Real handy

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 6, 2022:

Man overboard....

An under-reported fact.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 6, 2022:

Thinking like a true needle dick....

Not exactly the best selling point.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 6, 2022:

Jesus has been cuming for 1900 years now you would think he could get it right already....

Hit the nail on the head...Pardon the pun!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 6, 2022:

Sounds like it is time to change bags.... Pun intended...

When will these idiots learn, that is a 2000 pound can of whoop ass!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 6, 2022:

"Think of it as Evolution in action..." Larry Niven

Please pay attention

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 6, 2022:

Fine lock me down with her....

Summertime and the living is easy.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 6, 2022:

Nothing like a nice thick coat of sunscreen at the beach.... except you end up bringing half the beach home with you....

Two kinds of 'stoned'

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

But it will certainly do.....

I wonder if he was giving them tips or the other way around?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

50 Shades of Sarcasm.....

What a Mom

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

Me: I had a collision while riding my bike and was thrown 20 feet knocking myself unconscious against the curb... Not only do I have a big gash in my head I seem to be bleeding from my ears.... Mother: That's nice is the curb ok?....

Mind you're words mate.....cops write everything down! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

Sounds like my ex-wife..... After we got married she never did much of anything except complain about how much she did and how little everyone else did....

A day late, but I need to give credit where it is due.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

And every year Randy Quade becomes more and more like him....

That's why I don't sleep well

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

You would think they were married....

I wonder what this does....

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

Home Depot.... It's a shitty place to work....

Yeah me trying to be nice.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

Blind guy: What was that loud noise and how am I doing? Smudge: "Third pedestrian doing great so far..."

Apparently, the main character in 50 Shades of Gray says "Oh my," quite a lot.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 5, 2022:

Probably the second best actor in the startrek series....

A little girl is playing with Barbie and Thor.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 4, 2022:

Last time I saw this joke it was Barbie and GI Joe....

Happy fourth, or not.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 4, 2022:

And neither of them worthy of it....

Talk about a communications failure.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 4, 2022:

Is that what they call a girl who can give magical head?....

A lady goes to her priest one day & tells him: ''Father, I have a problem.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 4, 2022:

What else would a Catholic pray for....

Four for the Fourth...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 4, 2022:

#1 is dead on the money......

But he's got such a nice vibrato.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 3, 2022:

Nobody in that band better be smoking....

WV is not too far from New Orleans

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 3, 2022:

Practicing for her brothers?....

Some guidelines for my stateside heathens. Happy 4th! 😏

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 3, 2022:

If it starts raining body parts I refuse to bother 9-1-1. Fuck that shit I will just fill up the green waste bin and let the city compost it all....

Thank Dog!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 3, 2022:

Deja vu....

Touch it, smell it, feel it, and... I'm talking about BOOKS! 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 3, 2022:

No Trumpanzees on that flight....

Are you getting sleep enough to deal with all the big, hairy bullshit?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 3, 2022:

Sleep is something I often dream about....

OOPPSS! Busted

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 3, 2022:

Wait until all his other dead relatives show up looking for the money he borrowed from them....

Why does everything Christians say have sexual tones?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 3, 2022:

I agree with Ben Franklin..... "once in the morning a new day aborning, once in the night outen the light..."

Take the Heathen Challenge! Genetically Modified Skeptic - How to go to hell in every religion ...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

Satan and me we be friends....

Mongoose in Texas are aggressive

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

I think they have upgraded to AR-15s and glocks now....

You know how old the art of tattoo is?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

Later the same day the art of cussing was invented....

You going to the rap supper? Mary Magdalene is coming per da Vinci.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

Oh hai....

Rust in pieces.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

I have found turning off auto-correct and auto-complete improves my English skills...

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate?

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

All I can say is...... "HOLY FUCKING SHIT..." That must have been a real shitstorm...

He sings well

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

And his new number one hit single "Squealing the night away..."

I have underpants like that.........feckin' crap! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

Incredibly ballsy place to air them out....

Smokey knows!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

Looks like Smokey has wood....

Now that everyone thinks that they are a photo editor, photo 101

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

Looks like somebody is having a good time....

Elmo Claps Back At Ted Cruz The Only Way He Knows How [m.youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 2, 2022:

I would have loved to have been on the wall when Ted Cruz heard this one.....

Sometimes this is me.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 1, 2022:

https://youtu.be/I_e-RQZVwxg

Mrs. Betty Bowers [youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 1, 2022:

Video was removed...

When your friends think you are so cool... Truth hurts. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 1, 2022:

In my case I just learned to stop giving a fuck....

He was an engineering student from Georgia

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 1, 2022:

I could see the same results from a Chinese engineer....

In the long run, we're ALL dead.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 1, 2022:

If a state wants to outlaw abortion all the federal government has to do is place a 15% additional income and revenue tax on every person, business and church in that state to care for the unwanted children.... No deductions allowed.... Watch how fast unrestricted abortion becomes legal...

For a morning hug

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 1, 2022:

Skidmarks on the toilet seat.... At least it saves money on toilet paper....

Just had an epiphany...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 1, 2022:

It took you this LONG to figure that out?.....

His fans thought he was🔥

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jul 1, 2022:

Nope.... not a clue who that loser is....

Looking back, that was the happiest

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 30, 2022:

I wish LMAO.....

Trump still has a lot of skeletons in the closet.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 30, 2022:

I hear his mom is still looking for an abortion...

So much progress to reverse, so little time.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 30, 2022:

Thanks corporate Democrats for making promises you never intended to keep.....

Animal logic...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 30, 2022:

That's my cat....

I'm very late today! Hope you all had a good Wednesday!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 30, 2022:

We will just have to start calling you " the late @MichelleGar1 " then won't we?....

Ted get owned by a puppet. [m.youtube.com]

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 30, 2022:

No wonder Triumph found Ted such an easy target he failed American history again....

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 30, 2022:

Looks like dad is getting an inflated opinion of himself....

You will be happy to know this

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 30, 2022:

And here is a pair of tits for you...

He looks like he is enjoying it way too much.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 29, 2022:

All churches are sex cults...

Now this works

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 29, 2022:

I have only been in this house for a little over 5 years now and not only have the Jehovah's Witlesses black listed me the Morons, Baptists and three other churches in the neighborhood....

I'm always trying to be helpful.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 29, 2022:

I don't think she wanted spices that hot.....

(Thanks to @Druvius .

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 29, 2022:

Or got her ass beat down by her cell mates....

An old man somewhere in the Soviet Union's buries a box in his yard.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 29, 2022:

I would have told them that the new neighbor was an asshole who was bragging about being a KGB agent and I wanted to make him look like a fool because I figured he was just a snitch....

Right play, wrong actors

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 29, 2022:

Lucky hubby.....

Honesty is the best policy,...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 29, 2022:

Yet sometimes keeping your mouth shut beats honesty....

Damn ...Still no tomatoes!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

Plenty of herb though to go with them....

If I get another cat I am going to name it Scan so when I am referring to it I can refer to it as my...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

I can get you a deal on a cat right now I have three Siamese and three black shorthair kittens in my backyard at the moment...

I know I am going to get it for this one, I just had to though.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

I fight bad guys all the time and refuse to kill dragons unless they threaten the innocent (eating bad guys is fine it just saves me the trouble of dealing with them...) The rest I can do for myself.

A PhD from the 'University of Experience'

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

I wonder why he looks like an overused punching bag?.... Oh wait never mind....

Don't spend money on doctors

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

Misspelled label on a bottle of "Magical Penis Whine" a favored drink of far right-wing incels the world over...

I am a Social Vegan. I avoid Meet.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

Saved me countless years behind prison bars....

He did his best

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

Nailed it?....

Accurate assessment

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

Except there isn't a pool of vomit under his face....

Proven wrong again

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

No fucks given or accepted here....

Things are going to the dogs cats

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

Yes cats are drama queens....

No longer dating. Proof: They argue over household chores. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

Mike is now seeing his divorce lawyer ....

Home improvement

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 28, 2022:

Now those are the shitz.....

Faith of a mustard seed, lol

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 27, 2022:

I think he just had to fart and is going to blame the human....

A man is walking in the woods when he finds a suitcase.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 27, 2022:

Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer.....

Tell me about it. This is so not necessary. Give me more bacon instead.😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 27, 2022:

If it tastes like sawdust it was definitely over priced....

An oldie but worth another look.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 27, 2022:

And people wonder why there are so many divorces when kids learn shit like this from their parents....

May not be ridiculous after all

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 27, 2022:

What can I say.... Rednecks have a weird idea of "fun".....

Sorry, my bad!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 27, 2022:

I never use the self checkout lines anywhere.... Not only does it not save me any money but it keeps that company from hiring someone. Plus when you add the fact that the scanners will sometimes not scan an item correctly or miss it entirely these big corporations have you arrested for shoplifting.

Made in China.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 27, 2022:

Some things just don't translate well.....

A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 26, 2022:

Pathetic how in our USA just being born here gets you a free pass no matter how stupid and uneducated.... Maybe if we had to EARN citizenship like emigrants do we would be far better off and more appreciative of what being a citizen really is....

High school graduation in India

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 26, 2022:

Lower educational standards make for higher graduation rates.... Look at China where people riot when you ban cheating in schools....

Let the truth be told...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 26, 2022:

Alcohol.... still the world's top selling sex lube....

A new word is coined, "Stupidology" :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 26, 2022:

And CA makes them put a prop 36 label on compostable plastic made from Hemp because when you smoke Hemp it gives off by products from burning that might cause cancer.... Highly unlikely to cause it but hey after all.....

Hats off to the passing

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 26, 2022:

Going to make meter sticks instead?.....

These church goers really are a dense crowd. Preachers know their marks.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 26, 2022:

Like the little kid's game.... "This is the church..." "This is the steeple" "Open the doors and see all the Sheeple..."

Wish I could

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 25, 2022:

Only dumb people pay that kind of money for tap water in a bottle....

Signs, signs everywhere a sign...

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 25, 2022:

Well somebody started some shit didn't they?....

Mrs.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 25, 2022:

I would love to play this during a congressional session....

The kids solved the mystry again

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 24, 2022:

And they got it right.....

The good feckin' Samaritan! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 24, 2022:

If I introduce you to my ex-wife you better swing harder....

Up coming reality show!!!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 24, 2022:

Hopefully season one ends with the whole bunch headed to prison...

okay that's funny as hell

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 23, 2022:

Too well dressed....

I love haiku!

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 23, 2022:

#1 was always me.....

Well, that's a legitimate reason for thoughts and prayers. 😆

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 23, 2022:

Should have kept both hands on his phone instead of his pecker....

A good cheap alternative but not really Kosher, quite a dilemma for some I imagine! :-D

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 23, 2022:

Spam, it's like ham only cheaper and nasty tasting....

This made me think of @azzow2

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 23, 2022:

Death by a thousand peckers.... What a fowl way to go.

Mermaid is a fairytale, don't try.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Jun 23, 2022:

She has a real cute tail....