Del article Some Seniors in Kent County Strapped for Cash, Eat Pet Food to Save Money.

"I'm begging the United States to help us. Please. We live in the richest country in the history of human civilization and we're eating cat food and dog shit," said a smelly old catfish kurmudgeon (SOCK). "The highlight of my month is schooling at McDonalds with the blue hairs(fn), drinking free coffee refills and blowing my nose in their napkins," said the anonymous jerk SOCK.

The nerve of these broke ass Americans should alarm all of us. They are the destroyers of the American Dream. These hungry cat food eating freaks decided not to work, not to dream, not to pledge their allegiance to the flag. They turned their backs on our country. They blew their incomes on liberal arts degrees and subscriptions to Mother Earth Weekly. They decided not to become millionaires and now they're broken down beggars crying about the quality of the free food we allot them.

"I say, let them smoke their marijuana and see if that cures a lifetime of shitty assed, ungrateful, anti capitalist, flag burning, gun hating, homo sex loving, piss poor decisions," said Charles Joch, an 81 year old, conservative Christian, American businessman, with a net value in excess of 48.7 billion dollars; according to the internets.

"MEOWS SMOWS to these smelly old jerk SOCKs," declared an outwardly distraught Donald Trump, "they're are an international embarrassment. If MEOWing isn't good enough for them, they should at least have the dignity to stop screaming over sexual territory in the alley behind my Manhattan penthouse. USA, Cat Shit or Die, USA, Cat Shit or Die, USA, Cat Shit or Die, USA, Cat Shit or Die, USA, Cat Shit or Die, USA, Cat Shit or Die, USA, Cat Shit or Die, USA, Cat Shit or Die."