TomMcGiverin's Profile

An email from a guy on a dating site: "Gwen forgive me for bothering you, you're the first real ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 1, 2019:

Let us know if he replies, but I doubt he will.

TomMcGiverin replies on Sep 2, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 Look forward to hearing it.

I hit sort of a milestone yesterday.

BitFlipper comments on Sep 1, 2019:

You kissed her and she's still talking to you? You are WAY ahead of me, sir.

TomMcGiverin replies on Sep 1, 2019:

Not only that, but we traded phone numbers yesterday and talked by phone yesterday and today. Are getting together again on Tue..

The Art of Being Single, Wall Street Journal.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 31, 2019:

Being divorced is one thing, being widowed is another after a long and happy marriage. The latter makes it much harder to convince oneself that life is as satisfying and meaningful on your own again when you can still remember not that long ago how much better life was with a partner that loved you....

TomMcGiverin replies on Sep 1, 2019:

@BitFlipper I have heard that the worst kind of alone is when you are in a bad relationship or marriage that is lonely.

after several months of emails, texting and a few phone calls, my virtual "friend" planned to visit ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 1, 2019:

You're being played and he sounds like a royal jerk. Cut him loose.

TomMcGiverin replies on Sep 1, 2019:

@Soarfeet Exactly, someone that thoughtless is not worth the time or energy.

after several months of emails, texting and a few phone calls, my virtual "friend" planned to visit ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Sep 1, 2019:

You're being played and he sounds like a royal jerk. Cut him loose.

TomMcGiverin replies on Sep 1, 2019:

@Soarfeet Visiting from far away after all this time you two have been in contact, it was his place to arrange some time in advance to spend with you that would fit your schedule. The fact that he did not make plans for that and involve you in doing so, says it all about his priorities regarding where you do or don't fit into his life.

Being single again I want to offer some advice.

BitFlipper comments on Aug 31, 2019:

I've done some of that, but never met anyone who's interested in anything beyond the topic of the group. (ie. dating)

TomMcGiverin replies on Sep 1, 2019:

@BitFlipper Based on what I've learned about the group in my area, I wouldn't expect much in the way of dating prospects. Probably all the group will offer are interesting discussions and the opportunity to make a friend or two.

The Art of Being Single, Wall Street Journal.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 31, 2019:

Being divorced is one thing, being widowed is another after a long and happy marriage. The latter makes it much harder to convince oneself that life is as satisfying and meaningful on your own again when you can still remember not that long ago how much better life was with a partner that loved you....

TomMcGiverin replies on Sep 1, 2019:

@UUNJ Of course, it all depends on whether you are the dumper or the dumpee in the divorce, I get it.....

Being single again I want to offer some advice.

BitFlipper comments on Aug 31, 2019:

I've done some of that, but never met anyone who's interested in anything beyond the topic of the group. (ie. dating)

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 31, 2019:

Same for me, made two friends out of Meetup groups, but no one to date, that was a dead end. One reason is that the Meetup groups in my area still attracted the same kind of mainstream culture and lifestyle people as the paid dating sites, therefore not compatible for me to date. Also, found that almost all the people in Meetup groups for my area were Christians.

I hit sort of a milestone yesterday.

Dancing comments on Aug 31, 2019:

That's great to hear. I hope things go well for you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 31, 2019:

That's two of us. There were two women that I met from dating sites that I saw more than twice, but it turned out in each case that it was strictly friendzone on either my part or theirs, so not the same situation as this.

So.

Sticks48 comments on Aug 30, 2019:

They are going to do their best. Unfortunately white folks in this country, by and large, really, really suck!

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 30, 2019:

@Seeker3CO Minnesota sound a lot like Iowa. Too many whites that have grown up and lived too long in isolation from colored, Jewish, or non-religious people. So their bigotry is very deep and based on fear of the unknown.

I had this weird exchange recently with a member.

BitFlipper comments on Aug 28, 2019:

Consider that we men NEVER receive casual or trivial messages from women, and so it's extremely unlikely that we could experience what you are experiencing. Maybe that's why we don't know how it feels. I don't send canned or insensitive introductions to women. I put thought into them and make ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 30, 2019:

About the only time I receive messages from women that are casual or trivial initial messages are from scammers, who are way younger than me and also with pics that are too good looking.

I had this weird exchange recently with a member.

BitFlipper comments on Aug 28, 2019:

Consider that we men NEVER receive casual or trivial messages from women, and so it's extremely unlikely that we could experience what you are experiencing. Maybe that's why we don't know how it feels. I don't send canned or insensitive introductions to women. I put thought into them and make ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 30, 2019:

@BitFlipper I am sure that is a big factor, seriously. Many women do not want to date bald men, but just won't admit it......

I had this weird exchange recently with a member.

BitFlipper comments on Aug 28, 2019:

Consider that we men NEVER receive casual or trivial messages from women, and so it's extremely unlikely that we could experience what you are experiencing. Maybe that's why we don't know how it feels. I don't send canned or insensitive introductions to women. I put thought into them and make ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 29, 2019:

90-95% of the women I message on paid dating sites never reply, so no way am I going to usually put a lot of time or thought into an initial message, since they obviously are usually choosing which messages to even read according to whether your main profile pic is attractive enough to them to make the initial cut of who they will read messages from, much less respond to. Only about half of my initial messages even get read, which could be for a variety of reasons, like the woman is not a paid member, they decided to leave the site soon after making a profile, they met someone else they liked more before I messaged them. etc. But I still believe the main reason is that most women, esp. the more attractive looking ones, get so many messages from men that they begin their initial screening or sorting according to how attractive your main profile pic is to them. It makes complete sense.

I have a profile on the Fish site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 28, 2019:

Different strokes for different folks. Not trying to be overly PC on you, since I am not exactly a big follower of that, but I find it a bit offensive that you lump all LGBT folks into being "psychologically disordered". But you have the right to your opinion and I to mine. I don't get fazed at men ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 29, 2019:

@tinkercreek You're welcome.

Thinking about work tomorrow honestly feels draining, who recommend adulthood?

UUNJ comments on Aug 28, 2019:

Good for you for finding some positives. I doubt there’s a job without some sucky days. One of my daughters is a server in a ski resort town and she loves the job except when privileged young adults show up. She says they are demanding and are shitty tippers.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 28, 2019:

Most spoiled rich people are. Working service jobs really educates you about human nature and class in the US.

Went to a 100-person singles mingle tonight.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:

Was this sponsored by a dating site, a matchmaking group, or a local singles org.? I have been disgusted for a while that Match has no local live events for members, even tho we pay the same rate for membership as people who live in larger cities where they do have those kind of events, because the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 28, 2019:

@UUNJ My guess is, probably not in your case. The paid dating sites are all about collecting money, not in providing quality service. They don't have to since almost all of them are owned by the same conglomerate. Monopoly pricing and poor service equals no real competition.

Why does Fox News believe that “not like them” is somehow wrong?

silverotter11 comments on Aug 27, 2019:

I'm 66, I never wanted kids and religion was a joke by the time I was 12. Social pressure was why many of my generation married and had kids, it was what you were suppose to do. As income inequality got worse and costs went up not getting married and having kids looked pretty attractive to many. ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 27, 2019:

A lot of truth in your comments. Never wanting kids made me pretty offbeat my whole life in the family and child-worshiping state of Iowa. Being non religious just added to it. Then being a proud intellectual is just icing on the cake in a state where only about 25% have even been to college. Much easier to fit in if you go along with the flow by having kids, being close with family, loving country music, and worshiping at the altar of college sports, since we have no major league sports in Iowa. Except that would, for me, be like remaining in the closet my whole life if I were gay. Better to be alone and authentic than phony, still alone or lonely, and living in fear of being discovered as a fake.

I had this weird exchange recently with a member.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:

I hate small talk and maybe this works against me and might cause me to come on a bit strong, at least in the minds of some women, if I begin messaging them with something original and commenting on their profile, but that's exactly what I will do if I find a woman's profile interesting to me. I ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 27, 2019:

@bleurowz I totally agree. Whenever some supposed woman messages me on here or a paid dating site with something very short and trite or cutesy, I immediately think Scammer. Even more so if their photo is an 8 or higher in looks.

Lookie lookie what I found in the Wall Street Journal: [wsj.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 27, 2019:

Some function better and are happier as singles, others more as couples. Everyone is different. All I can say for myself is that I've done both and by far I was happier, as least as a middle aged person, in the time I was part of a long term couple. I think there is a big difference between being ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 27, 2019:

@WonderWartHog99 You're right, singles are treated differently, including by couples themselves. Widowed people esp. are seen as sort of threatening or disturbing to couples as our situation is not something the smuggly married or coupled want to think about facing themselves later.

What did Marx mean by "religion is the opium of the people"?

Bierbasstard comments on Aug 27, 2019:

He continues: "The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions. The criticism of religion is, therefore, in ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 27, 2019:

So it sounds like people who bash religion as an opiate for the masses who aren't also advocating socialism are at best hypocrites, and at worst are sadistic and selfish.....Agreed?

Making Your Best Use Of The BLOCK Function This is a large, diverse, and multi-purpose online ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:

I have blocked 27 so far and probably been blocked by about 20 or so. I really don't sweat it either way, as I do see it as a way to customize the site and not put up with being hassled, targetted or annoyed by people who either don't get me, have no respect for me or others, or are just plain toxic...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 26, 2019:

@callmedubious It's gift I guess. I don't suffer or tolerate fools or assholes gladly......

I will admit this might be a pick too finicky, but I really do not want to date a man who is smaller...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 25, 2019:

Being tall is one of the few advantages I have over other men in the superficial world of online dating. However, once in a while I actually run across a woman who says in her profile she won't date a man over 6' tall because she is too short for someone that height. Go figure....

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 26, 2019:

@Rustee Same with me and a bunch of women on Agnostic. All of my good prospects live hundreds of miles away at least. I won't date LD.

Maybe all these men should shut up about women’s behavior and bodies and insist that GOP ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:

This poster makes my skin crawl. It reads like a cross between The Stepford Wives and The Handmaid's Tale. It shows how men should have no voice whatsoever in making policy about women's reproductive rights. Also, nice job of tokenism for them to have one black woman in the graphic images.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 26, 2019:

@SKH78 Yup, nobody can get enough of that kind of Christian love and charity. Sarcasm now off.......

Maybe all these men should shut up about women’s behavior and bodies and insist that GOP ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:

This poster makes my skin crawl. It reads like a cross between The Stepford Wives and The Handmaid's Tale. It shows how men should have no voice whatsoever in making policy about women's reproductive rights. Also, nice job of tokenism for them to have one black woman in the graphic images.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 26, 2019:

@UUNJ You're right. They're not quite Barbies, as their chests are smaller, but all have small waists and are trim.

Maybe all these men should shut up about women’s behavior and bodies and insist that GOP ...

Deiter comments on Aug 26, 2019:

What do women think? Let’s ask a man. Preferably a man who enthusiastically bases his worldview on that of Bronze Age sheepherders.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 26, 2019:

I really don't think these numbnuts give a fuck what women think, as they believe their function is to breed, serve men, and look after the children.

Making Your Best Use Of The BLOCK Function This is a large, diverse, and multi-purpose online ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 26, 2019:

I have blocked 27 so far and probably been blocked by about 20 or so. I really don't sweat it either way, as I do see it as a way to customize the site and not put up with being hassled, targetted or annoyed by people who either don't get me, have no respect for me or others, or are just plain toxic...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 26, 2019:

@motrubl4u Great and twisted minds think alike, thank you sir!

Making Your Best Use Of The BLOCK Function This is a large, diverse, and multi-purpose online ...

BD66 comments on Aug 26, 2019:

I have never blocked anyone on this site. I disagree with the political positions of many people here, but I have found I have a lot in common with them on issues outside of politics. What bothers me is the site is too compartmentalized. Many people just want to have their own views reinforced....

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 26, 2019:

Too many folks want to live only in echo chambers.

Latest update on my online dating.

BitFlipper comments on Aug 20, 2019:

My recent experiences are pretty dismal too. I had been chatting with a local woman who seemed very sincere, but also claimed to be a victim of domestic violence. We had a lot of important things in commin, and had some pretty deep discussions. She suddenly disappeared last week. The Zoosk app ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 25, 2019:

@Bobsuruncle You're very right that Agnostic.com has tons of old profiles that are inactive and abandoned, esp. in my local area, where these people are never coming back because they joined here looking to date other non-believers and saw the only prospects were long distance, so they split for good rather than checking out the community and getting involved with it. That is esp. true in my local area, where most of the women left for good soon after joining and without ever posting on the boards. No new women have joined from my area in over two years that are my age. But it doesn't matter if their profiles remain on here, at least to me, because it's easy to see when someone has been gone for months and is not coming back.

Hi all. Sassygirl will be in the Chatroom tonight if anyone is around on a Saturday night. See you!

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 24, 2019:

Last night I got into chat with no problem. Just tried now and no luck this time.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 24, 2019:

@sassygirl3869 Nope, I don't know why. Funny thing is I just was able today to start entering the Online Dating: The Reality group again. Maybe it was an accident on someone's part or Merrie decided to let me back in after kicking me out months ago.

I may need to substitute dogs... Oh wait - I already have them 🤣🤣🤣🤣

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 24, 2019:

I don't mind dating cat ladies as long as they own 3 or less and are otherwise compatible. If I lived in your area, I'd be eager to meet you.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 24, 2019:

@Heidi68 If you say so.....

Do you say the pledge of allegiance, when called to do so in a public setting?

DenoPenno comments on Aug 24, 2019:

I stand and might sometimes (but not always) place my right hand on my heart area. I say no words at all and do not think this is a necessary thing to do. We did it in my school years and also when I was in the Army. Today I am beyond both of those. It does not mean I am a Communist to not say the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 24, 2019:

@DenoPenno Geez, you live in Missouri, right next to Iowa, so you know exactly the kind of folks I am talking about, small town hicks who are still living in the 50s, when they were teenagers. Which is not surprising since none of them left town or went to college.The funny thing is, my once small town that I now live in is presently a suburb of Des Moines with a rapidly growing pop. of 60K that is mostly a bedroom community of white collar types who work in Des Moines or West Des Moines in banking or insurance. In other words, the people at the senior center are poor and uneducated, while most of the town is yuppie Repub types.

Do you say the pledge of allegiance, when called to do so in a public setting?

Sticks48 comments on Aug 24, 2019:

I don't do the pledge of allegiance, salute, or put my hand over my heart when the Anthem is played. I will stand, but that is it. I don't bow my head when public prayer is happening either. It would be totally dishonest on my part to do so. I just happen to be born here. I have no respect or ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 24, 2019:

When the national anthem is played at a political or sporting event, I will stand and take off my hate and leave my arms and hands down at my front, but that's it. No hand on my heart stuff.

Do you say the pledge of allegiance, when called to do so in a public setting?

DenoPenno comments on Aug 24, 2019:

I stand and might sometimes (but not always) place my right hand on my heart area. I say no words at all and do not think this is a necessary thing to do. We did it in my school years and also when I was in the Army. Today I am beyond both of those. It does not mean I am a Communist to not say the ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 24, 2019:

My local senior center is that way. I silently protest by remaining seated and drinking my coffee while they pledge and pray, in this case a moment of silence instead of a prayer. The know my intent and I know theirs, which is to force conformity and agreement. I am passively telling them they can shove it and they can't do anything to force me to conform to their rituals. I only come there to get the free lunch, not to socialize. I make that clear by always sitting at a back table by myself. However if a brave soul who was not a conformist happened to ask to sit with me, I would probably give them a chance and talk to them some to see if they were different from the rest. Everybody there is at least a dozen years older than me, from what I can tell, so there's that too. They are all also country music fans, so I always dread that they might start playing CDs of country music during the meals, in which case I would have to give up the free lunches. I don't want to tip them off to that or they would probably start doing that to get rid of me.

Is it true?

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Aug 24, 2019:

I usually do not revel in deaths of people whom I dislike, but these days, there are some graves upon which I would gladly dance.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 24, 2019:

@Gwendolyn2018 Agreed. If I think that someone is garage wrapped in skin while they are alive, respecting them after they are dead is merely conforming to norms and appeasing their followers after the death. I have more integrity than that.

Is it true?

glennlab comments on Aug 24, 2019:

The only question is who will inherit all the politicians he bought.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 24, 2019:

His brother will.

Is it true?

Gwendolyn2018 comments on Aug 24, 2019:

I usually do not revel in deaths of people whom I dislike, but these days, there are some graves upon which I would gladly dance.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 24, 2019:

As my man Elvis Costello sang after Thatcher's death, Tramp The Dirt Down, tho he did wait a month after her death to perform the song. Guess he has more respect for the dead than I do in cases like this....

What about grief?

HippieChick58 comments on Aug 22, 2019:

My mom died in 1972, I was 14, my sisters were 12 and 8. My brothers were all out of the house, two in the Navy and one in Juvie. My dad was so freaked out by the idea of raising 3 girls he married the first woman he dated, and he was married 6 months after our mother passed. That old phrase, marry ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 23, 2019:

@HippieChick58 Yes, I remember her and the song.

What about grief?

luckytobealive comments on Aug 23, 2019:

okay let's type down my experience I was extremely heart broken when my life long partner for 25 years decided to choose her new friend over me. I saw it coming by the way for at least 6 months as we had a kinda poly relationship , never the less , i was really broken inside but i also knew i ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 23, 2019:

Sounds like you made the right move and it worked out. I don't really know anything about poly relationships, but it sounds like you were more emotionally attached to this woman than I would expect from a poly situation, but maybe I am way off base on that. You seem more cut out for monogamy from what you wrote here.

People are herd animals.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:

I hate sheeple. I will not even be friends with someone who is a sheeple because they are too frustrating to engage with intellectually, like a Trumper or most very religious folks. Just too frustrating. I know that makes me intolerant, but I would rather be that than frustrated with them. I hate ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 23, 2019:

@Remiforce To be fair, you make a couple good points and I am likely guilty as an elitist scum. The "fool from any direction" point melds well into my old saying, "Confuse not the minds of the ignorant, they will only hate you for it". Better to avoid them and not engage them.

What about grief?

HippieChick58 comments on Aug 22, 2019:

My mom died in 1972, I was 14, my sisters were 12 and 8. My brothers were all out of the house, two in the Navy and one in Juvie. My dad was so freaked out by the idea of raising 3 girls he married the first woman he dated, and he was married 6 months after our mother passed. That old phrase, marry ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 22, 2019:

Words to live by. You are one smart cookie, Paula.

Dating?

Wisewoman3 comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I have not dated in years. I am now 72 years old, so not the young, thin, sexy girl I was in the past. So, if I was to date, I would want to date someone around my age. The men that I have met, who are around my age, seem to have morphed from the open minded, free thinking, fun, liberal guys when ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 22, 2019:

@Deb57 That is pretty extreme, lol! Where are you encountering such ugly men, may I ask? Not here on Agnostic, I don't imagine.....On regular paid sites like Match? And as far as looking only for women who are 20 years younger than them, they'd better be rich as Trump or look like Richard Gere if they want to pull that off with anyone above average looks at that age.

Dry run in the bus today, school begins Sept.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:

I drove a school bus for several years. I really don't miss the bratty kids or getting up at zero dark thirty, esp. in the winter, to get in the bus in the cold, dark mornings. Best of luck with this school year.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 22, 2019:

@Mark013 As I say, one reason I quit was bratty kids. What made it bad is the school district outsourced the busing long before I got hired and over time since then it got worse every year with the lack of support and respect the parents and school officials had for the bus drivers. By the time I retired I was sick of writing kids up over and over without the principals ever honoring the write ups and giving out suspensions for the bus. I got tired of being in a job where I was an authority figure with no real power and still expected to keep a safe, orderly bus. It was an impossible situation and it didn't help to regularly have middle school or HS kids tell me that I must be some sort of loser because I was driving a school bus. I wonder where they heard that from? Their parents, of course.......And yet the parents and school officials became more demanding and critical every year of the drivers. Plus, our word was never taken by the principals for anything on discipline reports. We had to have video evidence of all misconduct because, of course, we were lying until proven innocent. Too much bullshit for me......

Back before Charlie got religion... [youtube.com]

of-the-mountain comments on Aug 22, 2019:

Those Types bend the easiest way to put easy money into their pockets! No real loyalty to anything!

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 22, 2019:

True, not may musicians with the conviction and integrity of a John Lennon or Muhammad Ali, people that are willing to put their wealth and careers on the line for a cause or principle.

Back before Charlie got religion... [youtube.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 22, 2019:

I always liked this song and it expresses well my feelings about the South and rednecks. I wish they would just secede again and this time let them go. Too bad Charlie turned and embraced the whole redneck thing later in his career, probably not long after this song.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 22, 2019:

@Beowulfsfriend Talk about going over to the dark side......

What about grief?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 21, 2019:

I think it's very individual and depends on the circumstances. My late wife had already lost her identity and most of her personality after a few years of having dementia. I had already begun grieving, so when she died over two years ago, I was mostly done with grieving the loss of the person I ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 21, 2019:

@RavenCT Thank you. Your views on these issues are very refreshing. Too bad almost nobody on dating sites will give me a chance to move on with another relationship. Those who have been cancer or dementia spouses understand that for most of us, the spouse's physical death brings both sadness and relief, because it ends the suffering for both us and them. Those who haven't been there or worked professionally with us as medical staff don't get it. My father was the same way after my mother died following a few years of his caring for her after her stroke.

What about grief?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 21, 2019:

I think it's very individual and depends on the circumstances. My late wife had already lost her identity and most of her personality after a few years of having dementia. I had already begun grieving, so when she died over two years ago, I was mostly done with grieving the loss of the person I ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 21, 2019:

@RavenCT I can totally relate. I wish more people were not so ignorant or close-minded about how soon some of us can be ready to date after being dementia or cancer spouses. I have found that widowed women on dating sites, even tho they are a fairly small minority in my age group on the sites, seem to get it way better than most divorced women. Plus, it seems like many divorced women don't want to date widowed men, as indicated in their profile traits checklist of who they're looking for. I assume the reasoning behind that is that those women assume that widowed men are still emotionally married to their dead wives or that widowed men will not understand the divorced woman if they have not been thru divorce themselves. Kind of close-minded and self-centered if you ask me.......

Dating?

Wisewoman3 comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I have not dated in years. I am now 72 years old, so not the young, thin, sexy girl I was in the past. So, if I was to date, I would want to date someone around my age. The men that I have met, who are around my age, seem to have morphed from the open minded, free thinking, fun, liberal guys when ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 21, 2019:

@Deb57 Care to translate or explain the type of ugly you are talking about? Maybe the two hillbilly rapists from Deliverance-ugly?

Starved For Practicing Emotional Intimacy (SFPEI) 1: PRACTICING EMOTIONAL CONNECTABILITY ...

Okieboglie comments on Aug 21, 2019:

Thank you from the bottom of my soul. I could have not put into words what you expressed, but I wholeheartedly agree with you. The part that often floors me the most is the friendship part. I have friends already. I have some beautiful and genuine adopted/chosen sisters who love me unconditionally ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 21, 2019:

Agreed. I don't join dating sites to make more friends. I already have enough, tho I wish more of them were single and thus available to get together more often. But let's not kid anybody, esp. ourselves, that people do not join paid dating sites to make platonic friends. They are seeking dating partners that hopefully will also become sexual partners as well. So when we meet and there isn't mutual attraction, time to move on and not play games or waste each other's time with friendzone relationships as a regular practice when we don't click.

Alternatives to ghosting. I like this.

BitFlipper comments on Aug 21, 2019:

I never have to ghost anyone. The ghost me first.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 21, 2019:

I've never ghosted or stood up anyone in my life and am rather proud of those facts....If only most people were that honorable....

Alternatives to ghosting. I like this.

PontifexMarximus comments on Aug 20, 2019:

I was inclined to send this to my last encounter: ***I felt really honoured by your making the effort to see me and sharing some coffee and an interesting conversation. I am sure I would be a top priority on your list of potential suitors if I had a ute and a rather large array of tools to fix ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 21, 2019:

Sounds like she is a selfish user. I can't speak for you, but being me, I probably would have sent her the snarky message you posted here. Maybe she needs to hear the truth about herself. But on the other hand, she would probably just blow it off, so in the end all you might accomplish is pissing her off and having her tell her girlfriends what an ass you are. Which might or might not have implications for you later if you run across other women on the dating site who are in her social network. I guess the risk on that front depends on how large a dating pool you are in or not.

Dating?

Hazydays comments on Aug 20, 2019:

Online dating is the best. IF you can find someone who can communicate effectively in writing. We have to just adapt with the times and what is available to us locally is such a small swamp of people. Online your options are limitless and worldwide. Depends on what you are looking for and what you ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 20, 2019:

@ThomasLevi You're right, my fellow Tom. She is beautiful and, like, me, you are a middle aged, average looking bald guy. The online dating world is stacked against us. I appreciate your refreshing honesty. And all the writing ability in the world for you or me is not going to change that, as we are still not rich or famous enough to overcome our average, bald looks. Online dating, whether male or female, is pretty much a game left to those above average or better in looks.

Just wondering.

Athena comments on Aug 20, 2019:

Wasn't it barely 5 minutes ago that everyone was talking about Oprah running against Trump because she'd win?

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 20, 2019:

Oprah would have a hell of a time getting any male votes for prez and would not be taken seriously as a candidate by the media. I am impressed by what I have seen in the debates by Marianne Williamson, who is not the lightweight flake that I assumed she might get pegged as by the media.

Just wondering.

Rob1948 comments on Aug 20, 2019:

Fat is visually unappealing. Trump, while over weight is not grossly obese. He is, however, the heaviest or most obese of every president since Reagan, I think. People, no matter gender, who are overweight, are perceived as having less discipline in their lives. That translate to being less ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 20, 2019:

I might differ some on your last point. I have seen at least a few CEOs that were very large and heavy. But I would agree that for most in the corporate world, keeping a healthy, disciplined look is probably very important in moving up the ladder in that world.

A centrist candidate would be a losing candidate. Do you agree with that view? [salon.com]

yamaha45701 comments on Aug 20, 2019:

It has been shown, the right wing is about 35%. The progressive left side is probably the same amount, though a bit more fragmented. That leaves about 30% centrist. If the democrats would nominate a conservative democrat, they would win, but they probably will select a left progressive. Unless that ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 20, 2019:

I disagree. I am not familiar with the French or British politics, but in US prez elections, most people who are swing voters want someone who is exciting to them and that they feel is on their side. Centrists candidates, as Chris Hedges would say, stand for nothing and will fight for nothing. They do not inspire trust or excitement. Thus, the voters will stay home if the Dems nominate a centrist. Last time, Bernie was the one drawing all the crowds and inspiring excitement, not Hillary, because he was inspiring and authenitic, people knew that and responded. If he is nominated, many poor people who normally don't vote would get excited and hopeful enough to turn out for him, as they did for Obama. That is how Bernie wins, by turning out non-voters who will never turn out for a moderate like Biden. And why should they, when he has already famously told the rich and powerful in private that nothing would change....

I think I've got it figured out.

itsmedammit comments on Aug 19, 2019:

It is very rare for me to click with anyone. I am always amazed at those people who seem to be falling in love left and right. But you, you think too much.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

You're right. He is way over-thinking things....

Dating?

Santanaman9 comments on Aug 18, 2019:

There are several women on this site that I deem "worth pursuing". Distance is a mitigating factor, though. I think long-distance relationships are a bit more difficult. I'd rather have "more frequent encounters, of shorter duration"... in the early "getting to know you phase". Less pressure on ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

Well said. LD dating puts a lot of pressure on both people during the early phase, whether they admit it or not, with all the time and money invested. It's also a bigger emotional investment than nearby dating if the relationship doesn't pan out. For both reasons, I won't date LD because it also would take me away from my local friends more too....

Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang.

Haemish1 comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I only like listened to the first 20 minutes, but like most of what he says. I feel as though he doesn’t emphasize enough that white collar workers will be greatly affected as software and AI continue to grow. Lawyers, accountants and even medical doctors will find much of their work taken over ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

Just read his book, The War On Normal People, which I am currently doing. It says plenty about how automation is reducing employment for white collar jobs too.

‘Part of me wanted to leave’: Lone attendee of Steve King town hall turns out to be a ...

bobwjr comments on Aug 18, 2019:

Evidently people there are getting a conscience

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

Ain't it great? Better late than never. Too bad the Trumpers will never see the light about him.....

‘Part of me wanted to leave’: Lone attendee of Steve King town hall turns out to be a ...

Sticks48 comments on Aug 19, 2019:

Are those folks incredibly slow up there? I know they are in East Texas where Louie Gohmert is from, but I expect more from the so called Heart Land. I see a lot of land in the Midwest, heart, not so much. I'm not so sure about brains either. They seem to be missing some very important body parts up...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

You are correct sir. They often seem to be missing heart and brains. I have seen Louie in action on C-Span as well as Ted Poe, both from your state, and I wonder if all three were bros separated at birth. I guess they come in most states.....

Dating?

Bobsuruncle comments on Aug 18, 2019:

What is hard about online dating is people that join a dating site and are never on it. Even if someone sends a "like", or a message, nothing. I do have some set parameters that are hard to fill though. Not dating a "fat" girl. I'm fine with a few extra pounds. Geese. Some of them have never left a ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

@Bobsuruncle I hear you on that. I have met or run across single women, usually widowed, who are ten or twelve years older than me, but in great shape for their age. But after being widowed recently, I won't date more than 8 years older than me because I have no intention or interest in being widowed again anytime soon and having it break or finish me then.

Dating?

Wisewoman3 comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I have not dated in years. I am now 72 years old, so not the young, thin, sexy girl I was in the past. So, if I was to date, I would want to date someone around my age. The men that I have met, who are around my age, seem to have morphed from the open minded, free thinking, fun, liberal guys when ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

@Deb57 Wait a minute, Deb, I resemble that remark, lol. We've chatted before thru PMs and I have said I would try dating you in a heartbeat if we lived near each other. So which of those groups do I fall into, since I really want someone who is my age and own level?

Dating?

Remi comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I think people are too picky these days. I feel men are more picky than women, but women definitely do it too. Everyone seems to think they either have to have someone perfect or be alone. No one is perfect. People don't take the time to really get to know each other. "Oh, you have a tiny flaw or ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

@Kojaksmom I think both you and Remi are right on the money. Both genders treat online dating too much like shopping, which I have griped about before on these boards. It's too much of using a rigid checklist when going thru the choices on the screen and swiping away from anyone that doesn't fit every box on the checklist. You then miss out on some flawed, but very compatible people if you gave them the chance to actually meet you in person and show off their character, humor, charisma, and heart that are never going to show thru in their profile or even their pics.

Dating?

Kojaksmom comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I too have given up on looking for a significant other. Most of the men my age in my area are conservative trump supporters. I've had too many bad experiences with online dating so have decided that being alone is best.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 19, 2019:

@bobwjr Agree with Bob, I'd want to meet you if you lived near me. Geo is everything.....

Dating?

resserts comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I think there are still some real-world opportunities to meet people, without the pressure to date unless there's a connection. For instance, college courses (e.g., a creative writing class), business training seminars (e.g., leadership in the workplace or Excel), hobby/crafting classes (e.g., ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 18, 2019:

@resserts I quit doing that after seeing on the dating site Match how almost no women younger than 55 were willing to date someone who is 60 like me. In fact, lots of women even 55 won't date someone five years older. They would rather play cougar and date someone as much as 15 years younger, at least based on what I see in the Match profiles listing their dating range for ages. Most of those women in their 50s seem determined to catch up to what men have been doing for decades in dating as far as dating way younger.....

Dating?

NotReligious71 comments on Aug 18, 2019:

It makes me sad to not only read this, but also see how many people are feeling the same way. I, too, am in the same situation as many on this thread. I've been single since Labor Day 2014. I have not been on a date since. He was my last long-term boyfriend since my marriage that dissolved in...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 18, 2019:

Your story is living proof of why I won't move away to a better dating pool, because I need my friends close and available for support, not just by phone. They make the difference between my being able to cope or not.....

Dating?

resserts comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I think there are still some real-world opportunities to meet people, without the pressure to date unless there's a connection. For instance, college courses (e.g., a creative writing class), business training seminars (e.g., leadership in the workplace or Excel), hobby/crafting classes (e.g., ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 18, 2019:

I have tried most of those IRL avenues to meet women and they don't work, at least for me in my area. Haven't tried coaching youth sports partly because at my age the single moms of the kids would be too young for me and I would be more the age of the kids grandmas, who I would only meet at competitions of the kids. Be too busy then to socialize.

Dating?

DenoPenno comments on Aug 18, 2019:

I feel the same way. A friend of mine tells me my "last chance" might be the local Senior Center. He's religious and goes there to give them support. I went there with him once to check it out and what I found was a group who prays over food and also does the pledge of allegiance. Then I discovered ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 18, 2019:

My local senior center is the same way. They are all conservative Christians, hicks, and rubes. Almost none of the college educated and when they do their pledge of allegiance thing I do a silent protest of remaining seated and drinking my coffee. I kind of enjoy pissing them off because they can't do anything to make me go along with their rituals of that and prayer. I just go there, sit by myself, and get my free lunch about six times a month. I have told the site director that I already have friends and am there to eat, not socialize. They are also at least a dozen years or more older than me too.

Has anyone used Salonpas patch?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Never heard of it, what is it?

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 17, 2019:

@azzow2 Get it, Thanks.

Has anyone used Salonpas patch?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Never heard of it, what is it?

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 17, 2019:

@azzow2 What does it do, what is it's purpose?

Getting ready for a singles group party tonight.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

I tried two local singles groups and they were both dead ends. Both groups were full of very square, conservative folks that were mainstream Christians and not at all intellectuals or hipsters. Nice people, but very boring and not open-minded. Unfortunately, both groups reflected the mainstream ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 17, 2019:

@Cabsmom So were both of mine, at least on their face, they were secular groups, but it didn't change the fact that all the other members attended Christian churches and were almost all also members of officially Christian singles groups. The only way, as far as I'm concerned, to ever find fellow non-believers thru a singles group is to join a Unitarian singles group, if there is one in your area. Unfortunately the one in my area folded as soon as I became widowed. Just my usual luck. I have talked to its former leader and she says it would be a waste of time to revive it as the single women from the church that she has talked to say they are not interested in dating and that they would not attend the group if it was revived. The hits just keep coming........

My approach to dating grew out of my mindfulness training in therapy.

Cabsmom comments on Aug 17, 2019:

I might have to read that later when I have more time. I gave up dating sites for a while though...ugh!

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 17, 2019:

@Petter Thanks for the endorsement, Petter.

Hi! Im new here.

KKGator comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay. I've always been really defiant. I pretty much dare anyone to come at me because I'm an atheist. I've also been known to tell former co-workers to "keep that shit" to themselves. What works for me doesn't work for everyone. I really don't care if I piss...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 17, 2019:

I was never that defiant with co-workers or neighbors, but I was also open about who I was. Now that I am retired, I don't need to take any shit from anyone and don't.

Good afternoon everyone! My cable was off for a couple of hours so I was reading.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 17, 2019:

Welcome to my world of having only estranged family, instead of supportive family. I'm very grateful for my friends who have replaced them in my life. Maybe this might make it easier for others to understand why it would be so hard to move away from them just to have a better dating pool. Easier ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 17, 2019:

@sassygirl3869 That, at least, is comforting and I am glad for you that she is generous and supportive towards your daughter.

I am in the chatroom...not sure if its still being buggy.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:

Looks like it's being buggy again. It was fine earlier this evening. I tried to join and it wouldn't admit me and it doesn't look like it was letting you chat.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

@ArtzyNerd I know, teasing....

I am in the chatroom...not sure if its still being buggy.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:

Looks like it's being buggy again. It was fine earlier this evening. I tried to join and it wouldn't admit me and it doesn't look like it was letting you chat.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

@ArtzyNerd Then I don't know what to say. It wouldn't admit me and I saw no text of chatting going on...Just as well, AN, you've already got plenty of male attention there. Maybe some other time...

A couple we can respect

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:

Speak for yourself. I loathe them and the Clintons, but for different reasons than conservatives do. Just another pair of sellout, Neo-liberal corporatists who posed as liberals.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

Must have hit a nerve with all the centrist Obama fans. The truth hurts......

A couple we can respect

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 16, 2019:

Speak for yourself. I loathe them and the Clintons, but for different reasons than conservatives do. Just another pair of sellout, Neo-liberal corporatists who posed as liberals.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

@daylily You centrists can keep supporting your kind, including Biden this time around, I'm guessing. I'll support Bernie, just like last time. Because otherwise, to me, politics is not even worth bothering with if you are just voting for the status quo over and over.......

Whatever makes you happy, I guess.

GEGR comments on Aug 12, 2019:

There is a Price both ways .

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

@Sticks48 Need my local friends too much and don;t know anybody anywhere else. I also don;t make new friends that easily at my age.

Whatever makes you happy, I guess.

GEGR comments on Aug 12, 2019:

There is a Price both ways .

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

@Sticks48 Mine is going on several years now, if you include the time I spent watching my late wife suffer and die slowly. I hope you are right about it for me. It's getting emotionally exhausting......

Whatever makes you happy, I guess.

GEGR comments on Aug 12, 2019:

There is a Price both ways .

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

@Sticks48 Sucks to be me I guess.......

Whatever makes you happy, I guess.

GEGR comments on Aug 12, 2019:

There is a Price both ways .

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

@Sticks48 I'm sure it isn't. You're near Austin, which has many aging hipsters like me.

Whatever makes you happy, I guess.

GEGR comments on Aug 12, 2019:

There is a Price both ways .

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 16, 2019:

@Sticks48 Not having kids was a great choice for me until I got old and widowed here in central Iowa, and man is it costing me in trying to date, where almost all the women only want family men with kids, even when the women are in their mid-50s or older, WTF?

[theguardian.

rogueflyer comments on Aug 15, 2019:

The more I hear about the Satanic Temple the more I like it. I'd like to show Hail Satan at a Free Thought movie night when it comes out.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 15, 2019:

Starting with Monty Python's Life Of Brian, I think religion could stand to have a lot more humor about itself......

Curious what men here think when a woman describes herself as “about average” on a dating site ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 11, 2019:

I have been on Match for almost two years and the vast majority of female profiles my age describe themselves as " About Average" in the body type category they choose for themselves. I have gotten to the point that I will not bother messaging the woman if she does not include a full body shot photo...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 15, 2019:

@A2Jennifer Well, the honest, realistic truth is that looks do matter to all of us in who we want to meet, at least at the beginning, so current, accurate pics are important and also much more reliable and useful than self descriptions, which can be distorted by bad self image, deception or self delusion. The camera tends to lie or mislead less, altho it's true that some people don't photograph as well as others.

Hi Everyone -I'm in the chatroom at 6:24 PM if anyone wants to chat.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 15, 2019:

I tried to join you, it won't work or let me in.

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 15, 2019:

@sassygirl3869 Check your PMs.

The site appeared to be down for a while this morning. Did anyone else experience this?

Matias comments on Aug 15, 2019:

It happens from time to time. A few minutes later, the problem is gone. I have no idea what could be the cause of this

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 15, 2019:

In this case, it appeared to last several hours....

More sad evidence for mysogyny in the Land of the Unfree.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Makes sense to me. Women sure don't do mass shootings that I've ever heard about even tho there are many women who own guns, enjoy shooting, and even have military training with guns. Maybe they just don't have the same level of hatred towards others that these men have and are also not as sexually ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 15, 2019:

@MoonTigerII Don't mind at all, sir. I take that as a high compliment.

Is it okay to pretend to love someone if you're up front about it?

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Reminds me of the Clintons sham of a marriage a bit. Could never believe that Hillary actually forgave and still loved Bill after all the humiliation he put her thru. No doubt she stayed married to him and they both faked their continued marriage all for her political ambition and their shared ...

TomMcGiverin replies on Aug 15, 2019:

@BufftonBeotch No, I doubt she does, but that is a whole other ball of pathology... In her case the attraction is money and fame that she gets from being with The Donald... Equally sick, just different.....

I am hurt and angry.

TomMcGiverin comments on Aug 14, 2019:

Good looking people attract more interest and people, both of the good and healthy kind as well as the bad and unhealthy. I wish I had your amount of interest in me from others, but I am grateful I have not had your kind of problems with dating. I wish I could understand better or be more ...