The True Story of
Baldo & Snorb
By Croebheir
I woke from an excruciating nightmare last night. All I remember is screaming in pain, and then, turning on the light, I look to the end of my bed to see a horrible sight. There was a small plump woman with huge, sharp, canine fangs protruding from her blood-spattered mouth. She looked as though she was dumbfounded at my sudden awakening! She was licking her chops while I looked from her face to where my feet were sticking out from my sheets…I SCREAMED louder than before, “She ate my Big Toe!!!” There at the foot of my bed, I saw my right foot pulpy and reddened with blood, with my big toe missing. {insert Snorb picture} Next pg.
She suddenly licked the blood from her mouth and jumped from my bed to the ceiling fan, grabbed one of the blades, and with her orange and purple polka-dot muumuu flapping, she swung towards the exit. She let go of the blade and with her muumuu acting as an umbrella, she sailed gracefully to the door of my apartment; she landed on the latch with her chubby little foot opening the door, she began running full speed, into the hallway.
I threw the sheet from me as I quickly and carefully got out of bed. I then hopped over to my drawer and put on a pair of shorts and a tee-shirt. After that I hopped outside to my truck and drove with my left foot to the hospital, at 3 a.m. {picture-me/truck}
I told them [doctors, etc.] about my nightmare and how I had seen the horrid dwarf chewing down my big toe. They did not believe a word of it. They operated on my big toe and bandaged me up, gave me some pills, and told me to stay off my foot for a month. The nurse asked me if I wanted to speak to a psychiatrist and I staunchly refused! I hobbled out of there on crutches. Then I got into my truck and drove home. As I rounded the corner to the street where my apartment complex is, I notice all sorts of people in a line leading toward my parking lot. There were firemen and policemen, judges and lawyers, doctors, construction workers, office personnel, agents, truck drivers, children and their moms; you name it they were there. I slowly drove past them in awe, wondering what they’re all waiting for, and in the distance I seen a sign that read “Baldo & Snorbs” in big yellow letters. {picture of stand} next pg.
I park my truck and walk over to the sign. I then see this happy crowd gulping down lemonade from plastic cups. I am right near the front of the line, and I notice a small lemonade stand, and beneath the sign, I see two people. One of them was a pudgy looking bald man with a peculiar protuberance sticking out of his head. He was wearing nothing but a red cape wrapped around his body so as to present a modest appearance. And right next to him, I immediately caught the unmistakable eyes of the little beast who ate my big toe… her name must be Snorb!! {pic Snorb}

I am mortified when I see her, but am also curious to find out why she ate my toe. So I try to regain my composure, approach her, and I say, “Uhmm, excuse me Snorb” She immediately looks up to me and starts spewing a garbled and unheard of language composed of squeaks, ploobs, and jabberwocky. She then fixedly stares at the ground and nudges Baldo; they proceed to converse in this same incomprehensible speech. She then begins to pour more lemonade. The pudgy guy then looks to me and says, “ Yes sir, Snorb apologizes to you for last night’s intrusion” I’m taken aback by this weird couple… they are making lots of money selling lemonade, for one thing, and for another they speak and gesture in fits and starts! The little guy with the protuberance on his head then says, “ Sir, Snorb tells me for you to adorn your other big toe with pepper rings to prevent her from eating it.” I replied. “Oh, what is this , some supernatural deterrent?” Baldo responds, “Why no, sir this is the only way you can save your other big toe? Snorb is allergic to pepper rings, and despises them. She has the habit of eating Big Toes and Cat Tails. I have to apply pepper rings to our cat , Snickers, tail whenever Snorb and Snickers are in the house together!!!” {pic of Baldo and cat}

Suddenly I am poked by one of their customers and told to move out of the way because I’m holding up the line. I move backwards carefully, while still watching this spectacle. I decide to go into my apartment and suddenly a cat crossed my path… with a stub for a tail. I then decide to go to the apartment later, and instead I am off to the store to buy some pepper rings!!