My name is Eric and I'm a landscaper by trade, and an artist and essayist by avocation. I've lived in Denver my whole life, except for seven years I spent in Salt Lake City, which was bizarre and which I intend to one day make into a helarious and terrifying memoir. We'll see. Anyway, back in Denver, I came to realize that all the people I knew here before are dumb and shallow, and now I need to meet some new ones. And in particular, I'm looking for a nonchristian woman who will eat meals with me and tell me I'm neat and be funny and kind and intelligent and fond of my penis and my jokes. I don't need this person to think all my jokes are good, nor to be fond of my penis at all hours of the day, nor to coddle my ego, nor pay for my cigarettes
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