How?

Sticks48 comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Drugs and alcohol?

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 9, 2021:

Spoken like a true musician. So many of your peers seem to have turned to those to cope, tho I'm sure you were offering this tongue in cheek...

How?

TheMiddleWay comments on Aug 9, 2021:

Focus on the small instead of dwelling on the large. The world may be falling apart around me but I will still find happiness in playing an instrument, reading a book, or the company of a friend.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 9, 2021:

Quite true. I feel lately that humankind as a whole is doomed, but there is hope and happiness as well, available for us as individuals.

How?

jlynn37 comments on Aug 9, 2021:

To start with ... "To thine own self be true".

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 9, 2021:

Yup, if you can't accept and like yourself, nobody else will do that either regarding you.

Let's talk about people who describe their STDS on a dating site.

Pralina1 comments on Aug 8, 2021:

Oh hell yeah . I need to see test results b4 he sees my bedroom . Take it or leave it , I don’t care 😂 Deal breaker ? Yes . I have 1000 problems as it is , and I don’t need health to be added . I smoked ciggarets up to 2018( STUPID ) , I already know where my future cancer is coming from ,...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 8, 2021:

@Pralina1 So sorry to hear that. I was assuming it was either that or mental illness. I hope you had a full recovery from the heart attack.

Let's talk about people who describe their STDS on a dating site.

Pralina1 comments on Aug 8, 2021:

Oh hell yeah . I need to see test results b4 he sees my bedroom . Take it or leave it , I don’t care 😂 Deal breaker ? Yes . I have 1000 problems as it is , and I don’t need health to be added . I smoked ciggarets up to 2018( STUPID ) , I already know where my future cancer is coming from ,...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 8, 2021:

What was your MI at 23 refer to? I have a guess, but don't want to assume. BTW, thanks for the hug emoji...

Let's talk about people who describe their STDS on a dating site.

MichelleGar1 comments on Aug 8, 2021:

After a relationship ends I get tested just in case, so far nothing. Happy to be in a healthy, committed relationship with metalhead222 who I met on this site!

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 8, 2021:

I think that is very wise to get tested after a long relationship, esp. if you have any doubts about whether they were faithful to you. I guess I never thought about doing that since I was widowed. Maybe I will go in again for testing if I find someone compatible, but right now, I guess I don't feel much need the way things are going. I probably should anyway, but I would be afraid of going in on my own and getting bad news, with only friends to comfort me.

Where is the best place to meet members of the opposite sex?

bobwjr comments on Jul 29, 2021:

Gave up

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 7, 2021:

At times I feel like giving up, but I dread even more being alone the rest of my life. I got pretty spoiled, I guess, by my late wife before she got ill.

With all the things going on, I thought it would be nice to check up on everyone.

Sticks48 comments on Aug 5, 2021:

Doing well thanks. We are hosting an open mic tonight, and how are you?

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 5, 2021:

@Sticks48 Might hold off on sex til after the surgery and recovery as well. I'm guessing your life is similar enough to mine on the dating front, so that shouldn't be too tough of a wait...

With all the things going on, I thought it would be nice to check up on everyone.

Sticks48 comments on Aug 5, 2021:

Doing well thanks. We are hosting an open mic tonight, and how are you?

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 5, 2021:

@Sticks48 No heavy lifting for you.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Canndue comments on Jul 17, 2021:

For all the lonely men out there, there are just as many lonely women. You can’t catch anything without putting your bait in the water. But if you keep casting in the same pool with only an occasional nibble, try a new pool.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 5, 2021:

@Canndue I don't either, but you are incapable of admitting when you are wrong. You don't know me at all, nor do you know Jack Shitt about my local dating pool, so you have a lot of gall to sit there in your ignorance and judge me, as you have.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Canndue comments on Jul 17, 2021:

For all the lonely men out there, there are just as many lonely women. You can’t catch anything without putting your bait in the water. But if you keep casting in the same pool with only an occasional nibble, try a new pool.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 4, 2021:

@Canndue First of all, I have no idea who Hannah Ferguson is. Secondly, tho you smugly enjoy being critical of me and blaming me for my online dating woes, could it instead really be more of a case of me being too much of a square peg in a round hole dating pool? Because I have had plenty of validation of that from other people from Agnostic.com, both past and present members, who are not active on the forums these days, including Deiter, a former member here who described me as a square peg, etc.. Even tho they are not on this forum to support or stick up for my point on that, it doesn't negate the fact that plenty of people agree with my viewpoint even if they aren't here to dispute your blaming of me. You live in Boston, the land of Blue politics and liberal culture. What the fuck would you know about my local dating pool and trying to find someone compatible in a dating pool where the vast majority would automatically reject most people like you and others from the mainstream culture where you live? You are smugly lucky enough to be part of the mainstream where you live, whether you realize it or not, so have some humility. I doubt you would be so critical if you were single and lived where I do, because you would never agree to live here in the first place, I bet. As for your platitude about find the few attractive features in every women, I assume you are speaking of physical features. I don't want to be crass, but you appear to be average or above average looking, so are you telling me you would settle for a woman who was a 3 or a 4 on the looks scale? I highly doubt it, as few men would with your level of looks, so I reject your platitude there and suspect you are being a hypocrite in your "advice" to me about my standards for attraction. I do however, agree with your generalization about very attractive women, as it matches what most other men have told me about their type, that on the inside they are very unappealing. I have no firsthand experience with them, except for one woman who was a 9, that I met thru a voice personal and was told on the first meeting, directly but kindly, that I was not attractive enough for her standards, but that she would be glad to spend time with me as a friend if I wished that. So I had a great two year friendship with her until not long before I met my late wife. That was the only 9 I ever got to know personally, and I think she was probably quite an exception inside compared to her peers in looks. She happened to be a Christian minister, who knew I was an Agnostic. And she seemed to like my personality just fine, thank you. She left town after her church closed and we lost touch with each other, so you can shove your theory about self-reflection and think about how well you would do in MY dating pool ...

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Canndue comments on Jul 17, 2021:

For all the lonely men out there, there are just as many lonely women. You can’t catch anything without putting your bait in the water. But if you keep casting in the same pool with only an occasional nibble, try a new pool.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 4, 2021:

@Canndue I have less than six dealbreakers, but the vast majority of women I encounter on Match seem to have about double that, as far as their hard preferences. So it really doesn't matter if I am pretty open-minded, not if the vast majority of the women in my local dating pool aren't. You combine those two factors with how much I am out of the cultural and lifestyle mainstream of my local area and the Midwest in general, where most everybody is Christian or Catholic, from white conservative families and generally not that open-minded, tolerant or progressive, that is how I end up having to settle for only about 2-3 % of the women being compatible. Because, like most people, I am not willing to settle for someone that is not physically attractive to me. I am a 5-6, and, frankly, women who are less than a 5 are not attractive enough for me to want to date them, no matter how much I might enjoy them as platonic friends. Let's see how much that riles up, like it usually does, our female members. But the brutal fact is that most men and women are the same as me on that. And I have the proof, with how I clearly get more responses to my messaging on Match the lower the women's looks are on the 1-10 scale. Rarely get any replies from the few 8s I ever message, a few more from the 7s, and way more from the 5s and 6s. I call that indisputeable evidence, since all these women are looking at my same profile and I am sending the same kind of message to all of them, save personalized mentions of what their particular profile says. Compromise only works, my friend, if it is practiced on both sides, and most women in my area don't need to compromise much on their preferences that reject me for not being mainstream on culture and lifestyle, because they have more than enough guys who measure up to me on other things, plus being mainstream on culture and lifestyle like these women, to choose from. So why should they be flexible with me when they have plenty of mainstream guys to choose from and they are only looking for mainstream guys, on culture and lifestyle? Because character and heart don't come out very well or clearly until you meet in person or at least do a video chat or phone call. And I usually never get that far or get that chance with women that use a rigid checklist that eliminates me well before that on not having kids, not being Christian or Catholic, not being their lower level of education (even tho I am fine with that), etc.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Canndue comments on Jul 17, 2021:

For all the lonely men out there, there are just as many lonely women. You can’t catch anything without putting your bait in the water. But if you keep casting in the same pool with only an occasional nibble, try a new pool.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 4, 2021:

@Canndue Interesting to me that I answered your ? and then you never replied....

I won't eat 3 items. How about you?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 3, 2021:

Probably half the items on the list are things I won't eat.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 4, 2021:

@BufftonBeotch Extremely picky.

Say Hello to Alice112, the newest christian troll to post a picture in her profile of her big tits.

starwatcher-al comments on Aug 3, 2021:

Has anybody ever met a scammer/troll with small boobs? Didn't think so.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 4, 2021:

Big boobs sell beer, so why would anyone use small boobs to promote an internet romance scam?

Say Hello to Alice112, the newest christian troll to post a picture in her profile of her big tits.

MrDragon comments on Aug 3, 2021:

I think that she's a really a big fat sweaty dude living in his moms basement. You'll notice that all them are from Pennsylvania.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 3, 2021:

@MrDragon Probably. That would be my move if I were living at home with my parent. Stealth moves for everything...

Say Hello to Alice112, the newest christian troll to post a picture in her profile of her big tits.

MrDragon comments on Aug 3, 2021:

I think that she's a really a big fat sweaty dude living in his moms basement. You'll notice that all them are from Pennsylvania.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 3, 2021:

Yeah, but scammers gotta eat too. Got to use whatever works for advertising...

Say Hello to Alice112, the newest christian troll to post a picture in her profile of her big tits.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 3, 2021:

My money says "she" will be gone before the end of the day... At least someone knows how to get the attention of the male audience here, lol.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 3, 2021:

@AmmaRE007 Ha ha, good one.... I look at the whole thing with a chuckle and an eyeroll...

Responsibilities of being a good citizen

LenHazell53 comments on Aug 1, 2021:

I've made the rights AND responsibilities argument for years, but it seems an increasing number of people want all the rights, none of the responsibilities and a denial of those same rights to everyone else. This is their definition of personal freedom ''Do unto others as you assume they would ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 3, 2021:

It's called preemptive oppression.

Thank France backbone and brains about lockdowns A reported 200,000 protesters hit the street ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 2, 2021:

Duplicate post much?

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 2, 2021:

@Castlepaloma Good. A little humility and modesty are always a better look than one of "more of me is better than less".

It’s a shame that the same people that bitch that mask mandates and lockdowns take their freedom ...

Secretguy comments on Aug 2, 2021:

No resources should be wasted on anyone who isn't vaxxed.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 2, 2021:

I wish that hospitals could turn them away and refuse to treat them, but legalities and professional ethics don't allow for that, even tho Bible-thumping pharmacists are allowed to refuse to dispense birth control meds.

Thank France backbone and brains about lockdowns A reported 200,000 protesters hit the street ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 2, 2021:

Duplicate post much?

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 2, 2021:

@Castlepaloma No why would you keep up the duplicate post? To be a troll? To feed your ego? You are just confirming that you are an ass.

Actually dating profile on OKCupid: My self-summary Looking for a casual fling.

RonWilliam53 comments on Aug 1, 2021:

An yet everyone complains about dishonest profiles! He'd do better (maybe)on a hook-up site, though.( please note tongue in cheek)

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 1, 2021:

Exactly, but maybe OK Cupid is a hookup site. I dunno, because I am too old for those sites. I will stick with Match, has lots of people my age, at least for now.

First Date Question

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 31, 2021:

I would never waste my time on a Trumper, once I knew their politics. As for general rules on dating, I usually settle for or initiate a hug at the end of the first in person meeting, which is usually for coffee. I offer to walk them out to their car and do the hug there, if they are comfortable ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 1, 2021:

@K9Kohle789 I think that is very true, Lonnie. Many of Trump's low level aides have realized by now they will not only have a hard time getting sex from most women after being on the Trump team, and those same guys are probably also having a hard time getting new jobs with their Trump history on their resume, so in both cases, these guys are prone to lying about their Trump associations so they can meet their needs for sex or employment. So my advice is don't trust until you have verified.

Cat Tries To Cope With Unrequited Love | The Dodo Cat Crazy - YouTube

Lilac-JadeCanada comments on Aug 1, 2021:

Poor Bean.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 1, 2021:

I relate so much to Bean. He's me every time I try to connect with a woman on a dating site who is an 8 on looks. I never have a chance, but I still take a shot at them once in a while, while in the meantime sending almost all of my messages to women who are 6s and 7s in looks.

Delta variant: 8 things you should know | Coronavirus | UC Davis Health

DenoPenno comments on Jul 31, 2021:

Delta Variant getting bad in Missouri. I'm fully vaccinated and no longer wear a mask but I have one in my car. If asked to wear it, I will. If this gets worse my corporation will again require us to mask up.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 31, 2021:

@HippieChick58 I'm in the same boat and I live in a city that is extremely red, so I don't trust my neighbors either. Once again, we are on our own if we live in a red state.

Received this latest post on my facebook timeline: People mocking the emotions of cops from January...

think-beyond comments on Jul 30, 2021:

First it's lack of empathy...then the sadists are let loose.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 31, 2021:

Same thing happened in Nazi Germany.

Well I'll be damned.

K9Kohle789 comments on Jul 30, 2021:

I have a date from Match today. We talked on the phone and seem to have a lot of the same likes. Hey I haven't really dated for 20 yrs; should be interesting. I put I don't like straggly beards and he has a short neat one but its 3 colors I think. I haven't been on Match for a long time and it seems...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 31, 2021:

@K9Kohle789 Join the club, Lonnie. Here in Iowa, as I said, the men have to do all the pursuing on sites like Match, at least if they are only average looking like me. For all I know, it could be that some women in my local dating pool actually do make the first move and message some men, but I would bet that only happens if the man is very good looking or the woman is below average looking, so she gets fed up with not getting very many messages from men and decides to take her fate into her own hands. In my experience on Match, for almost four years now, the women who have messaged me first that were not obvious scammers, have almost always been below average looking women like what I already described. And as far as women making the first move when they were average or above average looking women, the women like that I have chatted with on Match have never said they message men first, because they already got so many messages from men that it was overwhelming, so they felt no need to pursue men with initial messaging. My response rate is only about 10% for the first messages I send, and I am probably a lot more selective and personalized in my first messages and who I choose to message than most men. I can only assume it is mostly about my looks not being good enough to compete against the other guys, and also because I don't fit into the preferences of the women I message, regarding their lifestyle, which is usually more mainstream than mine for here, and the mainstream culture they are part of here and I am not. I don't like all that rejection either, but I accept it. As far as the guy's beard, it's interesting that it bothers you and yet you still gave him a chance and met him. It seems to me that many women our age won't accept baldness in an average looking man, maybe they'll accept it if he looks like Shemar Moore with his body, but in my experience, they will simply not even reply to my message if they don't accept baldness. My guess is about 40-50% have this requirement of the man needing a full head of hair, but they will never admit it and put it out there openly in their profile essay, which presently on Match, is the only way you can find that out by viewing their profile. I wish it was in there so I wouldn't waste my time messaging those women.

A Capitol Rioter Was Arrested After His Church Prayer Group Alerted the FBI | Hemant Mehta | ...

HelenRoseBuck comments on Jul 31, 2021:

There are rat finks in church!?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 31, 2021:

Who would have thought? I already knew there were plenty of jerks and rat finks in any church, Christian or even Unitarian..

Well I'll be damned.

Detritus comments on Jul 30, 2021:

As you said, dating after 40 (20?) is like shopping in a thrift store for the least objectionable shirt that doesnt smell to bad. The questions basically assign people to the size and garment section. You will have no luck looking for a size XXL men’s shirt in the women’s small skirt section.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 30, 2021:

And you will have no luck, only wasted time and grief, messaging women who are shopping with a checklist that you don't fit on or into. One thing that came to mind for me the longer I thought about the format change, was that Match, or any paid dating site, cares way less about whether you successfully find someone to date than they do about how successful they are in getting people to buy paid memberships. Call me cynical, but I think at least part of why they waited so long to restore the profile info on what traits the member was looking for being visible to the profile viewer, was that Match knew that keeping that info hid from the opposite sex viewer of the profile would be less discouraging to potential paid members who don't fit the shopping list of preferred traits that most women are looking for in their local dating pool. And that way the dating site could get more paid memberships from men who had the false hope that them and their traits on the checklist were preferred by more women than was actually the case. It's all about marketing, even if the marketing involves giving people false hope that the dating pool on a site is bigger than it actually is, by keeping old profiles up there long after the member has left the dating site, or by withholding info about the preferences of other members on what traits they are seeking in a partner, to give people with undesired traits thinking that there may be more members interested in them than there actually are for at least that particular dating pool.

Well I'll be damned.

K9Kohle789 comments on Jul 30, 2021:

I have a date from Match today. We talked on the phone and seem to have a lot of the same likes. Hey I haven't really dated for 20 yrs; should be interesting. I put I don't like straggly beards and he has a short neat one but its 3 colors I think. I haven't been on Match for a long time and it seems...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 30, 2021:

Best of luck to you..

Received this latest post on my facebook timeline: People mocking the emotions of cops from January...

AnonySchmoose comments on Jul 30, 2021:

Mockery, lack of empathy, and stupidity were bred into many generations at least since the gilded age. More rich bastards.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 30, 2021:

And we are now into the second Gilded Age...

Received this latest post on my facebook timeline: People mocking the emotions of cops from January...

powder comments on Jul 29, 2021:

Capitalism rewards a lack of empathy. I think that's more to blame, the drive to produce throw away consumer goods to provide instant gratification to me me me. We don't care how it's done; Factory farms etc. Our capitalist measure of success is how much we have compared to others in a totally ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 29, 2021:

Not only capitalism, but our whole corporate media and entertainment industries reinforce the message that fairness, empathy, and compassion for those who are poor is for losers, chumps and whiners who don't appreciate all the opportunity in America to get really rich if you have no empathy and are ruthless enough to become a billionaire like Bezos or Gates, etc. Of course the corporate media and entertainment industries do put on their token displays from time to time of singling out heroes or nice people who act like Good Samaritans or a saint, but most of the time they feed us a steady diet of envy and worship of celebrities and rich people like the Kardashians who are worthless to any real improvement of things, and who if anything are terrible role models of how to live. The idle rich and famous. And not just consumer goods, powder, but also people and relationships are treated as disposable by our corporate media and entertainment industry, in most of the messaging they give us.

I am totally aghast and gobstopped today.

dalefvictor comments on Jul 28, 2021:

My mother did the best she could do. Her side of the family was smart and supportive, my fathers side abusive and alcoholic, they divorced when I was five and my father did work far away. When he showed up things were great, but then we were together for only a week or two a year. The last time I ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 28, 2021:

I can relate. A lot of us came from terrible family situations. It's sad that most Americans are not comfortable with us sharing these kinds of truths with them, as they often react to it by blaming us as being defective or dysfunctional rather than see us as brave and strong to speak our truths. As a result of this, most Americans seem to engage in a group mentality of pretending that all of our families of origin are ideal and happy. It's kind of like the common agreement among white people to deny racism and our history of slavery. Most of us fall into line and abide by it because we don't want to be ostracized or seen as emotionally unstable or mentally ill by bringing up the negative.

Major turnoff: Obvious copy/paste generic greetings. Just...no.

Sticks48 comments on Jul 27, 2021:

I don't know how to copy and paste, so you are safe from me.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 27, 2021:

@Sticks48 Good one. But you seem to have great drumming skills.

Major turnoff: Obvious copy/paste generic greetings. Just...no.

TheoryNumber3 comments on Jul 27, 2021:

Here's the one I love from the dating sites: "I will like to know you more better"

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 27, 2021:

The broken English is always a dead giveaway that it's a scammer or at least someone far away from the US..

Major turnoff: Obvious copy/paste generic greetings. Just...no.

Sticks48 comments on Jul 27, 2021:

I don't know how to copy and paste, so you are safe from me.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 27, 2021:

Neither do I. I am such a dinosaur when it comes to tech. I don't text or own a smartphone. I still have a digital answering machine instead of voice mail, don't want to or ever plan to learn how to text. And I only have Netflix because a friend installed it for me at my apartment using my Wi-Fi on my laptop and connected it to my TV, using his Netflix subscription so it doesn't cost me anything. Otherwise, I never would have gotten it. I am fine with being so last century, because I am still able to communicate as much as I want to with the rest of the world, and I don't have to end up connected 24/7 with everything like most people. Nor do I have to worry about developing all the rude or bad habits of always wanting to be connected to everything on a smartphone, feeling a compulsive need to check for messages and alerts every waking moment, or taking my attention away from a face to face encounter to make sure I'm not missing out on something better socially or some other conversation instead of the one I should be attending to in person. People should quit being so goddamn selfish when they show up or make plans to meet in person. Either commit to be fully present and attentive to that person or else don't make those plans with them or spend time with them if they aren't stimulating or interesting enough to hold your attention when you are with them. The bottom line is, most people I have seen who are embracing the new tech stuff, like smart phones, have ended up becoming more selfish and self-centered, as well as rude and more emotionally dis-connected from others, because the technology encourages it and makes it more easy and convenient to behave that way. And I will not be friends with or date anyone that has gotten caught up in all that. Kind of like alcohol, new tech just brings out more of the inner personality of who people really are, because of tech's convenience and impersonality.

WATCH: Disgraced Fox News host Tucker Carlson called out as 'worst human' during Montana vacation - ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 25, 2021:

You can call someone out in public as long as you don't threaten them physically, don't touch them, and don't follow them once they turn around and walk away from you, since doing the latter could be trumped up as a stalking charge. Of course, it's much sweeter if you record it on video so you can ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 25, 2021:

@BufftonBeotch Yeah, I saw that, typical condescending prick behavior. If Bailey were as much of a thin-skinned pussy as Tucker, he could have sued him for touching him, but Bailey is like me, not enough of a chickenshit to resort to suing someone for touching him. Instead, guys like me and him would prefer that Tucker actually take a swing at us, so that we could legally beat the shit out of him in self defense and put him in the hospital. But I hear you, and I too hope that Tucker eventually touches the wrong guy, someone who is willing to go to jail for beating the shit out of him and is too poor to sue for money. In other words, someone so poor and desperate they have nothing to lose.

Anti-vax Hillsong Church member Stephen Harmon, 34, dies of Covid after posting 'I got 99 problems ...

silverotter11 comments on Jul 24, 2021:

I had read he got covid, had been put on a ventilator and was asking for prayers 'cause he really needs a miracle right about now. My first thought was, Dude!! your god sent it to ya, it's called the vaccine ya fool! So he did not get the miracle he asked for, oiy, always with the conditions and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 25, 2021:

@SeaGreenEyez So true, all of that. They are dangerous and toxic to our country as a whole. It's ironic that in their minds, they are the most patriotic among us, and yet, to anyone who is rational and sane, they are causing the most harm to others of anyone, as far as immediate harm their health. Short of those that murder in cold blood, they are the most immediate threat we have right now to the health of most people. They are no different than those with HIV in the early days of the AIDS crisis back in the 80s, who would go around knowingly infecting others because they didn't think HIV was deadly or simply didn't care about others. Too bad a lot of our leaders learned nothing from that about how public health trumps individual rights in any sane society.

Iowa’s GOP Eliminated a Family Planning Program Only to See Abortions Skyrocket | Rebekah Kohlhepp...

anglophone comments on Jul 24, 2021:

Iowa is governed by idiots and the willfully ignorant.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2021:

With great shame and embarrassment, I must admit you are correct about my lifelong state. We used to have more sanity and even the Repub governor of my youth was a great, progressive leader. That all ended in the 1980s, and for the last twenty years, it has been a one-party state that has become more and more backward and crazy in its ruling party. Among progressives in my state, our nickname has become North Mississippi. Our only hope is that our aging rural population, which is the base and who elects the Repubs in statewide elections, is dying off and eventually the urban population in Iowa will be enough for the Dems to win all statewide elections. But it will take another decade or two, and even then the Repubs will still control the legislature because of how much that favors the rural areas over the cities, same as the US Senate favors the rural, low population states.

Iowa’s GOP Eliminated a Family Planning Program Only to See Abortions Skyrocket | Rebekah Kohlhepp...

CuddyCruiser comments on Jul 24, 2021:

Blind, brainwashed and dumb is a horrible way to go thru life for any one remotely sane.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2021:

@CuddyCruiser It is quite the ride....

Iowa’s GOP Eliminated a Family Planning Program Only to See Abortions Skyrocket | Rebekah Kohlhepp...

SeaGreenEyez comments on Jul 24, 2021:

When my son was in the 11th grade (waaaaaaaaaaaay after the appropriate time to discuss sex and safe sex) he brought home a "permission slip" to be signed by one of his parents for sex education. As I read the fine print, this "education" was abstinence based. Not even a mention of what to do if ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2021:

Can't just teach them science and facts, they might just go out and have sex, like they were going to anyway without it......

Iowa’s GOP Eliminated a Family Planning Program Only to See Abortions Skyrocket | Rebekah Kohlhepp...

CuddyCruiser comments on Jul 24, 2021:

Blind, brainwashed and dumb is a horrible way to go thru life for any one remotely sane.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2021:

Same as the line from Animal House, "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go thru life, son"...

Anti-vax Hillsong Church member Stephen Harmon, 34, dies of Covid after posting 'I got 99 problems ...

silverotter11 comments on Jul 24, 2021:

I had read he got covid, had been put on a ventilator and was asking for prayers 'cause he really needs a miracle right about now. My first thought was, Dude!! your god sent it to ya, it's called the vaccine ya fool! So he did not get the miracle he asked for, oiy, always with the conditions and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2021:

@HippieChick58 That's the one I was referring to. Some schmucks are too dumb to see when a God might be helping them...They deserve their fate...

Anti-vax Hillsong Church member Stephen Harmon, 34, dies of Covid after posting 'I got 99 problems ...

silverotter11 comments on Jul 24, 2021:

I had read he got covid, had been put on a ventilator and was asking for prayers 'cause he really needs a miracle right about now. My first thought was, Dude!! your god sent it to ya, it's called the vaccine ya fool! So he did not get the miracle he asked for, oiy, always with the conditions and ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2021:

Kind of like the story of how the man prayed for God to send him help, after which God sent him a few different forms of help, all of which he failed to take advantage of, supposedly because they did not come cloaked in fire or some other clear sign of being from God. After which God pretty much called him a schmuck and an idiot for not recognizing those things as divine help and deserved his fate for not using them.

Rick Wiles: We Must Destroy “Sissified Lefties” & Biden’s “Communist Revolution” | Beth ...

freedom41 comments on Jul 22, 2021:

The religious and politicians have something in common. There both 2 faced.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 23, 2021:

And pols who claim to be religious are the worst of them all.

Typical liberal hypocrisy, and political posturing.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 23, 2021:

And of course, CF, your Repub pols are never hypocritical, lying or posturing? Didn't think you would ever admit that about your side. I could go on forever about how much of it your side does...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 23, 2021:

@Captain_Feelgood Time to block you, asshole!

Typical liberal hypocrisy, and political posturing.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 23, 2021:

And of course, CF, your Repub pols are never hypocritical, lying or posturing? Didn't think you would ever admit that about your side. I could go on forever about how much of it your side does...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 23, 2021:

@Captain_Feelgood Libertarian, so what? You still vote Repub every time, I bet. Piss off!

Best definition for religion I've seen...

xenoview comments on Jul 23, 2021:

You can lead a theist to reason, but you can't make him/her think.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 23, 2021:

Good one. It even rhymes with the one about leading a horse to water.

A friend of mine who is a retired doctor, as well as a friend who just began working at a hospice ...

silverotter11 comments on Jul 22, 2021:

It's ironic the gop is always on about rights and freedoms. Then right from jump your gop guv takes away the rights of people in the state to make choices that have proven to save lives. Today was the first time I went to a gathering with a lot of people - there were 20 or so friends gathered at...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2021:

They are all for rights and freedoms, as long as it's not a woman's right to abortion, or colored people's right to vote, or worker's rights to form a union. I could go on and on, but you all get the point....Rights and freedoms only seem to belong to the rich, corporations, conservatives, and straight white males.

A friend of mine who is a retired doctor, as well as a friend who just began working at a hospice ...

anglophone comments on Jul 22, 2021:

The Repugnicant Party has shown itself to be grossly inadequate when addressing the Covid-19 pandemic. History will not judge it kindly.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2021:

History will probably judge it harshly, but in the short term meantime, I predict the voters in states like mine will be way too forgiving of how badly the Repub Party has mishandled Covid. I so wish the voters in my state would hold Covid Kim, our Repub governor, accountable in a year when she is up for re-election, for her terrible handling of the pandemic. But I know that most of them are dumb as a box of rocks, so she will probably win.

What what's the deal with this site?

Deb57 comments on Jul 22, 2021:

The thing I have noticed about this site is that one gets pretty much what one invests in it. I have not developed any life-changing, meaningful relationships on this site, but I have virtually met some pretty nice people; as well as some assholes which I tend to just block because life is too ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2021:

Especially agree with how you get what you invest in it. This site is useless as a dating site for all but a small minority that happen to live in the right geo area. But if one invests in it and participates in the community, you can make some long distance friends to message with or even chat by phone sometimes. And for some of us, that may be very helpful to have more friends like that, esp. if we live in a geo area where we are a very outnumbered cultural minority, where almost everybody is a believer and a right winger.

A Christian Preacher Demanded Modesty on the Beach; This Woman Wasn’t Having It.

Zster comments on Jul 22, 2021:

Running at the same time a story regarding an women’s olympic volleyball team is being fined each day they don’t wear bikinis. Can’t have it both ways, morons…

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2021:

It's pretty obvious that the women's outfits in the sport of Beach Volleyball are designed for maximum sex appeal, as the organizers of the sport think that not enough people-men-will watch it unless the women are wearing bikini type outfits, so that's why they fine players for not wearing those outfits. If you look at the history of women's sports, it appears that men were always, until maybe recently and only for a few sports where women might be running things, setting standards for women's athletic outfits that were intended to either make them look modest or to sell the sport using sex appeal, such as the uniforms for beach volleyball, the early women's basketball leagues, and the women's baseball league that began during WWII and ran into the 1950s. The bottom line is the standards for women's uniforms were always about keeping women modest looking so they weren't too threatening or seem too mannish, or else going to the other extreme to sell the sport by having the women look sexy. It's obvious that, even today, whoever sets the standards for what women wear as athletes in competitions like the Olympics probably has little to do with what most female competitors would like to wear, and more about what male bureaucrats think is the best PR move.

Does anyone else think the newfound Republican support of the vaccine is nothing more than a callous...

ChurchLess comments on Jul 21, 2021:

They just realized that a significant number of those dying because of COVID-19 are Republicans,

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2021:

@rainmanjr I think you meant FCC license..

Should there be a word for people who have rejected Covid-19 vaccination and later regretted it?

Julie808 comments on Jul 21, 2021:

I guess it's "regretful" or "wiser now, but too late" or a myriad other terms that come to mind. Hopefully these stories will create a new group of "better late to get the vaccine than dead or with long haul syndrome" people.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2021:

@anglophone I's say "None of the above", to your series of closing ?s.

It has been a long time, a really long time, so long that the next time I'm with a woman and things ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 21, 2021:

Good funny line there, but speak for yourself chief. I will be prepared, at least as far as supplies. How ready I will be mentally or emotionally, that may be a different matter. We'll see. I may end up being in the same boat as you. The last time I was with anybody new, AIDS and HIV were a real ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2021:

@ThomasLevi Good use of an old saw on that one as well. The ? is not how to ride, but how the experience will go emotionally, for both of you...

For @Admin My phone app for the site went wonkie this morning.

Marionville comments on Jul 19, 2021:

The site was down for a while earlier this afternoon (my afternoon is your morning)…so it wasn’t your end it must’ve been the site.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2021:

@Marionville It is, but this isn't my first rodeo with it. I saw it happen a number of years ago with a karaoke discussion forum. Karaoke is my main hobby.

Loneliness and Dysfunctin: [nytimes.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 20, 2021:

Jeeez, I get tired of people constantly posting links with paywalls or registration required to read the fucking article. I am getting to the point that I will probably stop even trying to click the links to them.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2021:

@BirdMan1 I think it's safe to say most of us don't have access, and certainly a lot of us don't. And are not interested in jumping thru hoops or paying to get it.

For @Admin My phone app for the site went wonkie this morning.

Marionville comments on Jul 19, 2021:

The site was down for a while earlier this afternoon (my afternoon is your morning)…so it wasn’t your end it must’ve been the site.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2021:

I think we're going to see more and more of this as the site becomes more of a ghost ship with no admin. or regular staff to install updates, etc. and keep out scammers wanting to use it for posting ads for businesses and such.

[youtube.com] If the South gets what they ask for...

Buttercup comments on Jul 19, 2021:

Good riddance, let em go. The west coast, northeast and Canada should form an open union and let them have their disease and ignorance.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2021:

I so would like that, but since I live in the Midwest, I would get left out of the new open union and have to move, but it might be worth it. Housing prices would go way up in the places that became part of the new open union.

Idiocracy: a disturbingly prophetic look at the future of America – and our era of stupidity | ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2021:

I have seen it and it looks like a documentary for the future around the time I hope to be dead by.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2021:

@bobwjr I hope you turn out to be more right about this than me..

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

OldMetalHead comments on Jul 19, 2021:

Hate to say it, but you might have to widen your search area. I know it's desirable to look only in your local area. But, what if the right person is two or three hours away? Is it worth a short term sacrifice to find them?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2021:

@OldMetalHead There are always exceptions to every rule. I am happy for them and hope it works out. I am not willing to put that much time, money, and emotional investment into something that has so much stacked against it working in the first place. It's hard enough to get a relationship to work even when you live close by each other, esp. if one of you is still working and/or has kids or an elderly parent to look after.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Zoohome comments on Jul 19, 2021:

Many good comments given. But I would say that finding someone in the middle of a group that do similar things as you do such as a hobby or activity. Also, sit down with a female friend and ask her honest opinion. You might have to change a few things here and there: such as looks, clothing, ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2021:

I support someone continuing to attend groups with the interests they already enjoy, but I disagree or think it's not worth the time to join additional groups just for the added opportunity to meet more women that way. Online dating sites, if you use the most popular one in your area for your age group, will probably cover any additional single women you might meet thru those other groups you aren't already involved in. Do women generally prefer meeting men thru the lower pressure, slower process of getting to know them thru a group? Of course they do, but I don't feel it's worth the time and effort to play that game for the chance to meet them in the maybe more comfortable terms if they are already, in most cases, putting themselves out there as single and interested in dating thru a paid dating site. Call that insensitive or selfish if you like, but I see it as we're all grownups and if someone is too flaky, defensive, or insecure that they need all this coddling and catering to give a man a chance to get to know her thru a group setting only, I don't want to bother with her. She is probably too fragile and dysfunctional for me to be compatible with anyway. I like women who are strong, independent, and confident, so the women who prefer making men jump thru their hoops at a group are not my type to begin with. But if a man has different personality preferences than mine, then, go ahead and try more groups, it's just not for me. The second part, about getting feedback from a female friend, is pure gold, and I highly recommend it. Same thing with single women getting feedback from male friends.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

OldMetalHead comments on Jul 19, 2021:

Hate to say it, but you might have to widen your search area. I know it's desirable to look only in your local area. But, what if the right person is two or three hours away? Is it worth a short term sacrifice to find them?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2021:

You make a good point, and I have sometimes come across a woman far away that viewed my profile on Batch or some other dating site and seemed like an ideal match. But anytime I have actually chatted and messaged with a woman like that from a paid site, they have always said they were not interested in dating LD or relocating anytime in the future. So the idea is good in theory, but in practice, I have found there are probably very few women out there willing to attempt LD dating or relocate for a man. And I am not willing to do either. Of course, if a man is willing to do either or both of those, unlike me, it might be worth the trouble of expanding the search and at least asking seemingly compatible women about their interest in him, LD dating, and relocating, even if the answer is almost always no, since he only needs one compatible woman saying Yes. I get enough rejection as it is without increasing my diet of it, lol....

Arlene, my housekeeper of 12 years, passed away last month.

Lauren comments on Jul 18, 2021:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I suspect after 12 years she had become an integral part of your life and you'll miss her for some time. I hope your memories help comfort you through your loss. I understand your dilemma. I no longer attend funerals unless it's for someone I'm close to. It's just too...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2021:

@Lauren I totally agree with you, I show up mostly for the dead person out of appreciation for them, and like you, I don't go is it's someone I only knew casually.

I officiated a wedding yesterday and ended up doing divorce counseling for a woman in the ladies ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2021:

You're talking about the same woman in both cases, right?

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2021:

@UUNJ Good, that's a relief. I figured that kind of sudden buyer's remorse or cold feet only happens in the movies.

I officiated a wedding yesterday and ended up doing divorce counseling for a woman in the ladies ...

Silver1wun comments on Jul 19, 2021:

Marriage as we know it is destructive of healthy, natural bonds. It turns a bond of shared life and experience into an adversarial 'relationship' wherein promises are made and tokens exchanged on a foundation not of trust; but by the very necessity of the ritual and contract, distrust. A strong ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2021:

My late wife and I both signed prenups before we got married, and I would recommend them for everybody. We had trust before the marriage, but, as my wife said, marriage is mostly a business arrangement as far as the legal aspects of it. She had and made a lot more money than me as well.

Arlene, my housekeeper of 12 years, passed away last month.

Lauren comments on Jul 18, 2021:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I suspect after 12 years she had become an integral part of your life and you'll miss her for some time. I hope your memories help comfort you through your loss. I understand your dilemma. I no longer attend funerals unless it's for someone I'm close to. It's just too...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2021:

I still attend Christian or Catholic funerals if it's a person I actually knew and liked, as well as members of my family, because even tho I don't like or agree with the religious stuff, I do it out of respect and appreciation of the dead person, and to show my support to the surviving friends and family. I consider it no big deal to keep quiet during the service and not be too critical of things afterward, just maybe saying that I feel different about honoring the dead, etc. As I said below, their house, their rules. I don't have to agree with their rules and ways to feel an obligation and value in just showing up and giving my support and love for the dead that way.

Arlene, my housekeeper of 12 years, passed away last month.

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jul 18, 2021:

When my Dad died, I wasn't much help. I was there with him in the hospital. My Mom let a cousin run the funeral. Way too religious. As we left my son said, "If Pop-Pop had a god, it was FDR. Few attendees were happy with the evangelical bs, but no one said anything at the time. No religious shit ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2021:

Sounds typical. You live in the Midwest, like me, where everyone is too bound up in enforced politeness to speak up about stuff like how the service had too much evangelical BS. Except for maybe a few radical troublemakers like me, lol......

These days I mostly just want someone to talk to.

BethPl comments on Jul 17, 2021:

I live alone, not even pets to talk to. I tried to sing a few days ago and found that my voice has deteriorated badly. I talk to myself aloud now and even reply so that I can exercise my vocal cords! LOL I was so glad when I received the 2nd vaccine and could go around people. But I live in ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2021:

Maybe get a pet so you can talk to them without thinking or feeling like you're crazy, lol. Who knows, the pet may even enjoy it or find it amusing...And you're right about our speaking voices deteriorating with lack of exercise. I notice it if I haven't been out to sing karaoke regularly. I have been thur MO to visit my friend in the KC area, and I can believe Covid has broken out there again. Too many Trumpers, even worse than here in Iowa.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

BethPl comments on Jul 17, 2021:

What you're experiencing happens to both sexes. Being online makes people feel like they can disappear easily so they don't have to give an explanation. They don't feel a personal connection. No matter how well people click online it won't guarantee that it will work face to face. I knew people ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2021:

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Putting off the first in person meeting may make the woman safer, but it's also likely to waste your time and hers once you finally meet in person and one of you feels no physical attraction at all to the other. If someone has a busy life and is working, they may wish they hadn't wasted all that time messaging when it turned out there was no chemistry. If a woman is really concerned about being stalked, I would suggest spending a little money on getting a background check on the guy, after asking for his full name and birthdate or place of birth, something like that. If he balks, that may tell you all you need to know.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

RussRAB comments on Jul 17, 2021:

I am certainly no expert, and I wonder if such a direct approach is the best one for long term relationships. I am recently widowed and not ready for a new relationship, although another relationship down the road is not out of the question. A long term relationship would eventually be what I would ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2021:

I agree with you about pressure to move fast on dating sites, but I don't do that and really try to avoid it. Because doing that just triggers the natural defensiveness that most single women seem to have towards assuming the man is desperate, lonely, needy, or wanting to just move quickly into sex and then dump them. I try to take it slow, but one thing I've adopted from Sticks that makes so much sense, is that I avoid turning into a text or message buddy for a woman thru the dating site. If they are not ready to at least do a video chat, or better yet, meet in person after trading several messages each back and forth on our parts, I cut that woman loose, as she is either too insecure about herself, possibly already seeing another man for regular dates, and wants to hold off on meeting me (this is called benching in the dating lingo), or is just not that serious about meeting someone. Or it could be they are a workaholic, too involved with their family and have no real time or interest in a couple relationship with a man eventually, or a combination of some of these. Regardless, I won't waste my time on them anymore, because it's more important to me to meet them in person or video within a week or two of messaging to see if there is any mutual chemistry, physical attraction, or whatever term you want to use. To keep trading messages for several weeks or more without meeting and testing this compatibility issue is just stupid and a waste of time. And I really don't think there's that much difference between men or women in that respect. Women decide within at least the first or second in person meeting if they feel some attraction and have a desire to kiss the man, for example, by the end of the meeting. I know lots of women say different, that they develop physical attraction much later sometimes, but although there are certainly exceptions, I think that is mostly just high-minded happy talk to make themselves feel they are superior or less shallow, so to speak than men. I'm old enough to remember the old days of singles bars and dance clubs, where women made up their mind about a man's attractiveness just as quick as men did for women. I doubt much has really changed with either gender.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2021:

I hear ya, and I feel your pain. I have had all those experiences and more. In fact during one four month stretch, I got stood up by four different women for the first in person meeting for coffee. I felt like giving up then, but I didn't. I doubt you're doing something wrong, that's just how the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@linxminx Thank you, finally, a voice of sanity. I have had this confirmed by so many women from Agnostic who live on the coasts. And you nailed it exactly, what I've been saying for a few years now. Namely, that these women will never date a man who is childless, no matter if she and I are retirement age, when it should no longer matter at all, because they run and hide after their divorces by clinging to their family, who may not even like them that much or want them around as much as the woman wants to be with them. And you're right, it's because they probably married young and are totally lost as a single woman again. And I really think they are afraid of anything unfamiliar or different than their experience, like childless men by choice, me, widowed men, again, me, because they would rather keep trying their luck with only fellow divorced men, rather than widowed men who might have a much better relationship track record or more skill at doing relationships well. So I get passed up because of their fear and clinging to the familiar. In my mind, they deserve what they get if they keep choosing the same type of man, all because he has familiar and similar traits to them, You can't fix dysfunctional without therapy, and I've had mine, but apparently most of my local dating pool hasn't, at least most of the divorced women. If there were a large enough pool of them my age on Match in my local area that were widowed like me, I would stick solely to them and ignore the divorced women's profiles, But there aren't many of them my age, maybe 10-15% tops, of the pool, as I am still too young to be in the dating range of most of the widowed women. Maybe in five or ten years, my odds will improve. As long as they are close to me in age, I have had way more response and pleasant experiences with the widowed women I've connected with on Match, because they are generally emotionally healthier, more independent and strong, even if they have kids and grandkids they love, and they seem to treat me better and show me more interest than the divorced women. They also don't have that general negative attitude towards men that so many divorced women seem to have, in my experience. Yes, maybe their ex was an asshole, but, as another guy here pointed out, you need to give each new person you connect with on dating sites a clean slate to start with. Not all men or women are assholes or dysfunctional, tho it sometimes seem that way. No fucking shit, it's not much of a mystery. The only divorced women I've met that seem to have their head on straight regarding family, are the very few divorced transplants to Iowa that give me the chance. Because they didn't grow up in the Midwest and get all the brainwashing... And it's no fucking accident that my late wife grew up in ...

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Leelu comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites did not work for me. My experience was mostly: Young men who wanted to either fuck easy prey of older lonely women or had a mother complex. Middle-aged men who wanted caregivers for their not quite grown children. Older men looking for a nurse-with-a-purse. Assholes with so much BS ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@Leelu Of course, it could never be about you anything you said. And if you want to get into nitpicking with me, you made a comment, not a post. Piss off.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

redhog comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites are trash. Hate to be so blunt about it but that's just the reality. Half of them use fake profiles to get you to pay for the upgraded membership. The other half are chock full of phishing bots.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

I agree somewhat with you, but in four years on Match I have connected with probably at least a couple hundred women, at least thru messaging, who were clearly for real and sincere. It's just that few of them were my type or chose to meet or date me after getting to know more about me and my competition, who for all I know were noticeably better-looking, maybe dress better or appear to have more money than me, have kids (an issue which is really big in my dating pool, even among childless women), or are religious, who knows their reasons, as I am never privy to that? I have also encountered a lot of women, who at least later said, after connecting with me thru messaging, that they were giving up on online dating because of all the hassles or the jerks they were getting messages from, feeling overwhelmed, etc.. I cannot verify if they were being truthful, but they usually appeared to hide or delete their profiles after that, so I assume they left the site.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Canndue comments on Jul 17, 2021:

For all the lonely men out there, there are just as many lonely women. You can’t catch anything without putting your bait in the water. But if you keep casting in the same pool with only an occasional nibble, try a new pool.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@Canndue I think I can answer that, so I'll try. Time, patience, and online dating. I've been around my local area and on Match for close to four years now, and I have learned that I am compatible with only about 2-3% of my local dating pool on Match. And at the same time I am competing with hundreds of other men my age for those women on the site. And this is based on how their profiles match up to mine on paper, so to speak. So, in a word, I need to play the long game and wait for those minority women to come along in trickles over time, maybe a couple or sometimes a handful a month, and hope they will notice my similarity to them and reply to my initial message. After making those efforts, one can only sit back and wait, while making the most of each opportunity when a woman actually replies. Even then tho, I know pretty well that in most cases I am competing with at least a few to a dozen other men that she is messaging. I just have to assume that and not let it interfere with how I interact with her. Does that answer your ?

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

skado comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites are a terrible way to meet people for real relationships. It subverts all the normal human processes and makes promises it can’t keep. It may work fine for people who are just looking for indiscriminate sex, and I’m sure the occasional wonderful relationship has emerged from dating...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@skado Same to you. I hope each of us eventually finds success with our chosen methods.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

skado comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites are a terrible way to meet people for real relationships. It subverts all the normal human processes and makes promises it can’t keep. It may work fine for people who are just looking for indiscriminate sex, and I’m sure the occasional wonderful relationship has emerged from dating...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@skado I share your preference for the more natural organic way of meeting women, and that's how I met my late wife, at a folk dance after I had been attending those for a few years, both with friends and on my own. But that was the early 1990s and I was not only a lot younger then and better looking, but that whole folk dance scene died out for good over 15 years ago. It was a lucky fluke that I met her at the right time in the right setting. I am not going to just rely on that kind of thing again as my main or sole method. It would take way too long and be less likely to succeed these days. As I have said before, my past experience in recent years checking out the Meetup groups and such, showed me that it was pretty much the same women on Match and at those groups. I would rather just cut right to the chase, as you would say, going on trial with women who at least say they are looking to date someone, and await the verdict than keep attending and joining groups hoping that some of my kind of women happen to show up when I do and that I will end up approaching the right ones after getting acqauinted with them enough to see who I like, and having to hope they are single and looking to date. That sounds like way more time and work than I have to invest with online dating, with way fewer opportunities to meet someone compatible for an offbeat character like me. Because I should also say that when I tried the Meetup interest groups, it also seemed like almost all the women there in my age group also turned up in the membership lists of the local Christian Singles group on Meetup. Why waste my time with them and hope that some of them might accept an Agnostic for dating? At least on a dating site I get some initial info on them, including religious affiliation without having to chat up incompatible women to find out if we have anything in common. If my lifestyle were different, and I were a musician, say like Sticks, I could rely on that to meet women for dating and naturally get to know them at gigs, or if I had a job that gave me lots of exposure to the public, including women my age, but I really don't feel like volunteering or working any more. I enjoy retirement now and just sticking with the interests I have been enjoying for years, even if they don't yield any opportunities to meet single women. I think getting a job or volunteering are long shots anyway for meeting single women and also there are often norms against trying to approach customers or other volunteers for that anyway at workplaces or volunteer jobs. It's not as encouraged, tolerated, or easy as some people might think.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Canndue comments on Jul 17, 2021:

For all the lonely men out there, there are just as many lonely women. You can’t catch anything without putting your bait in the water. But if you keep casting in the same pool with only an occasional nibble, try a new pool.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

Overall, your advice is sound, but for me it seems the only real option to be able to connect with a large enough pool of women in my local area in order to be able to reach some of the very few that share my cultural minority traits and lifestyle. Offline and organic meetings, even in interest groups, are not going to cut it or provide even a fraction of the potential opportunities and numbers as online dating. And as far as trying a different dating pool online than Match, which has by far the largest membership pool of my age group in my local area, I've done that before and discovered that it was mostly the same women on the other sites, women wasting their money by joining multiple sites at the same time. As for expanding my dating pool geographically by dating women more than an hour away, not going to do that either, as I have chatted with plenty of women from farther away than that on Match, and none of them were willing to try dating that far away either, so that is also a dead end option.

Truer words , very powerful

twitch comments on Jul 17, 2021:

I wonder what Karen is looking at....

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

Good one. Proof that there were Karens long before it became an internet meme..

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

skado comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites are a terrible way to meet people for real relationships. It subverts all the normal human processes and makes promises it can’t keep. It may work fine for people who are just looking for indiscriminate sex, and I’m sure the occasional wonderful relationship has emerged from dating...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@skado I dated one woman for about six months before Covid that I met on Match. It mutually ended soon after Covid hit, and it never became serious or sexual because, to be honest, I never felt enough physical attraction for her to move on to either or commit to it with her. I am currently dating a woman who I connected with on Match in March. That one is still in process and has not become sexual or serious either as I have doubts about whether it can be long term, due to her living circumstances. So I wouldn't consider either relationship to be an LTR, but I hope my answer to your ? is helpful. BTW, the woman from Match that I'm seeing now met her late husband, of a 24 year marriage, on Match. He died two years ago.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Leelu comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites did not work for me. My experience was mostly: Young men who wanted to either fuck easy prey of older lonely women or had a mother complex. Middle-aged men who wanted caregivers for their not quite grown children. Older men looking for a nurse-with-a-purse. Assholes with so much BS ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@Leelu You listed several categories or types of men that you encountered, and your descriptions were very clearly negative, critical or derogatory regarding them. You can come back, like you did in your reply to me, and try to walk it back, as they say, in political commentary, but everyone can see what you wrote previously. Secondly, you strongly warned the OP about how men need to avoid any hint of desperation or seeming like they were seeking their "lonely breaker", rather than a partner. When I read that, it comes off to me like you are making it damn near impossible for a man to honestly and openly say that he prefers and is happier with a partner than without one. To me it comes off as if you are accusing men like me who are open about our wishes for a life partner as less secure, mentally healthy or well-adjusted as you, just because we choose and feel differently about the subject than you. Just because I feel and choose different than you does not make me bad, unhealthy or worse than you. Your attitude seems to smack of that, and I bet plenty of people, including other men, read your comment and see that, whether you see it or not or care to admit it or not. I do not accept your judgement in general of men on that, and that is why I was offended. by it. I am done debating you on this and if you choose to continue arguing with me on it, I will block you.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Leelu comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites did not work for me. My experience was mostly: Young men who wanted to either fuck easy prey of older lonely women or had a mother complex. Middle-aged men who wanted caregivers for their not quite grown children. Older men looking for a nurse-with-a-purse. Assholes with so much BS ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@FearlessFly You got it man, that is exactly what I am looking to do. As I know that I am set in my ways some after living alone for the last seven years, and that I probably am not likely to keep my home as clean and uncluttered as most women. So your approach might be just the ticket...I am not eager to live with someone again either...

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

Leelu comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites did not work for me. My experience was mostly: Young men who wanted to either fuck easy prey of older lonely women or had a mother complex. Middle-aged men who wanted caregivers for their not quite grown children. Older men looking for a nurse-with-a-purse. Assholes with so much BS ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

Like Sticks says, It goes both ways. There is no rational reason for it, but I have met plenty of women online, at least messaged with them on dating sites, that seem to HAVE developed a general resentment towards all men or even misandry, the opposite sex version of misogyny, because of a limited number of men they met that were assholes. I am happy for you and your choice working well for you. For me, it is worth the time and effort to wade thru all the rejection and also the women who turn out to be dysfunctional or misleading in their profiles. I was single for 37 years before I met my late wife, and even tho I had friends during all that time of single life, I missed not having a close relationship with a partner to share my life with. The 16 years I had with her before she got dementia were the best years of my life. Wanting to find something like that again does not automatically make me "needy" or dysfunctional and I challenge anyone who dares to call me that for my wish to seek that again in my life. I think lots of people just like to put other people down for choosing a different path than they did, maybe because they secretly envy that person for still having the guts and desire to seek love again. But I am secure about who I am and what I want. I apologize to no one for it. And I have heard about all the studies saying that it's common in marriages for the man to be very happy in the marriage while the woman is unhappy in it, but that was not the case with us. How do I know? Because her female friends said so to me... And I also don't fit any of your categories for "bad" men, as I don't have any kids, and have plenty of money to get by, as well as not needing a woman to take care of me medically or be a house servant like cooking or cleaning. But I don't doubt that you ran into plenty of men that fit the types you mentioned. As far as what types of women my age in my local dating pool seem to be prominent, where almost all of them have kids: I have seen tons of women who seem to indicate from their profiles (tho I would never bother messaging them, since they are clearly not my type) that they appear to be mainly seeking an escort to accompany them to family visits, maybe to show them off to family, and friends. And then maybe on top of that, because Iowa women are too modest and discreet to say so in a profile, they are seeking a discreet FWB with the man as well if they are still desiring some safe and stable sex in their life. I have also seen some women who appear sincere in actually finding a partner that is more than an escort for family visits or FWB, but they are a small minority, even among women who don't have kids. I have also seen another group, about maybe 15% of the profiles, who appear to just be looking for a ...

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

RussRAB comments on Jul 17, 2021:

I am certainly no expert, and I wonder if such a direct approach is the best one for long term relationships. I am recently widowed and not ready for a new relationship, although another relationship down the road is not out of the question. A long term relationship would eventually be what I would ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

Your comments actually make a lot of sense and I can relate to them a lot. I agree that most people on dating sites probably have unrealistically high expectations, I know I did for the first two years or so on Match. I learned that the high rejection rates are nothing personal, got used to and accepted that I had to do all the pursuing on dating sites, since in my area the women are usually very traditional-minded and passive in the dating game that way. I lowered my expectations a lot in the last two years. A Unitarian church or humanist group is probably a good idea, esp. if you could use more friends or desire to have some emotional support or community from fellow non-believers, but as far as meeting someone to date, I wouldn't rely on that too much. Most of the women my age at the local Unitarian church are either already coupled up or not interested in dating, according to a female friend around my age who used to lead the singles group they had there until a few years ago. Also, another woman I know from that church who is very active there in different groups and such is on Match just like me, because she said there were no real or good prospects for her in the church's dating puddle, even tho she's been a member there for decades. Finally, I good friend who goes to a local group for Atheists and Freethinkers, as well as a Humanists group, reports to me there are very few single women my age that attend either of these groups. The few women that do attend are usually coupled up at the group. So I have done the research, so to speak, and I know of what I speak.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

skado comments on Jul 17, 2021:

Dating sites are a terrible way to meet people for real relationships. It subverts all the normal human processes and makes promises it can’t keep. It may work fine for people who are just looking for indiscriminate sex, and I’m sure the occasional wonderful relationship has emerged from dating...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

I totally agree with you about what is wrong and negative about dating sites, but you have to be realistic also about common interests groups. I have done that and it takes way too long to meet singles that way. And even if you join a bunch of them and are active with all of them, it still presents way too fewer opportunities to meet singles that way. The dating pool in online dating sites, at least the biggest one, Match, provides immediate access to so many more singles who are at least obtensibly interested in dating than relying on interest groups, where many of the people there are already coupled, inside or outside of the group, or just not interested at all in dating. And my experience also showed that the vast majority of single women at these groups were already on the dating sites. So why waste time using both methods, when the organic method of interest groups is so much slower and inefficient than dating sites, where dozens of new people are joining each month in my area that are in my age group. Because in my experience, these interest groups have a much lower rate of new people joining them over time. So going that way, you miss out on a lot of new people that are coming onto the dating site each month with the new rounds of death and divorce, at least some of whom might be compatible. Face to face meeting to begin with, rather than following a bunch of messaging on dating sites, would be great if it worked, but in my local area, it doesn't appear to work, at least not if you are just average-looking and don't have great sales or self promotion skills, or "game" as the younger folks call it. Women my age in my area have admitted to me on dating sites that they would feel awkward about calling a man who they met in public who gave them their number, and yet at the same time, they feel uncomfortable giving him their number, even after chatting, for fear they might be stalked. So it just doesn't work, at least for an average looking man who doesn't sweep them off their feet with looks and a smooth pitch. And going thru all that time in interest groups to maybe meet one woman a month that seems compatible enough to ask out, is going to take way too many years to produce any real results like an LTR.

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

linxminx comments on Jul 17, 2021:

You're looking for a partner like you're shopping for a loaf of bread, and you're meeting those who are also doing it like its "shopping for a loaf of bread." We've been deluded into believing that this is how its done. In my opinion, it doesn't work. My advice? 1. Go have a life! Go live ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

I agree with your general attitude of Go Live Your Life, but I would add one caveat. At my age, 62, when you're retired, no longer attending school, or working, and not attending a church, your opportunities to meet other singles are very limited, even if you are going out, as I often do, to social events, like in my case going to sing karaoke, hearing live band concerts, attending classes for older adults, etc. I have tried approaching women at those kind of things in the past, and it provides relatively few opportunities to meet single women who are interested in dating. Approaching women and chatting them up, and even trying to exchange phone numbers doesn't really work, as women here, at least in my area, are not used to that kind of organically meeting at social events. And it also takes much longer to meet someone compatible in those settings because most of the women are not available for dating or interested in dating. So, unless you're willing to spend years mostly wasting your time trying to meet people organically at my age, online dating is the only real option to speed up the process and allow you to try connecting to a pool of hundreds of women at one time that are all at least supposedly single and interested in dating. And I'm not interested in being single for another five years after already being widowed for over four years now. I realize that lots of women who are above average looking have no problem meeting single men organically just by showing up at public events and social settings like I mentioned above. But here in the MIdwest, the social rules dictate that men do all the pursuing, while women sit back and wait to be pursued. So an average looking man is not going to have women coming up to him and asking him if he would like to go out with them. And if pursuing women as I described above is very inefficient and unsuccessful, as it has been for me, then online dating is the only real option. BTW, I totally agree with your analogy of people approaching online dating like shopping for a product. That approach is wrong, selfish, and impersonal in that it ignores how complex we all are as human beings and that we need to see and realize that no one person will be perfect and check all the boxes on our list of wants regarding traits, interests, background, etc. Instead, we need to approach it more like having a general list of guidelines for what kind of person we want to meet, then take it from there after we connect with them to listen to our gut, and get to know them with an open mind about who they are totally. And just stay open to the experience of how we feel around them and how well we relate to each other, the same way we go in forming new friendships. We surely don't approach those with a rigid shopping list where ...

I'm 58 and looking for a partner.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2021:

I hear ya, and I feel your pain. I have had all those experiences and more. In fact during one four month stretch, I got stood up by four different women for the first in person meeting for coffee. I felt like giving up then, but I didn't. I doubt you're doing something wrong, that's just how the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2021:

@linxminx I am a nice person and I don't want a woman to give up her life or her family and friends to spend time with me and be a couple with me. What seems to be a big issue tho, at least with women in my local dating pool on Batch, is that almost all the women with kids, even if they are adult kids, are very family-oriented, unlike me. This seems to be a bigger deal with women in the Midwest than women who live on the coasts, who seem to have a much more balanced, independent attitude towards their family. Women in the Midwest, at least those in my local dating pool that have kids, seem to talk a lot about their family in their profiles and imply that they want the man to take third place in their life from the get go, and spend most of their shared couple time visiting the adult kids and grandkids. And there's no fucking way I will agree to that. I don't mind a woman I am dating seeing her family every week or more, but I'm not interested in going with them for all those visits. To me, most of the profiles in my dating pool of women with kids, even the women in their 60s, seem to be looking only for men with kids, which I'm not one of, and for men who are content to serve mainly as their escort for family visits, rather than a partner to enjoy a reasonable amount of couple time with doing couple things away from the woman's family. If that's what they want, then they need to date Mike Brady, from the Brady Bunch, not me. This Midwest attitude of seeking a man to mainly be an escort for family visits makes me wonder why they are even on a dating site, since they really aren't interested in any kind of normal, balanced relationship with a man who is a true life partner or the most important person in their life, even eventually after they have been dating for months or years. Maybe what they are after, but too modest to come out and admit, is that they want an escort to the family visits and then sort of a FWB on the side with that same man so they can resume a sex life as well without just hooking up with men from dating sites.

According to one of my friends, I’m going to the Christian Hell just because I’m Pro-LGBT.

Deb57 comments on Jul 15, 2021:

I live in a very Jesus-y rural area. I have been threatened with hell for all kinds of reasons.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 16, 2021:

@Deb57 True, it would only give pleasure to a real sadist.

According to one of my friends, I’m going to the Christian Hell just because I’m Pro-LGBT.

SnowyOwl comments on Jul 15, 2021:

I've been threatened with guns, knives, baseball bats and fisticuffs, all of them were more real than hell.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 16, 2021:

@Holysocks Same with my last fight. It was during a pickup basketball game and it's debatable who started it. I just got tired of this kid elbowing me repeatedly, so I told him that the next time he did it, I was going to hit him. So when he did it again, I clotheslined him right under his chin and dropped him. I then jumped on him and kept hitting him until someone pulled me off him. He never messed with me again.

According to one of my friends, I’m going to the Christian Hell just because I’m Pro-LGBT.

SnowyOwl comments on Jul 15, 2021:

I've been threatened with guns, knives, baseball bats and fisticuffs, all of them were more real than hell.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 16, 2021:

@Holysocks I hear you on that, but I prefer being a pacifist, and I don't make empty threats, actually don't enjoy threatening, much less fighting people at all. The last time I was in a fight was in junior high. This guy could probably wup me in a fight, but he would have to throw the first punch, so that way he would go to jail over it, not me. But I know that if he did start it, I would not stop hitting him until one of us was unconscious. I would not hesitate to defend myself. I refuse to passively take a beating from anyone.

I'm defiantly happier since I been an Atheist and my mind opening to more things like dating outside...

lerlo comments on Jul 13, 2021:

Well I decided it against it long ago. I had already put up with religious discrimination for my whole life and wasn't about to add racial discrimination to it. So just be prepared for racial discrimination that you've never encountered personally, or probably any discrimination for that matter. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

It does complicate things and add stress for both of you, esp. if you live in a culturally backward state like I do. Lots of staring and some open hostility in public, at least that I have seen and heard about from people in mixed race couples I have known or talked to. Still, things are more accepting and tolerant in Iowa than it was when I was young.

I'm defiantly happier since I been an Atheist and my mind opening to more things like dating outside...

BD66 comments on Jul 14, 2021:

Watch out for the women from overseas, particularly if they have not established themselves with a career here. You don't know for certain whether she loves you for you, or whether she wants you for: 1. A green card. 2. Your money. 3. As a means to get her family into the USA. If you are ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

Sounds very wise. I would never try that route for finding a partner, tho a couple women have even suggested it to me in the past, imagine that, from white women raised in the US. You sound like you may be speaking from experience, either your own or that of friends.

I'm defiantly happier since I been an Atheist and my mind opening to more things like dating outside...

Canndue comments on Jul 15, 2021:

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Your approach seems racist at best. Race, gender, size age should not matter at all…….so long as she has nice breasts….that is essential 😉

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

You dog, you, lol!

According to one of my friends, I’m going to the Christian Hell just because I’m Pro-LGBT.

Tourirst comments on Jul 15, 2021:

Funny you'd ask this question? Today, I was told "it is not to late save my soul and repent.". This was in response to this post. "I'm an atheist, and that's it. I believe there's nothing we can know except that we should be kind to each other and do what we can for each other." —Katharine ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

My favorite movie line on that sort of thing is from the movie Crimes Of Passion, directed by Ken Russell. When a perverted street preacher who frequents peep shows, played by Anthony Perkins says to the hooker played by Kathleen Turner, "Save your soul, whore!", she retorts by saying "Save your money, shithead!" Still love that twisted movie!

According to one of my friends, I’m going to the Christian Hell just because I’m Pro-LGBT.

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jul 15, 2021:

Who hasn't? As a teacher, I was pretty careful about any non god statements. However, most of my students knew my liberal leanings. That and I did on occasion go to the Unitarian Society (2 of my 3 kids enjoyed going there). I did have one sophomore girl, from an evangelical family tell me that I...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

Well, ok and alrighty then, as far as her sexual choice there....

According to one of my friends, I’m going to the Christian Hell just because I’m Pro-LGBT.

Budgie comments on Jul 15, 2021:

When some bible thumper in the street came up to me to ask if I believed in god and I told him of course not and refused to engage with him further he said if I didn't accept god into my heart I would burn in the fires of hell. I told him if he didn't get out of my face I would call the police. He...

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

You handled it really well and by the book.

According to one of my friends, I’m going to the Christian Hell just because I’m Pro-LGBT.

SnowyOwl comments on Jul 15, 2021:

I've been threatened with guns, knives, baseball bats and fisticuffs, all of them were more real than hell.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

It's a longer story than I am willing to even try to share here, but on Mon. I got threatened by another senior citizen around my age with "How about we go outside and I kick your ass?" in front of a full room of people during lunch at my local senior center. It arose out of a conversation I started in the hallway on the way in with one of his Trumper buddies and he was making his threat as a way of bringing the conflict to a head. The pity of it is, that the county organization that funds and oversees the center is probably not going to do anything about the public threat of assault that he shouted at me except talk to him and scold him about it. I got on the phone today with one of the bosses of the county organization and told him in no uncertain terms, that I could have gone to the local cops on Mon. after he threatened me, as I had plenty of witnesses, including staff, but I didn't want to put them in the middle of it with the cops. But I told him that if they go light on the guy that threatened me, and he then does it again, I will go to the cops, file a police report, and go after him for assault charges, and then they WILL be in the middle of it. And if it comes to that, and they try to kick me out or suspend me from the center for standing up for myself and going to the cops for a second threat, I will then go to the ACLU and sue their ass, if they would take my case.

According to one of my friends, I’m going to the Christian Hell just because I’m Pro-LGBT.

Deb57 comments on Jul 15, 2021:

I live in a very Jesus-y rural area. I have been threatened with hell for all kinds of reasons.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

I feel for you..

These days I mostly just want someone to talk to.

Zster comments on Jul 14, 2021:

My cats and plants might appreciate me finding another human to talk with, now and then! Feel free to drop me a question or topic via messaging, here.

TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 15, 2021:

You can always talk to me as well...