I wanted to send a warning post It hit me this morning that abusers search out the "weak" (what ...

Carin comments on Jun 13, 2018:

You are right, I'm sure! Abusers can sniff us out even without explicit labels like like "abuse survivor." It's scary & discouraging...

On rebuilding and finding your tribe As I’ve only recently distanced myself from my father ...

Carin comments on Jun 13, 2018:

Sorry to hear what a rough start you got in life. I met my best friend in a community college class I took. Volunteering can be a good way to find nice people to interact with as well.

I NEED to share what I am thinking right now but it is harsh and irrational.

Carin comments on Jun 12, 2018:

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through! I don't have money to spare but I wondered if you felt safe giving us a very general idea of where you live? With a little luck someone may live near by & be able to drive you to town or something. I know I would!

My mother was borderline and hated me with a passion (she refused to take me home from the hospital ...

Carin comments on Jun 11, 2018:

That's awful! Who can hate a tiny baby? That's all on her. When my mom was pregnant with my sister she said she wanted a boy (no ultrasound or anything back then) & when she had me she wanted to just leave me at the hospital. I fi gured my life was over in a couple months but then she had another girl. She told me that she later decided girls were great but there are some things you can't unsay & she should never have said that to a 4 year old. I'm really glad therapy worked so well & quickly for you.

Today is my ex’s birthday.

Carin comments on Jun 11, 2018:

Have some chocolate.

Anybody else wondering if the two celebrity suicides were possibly Secrete lovers?

Carin comments on Jun 9, 2018:

I always thought Anthony Bourdain was gay, but reports mention that he was a father--so maybe a secret life? Who is the other celebrity you refer to?

Is it a 'Wonderful World' as suggested by Mr Armstrong or is this a Pollyanna view with a deceptive ...

Carin comments on Jun 9, 2018:

I think the world is not very wonderful for most of the beings born into it.

Passed on the first attempt, 2 errors, end of the day, with who appeared to be the hardass ...

Carin comments on Jun 9, 2018:

I think you will really enjoy having an extra driver in the family! She looks so proud of herself--very cute.

Why does the sea taste salty?

Carin comments on Jun 9, 2018:

It's salty because all the water that flows into it from rivers brings a little salt, but water can only get back out of the ocean by evaporation. Salt & other minerals are left behind Now maybe someone else can explain to us why the salt remains at a very consistent concentration & the ocean is not getting saltier & saltier.

Slow Down.

Carin comments on Jun 8, 2018:

Very funny!

Conversation.

Carin comments on Jun 8, 2018:

You have cool kids!

Today would’ve been my 15th wedding anniversary.

Carin comments on Jun 7, 2018:

So sorry! Hopefully as time passes it will get better.

No contact: have you done it? What were the results?

Carin comments on Jun 7, 2018:

Yes I did it with my parents & never regretted it. I wondered if I would feel guilty when they died, but I didn't. If anything, I felt relief. One downside was that some other family members cut me out when I stopped all contact with my parents.

I think I just proved Darwin wrong.

Carin comments on Jun 7, 2018:

It's actually true--the less education a person has, the more kids they have. Numerous studies have shown this. Maybe Mother Nature is saying we're too smart for our own good?

Do u think it's possible to recover from a neglected childhood????

Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:

No. Neglect & abuse actually cause small changes in the structure of the brain. I've found that I feel better just accepting my weird self & arranging my life to deal with it.

Long term marriages

Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:

I'm so sorry about what happened to you--that must be awful! I was married about 31 years I think, so I guess it can happen at any stage of the relationship. Good luck with your health!

What are your top 3 current favorite TV shows?

Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:

I like Humans, Dark Matter, & Last Week Tonight. Tosh.0 can be fun too.

Hi, all.

Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:

Hi! I'm pretty new here too.

Two part question: Do you remember your very first kiss? Are you still in touch with this person?

Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:

Oh yes & no way!

Should I attend a wedding at church as an atheist?

Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:

I used to feel very uncomfortable at churches; maybe for similar reasons. Now I maintain an objective distance & observe them like an anthropologist might attend a tribal ceremony in Africa or where ever. They probably don't adhere to any of the participants' beliefs. It helps if you read up on religion a bit. It also helps if your relatives are really religious nuts like my in laws who think the end of the world is nigh.

How has abuse affected your dating and relationships?

Carin comments on Jun 6, 2018:

I think you're probably doing the right thing. Potential abusers can spot us (consciously or not) & we will always be more at risk of being abused than other people who manage to project self confidence & self worth. I'm working on becoming more bitter. I think it might be the best protection I can manage at this point. Good luck to you.

It's so frustrating when my family is very religious and won't even support me in me trying to get ...

Carin comments on Jun 5, 2018:

Mental illness like depression isn't that much different from physical illnesses. For some reason if your stomach or arm isn't working right it's OK to get professional help, but if it happens to be the body part known as the brain that's not working right, you are expected to cure yourself or just pray about it. That just makes no sense.

I'm new.

Carin comments on Jun 5, 2018:

Good luck! It's hard.

Picked up some tomato plants to do some container gardening (will transplant later).

Carin comments on Jun 4, 2018:

Gorgeous!

How do you make life meaningful without the help of religion?

Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:

My life was not at all meaningful before or after rejecting the fairy tales & embracing atheism. It's now meaningful because of volunteer work for infants, women & girls. I've been a La Leche League leader for 15 years & like to think that my encouragement & sharing of accurate breastfeeding information has helped a few babies to be breastfed longer & have healthier lives. I also hope it's helped new moms get past some of the stress & worry so they could enjoy & bond with their babies more. A more recent project is sewing & mailing flannel sanitary pads to school girls in Malawi who otherwise have to stay home from school every month. We all know education is key to lowering birth rates & many other good things, but just giving the girls a little dignity means a lot to me as well. Sometimes I joke that I seem overly concerned with liquids that come out of women's bodies but I am 100% straight. I think it's just a coincidence!

Hypothetical: what r ur thoughts if atheists rule the world, would it b a utopia, would wars ...

Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:

Since atheists are smarter I think it would have to be a little better. I think things could improve for women particularly, since sexism is (in my opinion) much more connected to religion than the other "isms." Homophobia might also get better since laws against being gay would be repealed. Getting rid of theocracies would do wonders for human rights.

It's a bugs life.

Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:

I read somewhere that it often happened because they were observing captive mantids who were hungry &/or stressed. Apparently in the wild it doesn't always end that way. Same with black widows.

If the Christian god was proven to be real, would you follow him ??

Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:

Would Hell be real too then? Would not want to go there.

Best 80's Sci Fi

Carin comments on Jun 3, 2018:

The Alien movies. Loved the women in that. Seems like that was a breakthrough for us. Now there are so many great female heroes & leaders in movies & TV, especially in Sci Fi shows like Dark Matter, The Rain, Walking Dead & Fear the Walking Dead.

Combined all the tadpoles in one container so we could clean out their coolers and give them fresh ...

Carin comments on Jun 2, 2018:

What kind of frogs or toads are they? Where & when did you get them? How often do you change the water & what do they eat?

Evolution's Worst Mistake? How About External Testicles?

Carin comments on Jun 1, 2018:

Pretty sure all vertebrates except mammals have internal testes...& I can't think of any mammals that don't. For some reason sperms have to stay cooler than the rest of a mammal's body, yet birds are warm blooded. Another apparent (& cruel) evolutionary mistake--the size of newborns' heads v. the size of women's pelvises. I guess large headed babies had a big enough evolutionary advantage that it outweighed a certain percentage of them dying (along with their mothers usually) during birth. So it's not just longterm & short term benefits, but also numbers--grazing animals' normal diets are high in fiber & low in nutrients, so they're drawn to foods like grains & lush new vegetation that have more nutrition & calories. This helps their survival & ability to produce more offspring, but sometimes if there is a lot of rich food available at once they can (& do) eat enough of it to kill themselves. Overall, a taste for rich foods is good for the species but not always for individuals.

I've been a band mom for 6 years and with 2 kids have gone to a LOT of concerts and I will never ...

Carin comments on May 31, 2018:

I'd be happy if they just shut up! Once the band teacher stopped the performance, turned around, & told 2 men having a loud conversation in the back of the room to either be quiet or leave. Can't believe the bad manners of so many adults!

Well Roseanne did it again, opened her big mouth with a racial slur.

Carin comments on May 31, 2018:

I never pay any attention to her so I don't know what she said, but racism is always wrong. I sure got a laugh out of a newspaper headline though, saying the manufacturers of Ambien claim that racism is not a side effect of their drug!

Do you find it offensive when theist think without a belief in god/gods, it’s impossible to have ...

Carin comments on May 30, 2018:

I sure do! I guess they only behave right so they won't go to hell & will go to heaven. We do it for no reward....

Do people become more bigoted as they age?

Carin comments on May 30, 2018:

How old is your mom? Do you think this could be a sign of some mental decline? Do you think she has become more fearful in general? This must be very upsetting to you.

Why doesn't anyone answer messages here? I hope I'm not that ugly lol

Carin comments on May 29, 2018:

Aw, that's too bad! I'm sure you're not ugly.

Circumcised or Uncircumcised?

Carin comments on May 29, 2018:

I am SO against it. Over a hundred baby boys die in the US every year from complications of a cosmetic surgery that they were unable to consent to.

What do agnostics say instead of "Thoughts and Prayers"?

Carin comments on May 29, 2018:

They don't. They try & DO something!

How about Ireland voting to change their constitution over abortion?

Carin comments on May 29, 2018:

It's so reassuring to see that the rest of the world isn't going backwards with us. My political science professor said a national referendum is possible in the US, due to the founding fathers giving us the "right to petition" the government. We have it here in CA--we vote on Propositions that are identified by numbers. Some examples of ones that have passed are a ban on trophy hunting of mountain lions, the establishment of a state lottery, & making battery cages for hens illegal.

How do you feel when someone gives you sympathy?

Carin comments on May 29, 2018:

It makes me feel better, at least for a few seconds.

So after what was already a shit day, I get the distinct pleasure of having my fucking bike stolen! ...

Carin comments on May 29, 2018:

I'm so sorry to hear that! Hope it wasn't your only transport. Try looking for it on Craigslist. I've read about more than one person getting their bike back that way. Hope tomorrow is better!

Leaving aside any religious interpretations and speaking from an atheist/agnostic point of view, ...

Carin comments on May 28, 2018:

Wish I knew! I'll be following this.

Is it ok if married couples keep secrets from one another?

Carin comments on May 27, 2018:

Not if you want to stay married. Secrecy is just another form of lying & I hate liars. My husband's secrets & lies have destroyed our marriage to where there is no hope of repair.

I received a friendship request on Facebook.

Carin comments on May 23, 2018:

Absolutely! Especially considering how christians expect women to act! Might work a bit better if the woman was religious & the man wasn't....?

Ever notice how Christians are always crying persecution, but are the main ones damning people to ...

Carin comments on May 23, 2018:

For sure! & persecuting people who have a different religion as well, claiming this is a christian nation. Grrrr....

Did anyone miss me?

Carin comments on May 22, 2018:

Well, I'm brand new here or I'm sure I would have! How long were you gone, & why?

Parenting advice.

Carin comments on May 22, 2018:

Wow. looking at some of the other comments makes me wonder if many atheists lack a sense of humor, or just have never been parents. I still think it's funny & no, I don't hit my kids. Your joke doesn't lead me to assume you actually hit yours either. Maybe we should just stick to eating every piece of chocolate we can find when it's been "one of those days."

Parenting advice.

Carin comments on May 22, 2018:

One of those days, huh? We all have them! Looking forward to the end of school so I don't have to figure out if they're lying that they don't have homework.

Storms are rolling thru tonite.

Carin comments on May 22, 2018:

I live in CA & I miss REAL weather! Earthquakes & fires & mudslides don't really count....

Are you happily married?

Carin comments on May 22, 2018:

Thought I had been fairly happily married for over 30 years, until stumbling upon some REALLY ugly secrets...10 months later I am still numb & hopeless. Some days I just feel like I'm waiting for the kids to grow up so I can die. I never knew him at all.