Poor guy..

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 2, 2021:

"You should have seen it Martha the damned thing was as big as a whale and swallowed me whole! I came back as soon as the damned thing shit me out!

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 2, 2021:

Doctors orders no doubt because his liver was shot to hell....

Flowchart for an asshole.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 2, 2021:

Forgot to tell them more is better and a 50KW UV lamp is best....

Afternoon snack ?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 2, 2021:

Well Texass and Floraduh are fucked... plenty of zombies but nothing to feed them.

No. Superheroes land like squirrels. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 1, 2021:

https://youtu.be/EwUilIo036g

There's also a talking snake 🐍 and an apple 🍎 that ruined the world 🌎

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 1, 2021:

I love the smell of butthurt in the morning....

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Oct 1, 2021:

These days some stupid bimbo has 19 kids they give her a TV show ....

You can't trust rocks with eyes.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 30, 2021:

Someone got a free meal at "Starving Artists Cafe and Take out..."

Admit it. You sang it, didn't you? 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 30, 2021:

The bonds of unholy wazzat-ormony....

3 out of 4 ain't bad...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 30, 2021:

I am just not equipped to be nice to stupid people....

Santa's sleigh will be extra heavy this year.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 29, 2021:

He better add in some reading lessons for these dumb motherfuckers too...

Now that's a upgrade

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 29, 2021:

As long as biting isn't allowed....

Progress in technology lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 29, 2021:

Available in a sex toy store near you in the state of Texas...

They had to put a sign! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 29, 2021:

Caution: could cause a pain in the ass...

praise god amen.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 29, 2021:

People keep misinterpreting the old saw about "Jesus being hung..."on the cross....

Can't wait for the Netflix documentary!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 29, 2021:

So she is a connoisseur then?....

Political correctness in 2021.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 28, 2021:

Nice to see proof that Nazi rhetoric is still a part of so-called "liberal" thinking and not just a part of normalized GQP speech....

The Russians are coming, fill your tank up and hide the women! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 28, 2021:

BREXIT at work....

This is a good one

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 28, 2021:

.................

What's good for one is good for all.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 28, 2021:

Another way people are hypocrites....

Be wary of hugs

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 27, 2021:

And a free meal...

Yeah seems stupid

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 27, 2021:

In all fairness the way people act these days he may have mistaken it for a representative sample of the dominate intelligent life-form on this planet...

QAnon doctors.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 27, 2021:

Hope he believes in washing his hands.... Wondering if he uses the same finger as a rectal thermometer as well....

When I go grocery shopping by myself! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 27, 2021:

Don't really have that problem here ... plenty of clerks and all willing to help and most of the customers are happy to help you get something off the top shelf as well. The only stores which this isn't true seem to be the big chains from outside the state.... Never enough employees and those that are around all seem to be slackers who are underpaid. They just hang around to collect a paycheck is all.

Not all of course, but some Chinese food sucks! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 26, 2021:

.....................

That would be fun

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 26, 2021:

Transvestite nuns smoking a fatty and drinking Mad Dog 20/20.... What a sight that would be in front of a Catholic church on a Sunday morning....

Redneck engineering

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 26, 2021:

But he has great air conditioning....

Becky seems like a fun person

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

I'll drink to that....

One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

https://youtu.be/PZuHAsf6qO0

One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

Me I am part Scotch and part Soda here....

Sometimes it just the thought that counts

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

When it is hard to tell if he is cuming or going....

I wonder if she considers it cheating if she changes personalities in the middle of?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

As long as none of those personalities is a born again virgin it's all good...

Cat piss!!!! 😂😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

The only thing more usless than light beer is non-alcoholic beer...

I'm wondering why it took him so long to discover it wasn't real drugs

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

Herpes is a virus so yes but Syphilis requires direct contact so no...

Dating horror story

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

When you feed her lobster and all you get is crabs....

Ain't this the way it is! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

Capitalism in a nutshell.... Fire the people who do the work and send their jobs to countries that use exploited and slave labor....

A quick stop for a hair cut or music anyone?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

For a haircut you can really lose your head over...

A quick stop for a hair cut or music anyone?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

Never tell this guy "I'd like a little off the top please...." Unless you want to leave about a foot short...

Should we start searching right now? :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 25, 2021:

Reminds me of the time we had them page Dr. Jack Meiofe at Disneyland when I was young.... "Dr. Jack Meiofe please call the Disneyland operator your office has been trying to reach you...."

Santa and Stalin.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 24, 2021:

Both avid communists who used slave labor...

A poker tail - impossible. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 24, 2021:

Best way to bluff in poker is to switch up your tells....

Have you seen a clean one?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 24, 2021:

No Republicans since Eisenhower left office that is for damned sure.... and there is damned little difference between a Democratic "moderate" and a Republican...

My new favourite word!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 24, 2021:

Also known as an anti-vaxxer....

Help the astronaut

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 23, 2021:

Three feet off the floor... https://youtu.be/W5D07c0dJuQ

Anti-vaxxers are now going to start carrying signs saying "No salad for me because Freedumb..."

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 23, 2021:

Maybe we should just start a rumor that all foods now contain the vaccine so they have a choice to either die of starvation or leave the country....

Talk about destroying someone's self esteem.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 23, 2021:

Druggies throw shoes over powerlines to mark the locations of their houses.... Is this marking the location of the local low end house of prostitution?

Can't do anything anymore

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 23, 2021:

People actually listen to shit like that still?...

New perspective on chicken/egg matter

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 23, 2021:

Change that egg picture a bit and you have a pig.... Would that make it "Porked Chicken?"

Another reason I hate washing dishes! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 23, 2021:

Cup yes spoon?.... Not even once.

Jesus wants to come inside of you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 23, 2021:

.................

I saw this meme and I just had to steal it.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 23, 2021:

Alcohol as it relates to the Dunning-Kruger Effect....

Oh oh he got caught

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 22, 2021:

..............

Thats the truth

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 22, 2021:

With the things you post and the comments you make I have a pretty good idea why....

Yes please stop that

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 22, 2021:

Memo addressed to McConnell, Trump and Hillary Clinton...

"Fascinating Captain!"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 22, 2021:

Yep back then those suckers even defied the ship's artificial gravity....

Met anxiety...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 21, 2021:

All the stupid anti-vaxxers out there anyone with two functioning neurons or more is bound to have a bit of anxiety...

I do this ever so often. Maybe, I'm gifted, too! 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 21, 2021:

..........................

Don't get vaccinated!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 20, 2021:

A true Entrepreneur....

Did you know this?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 20, 2021:

Well that will certainly put some weight on her....

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 20, 2021:

I heard that familiar, cheerful voice from the radio giving that sad message at the end of his weekly show "And remember to stay demented" and nearly cried....

My exact same feeling! 😂😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 20, 2021:

Is it wrong that I can relate to this meme?... Hating is too much effort to me though but if a person I know was to step in front of a bus I would try hard not to laugh..... smiling and "saying Darwin wins another round" though? You betcha I am going to make sure someone hears me say it in the moment...

What is your answer

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 20, 2021:

Painful

That's a huge mistake oops

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 20, 2021:

Hey babe wanna ride my ass?....

Very funny tale

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 20, 2021:

Bet the snake follows him home...

They were on sale, but still...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 20, 2021:

Truth in advertising the product did stop him from snoring...

Demon uprising of the 1980s.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

I just sent this to someone born in the late 1990s' and expect a reply any minute now saying "????????"

"The antivax are coming!"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

We could use tranquilizer dart guns loaded with the J&J vaccine....

Response to "I'm praying for you"

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

"That's nice I will be sure to talk to my cat for you..." Often they freeze up and don't know what to say I find it amusing. People who talk about praying for others are egotistical and arrogant thinking that everyone should believe as they do through "faith" (a complete lack of real evidence even though there is a lot of evidence it is all made up garbage) but there is no point in getting upset yourself let them get upset if they want. It gives you a longer happier less stressful life to not get upset over their personal rudeness.

STOP DOING THIS SHIT! In your house it’s ok if you want or where no one sees them but not in a ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

Move over kid I am next...

Found some money in a church yard, and I thought, "What would Jesus do?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

And in the end it was all pissed away...

I am NOT a role model!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

................

I'm sure it's a coincidence...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

I wouldn't be so sure... In "A Boy and His Dog" they survived together since he was a child and in the end the girl who first trapped him and then escaped with him was fed to the dog so they could both survive... Made me cry I so love a happy ending... https://youtu.be/3UWIzcJ1Neg

Wasn't me this time...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

The Bunny did it... He said the second and third hours were free....

Yup.......

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 19, 2021:

Perhaps in retrospect using the image of Bill Gates (a conservative) was not the best idea in this instance...

A little satire for Saturday

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 18, 2021:

Actually this is true it doesn't lower our population by much and it makes the state a far nicer place to live.... Many of them move to Texas because they think they will pay less in income tax (they don't because state income tax can be deducted from your federal income tax and the property taxes are higher by dollar value in Texas) and unfortunately most of the ones who are not retired move back when they figure out how much less they are getting paid there...

Probably wouldn't work

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 18, 2021:

Who says this is alternative?....

Well she should know

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 18, 2021:

...............

I think so! 😂😂

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 18, 2021:

Wondering where he empties the shitter....

Always comical.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 18, 2021:

......................

It took a bit of doing, but I got the picture

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 17, 2021:

..................

That one I get

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 17, 2021:

Miss Piggy always had the wrong idea how to seduce Kermit..... She should have invited her sister over and given him a "Ham Sandwich..."

Taxi service is on time. Welcome!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 17, 2021:

Do they have a sign telling people not to shit on the carpet?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 17, 2021:

At 14 I could out drink a lot of adults.... We had an old fridge in the backyard that I knew where the key was hidden that was always full...

Latest antivaxxer advertisement

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 17, 2021:

..................

Funny picture

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 17, 2021:

Looks like the sun is doing him doggy style....

I prefer pictures

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 17, 2021:

Not a guy I would trust with my cat....

"If I owned both hell and Texas, I'd live in hell and rent out Texas." General Sheridan

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 16, 2021:

General Sheridan made that quote as a Captain What I always wanted to know is if we can give Texas back to Mexico?.... http://www.dwagoner.dyndns.org/MainPage/code/index.html

Very smart general

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 16, 2021:

..............

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 16, 2021:

Should have asked her "one hump or two?"

At least I'm not the only one being toxic! Lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

Like this one?...

How true it is lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

At least a hundred bucks in change.....

Thinking for yourself has become a 'Thought Crime'.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

Yeah we hear what horrible people we are all the time from the GQP who are only repeating what they are told to believe....

That I would bet on

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

..............

Flo-ri-duh!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

They were probably wearing masks....

Miss them too

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

Well at least Trump's flying monkeys are still with us....

Well deserved medal

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

...................

Is that Freud?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

.................

Another groaner for you

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

.....................

I’ll take as a compliment that someone has covered my song!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

Karaoke?...

For Chris's sake...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Sep 15, 2021:

..................