TomMcGiverin's Profile

Since there always seems to be an upcoming election for something and a non-stop parade of political...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:

As far as Obama and racism, one thing I hated about Obama was that he and his supporters used his race as a weapon against those from the left, like me, who criticized him as a corporate, warmongering, sellout because they could then accuse us falsely of racism if we bashed him, even tho race had nothing to do with it. His race also worked as an appeal to liberals so they could feel all warm and good about having finally got a black person elected prez, no matter how flawed and corrupt. It was sickening and disgusting, esp. now that Obama and his wife have gone on, exactly as I predicted they would after he left office, and started cashing in on his corruption with the high priced speeches to corporate groups. It just took a little longer than I thought it would for him to start collecting his bribe money for being a good corporate servant to the rich and business. Bring on the haters.....

Since there always seems to be an upcoming election for something and a non-stop parade of political...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:

The answer to our problems has been there for decades. It's called public financing of election campaigns, but it will never happen no matter how much people bitch about how money runs politics and how sold out the candidates are, because the concept sounds too socialist and our legal system has been rigged long ago to prevent it and instead preserve the legalized bribery of campaign donation as the equivalent of free speech.

Just wondering.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:

I agree that a female prez would need to be or look average weight or even slender to get the approval of most voters. Not fair, but fact. Men are allowed more slack about their looks in politics, tho attractive looking men still have quite an advantage over plain or ugly-looking ones, esp. in races that involve a lot of TV time.

someone likes to kiss me. g

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 20, 2019:

At this point, I would gladly settle for a cat kiss, whether it's licking my hand or my face.....

More drama in dating.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:

I got stood up twice in less than 4 months by different women from dating sites, so it goes both ways, welcome to the club. With your looks it won't happen often. This guy obviously didn't want to ever meet. He was just feeding his ego by being a text buddy. It sucks that he wouldn't be a real man and admit he just wanted a texting relationship. He is likely married or otherwise involved. Live and learn. The other guy was a liar too. Try to remember that most men and women are fairly honest, but at the same time the better-looking the person, the more shit they will pull in general with the dating game. Why? Because they get most of the attention in the dating game and thus know that they can get away with more. You might consider trying out some of the guys who are only 5s and 6s in looks, because they are more likely to be decent, honest people than the 7s or better. Take my advice or not, as you like......

What It's Really Like to Be Sober Curious: When an Alcohol "Break" Becomes Permanent

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:

A guy recently tried to start a Meetup group around this issue. He named it Sober Des Moines and it got up to 50 members registered on Meetup. However, like most Meetup groups, when it came to finally meeting together, only 6 people showed, even after the leader solicited lots of input on what fit with people's schedules the best. We had a good discussion at the one meeting, but then the leader dropped out soon after, so the group died. I think he was just ahead of the curve too much. Social drinking is such a central part of social life here, esp. among singles. That's why I started lying on my dating profiles, saying I was a social drinker, because I'm tired of being rejected, among other reasons, because listing myself as a non-drinker is taken by cynical women on dating sites as meaning that I have to be a recovering alcoholic or a judgemental teetotaler, neither of which I am.

Heading into the chatroom for a while at 6:25 PM EST USA.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:

The chat still won't admit me, Lisa. Did you see my PM about it?

CEO compensation higher than people estimate it to be and what it to be. What is your opinion?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:

Their pay has no relation to performance, but is completely related to how corrupt the system is with their pay being set by cronies they appoint to their company's board of directors. It's an interlocking system where everybody gets rich except the rank and file employees and the stockholders.

Something tells me this Match .

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 19, 2019:

Sounds like we have a new spokesperson for that beer commercial with the " World's most interesting man....".

‘Part of me wanted to leave’: Lone attendee of Steve King town hall turns out to be a ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I live in Iowa, fortunately not in King's area, but in central Iowa and had heard that his party and even a lot of his supporters were turning on him and finally developing a healthy sense of shame about him. All I can say is, good, and better late than never.....If he does run again it looks like they will primary his ass and he will lose.....

Has anyone used Salonpas patch?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Never heard of it, what is it?

Today was a challenging day.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

It's always a hell of a lot easier going thru a dead person's stuff if you have help. It not only provides emotional support, but it also helps save time and adds perspective and input about what stuff to pitch, what to donate, and what to keep.

You know how when someone tells you to wait for them while they get their life together, and they ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

As is always the case with the cool women on this site, I would be very interested in meeting you if you lived in my area, but you don't.....

Getting ready for a singles group party tonight.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

I tried two local singles groups and they were both dead ends. Both groups were full of very square, conservative folks that were mainstream Christians and not at all intellectuals or hipsters. Nice people, but very boring and not open-minded. Unfortunately, both groups reflected the mainstream culture and lifestyle of my local dating pool, so they were piss poor in providing me any dating prospects.

My approach to dating grew out of my mindfulness training in therapy.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Sounds like BS to me, esp. when I saw at the end that it is a course that is sold to people. Reminds me a lot of the $ I spent or wasted working with a dating and relationship coach for a month. Fortunately for me, it was money I could afford to lose, unlike most people. I concluded that she was mainly selling hope to people who had gotten desperate from the brutality of online dating and the dating scene in general. Her coaching methods and materials were all pretty boilerplate stuff that you could have gotten on the net by researching things, as it turned out and, as far as my dating profile, which she worked with me on, it was no different than what Match had done for me for $40 a while back. And neither one made any difference in my response rate from women I messaged. My advice, save your money and get some regular therapy. My therapist confirmed all this with me after my one month experiment and even commented that the coach's revised profile was not only not better, but that it had run-on sentences in it......If anything, my real advice would be to spend the money with a pro photographer to get better pics in your profile, since they seem to be the real key to getting interest from others with online dating. I don't hide anything about myself to others and I feel as much self acceptance as probably most people on dating sites, but this navel-gazing stuff is just a bunch of crap to make people feel more in control and able to influence the process of online dating when the real truth is that most of it is about your looks, which most of us cannot do much about other than our hairstyles and how much we lose or gain weight as well as whether we work out or not. Beyond that, it's pretty much genetics as far as our looks, with the exception of maybe how you dress in the pics, but again, that is an area where a photographer could probably help you out as well if they are experienced in their work and esp. if they are female or a gay male, stereotyping a bit here, I know, but probably on the mark tho.

Good afternoon everyone! My cable was off for a couple of hours so I was reading.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Welcome to my world of having only estranged family, instead of supportive family. I'm very grateful for my friends who have replaced them in my life. Maybe this might make it easier for others to understand why it would be so hard to move away from them just to have a better dating pool. Easier said than done. I now have 3 unsupportive siblings and my friends, that's it, in my life.

THIS JUST IN!!!!!

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

I haven't drank since 1996, so it's a good thing I'm retired. Most of my jobs were not that enjoyable tho, so I can relate, at least in my memories......

Congratulations to @bobwjr for reaching level 9 !! Woohoo.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy...

I am in the chatroom...not sure if its still being buggy.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:

Looks like it's being buggy again. It was fine earlier this evening. I tried to join and it wouldn't admit me and it doesn't look like it was letting you chat.

Every time I log on with my Desk Top to Agnostics, I get and error message from Microsoft telling me...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:

No, but I've had other problems with the site recently.

A couple we can respect

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:

Speak for yourself. I loathe them and the Clintons, but for different reasons than conservatives do. Just another pair of sellout, Neo-liberal corporatists who posed as liberals.

Which response is your favorite?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:

My problem now is being widowed and trying to date in a local area where the mainstream culture is all about family and kids, even at my age, so even the childless women seem to only want to date family men. Maybe they are trying to hedge their bets for not having kids by dating a guy with kids so they can be adopted by his family if they are widowed and lonely later, then his family will look after them and keep them company. No less selfish than the argument below about having kids so they will take care of the parent in their old age.

Who has been called a nerd? Are you proud of it or is it just me?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:

I've never been called a nerd. Other negative labels, yes. I am proud to be an intellectual and am proud when I am labelled that once in a great while. I wish America was a place where the term was not usually accompanied by a sneer.

Sweet. I can't even imagine it though!

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:

As Tony Soprano once said to his therapist, " The circle jerk of life".....

The site appeared to be down for a while this morning. Did anyone else experience this?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:

This evening I tried joining the single/mingle chat room and it wouldn't let me in.

Hi Everyone -I'm in the chatroom at 6:24 PM if anyone wants to chat.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:

I tried to join you, it won't work or let me in.

Strange how people have to resort to insults when they don't like someone's opinion "AnneWimsey ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:

I blocked AW a long time ago. I suggest you do the same...

Is it okay to pretend to love someone if you're up front about it?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Reminds me of the Clintons sham of a marriage a bit. Could never believe that Hillary actually forgave and still loved Bill after all the humiliation he put her thru. No doubt she stayed married to him and they both faked their continued marriage all for her political ambition and their shared hunger for power..... And understand that my contempt for the Clintons, as well as all corporatist pols, is not because I am a conservative, which I am not, but because I am a socialist who hates all pols that are phony and serve the status quo.

More sad evidence for mysogyny in the Land of the Unfree.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Makes sense to me. Women sure don't do mass shootings that I've ever heard about even tho there are many women who own guns, enjoy shooting, and even have military training with guns. Maybe they just don't have the same level of hatred towards others that these men have and are also not as sexually frustrated. The other piece of the puzzle may be that women do not have the same sense of entitlement as white men, who do almost all the mass shootings, seem to have. Therefore, less rage when they do not get their way in love, jobs, etc..

I am hurt and angry.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Good looking people attract more interest and people, both of the good and healthy kind as well as the bad and unhealthy. I wish I had your amount of interest in me from others, but I am grateful I have not had your kind of problems with dating. I wish I could understand better or be more empathetic, but I can't and won't pretend that I can. As one of my mentors on here says, it goes both ways. I wish I could understand how people with lots of interest from others think, but I honestly don't. Too bad having your shit together and wanting only one person is not enough these days to get interest from others and find love. I remember being younger and finding that it was often enough back then, but it sure as hell isn't enough now. Wish you the best, Marianne and that I could help....

Hey guys what do say when you meet someone in person from online dating and you are not physically ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

LL- Thank you for as least asking the ? and thus showing you are more kind and considerate than most people in online dating, who would just take the easy way and ghost. Like skado said below, there is no easy answer. You could do what I do in those rare situations where someone is more interested in me than I am in them and do this: Send them a short message thanking them sincerely for meeting you and point out something positive about them so they feel some encouragement about being dateable in general, but also make it clear that you do not feel they are a match for you and that you are moving on. If they bother to ask your reason or reasons for not wanting to continue to see them or have contact, which is very rare in my experience that someone would ask, I will tell them the blunt truth, since they are an adult and by asking they are implying they are able to handle the truth, so that's what I will give them. On the face of it, asking the reasons why someone is rejecting you may seem to make no sense or be useless, but, having been on both ends of the rejection situation in online dating, it does make some sense in that otherwise the rejected have no real data or info to understand why they are experiencing so much rejection, a common experience in online dating, and it also helps give the rejected more of a realistic idea who they have a chance with in online dating and who they don't. Which, trust me, can be helpful in such in an otherwise impersonal, mysterious process as online dating is anyway. With so much rejection and ignoring that average looking and most people in online dating experience, some honest feedback can be very valuable and useful, esp. if it concerns something the rejected party might be able to do something about, like hygiene, attitude, what they said or shared that was inappropriate etc..

"Are You Pretty Enough For Him?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

I just ran across a profile on Our Time of a woman from my town that had no pics of her, just two of her dog in the backyard and one of a plate of food. Someone this clueless is not even worth bothering to message and tell her to include some pics of herself.

More gangster cats

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Still makes me think of a Tarantino movie, Reservoir Cats........

I wonder how many Woodstock attendees saved those stubs?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

My late wife didn't, but she had pics that prove she was there.

DC MD VA peeps. Happy hour get together posted in our group.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Wish something like that could happen in the Des Moines area on here, but we don't even have the critical mass to try it.

Joe Biden, speaking in Iowa, says 'poor kids' are 'just as talented as white kids'

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 13, 2019:

Ah, Uncle Joe, the darling of the Clinton, DLC, Dem establishment leaders who care more about stopping Bernie than winning the next prez election. He will probably be their nominee and, just like Hillary, will be a sure loser in 2020 against Trump. You heard it here first. He is just as out of touch and apathetic about average people as Hillary, just less smooth......

"Are You Pretty Enough For Him?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 12, 2019:

Objective beauty, as he defines it, is a real issue that does matter a lot to both men and women. The proof of that is which sort of people on dating sites get their messages read, much less replied to. If your pics are not attractive enough, people will swipe away or reject you on that initial fact, no matter what you say in your message or in your profile essay. Having said that, we have had many discussions already on these boards on the concept of leagues and classes of looks, so I will not repeat all of that here, except to tie it to this video by saying that some if not much of the frustration of online dating is the fact that most, if not all, of us, are trying much of the time to date out of our league or class of looks by pursuing people who are too good-looking for us, based on objective beauty. So we get rejected by them because we are below their level of objective beauty. I had a dating and relationship coach take a look at my dating activity on Match and I asked her if I appeared to be trying to date too much out of my league in who I was messaging, etc. She said I was trying to do that some of the time, but not often enough for her to be concerned about it or for it to be that unusual compared to most people. She said that the point is that when you pursue people outside of your level of looks you can never expect a reply, because you will almost never get one. Perceived beauty, as he defines it, will only come into play with online dating after you have already met the other person's standards for objective beauty, which means it will never have a chance unless your photos are already impressive or your beholder has very low or loose standards of objective beauty, both very rare these days. Very few people who shine or have great in person charisma to compensate for their lack of objective beauty will get that chance with online dating. Those people are better off putting their energy and focus into meeting people IRL and dating organically instead of online.

At current rates a federal reserve board study shows that the top 10% will own 100% of the wealth in...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 12, 2019:

In less than 33 years, the US will look like a Mad Max movie and I will be dead, hopefully......

When Black Panthers Carried Guns, Conservatives Supported Gun Control [buzzfeednews.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 12, 2019:

I was alive back then too. The issue of who, as far as racial groups, were allowed to carry guns and own them has always been about who should hold the real power in the society. Nowadays tho, poor whites are deluded enough to think that owning and carrying guns gives them real power in this society when the clear truth is that real power these days in America is about being wealthy, not having guns.

Curious what men here think when a woman describes herself as “about average” on a dating site ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 11, 2019:

I have been on Match for almost two years and the vast majority of female profiles my age describe themselves as " About Average" in the body type category they choose for themselves. I have gotten to the point that I will not bother messaging the woman if she does not include a full body shot photo of herself in the profile pics, because I will not just take someone's word about their body type, nor should they take my word about my body type. We all know damn well that body type matters to almost all people on dating sites, be they male or female. Too bad some will not admit that harsh truth. BTW, you forgot two other options that I believe are still in the Match list of body type categories, namely Curvy and Big And Beautiful, the latter being a euphanism for the most part, at least in my book......As far as your argument about "average" meaning about 10-20 lbs over the medical ideal, that weight is about average body type in my mind, but, as I said, I long ago quit assuming that body type came with the use of that term on dating sites.....

What to do?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 11, 2019:

Bernie got played last time when he accepted the compromise with the party leaders and Hillary supporters to let the party continue to have superdelegates and not let them vote until the second ballot at the convention. He should have known that the party establishment would be ready for him in four years and rig things with a large, diluted field of candidates so that no one candidate would win on the first ballot and thus the superdelegates would once again be able to nominate another corrupt, corporatist centrist like Biden on the second ballot, which is probably what will happen unless Bernie and Warren join forces to unite their supporters and win on the first ballot. Most of the superdelegates are already elected officials and they have no shame. Harassing them will not get them to change their votes for the nominee, altho it might make you feel better.

Got my T shirt and pen!

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 11, 2019:

Considering how recently you joined, you made level 8 in record time...

Had a nice day with my new girlfriend, Renzie, up at Lake George on a brunch cruise.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 11, 2019:

Friendships are very crucial, esp. if you are not close with family, as is my case. What is consistently disappointing is that same sex friendships are hard to find among single men my age. I have tried to become friends with other single men I have met thru Meetup groups and a couple singles groups, but with no luck. These guys just don't seem motivated or interested in making any male friends, they are totally focused on finding a woman to date and seem to consider male friends to be a distraction or waste of their time, even tho we both could use the support, friendship, and encouragement of another friend who is going thru the dating struggles too like them. My one recent friend happens to be married and very socially active. Go figure. But even tho he is encouraging about my dating efforts, he doesn't have any patience or interest in hearing about my negative experiences with it. For that, I have to rely on other friends or vent about it here, where, also, the tolerance is often very limited in what people are willing to hear.

Honey, where is the cat?