With age comes wisdom, and a more expansive sense of humor. 😁

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 30, 2025:

Can't wait to see the Venetian dumb...

Yeah, it's usually one or the other. LOL

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 29, 2025:

So the women could all sit on his face no doubt...

Wish upon a star, watch out for splinters.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 29, 2025:

Somebody got wood...

I would imagine that's too close to honest marketing to be a genuine hellish rebranding.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 27, 2025:

Sometimes I think it is a shame hell doesn't exist...

Goodnight, I'm going back to sleep!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 27, 2025:

That cat has good taste.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JR4RNK1L2DA=newbeginningschapel

Or don't, I really don't GAF.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 26, 2025:

Looks like a bathroom at Taco Bell....

In the words of Paris Hilton, "That's hot!"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 25, 2025:

Dog has the right idea....

It's the guy with the pen who has the problem with the jitters.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 24, 2025:

Have to get that no trespassing sign after all I have a reputation to uphold...

What happened to that "On day one" horseshit?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 23, 2025:

The rich are nothing but cannibals eating everyone else to fatten their own wallets...

Honestly, I might try that kind of throwback on just about any day.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 23, 2025:

I am betting they did think it through....

Well, if you get a bigger fig leaf....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 22, 2025:

Nice fireplace does it come with an LCD fire and heater?...

Here's a poll for you.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 21, 2025:

Rabid dog level hatefilled crazy... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNson4TqUO4=ETNOW

I like to tease the weasel occasionally, but that's different. LOL

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 21, 2025:

Looks like someone is getting a paternity test...

Grandma nooooo!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 20, 2025:

The boss should be thankful he didn't crap in the driver's seat...

Next week: churro Sunday!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 20, 2025:

I tell people I give free advice and it is worth exactly what they pay for it...

I would love to see donnie get a cancer diagnosis and have the doctor tell him "we were doing ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 19, 2025:

Make that 6 months to a year of pain and misery.... It couldn't happen to a more deserving fuckwad...

Bonus: they generally pass through a metal detector without any issues!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 19, 2025:

TDFR Thank Dog For Rocks...

Some trailer trash wisdom from my favorite low-life....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 18, 2025:

Two contributing factors to his statement could be that he is perpetually inebriated and has only ever seen Trump rallies...

Why did God make me an atheist !?!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 18, 2025:

Because maybe even god doesn't believe in himself?...

You can't tell it's a church mouse just by his looks.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 18, 2025:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FOO_avI4oY=ChillingHaru

This dumbass! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 18, 2025:

You have to have a brain left to get high from heroin...

My house isn't working right now! 🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 18, 2025:

Forgot to change the oil again didn't you?...

Yes, because Rupert can't swim, you know.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 18, 2025:

Because capitalism...

AA's have their own code of conduct...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 16, 2025:

I didn't realize that McDonalds served real meat....

My brother was like that dog. As a kid, he ate all the inside of my b-day cake.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 16, 2025:

Privatized medicine making bad deals...

That's what happens when you get high before going to Walmart!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 15, 2025:

Great way to not only make sure that kid has a happy birthday but calm her down at the same time... but you are going to need a much bigger cake.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 15, 2025:

Give me a 32 ounce cup any day of the week...

Some old men want a trophy wife, I want a trophy for making it to old man.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 15, 2025:

Lot of people are surprised I am still alive...

I had a day!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 14, 2025:

"If he had shuffled a few inches to the right he would have won..." Karma

I don't know if the article I read is real but this mother fucker said not to follow his medical ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 14, 2025:

He can't die even in a zombie apocalypse... No brain...

Hey, c'mon, it's Opus! He's a good guy, really!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 14, 2025:

I was wondering why my phone was sending that to people so much...

Those are all very good reasons.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 14, 2025:

Funny how you can win so much for a little thing like telling your billionaire boss to go fuck himself...

Biblical teachings retconned by the mouth breathers.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 14, 2025:

Religion is and always has been about stealing money from those who can't really afford it...

Tuesday is over....... 🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 13, 2025:

Kitty is just brushing his teeth is all.... And ceiling cat has always been a god of beauty.

You mean the animals with the initial "B"? Or the "bee bees"?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 12, 2025:

I imagine Janet carries a small ruler as well....

Moms don't need books for that, it's instinctive! Mother's Day 2025.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 12, 2025:

My mother's favorite section of the library...

Happy Fucking Mother's Day!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 12, 2025:

Just got back from mother's day dinner with my unofficially adopted daughter... Funny how nobody else was going to take her so I ended up doing it.

I've always wondered, did Alexander the Great sent post cards from his travels?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 11, 2025:

Last card he sent said.... "Trying to take a selfie in a beautiful courtyard next to a palm tree and some bastard shot me.... Wish you were here...

Right, for another example, who churns their own butter anymore?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 11, 2025:

Finally something a pope and I agree on..... I never thought I would see the day.

When he goes to the beach, I bet he gets a good tan, too.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 11, 2025:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX6UBWkTyOA=%F0%9F%92%80THEREALVLADIMIRPUTIN

When he goes to the beach, I bet he gets a good tan, too.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 10, 2025:

Just what we need in my neighborhood.... More frogs and suitcases....

Are the tabloid press people that follow the pope around the popearazzi?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 9, 2025:

Probably Cathoclicks....

Honestly, I don't want to be close enough to hear the bark.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 9, 2025:

Must be on Earth he is....

burgler it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 9, 2025:

Sounds more like people are getting dumber...

WOW!!! I just...... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 9, 2025:

Not going to jump out of a perfectly safe aircraft.... But if it is going down and there are parachutes on board it is going down without me.

Is it me?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 8, 2025:

If they do nobody gives a fuck about training or quality...

I think I know how the new pope is elected-all the cardinals pair off and do rock-paper-scissors.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 7, 2025:

And here I thought it was the guy who drew the short straw....

Important health tip for older bears.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 7, 2025:

Why I don't smile in pictures...

A respectful and dignified buzzard tradition captured here for the first time.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 6, 2025:

Reminds me of the shrink they assigned me to at the VA... She couldn't understand why I laughed at her when she called me narcissistic when I explained to her I wasn't religious...

That ocean meth will play havoc with your dental situation.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 5, 2025:

I wonder how often she plays "Good Vibrations" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiIfW3kZgVU=YannMcB

Return of the Sith!!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 5, 2025:

The one on the left has real catitude...

This is how I found out that I am a cat.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 4, 2025:

I am a cat....

It takes a lot to produce the funny papers every single day...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 4, 2025:

...

I'm hoping for luck to hit us soon, this shit is getting out of hand! 🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 3, 2025:

Why would we want football anyway?... Last thing I want to do is watch grown men paid to play with their balls... if I wanted that I can stay home and watch pornhub.

Why? Be-CAAAAWS.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 3, 2025:

Psychics never seem to see it coming do they?...

The bimbo and the lush, quite the administration we got here.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 1, 2025:

More like Batshit Barbie if you ask me....

When mom gives you clothes you hate.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 1, 2025:

My oldest cat loves to jump up on my lap and watch a movie with me....

Bad influence? I dunno, I learned a lot from you fucking heathens. LOL

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on May 1, 2025:

I want a GF just like her....

Who's hungry? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 30, 2025:

Me: at Denny's... Waitress: Just the tip please....

Just once, just one time.....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 30, 2025:

Where can I get a set of those coffee cups?....

Star Trek: Strange new memes.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 30, 2025:

People keep bragging about their plans with unlimited data when they only use about 3GB per month telling me it "only" costs them about 150.00 a month... I get that for 20.00 a month and get better service than they do...

Anger management.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 30, 2025:

Looks like the Navy picked the wrong mascot...

All The Worst Evils Are Happening Right Out In The Open You don’t need to come up with any ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 30, 2025:

I have been telling people since Clinton took over the Democrats that we don't need two right wing parties and now that the progressives are starting to gain power the Regan Republicans in the Democratic party are trying to force them out again...

He said he was a man with convictions, but I never thought....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 30, 2025:

I sent the first one to a friend who I was telling earlier that she is a dirtbag magnet because every man she meets seems to be a piece of shit...

Anger management.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 29, 2025:

I have a cat in my yard that has dairy cow markings...

Embracing the inner nerd.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 28, 2025:

Somebody needs to explain to him that "BBW" isn't about whales...

Hitting the front of the machine never works, either.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 27, 2025:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgj3nZWtOfA=BoxyBrown

Hmmm, maybe I'll check out Instagram for some fowl influencers.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 25, 2025:

And the man in charge brings them right back....

Be careful when the "p" is silent.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 24, 2025:

Is that Aeroflot?....

Get the wet straw ready, We need some white smoke

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 23, 2025:

The new pope is an even bigger dope...

You're fired, I'm fired, get out of here, but I live here, hic!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 22, 2025:

Last one looks like the Republican primaries....

The catholic church finally has a chance to bring itself into modern times-elect Guido Sarducci ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 22, 2025:

And he would have put a hit on Vance.....

Happy Chocolate Egg Day!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 21, 2025:

...

Happy Chocolate Egg Day!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 21, 2025:

Just when you thought you understood how stupid they are.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUvfvwU1pzk=I%27veHadIt

Happy Chocolate Egg Day!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 21, 2025:

...

Happy Chocolate Egg Day!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 20, 2025:

That's Jesus for you..... Always losing his marbles...

I think we should make that the "easter movie" like we made Die Hard the xmas movie.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 20, 2025:

Japan is Taco Bell's idea of heaven....

If Julius Caesar had been from New Orleans would he have said etouffee Brutus?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 20, 2025:

Probably something more like "toi aussi" Brutus...

That explains the rainbow glow..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 19, 2025:

I want that lamp....

Can someone call me a taxi?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 18, 2025:

Aren't youtube videos wonderful?... I knew someone a while back that saw one on how to make diamonds in a microwave using just charcoal, peanut butter and gasoline.... Unsurprisingly she blew up the microwave. I am not making this up.

Dog shaming, I doubt he cares.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 18, 2025:

Yep and we drank in the school library....

Today I noticed that my windows were dirty so I threw my computer into the washer.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 18, 2025:

I bet that cleaned the viruses off your hard drive...

It is what I do best...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 18, 2025:

Ah my favorite hobby and something I have never met anyone better at than I am.... Simply by using facts...

There is one place left where I get the chance to do this.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 17, 2025:

Those dictionaries hurt when they hit...

The day after tax day celebration....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 16, 2025:

So his name was Shit Dick?....

Damn!!! Look at the doughboys ass!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 16, 2025:

Boy I bet he makes a lot of dough....

That shit never comes out.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 15, 2025:

Do they still take lions and tigers?.... Oh my...

I wonder how much extra it cost for the peephole.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 14, 2025:

Or even worse a mongoose....

Faith-based personal finance.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 11, 2025:

Good way to leave it with a broker.... That way he doesn't steal it or lose it all...

Atheist universe-- real id and social security

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 11, 2025:

I have real ID, Login.gov and direct deposit...

Oh yeah? I "love" you too, asshole.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 10, 2025:

Ahh the life of a big pharma researcher.... 5 cents of chemicals, 25 cents in marketing and a penny's worth of research equals $5,000 a pill...

Everyday is a struggle but I'm trying! 😁

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 10, 2025:

The only ones "persecuting" Christians are other Christians and the people Christians persecute....

Maybe trying Eddie out at first base is a better idea.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 9, 2025:

Mole man.... He's our catcher...

Deport those lazy martians!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 8, 2025:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-ptgNVvugg=JayReed

It starts with a back rub.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 8, 2025:

That is what you call "rubbing her the wrong way..."

It starts with a back rub.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 8, 2025:

She ended up with the deluxe rub...

Deport those lazy martians!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 8, 2025:

So many financial planners working for Uber eats these days...

The second part shows cross pollination.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 6, 2025:

Les bee n porn....

I guess that's where the "arm" part comes from...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 5, 2025:

Taking eat me to a whole new level....

..........

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Apr 4, 2025:

You hear that Trump voters?.... You deserve it.