I woke up this morning thinking it was Thursday, it's only Wednesday, jokes on me! ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

"Saints add preservatives to us" (Spider Robinson) So that is how Betty White lasted so long....

May I suggest a rule change here?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Is that so you can tell if she is pre-op or post-op when she is wearing a mini skirt?....

Sorry, can't do..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Blackmail your ass for a wedding ring if you do that...

Don't you touch it

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

We laugh at them but unfortunately their votes count.... I overheard a couple having a yard sale about 10 years ago... Her; "How do you spell sale?" Him: "S-A-I-L" As you might have guessed they were staunch Republicunts and lived with his mommy in a shitty trailer park...

They forgot Maidenhead...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

In California we have 4 towns named "Dog House..."

Picture this, dunes as far as the eye can see...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

I have some raccoons that hang out in the neighborhood if you want one that is undomesticated but will eat almost anything.... They can't do magic though.

You wanna wait for a miracle?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Drink hearty because life is a party....

Life's little pleasures.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

I wouldn't mind going for a ride with her....

Not only funny, but makes an excellent point. [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Christian teachings in a nutshell

An easy prediction

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Where is his Swastika?

These slow brains represent people.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Probably more like 20 because it is like a cold day in hell...

I shall proceed carefully...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Street orgy in session?...

Poor little millionaires

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

When all you can do is play with balls life can be so sad....

Who owns what

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Yet once you fail to appear guess who comes a calling....

At some stage in my last dream, I was driving a car from the rear passenger seat...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Now that was a bit... er... different.

Are you my people?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 27, 2022:

213-325-1212 guess why my parents changed it?.... I had so much fun giving out random phone numbers as a child....

Some mean it, some don't. Some just want the little bastards to go back to school already.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 27, 2022:

Since half of it is already broken the kids are likely laughing their asses off....

Been busy with family so I'm late as usual!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 27, 2022:

Milk N' Cookies or milk N' Nookies?...

Those chapsticks always give me hives, anyway.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 26, 2022:

There is always Dada and his baby sitter....

Just another day hanging from the tree.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 26, 2022:

Everyone misses the fish on a bicycle one...

You know him?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 26, 2022:

Yeah, yeah, yeah you don't have to keep repeating yourself....

How does a hippie polygamist count his wives? 1 Mrs. Hippie, 2 Mrs. Hippie, 3 Mrs. Hippie...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 26, 2022:

Muddy waters there...

He has his skill

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 26, 2022:

Shyte Life....

This has to be said...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 26, 2022:

Now that is my kind of shirt....

Persecution fetish 5. I went to Trump U

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 26, 2022:

#13 She is an inbred moron with delusions of grandeur....

Back to regular shitposting now that xmas is over

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Hey don't we still have XXmas and XXXmas to go for shitposts?...

These mannequins.....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Shopping at Walmart again eh?....

Hell yeah!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

As long as it isn't an inflatable date it's all good....

Tech companies are trying to invent a device that can read what humans are thinking and turn it into...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

The one that makes me laugh is "AI" they have made it so it is hard to detect the difference between something written by a machine or a human but since the machine can't think they are spreading disinformation all over the Internet.... Must be where QANON gets their bullshit from...

Just when you thought it was safe!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Why you should never annoy me...

What made this necessary?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Did you know the government is forcing manufacturers to put serial numbers on condoms now for tracking purposes?.... If not you probably never had to roll one down that far...

Santa not so nice

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

All hail Satan Claws....

FFS! IT'S CHRISTMAS

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Trust me I have worse in my playlist....

The Reality Dose

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

If only these snowflake Trumpanzees would learn that....

Glory! [youtu.be]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 25, 2022:

With 4 counts related to the Jan 6th insurrection attempt alone for the fat turd he is going to have a very unhappy new year...

Just a dollar ninety nine!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

I hear tell he was a sperm whale....

The real holiday spirit

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

It's Kosher!....

Guy walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on committing suicide She responds ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

You will find those in the reference section...

😆😆😆　　　　　　　　　　

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

Or banging their wife....

An atheist dies and goes to hell The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TytGOeiW0aE

While many of you are shivering we are up to a balmy 34.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

Where I live it is in the mid 60s' today do I have to wear a jacket outside...

He will go atheist soon

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

I have orange trees in my yard they even grow their own ornaments...

A rare picture...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

That poor bear is doomed...

JESUS: Before this day is over you will deny me three times. PETER: Really?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 24, 2022:

Stupidly Transmitted Disease?....

Why are "non contact sports" athletes such great actors?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 23, 2022:

Because they aren't drama mamas...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 23, 2022:

Murican Taliband....

Ok so you all know about Elf on a shelf but did you know about....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 23, 2022:

For a group that is supposed to be about humor we seem to be seeing a sever lack of it here today don't we?....

A little winter humor

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2022:

Snow is wonderful on a fucking postcard.....

This time of year it is tough to eat a healthful diet, here's a tip.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2022:

Like drinking the milk out of your frosted flakes then pouring them back into the box.... Corn Flakes are healthy for you...

Posting for a friend that has 3 elementary aged rugrats at home

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2022:

I highly endorse 190 proof Everclear....

Any takers out there?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2022:

Looking for "Biggus Dickus?..."

The difference is real, What has been your experience?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2022:

The one on the right would have been my mother but it is missing the clouds of smoke...

Or whatever you call it, some guys just name it anything

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2022:

Shhhhh don't let @St-Sinner know it is supposed to be a surprise!

Take your time and be patient.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2022:

Went to a store the other day and it reminded me why I prefer shopping online. Parents are letting their little animals run loose and open toys then scattering them all over the store. Tis the season for slip and trip lawsuits falalala lalala....

JESUS: Dad, how do you plan on sending me down to earth?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 22, 2022:

Biblical sex education....

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2022:

He must be a Baptist.... https://www.reddit.com/r/blackmagicfuckery/comments/fv3fdc/magical_ass_bulb/?utm_source=share=web2x=3

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2022:

Well it lit up this guy's life... https://www.documentingreality.com/forum/f149/doctors-withdraw-60-volt-bulb-patient-anus-150091/

Worse than getting whacked?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2022:

Yep Alex Jones is getting real desperate.....

MINION: Jesus, we don't have enough food! We only have two fish and five loaves of bread! JESUS: I ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2022:

I always found that story a bit.... er... fishy...

Cleanup on isle 45

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2022:

He is like a big, fat aerosol can of ketchup...

Messi fever [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2022:

...

Imagine that!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2022:

Worse things than soap he could have put in your mouth....

I think that was '73 or '74

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2022:

When does the movie come out?....

Looks like a revenge child. Someone had it in for him.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2022:

*Gets a huge bowl of popcorn and sits back to watch the fun...*

Not a good time for low level flights over open country

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2022:

Damn it Texas you are supposed to have clearance lights on those windmills...

A word of warning should be sufficient

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2022:

No biggie this time of year I answer calls from anyone I don't know "Satan's Hotline how may I tempt you?..."

Another Cajun story.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2022:

Tell him that the turkey told him to stuff it one too many times...

What, you never been toasted

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 20, 2022:

In bread dog....

That is one horny woodchuck.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2022:

I bet he fucks it so chuckin hard that wood disappears....

Early lessons are important

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2022:

Except it is not a joke...

Not sure where to put this.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2022:

With luck the MAGAts will all stop marrying and reproducing....

Just know this

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2022:

Remember that....

The dog has a Christmas wish

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2022:

Just a wee bit late on that one....

Don't put the nation in danger

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2022:

I know of no Republicans who use their brains do you?....

Freaking Conservatives and their Freaky Jesus

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2022:

Bunch of hypocritical stupid inbred bastards ain't they?...

That's why I like America, plenty of food.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 19, 2022:

She would have the same problem under fascism....

Texas does not read much

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

I am curious how many Texans would actually believe this....

Amazon's drone delivery pilot test has failed in FL

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

What he couldn't afford a shotgun?....

That sums it up.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

Getting old sucks...

Happy Sunday!!!! 🥳 🍺🎉

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

LOL I don't get icicles here but I have a source in China that can ship me red food color in 55 gallon drums if I want it....

Proof - God created Satan

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

Cannibalism or boobies?..... Hummmmm which should I do...

Amazon reaches out to all sorts of customers. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

No returns on that one....

[tiktok.com] Teachers , amazing critters , most of them ♥️🙌♥️

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

Words kids learn in church....

I'll let myself out...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

If there was such a thing I would probably be on my 5th or 6th right now....

A dog with a bandage walks into a saloon.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

Poor son of a bitch... what a sorry tail.

Happy Holidays! [v16m-webapp.tiktokcdn-us.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 18, 2022:

I have Satan Claws running around my house...

I hope he delivers this year.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 17, 2022:

Good luck with that one and please don't send pictures....

I am not going

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 17, 2022:

Lorena Bobbitt lives there....

As if we haven't had enough bad weather this year?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

What you get living in Texas.... After all education there is not a priority...

You wanna to zoom in?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

I will take a dozen gross....

Merry Christmas y'all

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

Looks like their family tree is bamboo...

Father Pat was visited last night

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

There are times when I look at him and people like him and think to myself... "I would love to sew this jerks mouth to his/her asshole so the only one who had to deal with the shit spewing from his/her mouth is him/her..."

I'm glad there's a group for that, kind of an AA for vegans.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

Been thinking of opening a virgin recovery center myself...

Absolutely not

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

Wait until she offers him a Pabst Beer Bong....

You should be happy every day

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

I will take what made Putin attack the Ukraine for 500 Alex....

You've got problems?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

Keeping it in the family....

This is no different than the derivative collapse, the S&L collapse or any of the ponsi type ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

Yeah big surprise they can't get their money back from the Federal Reserve huh?.... Kind of like buying Twitter stock now that Elon is is charge and wondering why you lost so much money...

I can't even

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

You know without asking people who believe shit like this dropped out of school in the third grade at 16....

Damned, Santa is judgmental

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

Thank you very much and fuck you too Satan Claws....

Some people just don't like xmas. Who knew?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 16, 2022:

The sides of Christmas often seen....