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The sign on my door reads "Riley Shiftless -- Private Investigator". It was once polished gold gilt, but the years had left only dirty outlines. It had been a dry year. Okay, a dry decade. I was at my desk, bourbon in hand, when a shadow moved over the frosted glass. The bottle went to the bottom drawer when the shadow knocked.

"Come on in."

She stepped into my office and my world changed in one of those mental whiplash moments. She had legs that traveled from her hips all the way to the floor and a tempting torso draped in clinging burgundy satin just begging wraparound arms. But it was the hair. The hair is what did it. It was Irish red. Dark glasses hid her eyes, but I was sure they were green.

"How m-may I help you, m-m-ma'am," I said, tongue stumbling over teeth. I hoped my tone would indicate I could never be too busy to be of assistance to her ... and her alone.

"The people at Slipshod & Haphazard said you were the only detective in town who could help me, Mr. Shiftless. It's my husband---"

Damn, it's always their husband.

evidentialist 8 Apr 5
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2

Here's a favorite Mickey Spillane story of mine. He was at a writer dinner in the '40s. He received an award for writing nine of the top ten best selling books of the year. A priest got up and denounced this coarse, tasteless view of literature. "Oh, yeah" said Spillane jumping out of his chair, "if I knew you felt that way about it, I would have written another one."

Aristopus Level 7 Apr 5, 2018
2

I love the Raymond Chandler cynicism better " From a hundred feet away across the expanse of lawn, she looked like a million dollars. As I approached to ten feet away she looked like she had been made up to look like a million bucks from one hundred feet away " (best I can recall).

273kelvin Level 8 Apr 5, 2018
1

Two constructive criticisms if I may engage your thoughts.
• how can it have been a dry decade if he has a bottle and bourbon in hand?
• a red blooded man would "look from her daintily shod toes perched on two inch stiletto heels, following the lines of her slender ankles up her glorious calves to her knees and shapely satin clad thighs to then discover the curve of her womanly hips within that clinging burgundy coloured satin dress".
You make it sound like he emulates a certain man who just looks and gropes at crotches. I suggest the action of starting from the ground implies an inherently shy person thus reinforcing or seguing into the spoken stuttering.

1

You'll make Mickey Spillane level yet! I loved his wording. "The lift stopped with a jerk. The jerk got out." is a classic.

Petter Level 9 Apr 5, 2018

I loved Mickey Spillane's work. He could make something stupid sound smart.

@evidentialist Most authors who never write in anything but short sentences are boring. Spillane was the exception to prove the rule!

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