Abortion is not the issue.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 18, 2019:

If I could make the rules for everyone, one rule would be that men should have no voice whatsoever in the making of public policy on abortion, since they are not the ones impacted by the policies nor do they experience pregnancy or give birth. That in itself would rid us of this religious, patriarchical BS that happens in politics. The Handmaid's Tale, like Orwell's 1984, becomes more reality than fiction all the time.

I have been thinking about getting married again after so many years of being a widower.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 18, 2019:

I'm about the same age and have no kids. I have no desire to marry again and I'm guessing most women my age would feel the same way, whether they have kids or not. I wish I could at least find someone compatible and attractive in my age group that lived in my area, but that has been a big nothing so far in two years. If I did find someone right and it lasted for a couple years or more, I would write them into my will, but not marry them. Right now I am not in a hurry to live with anyone again either unless I had dated them for at least a couple years. If you do marry again, get a prenup and very few women at our age would object to having one. I am a widower too and I am tired of waiting on being given a chance to date by the women online who seem compatible, since I have effectively been on my own for several years now, even while my late wife was living with dementia.

Where Is the Democratic Alternative to Forever War?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 17, 2019:

Even Bernie Sanders, much as I would like to see him be prez, won't stand up to the MIC or even take that strong a stance on endless war in the Middle East and EurAsia, like we have now. Maybe because he's old and wise enough to see what it got JFK, but also because he loves the defense contracts that Vermont gets. Either way, It's still frustrating to see how even the most progressive candidates for the Dem side of the prez race have either been coopted or cowed. A big amount of the blame can also be placed on the corporate media that they and we all know are big cheerleaders for war and the MIC, so they know very well how the media will treat them if they did take a strong anti-war or anti-MIC stance.

Where Is the Democratic Alternative to Forever War?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 17, 2019:

This issue, along with trade policy, economic policy, healthcare policy, and, for the most part, environmental policy, in other words everything that really matters to and affects corporate America, the two major parties have more in common than they do differences. Meanwhile the peasants keep getting distracted into thinking the two parties are different due to their differences in messaging and policies on identity politics, cultural wars, religion, abortion, gun rights, etc.... All things that the rich and corporate America could care less about........

Matt Taibbi on the Trail With Bernie Sanders 2.0 – Rolling Stone

TomMcGiverin comments on May 16, 2019:

I am so sick of corporate and establishment Dems blaming Bernie for Hillary's loss to Trump. It's the same crap as blaming Nader for Gore's loss to Bush in 2000. Those kind of Dems will never admit that their sellout candidates are the problem, not progressive candidates, whether they run as Dems or third party. The Dems would rather keep being Repub lite, with the added quality of playing to minorities and women with identity politics, than run progressive candidates and actually dare to be different than the Repubs on trade and economic policy. They deserve it when they lose because they care more about selling out average Americans to their rich and corporate donors than about winning the While House instead of being loyal to those voters by running a progressive for prez.

Here is question.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 15, 2019:

If their profile essay says anything about their having faith, or that religion or their faith is important to them, or any stuff about Jesus, I move on, because they are obviously too religious to be tolerant and open-minded with me.

What could possibly go wrong? [kare11.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on May 15, 2019:

The modern gold rush for golddiggers.......

Are you up for any of these things?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 15, 2019:

Wish I still had a partner to share those with. My late wife and I used to do a lot of those things.

I've learned that people will forget what you said,people will forget what you did, but people will ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 15, 2019:

Especially true of people with dementia.

Why sarcasm?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 13, 2019:

Sarcasm is my second language. I do, however make an effort to never use it on someone who appears to be emotionally down.

In the past six years I have lost a daughter, my son, my wife and most recently my right leg.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 13, 2019:

You're a tougher man than I've ever imagined being. I admire you.

Enlightenment comes when you finally realize that none of it matters.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 12, 2019:

Only the ones who got knocked up, lol....

Is the Co-operative the answer to income inequality?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 12, 2019:

I'm guessing not. The Amish have been around America for over two hundred years, I think, and their system has no caught on with the rest of America. Co-ops used to be popular with farmers in America as a way to prevent the railroads and grain elevators from cheating them out of their fair share of profits, but those have gone away in the last few decades as family-owned farms have been replaced by corporate agribusiness.

Emotionally-stunted men

TomMcGiverin comments on May 12, 2019:

Very interesting article. The points on patriarchy and toxic masculinity remind me greatly of a Unitarian church service I recently attended (first time in over two years, but the topic seemed so interesting to me) on toxic masculinity with readings and a video by Bell Hooks. Both men and women lose from patriarchy and the video was about a prison group for men learning about these subjects and trying to change.

Like trying to find a unicorn

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

Not trying to be critical, but I would never expect that kind of support from someone in a relationship, at least not as a burden I was putting on them from the beginning. That's what therapists are for, being the primary person helping you cope. I'm glad that I am not so broken that I need a woman for a partner that can make me ok and able to cope. I don't know anyone who would agree to that burden from the get go. I was willing and able to do that for my late wife after she got dementia, but I won't do that again for someone from the outset of dating them. I wouldn't be able to handle it again so soon, if ever. That's why I won't date someone way older than me. I'd like to be with someone who will hopefully be healthy for a decade at least.

Why Progressives HAVE TO Vote for ANY Democrat Who Wins the Nomination in 2020

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

I don't HAVE to do shit Paul.......Last I heard, we have the right to vote for whomever we choose, including third parties and for something better than the lesser evil. Suit yourself, as my grandpa used to say.......

Shawn and I have been getting along for a few weeks now, but today, we were going to go to a local ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

The group is right. Staying with an abusive alcoholic is never the best solution. I hope you can find housing beyond a women's shelter, but for now that is where to go for help and safety in the meantime. The cats may be something you have to lose to save yourself, but hopefully they can go to a shelter if you call animal control about them should you not have friends who can take them for you. Whether he was drinking or not, on a full stomach or not, don't make excuses for him. Physical abuse is never acceptable. I grew up in a home that had that on a regular basis and I wish my mother had left him, but she didn't. These are different times where women have more options.

After reading the interesting post on left-handedness, I have a question: I am a left-hander.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

I am left-handed and share some of your traits, but not all. I have never felt conspired against by the world as a left hander or otherwise, because I have always seen myself as too small and insignificant to rate any conspiracies and see left-handedness as no different than my being tall, which is a function of genetics that gives me both advantages and disadvantages in the way the physical world is layed out. So being what you are physically just is what it is. No one is conspiring against you for minor things like that. Now, if I were disabled and in a wheelchair, that would be another matter as far as feeling the physical world is often designed without any consideration of your situation.

Forgive me if this gets a little raw.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

I can totally relate man. I really want to meet someone that is compatible and actually start to date again for the first time since my wife died, but at the same time, even tho I feel I am ready to date, I know how much it would crush me emotionally if it didn't work out. Partly because my father is dying and partly because I have gone so long with no real success with online dating and have no reason to believe that any other compatible women would come along anytime in the next few years if someone else from online doesn't work out. Yes, it does suck when we get to an age where our romantic opportunities are so limited compared to when we were young or even middle-aged. But I feel like I have to take my chances because I am not getting any younger and it will not get any easier with age. It really pisses me off that when I first began trying online dating I was in such a better place emotionally and had so much confidence about finding someone. But now, almost two years later, it has been such a beatdown that I am much worse off than then emotionally. So, how does that mean I am not ready to date, because I was ready back then before being emotionally beatdown? I am just as ready as then, I think, just without the confidence and hope that I had then.

Meet Tracey Crouch, the UK's first Minister of Loneliness, appointed by Prime Minister Theresa May ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

That's very ironic that the commission that studied loneliness was headed by Jo Cox. I have a longtime friend with the same name.

Maybe this is a wierd question.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

Your? is very apt, because we are in the same position as gay and lesbian people were a couple decades ago as far as visibility and acceptance with most Americans. We therefore experience similar things when we come out as non-believers.

Douchebag Von Fuckface (what Bill Maher calls dtjr), has been subpoenaed by Senate Intel ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

The vulgar nickname for Trump Jr. is funny to me, but then again a name that clever would be funny to me applied to anybody I loathe.....Maher may owe an apology to garden-variety douchebags everywhere for lumping them in with Trump Jr.......

In a medical boot, successfully worked out today!

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

Glad it worked out. That had to be challenging.

‘Decades in the making’: Megachurch pastor gives up on Christianity in profanity-laced ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

So far, in the local Meetup group for singles that I recently joined, the members of it that are also in Christian singles groups as well, have turned out to be spiteful and petty-minded people. What a surprise.....

I love that Chobani stepped up.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 11, 2019:

I live in a very smug, Repub town where most people have too much money, yet there are also a couple of trailer parks and also plenty of run down, old houses. I wasn't surprised at all when the local school board voted to not write off the lunch debts of kids, just that they would still allow the kids to eat even after the parents were in the red on the lunch bill. Got to keep teaching personal responsibility to those broke and struggling parents and their kids, don't you know, or else they might never develop good character.... Yet these local Repubs always support the govt. providing money for corporate welfare, tax breaks for the rich and money for war....

Acting natural ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 10, 2019:

Such a beautiful kitty..

"When we suggest that our political behavior is driven largely by coalition loyalty, then, we’re ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 10, 2019:

Tribalism, pure and simple explains an awful lot of human behavior, including classism and political choices.

'To the person who uses metal straws to save fish but consumes animals, I’d like to say thank you.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 10, 2019:

It goes to show that no one person has the monopoly or perfection in living a PC life. It gets annoying when you run into someone who thinks that they do or that life is a competition between them and everybody else as to who is the most PC.

All religions in the world were born/created with a view to leading the people to the right path.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 10, 2019:

In Scandinavian countries the welfare state provides a decent, even comfortable standard of living for everyone, including college education, health care, housing, food, etc., so there is no need to rob anybody to get by or afford things. In more pure capitialist countries like America, crime is the only real choice for some unless they want to live in poverty, crime or joining the military, I should say, which in some cases is not that much higher on the scale of morality...

Anthony Weiner to be released from halfway house

TomMcGiverin comments on May 10, 2019:

The biggest Dem fraud since John Edwards.....

Sarah Sanders set a record! yay!! She hasn’t held a Press Conference in 58 days, a modern ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 10, 2019:

Maybe she feels picked on when people act mean to her at the press conferences or later accuse her of lying. Poor baby......Like Nixon was in his final days as prez, she feels hounded and chooses to hide....I still love the slam when she was compared to a character in The Handmaid's Tale, that was priceless!

More life with Karen ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 9, 2019:

As long as kitty doesn't get like Tommy in Goodfellas and shoot Karen dead.....

Now I am getting no alerts at all.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 9, 2019:

I got over 36 tonight.

Why are married/in a relationship women so friendly to us singles?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 9, 2019:

No opinion. I'm probably too stressed and discouraged to even notice if a partnered woman was being very friendly to me, harmless or for real....

Karen, your cat.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 9, 2019:

That cat looks like it ate TWO bags of Cheetos!

Look what I got today! Sexy, huh?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 8, 2019:

My late wife had bunion surgery on each foot. Those boots are a pain in the ass....

Seeing that we are all atheists agnostics what makes a person choose good over evil?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 8, 2019:

I choose to do good over what seems to be evil because, for one thing, I believe choosing good over evil benefits the common welfare over time more than doing evil. Secondly, choosing good feels more comfortable and right for me, over choosing to do evil or what seems to be wrong. Finally, I take great personal pride in being moral and ethical, as part of my identity, so I choose to do good rather than evil or wrong for that reason as well.

Who here has dealt with depression from a firsthand experience?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 7, 2019:

Most of my adult life and I am 60. What would you like to know? Mine got worse during my late wife's dementia and then even worse the longer I was widowed, having no luck with online dating, and getting less support from friends than I received when my wife was alive and suffering dementia. Having little hope now about ever having someone to date or be a partner with is the main thing making it so bad right now. Also, during this decade, I developed a heart condition, lost my mother, and am about to lose my father. So in the last nine years or so, my stressors have been off the charts. Yours sounds like a combo of brain damage, social isolation, and employment struggles. Hope you are able to find help for all those areas of causation and stress.

That sinking feeling when you find this in your mail box..

TomMcGiverin comments on May 7, 2019:

I'm guessing this means you got audited, owe penalties or something else negative. Care to share with us the message from the IRS?

Big Tech and the Rise of Surveillance Capitalism

TomMcGiverin comments on May 7, 2019:

Another reason I don't have or want a smartphone and limit my online computer use to a small amount of FB and otherwise only visiting a few sites, along with very little online shopping.

I live in a very Christian and republican area.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 6, 2019:

I already know plenty of like-minded people offline and on here, so I get enough intellectual stimulation and support of my non-belief. So that's why I don't join or attend a Meetup Atheists meeting, because what I really need more of is not the above, but a few more friends that share other things in common with me that are fun and social, as well as women who would be interested in dating me. One of my friends is already involved with the local Meetup Atheists meeting and he has told me it's mostly all guys and no women my age that are single, so I won't waste my time or set myself up for disappointment with that group.

Should we respect other people's beliefs?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 6, 2019:

Everyone deserves their beliefs to be respected, along with their dignity and humanity, so I voted Yes. At the same time, that doesn't necessarily mean I want to be around them or that their beliefs should be enacted into our laws.

My ex is looking for a serviceman or firefighter who likes long walks in the park with dogs.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 5, 2019:

She is clearly deluded and looking for a unicorn. I like your humor here Fred.

What makes a good day, at minimum?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 5, 2019:

Getting up in the morning, eating breakfast, taking my morning meds and vitamins, and not wanting to go back to bed for a while........Better yet are the days when I resist the urge to do so....

What to say when hijacked by two born agains in public

TomMcGiverin comments on May 3, 2019:

This reminds me of why I would always rather deal with someone from the Northeast than from the South, because up there they are honest and gutsy enough to just say fuck you instead of this fake politeness shit that they pull in the South and here in the Midwest as well. Here in Iowa they call it Iowa Nice, but it's really mean-spirited fake politeness with a smile and I hate it.

EDIT: I put this in the relationship forum.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 3, 2019:

I am way different in culture, values, and lifestyle than most people in my area, which I am just fine with and have been my whole adult life. However, when I attempt to find someone compatible to date, it really does work against me and becomes a big challenge. Being way different from the herd around you is fine when you are off the market and smugly in a LTR, but when you aren't and looking, it is a very discouraging numbers game in which you face long odds.

We could all learn a lot from Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore It occurred to Pooh 🐻 and Piglet 🐷 ...

TomMcGiverin comments on May 3, 2019:

The sad truth is that in real life few Eeyores have friends like that. Even here on Agnostic, I have seen members mocked and kicked when they were feeling down for openly sharing about how bad they felt. They were even compared to Eeyore. Tis a pity. Which is why I will never share like that again in the forums after seeing how others were treated.

2 is my favorite, what is yours?

TomMcGiverin comments on May 3, 2019:

I sleep well without any of those. The problem is I like to sleep too much these days.

What to say when hijacked by two born agains in public

TomMcGiverin comments on May 3, 2019:

As I have said before, confuse not the minds of the ignorant, they'll only hate you for it......I do love the line about hoping she will STFU.....Some people just just make you want to choke the living shit out of them......

Last night I attending a pinning ceremony for RN's at a public college.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 2, 2019:

My experience is very minor compared to this, but I still get really annoyed whenever I go to my local senior center to eat a free lunch several times a month, because right before they eat there is a ritual or tradition of them having a moment of silence before people start getting up and going thru the line to pick up their food. I am told that they used to actually have a prayer from someone instead of the silent moment, but I still don't like it. So while they are doing their moment I just go on about my business and make it clear I am ignoring or boycotting it. BTW, I live in a city that is very conservative, Republican, and Christian.

I urge everybody to watch this video on the Sixties from PBS on YouTube.

TomMcGiverin comments on May 2, 2019:

I saw it on PBS a long time ago when it came out. Honestly, these days with how much things have regressed since the 80s, I find it too depressing to watch or even thing about that much or often, kind of like how I really limit my news intake since even before I was widowed over two years ago. For the last several years, I just have either had too much burden to deal with, when my late wife was living with dementia, or, since her death, I have just felt too alone and without enough support to even think about dealing emotionally with our current national malaise........ When I think of those times nowadays, to me it feels very alien to me as I was much younger then and, like most of my lefty peers from then, had so much hope compared to now about the future, the world, and the US. I'm pretty sure I have that program recorded on an old, now useless, VHS tape. How ironic and appropo......

Death arrangement

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

I'm sure you can find a cooperative, and by that I mean accomodating and flexible funeral home, since I was able to find one in my area of Iowa. I will have cremation and a memorial service at a Unitarian church. All the music and readings will be secular and I have already picked them out and given copies to the funeral home and the church.

The Judean People’s Front still alive and kicking. Extinction?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

I realize that nobody will get this Monty Python reference to the Judean People's Front unless they have seen Monty Python's movie Life Of Brian, but thank you for including it anyway. Yes, the spirit of that absurd parody of a totally self-absorbed, insular and ineffectual political splinter group is alive and well(?) in modern political movements. I agree with your perspective. Sometimes even the Green Party in the US reminds me way too much of the Judean People's Front, even if they are the only political party in the US that represents my values and is actually known by much of the country at all.

Recipe for Happiness: Live with enthusiasm.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

I try, but mostly fail..

If Linda goes to bed first, i frequently have to deal with a similiar situation.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Cats are kind of like what people have said about Oprah Winfrey, "It's her (the cat's) world, we only live in it".

Interesting thing when people attempt to date, at least as suggested by many posts here: Religion ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

I like to think I am tolerant and open about it enough to date someone who is a believer, but not a strong believer. Having said that, it only matters somewhat how I feel about that issue because in my area, on Match, the women's profiles for my age group indicate that only about 25% of the women are willing or interested in dating someone who is not religious. That clearly tells me that on Match, anyone outside that group is a waste of time to message and reach out to, so I don't. Even then, I occaisionally run across a woman that I reach out to that's in that 25% group and she rejects me for dating because my being Agnostic is still a dealbreaker for her, regardless of what I think regarding her religion. To be honest and frank about it, the reason I don't list myself as Agnostic on Match as my religious preference is that most people in Iowa are too ignorant to even know what the term means.

One day, somebody will be 100% honest with you🤗

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

I had that with my late wife, but I have little hope now of finding that again with someone, like HippieChick says..

The problem with religion [youtu.be]

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

I saw a really disturbing documentary film a while back called Jesus Camp. This kind of thing reminds me of that.

Look out 😊

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Reminds me of some small cats I've seen that will slap the shit out of much bigger dogs...

Said goodbye to my dad for the last time today.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

I'm glad you have a close relationship with him and got to spend that quality time with him at the end. I can relate, after my late wife's dementia and my own father being 90 and in bad shape these days. He is on his last legs too now, I think, and my siblings and I are tag-teaming on visiting him in the hospital recently. Hospice may be in my father's future soon too.

Well that'll do it I suppose Christian Teacher Ended Her Husband’s Porn Habit… By Shooting ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 28, 2019:

Somehow this happening in Arkansas is no big surprise and somehow I don't think the devil made him do it or God made her kill him. I can share a personal experience related to this. My evangelical sister and her also, but maybe not as equally religious hubby almost came to breaking up many years ago after he developed an online porn addiction, which she discovered when he got caught using his workplace computer for it at his government job, which he got fired from after being caught by the employer. I'm guessing his being caught was more a measure of the degree of his addiction rather than how stupid my brother-in-law was to try doing that on a govt. work computer after it was common practice by then for employers to have zero tolerance and constant monitoring for that kind of misuse of govt. computers by employees. They did not divorce, but my sister did consult my father, a judge, about her options concerning divorcing her hubby and she did share about this with all of her siblings. But in the end she chose to force him into counselling with her and getting help for his own issues. What's funny is that both of them had been critical of me for my employment problems around that time in my life and had been unsupportive, but after my brother-in-law got rightly fired from his job, he was out of work less than a couple weeks before his work friends found him a similar, equally-paying govt. job in their same city. And I got flack from them both for losing a job when the employer closed my location and I was out of work for 6 months while I looked for work. I guess it all depends on who you are and who you know as to how innocent and worthy you are in those situations........

I have a buddy I was in Vietnam with.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

It's sad that he got suckered into the Trump camp and drank the kool-aid, causing him to backslide into being racist again. I'm not a vet, so I can only go by what I have heard and imagine how tough this is for you to discover and deal with, but I imagine that vet bond would be tough to let go no matter what. I'm sure you will be ok with whatever you decide. You have my sympathy.

i just need to vent, i have been attempting to meet people on a dating site, POF, i have a profile, ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

Thanks for maybe saving me some time Carla. Another member on here, Rob, just suggested that I try POF after I have been on Match for 19 months and still haven't met anyone to date romantically yet. In fact I only met 6 women in person so far. One of the biggest reasons is that only about 25% of the women my age in my area are even open to dating someone non-religious and even fewer of them than that are non-religious themselves. After hearing your story the only reason to try POF is that it's free, unlike Match, but likely to have a much smaller dating pool in my area for my age than Match, plus it's likely to have mostly the same women as on Match. I don't get stoned, or even drink, but I do read books and watch too much TV, besides hanging out on Agnostic, so I can relate and I feel your pain. Jesus H. Christ, Carla, you live in Austin, for crying out loud, there have got to be plenty of non-believer hipster guys your age there. I envy your location, compared to Des Moines, Iowa. Way more hipsters per square mile. I agree with your bio that we are both very rare birds as Agnostic hipsters, but your odds seem much better for finding someone compatible than me here among all these farmer's daughters, lol. If you lived in my area, for what it's worth, I would definitely want to meet you.

A great love song. Ben Folds - The Luckiest. [youtube.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

I love his song Brick, even tho it's pretty dark stuff about abortion and the dissolving of a relationship. Says video unavailable.

Very inspirational :)

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

I get tired of all the sappy inspirational memes that get posted on this site, so this one was just the change of pace for my jaded, twisted sense of humor! Thank you lee man, you made me laugh out loud and made my day.

Got a new tee shirt...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

I have mixed feelings on this. My default and initial stance is, like Dalton( Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse) to always be nice, until, like he says in the movie, it's time to not be nice, which is usually soon after someone disrespects me or acts like a jerk to me. Then I go into my other mode, which, is to be confrontive and let them know how I feel about their behavior, with as little cussing as I can hold myself to. Without ever being threatening or violent, but often with a clear message of anger at how they have acted.

Hi Folks, w I've noticed lots of angnst with on line dating, even just on line chatting.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

Good luck with that. While I don't close the door on meeting someone organically offline, I don't make an effort to look for or to meet women that way, because I know the number of opportunities and the depth of the dating pool thru that are both so limited. So instead I put my effort and hope pretty much into online dating because it has a way bigger pool of women who are presumably all available and looking, unlike the mixed bag of offline opportunities to meet women, where you don't know who is available and looking at all, or at least not very easily. And being very far off the mainstream culture and lifestyle for my area, I need the biggest dating pool possible to have any chance of reaching the 2-3% of women that would be compatible for me from my area.

Hmmm...interesting observation. It made me laugh, anyway!

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

I'm very impatient about some things, more patient than most on some other things. I also have never grown or wanted a beard. What does that say about me?

We're on a road to destruction if we don't make changes.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

I agree with most of what you posted here, esp. about the purposes of the site and how politically conservative members are likely to feel outnumbered and marginalized on here. However, as a socialist, I am not going to mute or change what I post to appease them. I don't know how to change that phenomenon about this site. As for status updates, I think that is an interesting idea and I hope it would help humanize each other as a community. At the same time, I hope these status updates would usually be more meaningful and deeper than the usual FB types of status updates which are so inane, trivial, etc. such as talking about the weather or mentioning that they are at Walmart, etc. If people actually did emotional check-ins, like in a support group, or shared what just happened of real importance in their emotional or personal life, then, yeah, I would be interested in that. Sort of the same appeal as the reality TV show that was the story in The Truman Show. Only maybe not as manipulative or exhibitionistic.

Ours just snore:

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

My neighbor's cat snores, but she rarely meows or makes any other noises.

They do not like the black sheep, and the black sheep could care less . . .

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 27, 2019:

Regardless of grammar, the point of the quote is very often true and describes my family of origin and my old role in it to a T.

Another view of three of four of Spot’s kittens at two and half weeks!

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 26, 2019:

They are all so cute. Makes me wish I could visit them.

GOP introduces plan to massively cut Social Security

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 26, 2019:

Two reasons why it's no longer off limits for cuts. One is the impact now of all the Boomers retiring. The second is the capture of the Dem party by the rich and corporate America. They no longer give a damn about the poor, working class and middle class anymore, so they and the Repubs can both ruin SS using kabuki theater pretending that one party is pushing it and the other pretends to resist while both of them are on the same page. Without the credible threat of a third party or an actual Bernie presidency, I think SS will be gutted soon.....

Two new moderator features for groups: "Most post to author's profile page" and "Deny Post".

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 26, 2019:

Good luck with that. You have have a lot more faith in human nature than I do. Same thing with feeling you can trust all the group moderators to be fair with all members. Now watch everybody feel they have to walk on eggshells instead of being honest or outspoken. It was nice while it lasted....The mutual understanding is that the mods have all the power and the other members must toe the line, that's the only thing mutual, certainly not the power situation. If someone gets treated badly by a mod they will have to leave the group and start a competing group on that topic. We already have too many groups, but it will get even worse.....But at least general forum is back, so people can post and comment there without any tyranny of group mods there. Thanks for that....

What does everyone think of the Satanic Temple being granted tax exemption as a church recently?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 26, 2019:

I see it this way, the Christian Bible says" Want of money is the root of all evil". And all of us in America are well aware of how what most Americans really worship, is money, rather than God. Hence, if what most Americans actually worship is something the Bible says is evil, why shouldn't a Satanic church while openly worships evil not get the same tax breaks as Christian churches? Some twisted irony going on with this, but that's how I think and roll........

Belief is the death of intelligence do you agree?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 25, 2019:

Not at all. I have known many intelligent believers. We just don't see religion the same way, but often agree on many other things. I think the Wilson quote is a little bigoted.

Why Is It Difficult to Get Christians to Care About the Earth? | Sojourners

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 25, 2019:

Some do because they believe in being good stewards of the earth God gave them. Others really don't care because they are hardcore believers in Armogeddon and thus are just waiting for that to happen or them to die so they can see Jesus. To them the planet and environment are temporary anyway and don't matter.

This has most likely been discussed multiple times, so apologies for creating yet another ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 25, 2019:

You are young and very articulate, also, I assume, in good physical health. I have been where you are and, even now there are some days I think about the same stuff. But you need to seek help and ride it out, as the other commenters have said. There is always the potential of more people and positive things coming into your life. Keep making some efforts each day and don't get focused on looking further than that. I wish you well.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Step 1: Call yourself the “Grim Reaper for socialist legislation”...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 25, 2019:

Always hated this guy. I know it's not PC on this site to put down someone's looks, but to me he's always appeared to be a cross-breed of a turtle and a jackass, with a personality that matches....

What type of lover do you want?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 25, 2019:

I once had a brief fling with a much younger woman that was Agnostic and progressive on some issues of identity politics, but Libertarian and conservative on economic issues and abortion. I was much younger then and had not yet met my wife. It was probably the closest thing I've ever had to a FWB, but I felt some romantic things for her, tho I doubt that was mutual. Never again with someone who is conservative or Libertarian. She was probably a hedonist or sensualist.

Yes, we removed the general forum.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 24, 2019:

Unless it's a typo or I'm misreading your post, admin., what you seem to by saying with this decision is that now all the moderating will be done at the group level rather than the site level. What this change does is give almighty power to the group moderators to act like petty tyrants, which some of them are, to not only delete posts they don't like, but, more often than not, go for the simpler and more severe option of kicking out the member. So with the new system the only way for a member to see posts and comments from a variety of members on a given topic is to join every group related to that topic and hope they don't offend any group mods and get kicked out for anything. Of course, they could start their own group on that topic, but today I browsed thru all the groups and we already have way too many groups, many of them with small memberships and not a lot of activity. Few people are going to settle for that or bother with all that searching to find new posts and comments. Too much work now for the user members.

I used to think christian music stations were just idle attempts of recruitment but after working as...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 24, 2019:

I can't stand country music, but, interestingly enough, I still get out my old Christian rock/pop records and play them, even tho I ignore the lyrics and my late wife never wanted me to play that music around her. I still like hearing the music sometimes because the singing and melodies are so great and the music is usually upbeat and joyful. I'm talking about The 2nd Chapter Of Acts, Barry McGuire, and Keith Green, for example, 70s Christian music. I need the upbeat music. I also still think Bob Dylan's first Christian album was great stuff, one of his best, even if I don't buy a lot of the lyrics.

I dont like kissing. It feels and looks stupid. Anyone else feel this way?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 24, 2019:

I love kissing as much as sex, at least with the right woman I do....

To improve his hearing!

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 24, 2019:

That cat looks so angry.

Today I learned my best friends fiance violently hates me and has said he refuses to have me at ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 22, 2019:

My family learned the hard way with my niece that when someone is in love with a person as well as the lifestyle that the person seems to promise them, that love is blind, deaf, and dumb. My niece fell in love or whatever with a much older man who already had kids from a previous marriage. He presented himself as being rich and he was handsome and well-mannered when I met him once, but my father was quickly skeptical of this guy due to his age and being divorced while my niece was just out of college and in her early 20s when she met him. My father doubted that he had the amount of money that he implied he had or that this guy was serious about ever marrying my niece. But her parents were quite taken with this guy for a while, until the engagement he said he wanted with her kept being postponed.. Long story short, my father was right and he turned out to be a bum and a fraud who really wasn't wealthy and he kept stringing my niece along about the engagement. So for a few years after she got out of college and turned down a job offer from a firm that would have put her thru grad school for an MBA on their dime, she spent those years instead traveling with this guy and living the high life off of her savings. He dumped her right after she ran out of money and after she had thrown away her whole undergrad degree and career chances. By this time her parents had already come around on this guy, but it was too late for even them to reach her. She is now living in Hawaii I hear and has little contact with her parents, who are ashamed of her and estranged from her as well. Too bad nobody like you, Lady A, had gotten medieval on this bum before she ruined her life. The silver lining is that at least she didn't get knocked up by this bum...

LDR (Long DIstance Romance) tell me your personal experience of the positive ones ONLY! I have one ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 21, 2019:

I am curious what your purpose is in only hearing positive experiences. Are you trying to get up the courage to attempt another LDR? I can't offer you anything on that because I have never really attempted an LDR and am not willing or interested in attempting one ever in the future.

Go back to college? Hmmmm.....

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 21, 2019:

I barely ever dated in college. Combination of being very serious about my studies and not having much confidence with women. The fact that I was never a big drinker may have also been a factor. Frank's advice may likely only apply to the more cool and better-looking guys than to me.

Another Saturday night, with what ever goes with that! [youtube.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 21, 2019:

And I ain't got nobody. And haven't for several years. Actually the song was written by Sam Cooke.

Don't get worked up over things you can't change or people you can't change..........Agree/disagree?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 21, 2019:

Easier said than done, but it is the right path and better for my health, physical and mental. I really don't care about being liked or accepted by most people as long as I have the support and acceptance of my friends. They are my substitute family, so I don't need the rest of the world. But I know myself well enough that I will need another partner or at least women to date some of the time if I am ever going to be as happy again as I was during most of my marriage.

15 ways to keep a relationship working ❤

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 21, 2019:

Pretty much common sense. By the end of my marriage, I had already learned all that. My challenge now is meeting someone that is compatible and will give me the chance to practice all those things again. It's looking pretty unlikely. I just started working with a dating and relationship coach and I think it's going to be a waste of money and time as she immediately seems to want to focus on and mostly work at trying to charm school me about being more positive in general with other people over disagreements and misunderstandings, look at my expectations with others more realistically or differently, etc. Sounds to me more like trying to get me to settle in relationships, put up with more shit from people, and be ready to be more accepting of being alone either long term or permanently, learning or agreeing to accept single life more, etc..I really doubt that working with her is going to help me successfully meet someone that is right or do better at online dating. She is going to help me revise my Match profile and maybe improve my messaging with women on Match. But I doubt she will be able to help me overcome the numbers game that's against me in my local area on Match when I am a rare non-conformist, Agnostic, non-drinker, not country music-loving, not very family- oriented person when 97% of the profiles on there are women who are non-compatible or non-accepting on at least one or more of these traits, usually three or more of them.

So.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 21, 2019:

I feel so rejected and out of the game since I joined Match, that if a woman were going to flirt with me she would have to practically start touching me or proposition me before I would pick up on it...

As I prepare for a new relationship...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 21, 2019:

As least you are more honest about it than most of the women's profiles I encounter on Match.

The elders of this church got to design the church league softball shirts.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 21, 2019:

That is just too funny! Or maybe my mind is just too twisted......

Anyone can be had (sexually) given the right time and circumstance. True or not true??

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 20, 2019:

I'd say not true. I have met some people who have exceptional integrity and restraint.

How can we encourage people to be more honest about their agnosticism?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 20, 2019:

Same as what worked for the queer community, by being honest, open and authentic about who we are whenever possible. It models for others and encourages them. The more positive visibility we get, just as gays and lesbians got, the more acceptance and less stigma we will have with the public.

Estranged from family members... anyone experience this?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 20, 2019:

I think I started a thread about this a while back and seemed to get a lot of agreement from other members about being estranged from family. This is probably my # 1 dealbreaker that I run into with women from Match in my area, because everyone claims to be so damn family oriented and 75% also identify as Christian. If you do not have kids and are not very family-oriented, almost no women in Iowa will accept you for dating. So when you are a non-believer, don't have kids, AND don't claim to be very family-oriented, everyone automatically sees a red flag and assumes the worst, like that you are an abuser, a criminal black sheep, etc. Everyone assumes that you are defective and untrustworthy because you are so different from their experience and the norm. When in fact, the truth for most of us, and me specifically, is that the estrangement comes from three things. One, the rest of the family remain believers, or at least claim to be out of the desire to conform to mainstream norms. Two, we get tired of the bullshit behavior of other family members, call them out on it, set boundaries, and end up having little or no contact with them. Three, most of us non-conforming non-believers have a very different set of values from our parents and siblings. In my case, I value relationships, integrity, and being truthful over appearances, money, career success and achievements, and conformity to the mainstream. I am also very non-materialistic. These are the reasons I separated from my family, who were not emotionally supportive and accepting of me as an adult and replaced them in my life with longtime friends who do accept and support me as well as share my values. Because all of us on Agnostic are non-conformists in at least one or more ways, I will also bet that as a group we have a much higher % of members who are childless by choice than the general population of the US. That issue would be another interesting thread by itself.......

Just to Note: I think I was just Blocked by someone.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 20, 2019:

Don't worry about it Deiter, move on. You've already proven yourself with me, for what it's worth, as a good person and one of the most interesting and worthwhile people on here. Who cares about how big an audience you have here on the boards? I don't and neither should you. Some people get us and some don't. That's why I don't care who blocks me or not. I post comments on these boards to get things off my chest, and interact with others each day at least some thru this site, since I don't get enough of that offline IRL. I also am always learning new things from these discussions, such as new terms, what's going on in politics and the pop culture, what's going on with younger people, etc. You're still the man to me, along with Sticks of course....

BUTTIGIEG IS FULL OF SH-T -- Seeing as how PB is surging in the polls based, I believe, on ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 19, 2019:

Mayor Pete is being promoted by the corporate media and the Dem party's leaders and establishment as the golden boy because it's all part of a move by those groups and the Dem's big money donors to stop Bernie at all costs without having to kill him or attack him directly. So, yes, there is nothing progressive for real at all about Pete, he's just being promoted as such by himself and those groups I mentioned to try to confuse primary voters about if he's much like Bernie or not and maybe peel some support away from Bernie. Real progressives won't fall for it because they know that anyone who accepts money from big donors can't be trusted, including Warren. But many potential primary voters aren't so smart about that, unfortunately, and that's who this is aimed at.

So what should an atheist do if being sworn in for a testimony in court?

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 19, 2019:

I doubt I will ever be called to testify, but if I was I would decline the Bible swearing in, saying I am not a believer in religion, say that I am the son of a judge (which is a matter of public record) and because of that I believe in telling the truth and respecting the integrity of the courts. They can then believe me or not, I really don't care what they think about my unbelief in deity. I should add tho, that if it were in a case in which I had a personal stake, like testifying in my own defense or in a lawsuit in which I was a party, I might just not make a fuss of it just so the jury wouldn't be biased against me and cause me to get screwed by their prejudices against non-believers. I was talking originally about cases where I would be called as a witness in a criminal case or subpeonaed to testify.

Hey, happy Friday night wishes to everyone.

TomMcGiverin comments on Apr 19, 2019:

Too far back for me to remember, honestly....