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friends are important...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 24, 2019:
Yes and no. While making platonic friends thru a paid dating site like Match happens all the time and there is nothing wrong with that, I recently had an experience with Match what makes me beg to differ on all the happy talk of collateral friendship from dating sites. I met a woman for coffee after...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2019:
@Cutiebeauty No need to get nasty or crude. Not exactly moderator behavior. Some of you mods have too much power for your level of tolerance towards others.
What is the worst date you've ever been on?
GrungeGirl90s comments on Jul 24, 2019:
This was just this past January. Just started dating this guy maybe two months prior. Invited him to a concert in LA as a birthday present. He seemed psyched to go and even said he'd drive. Well, for one thing I found out he had a daughter (older, 20) but on the dating site he said he didn't have ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2019:
For what it's worth, I never lie about any of those things. Maybe I should I I simply want to get to meet more women in person and then get rejected for being Agnostic, not having kids or being family-oriented, and for hating country music. I also don't drink alcohol, but have decided to lie about that by listing myself as a social drinker instead of the kiss of death category of Never drinker, because women who are social drinkers seem to all assume that a non-drinker is either a recovering alcoholic or a judgemental teetotaler. I am tired of being rejected on their assumptions without ever getting the chance to meet and explain why I don't drink, namely meds and a minor medical condition.
friends are important...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 24, 2019:
Yes and no. While making platonic friends thru a paid dating site like Match happens all the time and there is nothing wrong with that, I recently had an experience with Match what makes me beg to differ on all the happy talk of collateral friendship from dating sites. I met a woman for coffee after...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2019:
@Cutiebeauty No I'm not. I have plenty of friends from outside of online dating. I don't really need more. You seem to be misunderstanding me. Of course, Cutie, when I meet someone from dating site I always begin and approach it as a friendship first, then explore something romantic and even later sexual only if the early compatibility works out. It is deceitful, in my opinion, if I or the woman agrees to meet the other person after already having decided that the other person will never be more than friendzone. I won't do that to a woman and I don't want it done to me because it is leading the other person on to thinking they might have a chance at more than friendship later when you have already rejected that and are keeping that info to yourself. I am done debating this with you. Don't make me block you....
A few suggestions for the guys on dating sites: First, post a picture of YOU and not some actor.
ESmith comments on Jul 24, 2019:
This seems like a no brainer, but I guess some folx just gotta try. But since we're on the subject of truth in advertising... I actually need some opinions on this online dating thing. So, people can be pretty specific with their dating parameters, in particular height. Being short myself ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2019:
I don't worry about things like height, because I usually fit the height ranges most women list. As for age, if I am only a couple years older than their age limit, I will take a chance and message them if their profile seems otherwise compatible. I have found that messaging women who don't want to date someone my age based on my being 5 or more years older than the top of their stated range, is a waste of time. Esp. since being bald makes me look several years older than if i had hair. Also, if a woman's profile indicates that she is only seeking men with kids or is very family-oriented, I don't bother messaging her. Same with someone who mentions being religious or indicates she will only date men who are religious, which makes up about 75% of the women my age in my area on Match.
friends are important...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 24, 2019:
Yes and no. While making platonic friends thru a paid dating site like Match happens all the time and there is nothing wrong with that, I recently had an experience with Match what makes me beg to differ on all the happy talk of collateral friendship from dating sites. I met a woman for coffee after...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 24, 2019:
@Cutiebeauty I make my friends offline, and not using dating sites. In the last two years I made three, two males from Meetup groups and a woman from a singles group. I get your concept and don't need advice on making friends. This woman is misusing dating sites for her own secret, selfish ends and not being fair to guys who use dating sites hoping to meet potential girlfriends. She is not doing guys any favors by meeting them after she has already decided they are just not worthy of more than permanent friendzone and I bet women would feel the same way about a guy doing that. This is not the first woman on Match that I have met who played this game with me.I already have several friends. I joined dating sites to find a girlfriend.
I had a date yesterday with a guy I was talking to on okc back in April.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Good for you. I had a pretty disappointing one yesterday. After trading several long positive messages with her over a few days, we met for coffee and talked for over two hours. She seemed very excited to see me when we met and thru most of the conversation, but I could see her expression change in ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 23, 2019:
@BitFlipper It's hard to say, BF, maybe they're out of our league, maybe we're out of theirs. Really hard to know unless you brought in a third party, like a dating coach, who talked to both the man and the woman.
My date for tonight had to reschedule because some family stuff came up.
mischl comments on Jul 22, 2019:
When I make a date with a woman and I don't show up, I'm either in the hospital or dead. As you might guess, I'm real BIG on keeping my word.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 23, 2019:
@Doraz Nope. don't know how and don't want to learn. I would rather leave a VM or ideally talk live by phone. I want to hear a voice and have the context and inflection of voice so the messages are clearer and understood. I hate and reject how communication is becoming more and more impersonal and brief, while most people don't even care whether others understand what they are saying, being more concerned with how cool, smart and snarky they sound to themselves. Too much going on that feeds more narcissism.... I don't need to text, Doraz, and BTW, I have always shown up for a date or coffee meeting with someone in a dating situation, even with all the things that can happen, because I have a high sense of honor and integrity that few other people have. I don't need that crutch of texting to alert someone I'm on the way, etc. Too bad that few other people in the dating world seem to be impressed by that or attracted to me for being very honorable, trustworthy, etc., but it counts for nothing compared to looks, how you dress, and how much money you have and seem willing to spend on a woman, at least that's how it appears to be in my online dating experiences.
My date for tonight had to reschedule because some family stuff came up.
mischl comments on Jul 22, 2019:
When I make a date with a woman and I don't show up, I'm either in the hospital or dead. As you might guess, I'm real BIG on keeping my word.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 23, 2019:
@Doraz True, but it's very rare that it is really necessary as long as people keep their agreements and show up on time. I am not so busy that I need one or want one. I am retired, manage time very well and always show up on time, so I will not be running late on anything unless I have car trouble or weather trouble, the latter of course would be obvious to someone meeting me. I am reluctant to ask a woman for her phone number until after we have met as it would be offputting to most.
Munchie was being annoying, as per usual, so my husband shut him out of the office.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 22, 2019:
Kitty looks like he's trying to squeeze under the door and might make it thru....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 23, 2019:
@Kynlei Still wants to try......
My date for tonight had to reschedule because some family stuff came up.
mischl comments on Jul 22, 2019:
When I make a date with a woman and I don't show up, I'm either in the hospital or dead. As you might guess, I'm real BIG on keeping my word.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
@Doraz One of those would be car trouble, but nowadays everyone has some kind of mobile phone, even me, that they could call the other person as long as the process has already moved on to some way of connecting, even if it's e-mail. Altho that would only work for me if I had already traded phone numbers with the woman, which I would not normally do until after meeting in person. So that's why I need to show up no matter what while trust is still being established enough to communicate outside of messages thu the dating site, since I don't have a smartphone to send messages thru the dating sites.
My date for tonight had to reschedule because some family stuff came up.
mischl comments on Jul 22, 2019:
When I make a date with a woman and I don't show up, I'm either in the hospital or dead. As you might guess, I'm real BIG on keeping my word.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
Me too, but these days it seems like few others are like us, including some women in online dating. You would think everyone could act like real adults, but some still love their games......
I guess even the seemingly perfect relationship is really wrought with problems.
Sticks48 comments on Jul 22, 2019:
This has little to do with being single, and everything to do with being BAT SHIT CRAZY! IMO
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
As you once said, Sticks, all relationships have their rough patches....
Tim Wise on Twitter: "1/ If the Dems blow this election it will not be because they were "too far ...
altschmerz comments on Jul 21, 2019:
I just got off the phone with my brother. He says don’t try to sway the Trump voters – get the non-voters to vote. He said if everybody in the country who could vote went out and voted, the GOP would cease to exist. Quite a bold assertion ....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
@altschmerz I proudly voted for Stein and still have my 2106 bumper stickers with Bernie on the left and Jill on the right. I am not at all apologetic for it and if centrist Dems try to blame me for Hillary's loss, I tell them to shove it and that I will do it again if they screw Bernie and nominate someone like Biden or Mayor Pete. I'm done voting lesser evil or for corporate Dems......
Two people walking in opposite directions, heads down, scrolling on their cell phones, walk smack ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 20, 2019:
I own only a tracphone, not a smartphone, and I only use it when I am away from my home landline. I can self entertain with my own thoughts if I am away from home without company or else bring a book to read while I wait on something or need to kill time.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
@Zster No worries Les, you are still a true intellectual and a cool person, not a smartphone-hugging meathead.
I had a date yesterday with a guy I was talking to on okc back in April.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Good for you. I had a pretty disappointing one yesterday. After trading several long positive messages with her over a few days, we met for coffee and talked for over two hours. She seemed very excited to see me when we met and thru most of the conversation, but I could see her expression change in ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
@BitFlipper It didn't exactly tickle, but the way I see it, I picked some valuable graduate credits in the dating school of hard knocks from this woman, lol........When I think it thru all the way, the attitude of those women seems like a cop out on their part, like they are claiming they are out of your league, so you shouldn't be messaging them on a dating site. When the real truth may well be, you are too emotionally healthy and genuine for them. I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder and depends on who you ask.....
2020 "Zombie" candidates [youtube.com]
THHA comments on Jul 21, 2019:
They are all zombies, and which one ends up in the White House will not stop the endless wars for profit, the corporatocracy, or the fascism . . . . there is only one thing that will, and that is when Americans get fed up with it all, take to the streets, en masse.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
Well, that was sort of tried with the Occupy movement and look how the cops around the country along with Homeland Security managed to crush it pretty quickly once they got their orders from Obama. It appeared to me to be a dress rehearsal for the kind of uprising we need as well as how the fascists would deal with it. The ? is would they be able to crush it as easily if there were millions at each location and would we ever get the kinds of turnout in the streets for mass protests like they do in Europe? I am not hopeful on any of it.
Tim Wise on Twitter: "1/ If the Dems blow this election it will not be because they were "too far ...
altschmerz comments on Jul 21, 2019:
I just got off the phone with my brother. He says don’t try to sway the Trump voters – get the non-voters to vote. He said if everybody in the country who could vote went out and voted, the GOP would cease to exist. Quite a bold assertion ....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
Exactly. You win by nominating a progressive like Bernie or Warren who gives hope to the usual non-voters among the poor and those other non-voters who give up after realizing both parties are corrupt, bought, and only interested in helping the rich and corporations. You don't accomplish that by nominating a corrupt centrist. The non-voters see right thru that. If the Dems really want to win the White House, which I really doubt they do more than stopping Bernie or Warren, they go for turning out the non-voters rather than trying to win over moderate Repubs, like there are any left anyway, and white guys in the middle of the country like Biden claims he can win over. Those latter groups are both a lost cause and not that big a group compared to the tens of millions of non-voters who are begging for a candidate that appeals to them in the general election. I door-knocked for Bernie yesterday and a woman my age told me sadly how she voted for Trump last time even tho she supported Bernie because of how much she hated Hillary and how her people in the Dem party screwed over Bernie last time. She said she hated Hillary more than Trump, but now she really regrets having voted for him. Wow, and I thought I was bitter at Hillary and her crowd..... She said she will vote for Bernie or Warren if they are nominated, but if they aren't she will sit out the gen election on prez. Wow, again.....
I had a date yesterday with a guy I was talking to on okc back in April.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Good for you. I had a pretty disappointing one yesterday. After trading several long positive messages with her over a few days, we met for coffee and talked for over two hours. She seemed very excited to see me when we met and thru most of the conversation, but I could see her expression change in ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 22, 2019:
@BitFlipper Same here man. To be fair to her, I asked her, in my reply to her first terse, bland, generic rejection note, to come back with a longer, more specific and substantial explanation, which she did. She seemed to feel I was completely lacking self-awareness and talked all the time, tho I can remember plenty of her her talking and me sitting back, listening, and then coming back with followup ?s. She shared a lot of personal stuff, too, about her former stepkids, her ex, and her divorce, all of which are considered taboo first meeting material by most. So she is by no means perfect either in being appropriate or talking very little and not blaming others for bad things in her life. It was quite educational and she is quite the actress, which I confronted her on in my second reply to her rejection part two letter. I said she is not doing guys any favors by acting so interested in them longer after she has mentally and emotionally checked out and rejected them, all in the interest of "being kind and not hurting their feelings". What crap! She knew a lot of the same people as me as well as my background, so I won't buy into that crap that she still had reason to be afraid of me by being honest with me and hurting my feelings, as if I were likely to stalk her or react hurtfully to her telling me then or excusing herself to leave.
This sums it up, right here.
Ms_McSteven comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Exactly. This is why I refuse to "date" in the traditional sense of the word. My story is way too long and complicated to tell over a beverage, or lunch, or a walk in the park. There are too many landmines which could blow the whole thing up, and then I have to start all over with the next ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@Ms_McSteven I too hate the "job interview" format to first meetings in dating, but that seems to be what most women in my area want and it won't help my cause to fight that.
I had a date yesterday with a guy I was talking to on okc back in April.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Good for you. I had a pretty disappointing one yesterday. After trading several long positive messages with her over a few days, we met for coffee and talked for over two hours. She seemed very excited to see me when we met and thru most of the conversation, but I could see her expression change in ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@BitFlipper Same with me most of the time. They send the rejection note within hours or else they never send anything and just ghost me. Get this, she actually told me in her follow up message to my request for specifics on why she rejected me that " she felt no physical attraction for me based on my profile pics, but wanted to meet with me anyway in person to see if " I might be worthy friendship material for her. Boy is that not only conceited and not very self-aware of how men feel about and react to that attitude, but when she met me she was beaming and really seemed to be acting like she was feeling chemistry for the first hour we were together. Maybe she should be in acting? She also said she only stayed there for over two hours because she doesn't know how to end coffee dates when she isn't feeling any more interest in being with the man. So in meal dates she depends on the check arriving and using that to excuse herself. I won't go into all the critical things she said about my behavior, outlook on people and my life, and how " I " don't seem to have much going on in my life or to have ever really lived much at all". Too bad we all can't be as perfect as her. BTW, she works in Marketing for a non-profit social service agency, imagine that...... The closest thing I can compare her to in entertainment is the very conceited Elaine character on Seinfeld and her standards for which men were " spongeworthy" in that episode about her fav birth control device....
Two people walking in opposite directions, heads down, scrolling on their cell phones, walk smack ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 20, 2019:
I own only a tracphone, not a smartphone, and I only use it when I am away from my home landline. I can self entertain with my own thoughts if I am away from home without company or else bring a book to read while I wait on something or need to kill time.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@Dew25 Damn right. Thank you for validating my curmadgeon attitude...
This is a post in response to another thread where someone was accused of being an ableist for ...
LiterateHiker comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Please post your question without naming me. Everyone has personal preferences. Just be kind to people. A man just messaged me saying I'm "a bit too slender and less curvy than I prefer. You're not my type." That was mean.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@LiterateHiker It goes both ways. No different than me and being bald or not ripped and muscled and in the past being too thin for most women. Suck it up. If it was said in private and you wanted them to comment on your photos, and, by accident, your looks in general, get over it. I would if I were in your shoes and I have had similar comments made here in the open by people who viewed my photos and gave me unsolicited commentary. We are all adults here, woman up a little.
Agnostic Cat Meme of DA DAI 🐱
Booklover comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Oh Grumpy we miss you.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
I worship the late Grumpy over God or Jesus....
This is a post in response to another thread where someone was accused of being an ableist for ...
LiterateHiker comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Please post your question without naming me. Everyone has personal preferences. Just be kind to people. A man just messaged me saying I'm "a bit too slender and less curvy than I prefer. You're not my type." That was mean.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
Maybe he was responding to your earlier request that he view your profile pics and tell what he thought of them, maybe adding TMI innocently. Quite being so thin-skinned.....
Man tries to guilt me into meeting him 2,000 miles away.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 21, 2019:
I make no secret of my unwillingness to date LD as well as the reasons why not. I guess I should be grateful that I am undateable or unattractive enough that nobody LD has ever tried to push me into meeting them LD, lol....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@LiterateHiker I just tried again. Check your PMs.
Man tries to guilt me into meeting him 2,000 miles away.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 21, 2019:
I make no secret of my unwillingness to date LD as well as the reasons why not. I guess I should be grateful that I am undateable or unattractive enough that nobody LD has ever tried to push me into meeting them LD, lol....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@LiterateHiker Long distance. I assume you were being snarky. BTW, what did you think of my PM about your pics?
Man tries to guilt me into meeting him 2,000 miles away.
RickyAdams comments on Jul 21, 2019:
It is what it is. Ive been ignored or rejected by every woman ive shown interest in on here so far. And yea it sucks. And ive wondered what the problem is. Is it my looks, is it my approach, is it something ive put in my profile. But i accept it and move on. Ive never even considered being a ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
The sad thing is, like with the woman I met yesterday from Match, is that when they ghost you or just give you a vague, short, generic rejection note, like she did me, you have no data or info to use for learning what was wrong or how to improve anything for the next opportunity with someone new. Mindreading and/or continuing to fly blind on why you are being rejected will not help you change anything that might be improved.... Some people are capable of and interested in being honest and helpful, but most aren't....
Man tries to guilt me into meeting him 2,000 miles away.
Deiter comments on Jul 21, 2019:
*If you didn't want to be so hard to resist you shouldn't've been so hot!* You so fine you able the disabled, if you know what I'm saying. Seriously, I say this as one who I hope is considered an ally, and as a co-creator of two women myself (well, for the data-input part anyway), never a day ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@UUNJ Sorry to hear you are getting so much rejection, but glad to hear it goes both ways. Dieter is right that in online dating most women are unlike you and other women on Agnostic, in being women making the first move in messaging. I get over a 90% rejection rate too of my first messages never being replied to, so I'm glad to hear that it can go both ways genderwise. As for LH, I don't think there's anything inappropriate or biased about rejecting a disabled man for living too far away OR for being disabled when she clearly wants a man who can walk and is fit enough to hike at her level,
I had a date yesterday with a guy I was talking to on okc back in April.
bobwjr comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Sounds good give him a try be cautious I'm in the same boat hoping a future date works out for me hope springs eternal for all of us in the same boat nothing ventured nothing gained
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@ArtzyNerd I'm like you in that, but I don't bounce back quite as quickly. I have another woman to meet after my cruise and I'll meet her early next month.
I had a date yesterday with a guy I was talking to on okc back in April.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 21, 2019:
Good for you. I had a pretty disappointing one yesterday. After trading several long positive messages with her over a few days, we met for coffee and talked for over two hours. She seemed very excited to see me when we met and thru most of the conversation, but I could see her expression change in ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 21, 2019:
@ArtzyNerd Same here. But I need someone, obviously, who is either not conservative and either shares my politics or is middle of the road or liberal and doesn't care much about politics for it to work. As this person made it obvious that, like a strongly religious person, they are not willing to be tolerant enough of difference, unlike most of us, if there is much difference in political views. I am going to have a very hard time in my area finding an otherwise compatible woman who shares my socialism and does not have the other usual dealbreakers about religion, family, kids, country music, social drinking, etc. This woman appears to have only had issues around politics and maybe no physical attraction for me, assuming she is being honest about that. I have done this long enough that I can tell usually when I first meet someone if they are attracted to my looks or not when they first see me in person and she seemed to be. She also had my pics in the profile. I really think politics were the barrier this time. I was all in so far and quite willing to accept her difference here. I wish her luck finding another liberal, Agnostic, hipster who loves cats and college sports as well as her type of music, like the Indigo Girls, in my area. She may find the pickings of men like me who are also centrist Dems to be pretty slim.....Oh, well..
Two people walking in opposite directions, heads down, scrolling on their cell phones, walk smack ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 20, 2019:
I own only a tracphone, not a smartphone, and I only use it when I am away from my home landline. I can self entertain with my own thoughts if I am away from home without company or else bring a book to read while I wait on something or need to kill time.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2019:
@Deiter The coverage is better and I don't want to be reachable much of the time away from home. If I want to talk to someone casually, I'll do it from home, where I am most of the time when awake. When I am away from home I am usually busy doing something that needs my attention and I don't want to be reached. If someone needs to pass on info, they can leave a VM on my old school digital answering machine and I will call them back at the times they indicate in their message that they can be reached. Yes, it sometimes leads to phone tag, but I am always home when I say I will be and if they do the same and honor my attempts to call back by picking up at the times they said they would be available, then it all works out. It requires both parties to be responsible and reliable and tells you fairly quick who can be counted on and who can't to honor their word. If I or they are on another call when the other calls, we both have call waiting. It sounds Amish, but like the Amish, I will use tech only as it fits with my principles and how I want to maintain my relations with others, on my terms, not that of the herd.
The Cats Trailer Looks Great, You Weirdos
Mofo1953 comments on Jul 20, 2019:
now if they change the name to Pussies, I might go and see that shit.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2019:
That would be the XXX porn version, lol. I'm old enough to remember the newspaper ads for those, with their names that were a play on the names of mainstream films they were playing off of.
They can sense brain death...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2019:
Forget about brain death. A lot of chronic Fox News viewers make me wonder if they ever had a brain to begin with........
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2019:
@snytiger6 That is a good analogy for it. For that matter tho, most Americans, whether they skew to the left, right, or middle that are part of the sheeple, have never learned critical thinking and just follow whatever their peers subscribe to.
How many of you feel as if your lack of any sort of religious or spiritual belief system has ...
1of5 comments on Jul 14, 2019:
My desire to never have kids impacted my dating/love life far more than being athiest ever did.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2019:
@1of5 Totally hear you, bro..
The image is black letters on white: “I don’t need to flirt, I will seduce you with my ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 16, 2019:
I could probably use a T-shirt like that. There's a local shop for snarky shirts like that called Raygun. I might call them and see if they could get the rights to that slogan and make me one.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2019:
Like they say, I should always play to my strengths.....
On this fine morning, Gaia has chosen the lower perch for her after breakfast repose.
RobertNappi2 comments on Jul 20, 2019:
Comfy
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 20, 2019:
Kitty sure looks that way. Time for a post breakfast nap to prepare for a hard day of laying around.....
Sorry,but I'm thinking there's too much hate here. .
Athena comments on Jul 19, 2019:
During the fight to end slavery, there was hate. When MLK Jr. fought racial inequality, there was hate. When women fought for the right to vote, there was hate. When people stood up for gay rights, there was hate. Good things happened as a result of people fighting for the right ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
There's a civil rights saying, " No justice no peace!" which makes a lot of sense because when the oppressing group is not afraid of consequences for being unjust, they will never concede anything, like power or privilege to the oppressed. As Fredrick Douglas also said," Power concedes nothing without a fight. It never has and it never will." Like Malcom X, who I won't bother quoting because you already get the picture, the only way the rich or the white power structure has ever given up anything or conceded any improvement of conditions in America is when they are afraid of violence or even revolution from the oppressed. Things have to get worse before they get better. And that includes ugliness and conflict from both sides. History since the 60s civil rights movement show that only playing nice and never threatening violence against the powers that be gets you nowhere when it comes to inequality in money or power. The only concessions since the 60s the oppressed in the US have achieved against the ruling class have been in human rights areas that have cost the rich and corporations nothing in money or power.
Ever found love and got into a relationship with someone they met on agnostic?
Mooolah comments on Jul 17, 2019:
Here is what I found. Since I have no photos of me anywhere on the internet I have had 1 asshole that went searching for me on FB, Twitter etc. He was reported & blocked. Another I got rid of when I refused to send a photo. Their are bad ones lurking around, even on Agnostic. so be careful, ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
I am none of those things and I am on here and Match, so you're justly cynical, but you are not completely right about all men. Since you have no pics of yourself and only have them of your cats, plus you don't give your real age, I can't say whether we might be compatible if we lived near each other. Best wishes...
The real midlife crisis confronting many Americans
Ms_McSteven comments on Jul 18, 2019:
One of the reasons I'm estranged from most of my siblings is the fact that I didn't do my "fair share" of the eldercare when they were all taking turns. They were all married, I was single. They were mostly retired, or semi-retired, I was still working full time. Their kids were grown, mine ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
You made the right choice and you took care of business for who needed you the most. Your siblings can shove it if they want to guilt you about it. I can tell you from experience that it's a hell of a lot harder to visit, much less look after a frail, sick parent if you are single and don't have the support of spouse to assist or help you with the stress of that burden. That's why I limited myself to just going to visit my father after he became really ill in his final weeks, so he would have someone at the hospital to comfort him while my other siblings took a break and we all took our turns being there so he didn't feel alone. Fortunately they understood this and didn't expect me to do as much as them, since I had recently been caring for my wife until a couple years ago.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I came here looking for women to date and quickly learned that is useless for my age group and area. As someone else said, the pickings of compatible women in my area on here is even thinner than on Match, where I've been for two years and will stay with besides here. There are a good number of ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@LimitedLight I've been on Match the last two years, definitely no forums. Match does seem to provide the most profile info of any site, except a little less than they use to.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
MichelleGar1 comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I met my boyfriend on this site! We've been together for about 5 months and still have time to decide whether to move here with me or I move in with him. I'm going on my third visit to see him, the time before he came here. See what happens.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@MichelleGar1 With all due respect, how would you know whether I am ready to date again or not? My friends and therapist IRL know me a hell of a lot better than you do and they feel I have been ready for a couple years. Quit judging me...That is an ignorant myth that all widowed people never move on after losing a partner they loved and it's exactly that type of ignorant assuming that is a big part of why so many divorced, not widowed, women won't give me a chance on Match. Because they have never been widowed and assume that all widowed men never get over their dead wives. While the real reason that many of them will probably never date widowed men is that it challenges the woman's denial that her failed marriage was all the fault of her ex, instead of at least partly or mostly her. Many women are afraid of giving a widowed man a chance because then if it fails, they might have to consider what is wrong with them; rather than the widowed man, who brought a better relationship track record into the new partnership than they had with their failed marriage. Ever consider that aspect? BTW, I didn't come up with this idea by myself, even tho I had suspected it before. It's from a research article in a journal.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
Hathacat comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I would and will be mobile after I sell this place, but feel I don't bring alot to the table right now.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
You're a cat lover, which by itself says you have a good heart and are good folks. You have something to offer someone.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
MichelleGar1 comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I met my boyfriend on this site! We've been together for about 5 months and still have time to decide whether to move here with me or I move in with him. I'm going on my third visit to see him, the time before he came here. See what happens.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@MichelleGar1 I respect your courage and strength, but seeing my late wife thru her dementia used up most of what I had in my for the time being. Maybe later will be different, but I am pretty worn out now. And I am also ten years older than you....
I've been wondering for a while if most of us on Agnostic are mostly estranged from our families of ...
CuriosityExtant comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I am enjoying this particular post and comments swirl immensely.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
Thanks for all the feedback, I tried to have options covering all the usual interpersonal reasons for estrangement. Geo reasons were really not the point of the exercise...
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Sierra4 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
A woman's 6 profile pictures on Match; 1. Head shot with adult daughter 2. Picture of a beautiful backyard 3. Picture of artwork in the house 4. Picture of plants in the house 5. Pictures of two young grandkids 6. Pictures of two small dogs. Many profiles like this. :)
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@CarolinaGirl60 No it aint't glad you've been luckier than me with it. You are a better person and deserve it more in the karmic scheme of things.....
New Jersey judge who showed leniency to rape suspect from "good family" resigns
FatherOfNyx comments on Jul 18, 2019:
He should be given the time in prison that he didn't give to the rapist.. I'd be all for a committee that overlooks rulings and if they deem the judge was driven by personal bias, throw their asses in jail.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
Those would both be fair outcomes in my book.
New Jersey judge who showed leniency to rape suspect from "good family" resigns
1of5 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
My question to the judge would be: How can a good family fail to teach their children not to rape someone?
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@1of5 In my book and that of Jesus himself, for that matter, there was never anything inherently righteous about the rich. What there is about most of them is a smug arrogance of knowing they are above the law for the most part and, at least in America, being rich will buy you respect and admiration from a lot of people no matter how much you are garbage wrapped in skin.....
How many of you feel as if your lack of any sort of religious or spiritual belief system has ...
1of5 comments on Jul 14, 2019:
My desire to never have kids impacted my dating/love life far more than being athiest ever did.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@1of5 Thanks for understanding...
This always made sense to me: “Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without ...
Stevil comments on Jul 19, 2019:
You sure it wasn't Kilgore Trout that said that??
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
Kilgore Trout rocked!! Venus On The Half Shell had me laughing out loud at much of it.
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
LiterateHiker comments on Jul 18, 2019:
On Fitness Singles, a non-smoker has a pic with a cigarette hanging on his lip. **Every picture** tells a story, whether intended or not.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@Sierra4 I've had that happen to me too on paid dating sites like Match. Sometimes these women were even attractive looking, but when they said clueless stuff like that which showed they had no idea of the things in my profile, I knew they either had to be a scammer or an airhead, and, either way I was not interested......
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Charles7600 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
Online dating is it's own special hell. For being early 30's, in great shape with an amazing job, paid off car and a house, I don't know what I am doing wrong.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@Charles7600 You're exactly right Agnostic.com has been called the FB for thinking, non-believing adults and that's what it is.
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Sierra4 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
A woman's 6 profile pictures on Match; 1. Head shot with adult daughter 2. Picture of a beautiful backyard 3. Picture of artwork in the house 4. Picture of plants in the house 5. Pictures of two young grandkids 6. Pictures of two small dogs. Many profiles like this. :)
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@CarolinaGirl60 Point taken Beth. You know I like you and think you are good folks. I did not mean any insult or disrespect for your faultless health issues. I can relate and have a couple of my own. I agree also that most people of either gender do not want to buy into an LTR with someone who has health issues, even at our age. Glad you found a rare and interested man.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I came here looking for women to date and quickly learned that is useless for my age group and area. As someone else said, the pickings of compatible women in my area on here is even thinner than on Match, where I've been for two years and will stay with besides here. There are a good number of ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@LimitedLight Thanks, I do feel that if this site had the numbers spread evenly across the US and UK enough to provide real dating options on a par with Match and such, I think that it could not only draw a lot of ad money for the site owner, but that many members here, including me, would be willing to put up with the ads and even a small membership fee per month, AS LONG AS the forums remained available and the community remained large and interesting. The rubs are two things, would the increased ad spending pay off later in the ad revenue and the membership fees AND would those income sources be enough to fund the inevitable amount of paid staff time that would be needed to police the forums? And that last one is probably the main challenge for the admin.. How do you police a site with forums and on the one hand, nurture community and fellowship of non-believers and also moderate with suspensions and bannings of members who are paying a fee to be here? That is above my intellect and pay grade, probably why, to my knowledge, none of the paid conventional dating sites have forums for the site members. Did somebody say once that POF does have one?
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
MichelleGar1 comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I met my boyfriend on this site! We've been together for about 5 months and still have time to decide whether to move here with me or I move in with him. I'm going on my third visit to see him, the time before he came here. See what happens.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@MichelleGar1 I am really happy that you found someone and I really hope it works out. I also know, as do my friends and my therapist, that I am too emotionally tired and wore out to try handling the challenges emotionally and energy-wise of LD dating or moving away with my friends all back here and risking that it doesn't work out and then moving back here. I have had too many losses and defeats in this decade and cannot take any more major ones, at least not for a while. Any mental health person will tell you that moving, esp. to a new area, is the second most major stressor next to losing a loved one to death or maybe divorce.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
MichelleGar1 comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I met my boyfriend on this site! We've been together for about 5 months and still have time to decide whether to move here with me or I move in with him. I'm going on my third visit to see him, the time before he came here. See what happens.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@MichelleGar1 I'm always up for taking the chance locally. But dating LD and making a cross country move, nope.....
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
daylily comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I can't really move. I already moved away from someone I loved deeply to be where I am, which is close to my granddaughters. (Sadly, being closer to my daughter is falling short of my hopes, but not my expectations..) It does sadden me though, that I am alone and somewhat isolated. Having come from ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
I can totally relate. I had a long, great marriage, at least until she got dementia, but I too am starting to feel that at my age living in a terrible dating pool area, that I may never get the chance again for a relationship like I had. and it sucks, feels so unfair. But I won't date LD either or move, so many on this site will say it's my fault, etc..
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
MichelleGar1 comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I met my boyfriend on this site! We've been together for about 5 months and still have time to decide whether to move here with me or I move in with him. I'm going on my third visit to see him, the time before he came here. See what happens.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
That's the thing. If it does work out, it's inevitable that someone has to move and, living where I live, the only way someone will ever move to my area of Iowa is if they already live in a hellhole of the US worse than Iowa, like the South, which a few women my age do, but those same women also have better weather than I do, so they are still likely to not want to move because besides weather most of them have family or kids nearby that they are staying there for. And I am not up to taking the risk of moving, being disappointed, having to move back, and start over.
Off to Stainsby Folk Festival for the weekend.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2019:
Sounds fun. I like folk music too. Where the hell is Stainsby?
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@ShadowAmicus I'll settle for watching The Open this weekend for my Brit fix.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
Ms_McSteven comments on Jul 18, 2019:
Word spread through my job today that our 75 year old widowed dispatcher has a new boyfriend, so there's hope for everyone who wants companionship, age be damned. I might be the last unattached person in the company now. I dread the harassment I'm about to get from the busybodies and wannabe ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@Ms_McSteven Yup, just like my old job, a regular Peyton Place...
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
Ms_McSteven comments on Jul 18, 2019:
Word spread through my job today that our 75 year old widowed dispatcher has a new boyfriend, so there's hope for everyone who wants companionship, age be damned. I might be the last unattached person in the company now. I dread the harassment I'm about to get from the busybodies and wannabe ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
My Durham bus center I used to work at had a lot of older folks working there. Two of them actually met there and got married. Some of the younger ones began dating each other too. Made it interesting. There was always quite a gossip network there, often with false rumors about the company or people's personal lives.
Off to Stainsby Folk Festival for the weekend.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2019:
Sounds fun. I like folk music too. Where the hell is Stainsby?
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@ShadowAmicus I'll have to pass...
I wish to share a piece I wrote some time ago to describe my relationship with my second wife, Pat:...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2019:
Resonates with me too and reminds me of my marriage to my late wife. I hope I get to experience something like that again, but if not I am grateful for what we had before she got dementia. It's more than lots of divorced couples ever get to experience.How long ago did she die?
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@Heathenman Thanks, I've finished grieving two years ago. The healing won't ever happen until I find another relationship, as far as I can tell.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
brainyactress comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I don’t look for it but I’m open to it. It’s happened twice. By and large, I only date local but I live in a major city so it’s easier to find bc the pool is larger.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
I envy your dating pool. It's not only larger, but it's probably way more hip and progressive in it's culture and lifestyle of most singles there compared to Des Moines Iowa. Someone like you or me probably has way more compatible people to choose from there whether it's on here or a paid site like Match. It's not that Des Moines is really that boring or backward, it's that non-believing hipsters, at least in my age group, are a very small, marginal group because for so long DM WAS really backward and boring. So most of the hipsters and non-believers there are fairly young, new transplants. The ones like that my age are pretty much all taken and the rest of my age group that are not hipsters or non-believers are legion, namely all the folks who grew up on the farm or at least in a rural part of Iowa before moving to the big city and are still clinging, as Obama would put it, to their traditional family values, family-oriented social life, Christian religion, and love of country music. All of which I reject, as do most of the other members of this site.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
Charles7600 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
Eh, I'm looking, but not particularly hard. My last relationship was enough of a trainwreck to justify some introspection. l could pack up and move across the globe, but I don't really want to. I have the skills to make excellent money anywhere, but job hunting is never fun. Plus, my house is ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
My last relationship, my one LTR in my life was a great 21 yr. relationship with a marriage and no kids, that was great and happy, at least until she got dementia in 2011. So I have been understandably looking hard to find someone after finishing my grieving about two years ago.
1. How many are on this site looking for a companion?
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 19, 2019:
I came here looking for women to date and quickly learned that is useless for my age group and area. As someone else said, the pickings of compatible women in my area on here is even thinner than on Match, where I've been for two years and will stay with besides here. There are a good number of ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
@LimitedLight You mean the ads for Agnostic on FB? I dunno, but that explains why the site growth seems to have really slowed compared to back then a couple years ago when I joined. Maybe the admin. didn't have the $ to continue the ads or didn't feel like it. But it's obvious to me that, since then, depending on word of mouth is not going to cut it as far as the site appreciably growing much in the future. In my local area, it hasn't grown at all in the last two years. Maybe the FB ads were an experiment by the admin. to see if the site had dating potential and when the results were not encouraging enough to justify further investment towards making this a real dating site, he gave up and quit advertising. I can only speculate....
This always made sense to me: “Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without ...
FynTul comments on Jul 19, 2019:
Think we call that "selfless" now :) But yeah Vonnegut had a strong flashlight in his mind. Too bad his mind was a dump.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
Have to disagree. Yes, he was depressed, but he was very funny and brilliant.
This always made sense to me: “Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without ...
JackPedigo comments on Jul 18, 2019:
There should also be no expectations of reward while you are alive. Too many 'humanists' do things because it makes them feel good and doesn't upset their cognitive dissonance. One thing we often forget about being human is that we have a sense of reason and really need to use it more than we do.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
I don't expect any rewards from others while I'm alive and so far I sure haven't gotten any. The reason I do good things is because it seems the right things to do and I get satisfaction from it. I really don't give a fuck if others approve or not..
This always made sense to me: “Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without ...
callmedubious comments on Jul 18, 2019:
Kurt was pretty well convinced that america was a totally Fcked country with no hope for redemption by the time he died. ``Slaughterhouse 5`` should be required reading in HS but i doubt if it is & i doubt if many americans are even aware of it.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 19, 2019:
I already agree with him on that, but with each year I agree more.
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Sierra4 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
A woman's 6 profile pictures on Match; 1. Head shot with adult daughter 2. Picture of a beautiful backyard 3. Picture of artwork in the house 4. Picture of plants in the house 5. Pictures of two young grandkids 6. Pictures of two small dogs. Many profiles like this. :)
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@LiterateHiker PM it is.
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Sierra4 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
A woman's 6 profile pictures on Match; 1. Head shot with adult daughter 2. Picture of a beautiful backyard 3. Picture of artwork in the house 4. Picture of plants in the house 5. Pictures of two young grandkids 6. Pictures of two small dogs. Many profiles like this. :)
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@LiterateHiker You are proving my point I made above about closed mouth photos of men, and women, for that matter. The guy may also not be smiling because he is the angry, abusive type as well.
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Sierra4 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
A woman's 6 profile pictures on Match; 1. Head shot with adult daughter 2. Picture of a beautiful backyard 3. Picture of artwork in the house 4. Picture of plants in the house 5. Pictures of two young grandkids 6. Pictures of two small dogs. Many profiles like this. :)
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@LiterateHiker With a well-known, at least on Agnostic, flamethrower of blunt truth like me, LH, be careful what you ask for, lol. Ok will take a peek and post it here or PM you? Your choice....
Wanted to gather advice on the following dilemma: I have a problem with men and their facial hair...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 18, 2019:
I've never really liked the way I look with facial hair, so I've almost never kept it on me. I have been clean shaven in my photos and most of the time I go out socially but it doesn't seem to help on dating sites for me. You appear to be a small minority of women in the dating scene, just like me. ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@NoMagicCookie The ear plugs are very smart. Wish I had worn them to concerts when I was younger so I might have more of my hi- freq hearing left...
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Sierra4 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
A woman's 6 profile pictures on Match; 1. Head shot with adult daughter 2. Picture of a beautiful backyard 3. Picture of artwork in the house 4. Picture of plants in the house 5. Pictures of two young grandkids 6. Pictures of two small dogs. Many profiles like this. :)
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@Ms_McSteven We'll just have to respectfully disagree here. Maybe my view will doom me to being alone, maybe not. But I can only speak for me in saying that in my 60 years of life and 22 years so far of trying to date, that I have never met someone whose looks grew on me from no physical attraction to wanting to have sex with them. The reason doesn't really matter and is probably unknown to me as it is to most people wired that way. But what matters is being honest with myself and the women I encounter in the dating game. Beginning with a girl I dated in high school and ever since, I have been a very sensitive male who really hates it when I meet someone and hope that their looks will grow on me or that I will be attracted to them later and it doesn't happen. It really sucks to meet someone, really like them platonically and then have to make the speech to them that it's strictly going to be friendzone when one or both were hoping for more. It sucks to be on either end of the friendzone in my experience after meeting someone in a dating context or situation. Trust me, most people I have met would rather be rejected before meeting from a dating site than meet in person and immediately see that the other person has already put you in the friendzone for good based on your looks. When that happens, both men and women can immediately tell, trust me on that one. I am too old and tired to keep replaying that game when it can be avoided.
Wanted to gather advice on the following dilemma: I have a problem with men and their facial hair...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 18, 2019:
I've never really liked the way I look with facial hair, so I've almost never kept it on me. I have been clean shaven in my photos and most of the time I go out socially but it doesn't seem to help on dating sites for me. You appear to be a small minority of women in the dating scene, just like me. ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@fmcamyg I see it all the time with other bald men. It's almost laughably predictable among the younger ones. First they start with wearing ballcaps after they recognize their hair loss, then they move on to growing the facial hair. To me it's blatantly trying to hide or at least distract, with the facial hair, from their baldness. Most women are not only not fooled, but often not favorably impressed. But what do I know, I have embraced my baldness, but had no interest on Match since Feb.?
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Sierra4 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
A woman's 6 profile pictures on Match; 1. Head shot with adult daughter 2. Picture of a beautiful backyard 3. Picture of artwork in the house 4. Picture of plants in the house 5. Pictures of two young grandkids 6. Pictures of two small dogs. Many profiles like this. :)
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@Ms_McSteven You may think my viewpoint is sad and you are entitled to your opinion, but I'm pretty well convinced it's the view of almost all men on dating sites and even most women, even tho some of them, not you, are not willing to admit it for fear of looking shallow. That is why dating coaches recommend one full body shot close enough to see body type as well as at least one close up head shot. And this is from female coaches, BTW, It now appears that these two type of pics are now part of the norm on more and more women's profiles, I can't speak to what men are showing, but I'm guessing it's including lots of guys with shirtless photos showing off their muscles and abs, which some women would really be impressed by, maybe not you, but it probably for most of them gets their messages answered, unlike me...Just like any woman, I am entitled to write off anybody for any reason, women sure as hell do in my experience with online dating. And to me, someone seeming to hide something, whether they are or not, seems like a good one and is often a valid red flag. I have heard plenty of women saying the same thing about men wearing ballcaps to probably hide baldness, for example, as well as men who lacked full body shots. As Sticks says ad nauseum, it goes both ways and I will not be labelled sexist or misogynist, not that you were doing that, for being honest. I don't let my opinions be criticized without standing up for them. I can't count the number of women who say they write off all guys who don't smile in any of their pics on the assumption the guy is a negative jerk, is hiding missing or bad teeth, etc. Are they wrong and sad?
Wanted to gather advice on the following dilemma: I have a problem with men and their facial hair...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 18, 2019:
I've never really liked the way I look with facial hair, so I've almost never kept it on me. I have been clean shaven in my photos and most of the time I go out socially but it doesn't seem to help on dating sites for me. You appear to be a small minority of women in the dating scene, just like me. ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@Jnei Based on my recent experience with the online dating scene, it seems to me like a man's money is still important to most women in who they select to date. My evidence is that I don't dress up in my pics nor do I much at all in my real life. So I appear to be someone who is not that financially secure, even tho I am. Since Match eliminated a few checklist traits from their profiles back in Feb., there is no longer any info in the profile about someone's income level, both theirs and who they are seeking. Whether related to that or not, I have had no new interest on Match since Feb.. So now the only ways someone will know your financial status is how you dress in the pics, if you appear in the pics to be taking expensive vacations, or if you say something specific about your finances in your profile essay, which I bet some men have already started doing, tho I have no way of knowing that. As for wanting to look older, not for me. I want to use this baby face as long as I can to interest women who are as much as several years younger in dating me as well as to compensate for my baldness making me look older. Ladies, have you been seeing men on Match making statements about their income level or net worth on Match lately?
New Jersey judge who showed leniency to rape suspect from "good family" resigns
1of5 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
My question to the judge would be: How can a good family fail to teach their children not to rape someone?
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@1of5 He knows now, but it sucks that someone that classist was allowed such unquestioned power for so long. Classism is the last acceptable form of prejudice and bias in America and that disgusts me. It's frustrating as an American socialist to know how ignorant or accepting most Americans are about it, unlike Europeans, who are very aware of, open about class and mostly in favor of equality. Of course, unlike most Europeans, Americans still believe the myth of upward mobility and accept classism in the belief they will make it big some day and join the club of the rich. Europeans know better and that's why they support socialism and equality. More Americans are starting to wake up and see how they are being conned and kept poor by the system. That's why last time Sanders and Trump were the only two candidates that excited people, because they addressed this discontent with the system.
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Charles7600 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
Online dating is it's own special hell. For being early 30's, in great shape with an amazing job, paid off car and a house, I don't know what I am doing wrong.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
It's not you at all and you're not doing anything wrong. If you are not at least a 7 in looks, and that means all of it, face, body, how you dress, hair, you are going to get ignored by most women on paid dating sites in favor of the 7s, 8s and 9s. I have no answers, as anyone on here who reads my comments knows that we are in the same boat even tho I am your father's age and have a good relationship track record as a widower, am average looking, and financially secure. Those things without good looks seem to impress no one. Looked at your profile and, to be blunt, the only things I can see going against you with the shallow world of online dating, is that you have an average face, even with a nice full head of hair, and are not tall, which is another thing most women want, which I have, along with an average body.
Date Bar Burnout
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 18, 2019:
Make whatever you want. They should just be grateful to have any treats that taste better than cardboard, but then again, my standards are low when it comes to free food.....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@LiterateHiker The first treat sounds hideous. I wouldn't have touched it either, and the chocolate candies would have only taken a couple.
How many of you feel as if your lack of any sort of religious or spiritual belief system has ...
1of5 comments on Jul 14, 2019:
My desire to never have kids impacted my dating/love life far more than being athiest ever did.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@1of5 It's much the same as being surrounded by Christians, rednecks, and rubes/hicks, I've lived in Iowa my whole life and it's all I've ever known. I have seen the ocean plenty, east and west, and I understand its allure, but I don't need to live around it. When you have a long term partner and it's working, you don't really notice or care as much what kind of people you are living around. It's you and your partner against the world, with of course, a little help from your friends. That's why finding someone else is important for me to ever be happy again living here in Iowa. Being a fish out of water is fine with a partner, without, even with friends, it becomes unbearable when one is older and mortality is knocking on the door...
Finally hit 9.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
The way it's going, I will have the level 8 shirt long before I ever meet anyone from here to date in person from my local area.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@Our_existence Sorry, won't date LD, for reasons I won't repeat here, but have spelled out repeatedly on these boards...
The world is fucked up beyond salvation.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
I've done that too, but I will only spend my time doing it with people that are legitimately pissed off by an asshole, not someone who appears to be entitled and privileged while acting like an asshole because they sense someone inferior has failed to honor their privilege. In other words, indulge ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@mischl The have their money to comfort them and can always buy friends. I won't waste my time on them.
Ex wife has been with two different people in two weeks, a month after the divorce was finalized.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
With all due respect, why do you care? I am guessing she dumped you, but even if she didn't, you don't need to further concern yourself with her unless you share minor children with her. And even then, her love life is still really not your business unless it affects said kids.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@Veteran229 Good points. But this guy seems to really want to find a woman young enough to make babies with him so he can leave his mark on the world, so to speak. Not my kind of choice, but what he wants, so he needs someone young enough and willing to do that. That pretty much leaves out widows, too old for that and he doesn't want to date that much older, I assume. As a widower who did make the right choice for my one happy, successful LTR, I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be stuck with a dating pool that is about 75% divorcees who are bitter, probably not the most mentally healthy women to pick from, but they're mostly what I have to work with because I am still too young to date most of the widows out there, who are usually in their 70s, tho I will date up to age 68. Also, the divorced women will often indicate in their profiles that they are not interested in dating widowed men, a self-defeating attitude if there ever was one, on the assumptions that all widowers are not over their dead spouse and that no woman can ever compete with the dead spouse in that man's mind and heart. How ignorant and blindly selfish can they be? Most widowed men, at least this one, don't see a new woman as a competitor, they just want someone kind, attractive, and fun to be with, not a clone of the dead spouse, who they are not trying to replace, they just want someone compatible to share their life with again.
My OKCupid matches. Hilariously inept photos.
Sierra4 comments on Jul 18, 2019:
A woman's 6 profile pictures on Match; 1. Head shot with adult daughter 2. Picture of a beautiful backyard 3. Picture of artwork in the house 4. Picture of plants in the house 5. Pictures of two young grandkids 6. Pictures of two small dogs. Many profiles like this. :)
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
Boy is that the fucking truth! It really goes both ways, LH. Here in Iowa, I can't count the number of profiles that have the woman with their adult kids or grandkids. I skip over those profiles immediately because it's obvious the woman is very family-oriented, unlike me. In my area, having kids, adult and grandkids is so common and seemingly required, that it's like a lapel pin with an American flag after 9-11 on a politician, totally gratuitous, but seemingly required for show. I have heard that you are never supposed to have kids in profile pics, for privacy purposes, but it sure doesn't stop all the farmer's daughter types in Iowa. Also, there are countless pics of women too far away to see their face or body type, as well as countless profiles of women with no full body shot, undoubtedly overweight women trying to hide being fat and thinking guys are stupid enough to not see thru that. Next.... Lastly, as you say, women in group photos where you really can't tell, based on the other photos, which one they are and or course there is no caption there to help you. I've also seen plenty of profiles where the woman never smiles in her pics. Leaves me to wonder what they are likely hiding. Missing or bad teeth? Or, as my younger gal pals put it, is she just showing her "resting bitch face"? Their words, not mine....The bottom line is, the photo is there to move us past the days of blind dating. Use it intelligently and honestly. We aren't expecting pro studio pics, just honest photos that show us the goods, so to speak, because both men and women these days are very visual and put a lot of stock in pics for who they will message and meet, all other things being equal.
Ex wife has been with two different people in two weeks, a month after the divorce was finalized.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
With all due respect, why do you care? I am guessing she dumped you, but even if she didn't, you don't need to further concern yourself with her unless you share minor children with her. And even then, her love life is still really not your business unless it affects said kids.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@Giomar Get out there and start meeting women. You're not too old to have kids with someone, altho your chances are better with someone several years younger than you than your own age. Please tell me you're not one of those men who is obsessed with only dating women without kids so you can start over making babies for her first time rather than being ok with being a stepdad. Odds are if you date women your age or not much younger than you, they will already have at least one kid. Are you ok with being a stepdad in a blended family? Because if you want to be a dad with some woman, that is likely unavoidable. I was exactly your age when I gratefully met my late wife after decades of unsuccessful dating where I had no serious relationships because I wanted a childfree relationship and here in family-oriented Iowa, no women were interested in buying into that. In your state, I assume the culture is the same way regarding kids and family.
If blonds have more fun and redheads are fire in the bed.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
I'd settle for romance and sex with any women who have attractive bodies and faces, regardless of hair. Hair is so trivial on women for me, even tho hair on men is so important to many if not most women in the dating game.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 18, 2019:
@IrishTxJudy I have been shaving my head for the last few years. You can't tell only because the pics are not close up and focused on the top of my head, for obvious reasons....
If blonds have more fun and redheads are fire in the bed.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
I'd settle for romance and sex with any women who have attractive bodies and faces, regardless of hair. Hair is so trivial on women for me, even tho hair on men is so important to many if not most women in the dating game.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@azzow2 That's 3 that are still alive, a tiny fraction of all the popular actors out there. I think we have our answer. Jason Strathan or something like that, a Brit is the other one I could think of.
If blonds have more fun and redheads are fire in the bed.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
I'd settle for romance and sex with any women who have attractive bodies and faces, regardless of hair. Hair is so trivial on women for me, even tho hair on men is so important to many if not most women in the dating game.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@azzow2 It may not be correct but, as a man who's been balding or worse since his early 30s, I can tell you that it matters a great deal to many if not most women in who they are attracted to physically, all other things being equal. Look how few male actors are sex symbols that are bald, and you have your answer....
Ever found love and got into a relationship with someone they met on agnostic?
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 16, 2019:
No luck for me and you'll find that's the case for most of us, unless we are willing to date someone hundreds of miles away and then face the challenge of one of the parties having to move to the other's area. I am not up for that kind of risk, heartache and disappointment. In my case, I am stuck ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@GreatNani I was ready to date soon after my wife died, because I began anticipatory grieving a few years before she died, with the encouragement of my therapist, for her eventual death and for the loss of the person I knew. Most people who have never been a dementia spouse don't get that, because they haven't been there. But, even tho my therapist says I've been ready for a couple years to date, seems nobody compatible in my area will give me a chance. One woman who I rejected from Match, mainly because I had no attraction to her when I met her, even said to me she was sorry nobody besides her seemed willing to give me a chance. I met only six women from Match in almost two years now. It's really not that I am too picky, I am just too far out of the mainstream for my area. I hope you are right about the future, I really do, but in all honesty with how I feel now, if I end up going another 5 years or more going it alone, I probably won't feel after that that life alone is worth living....
Ever found love and got into a relationship with someone they met on agnostic?
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 16, 2019:
No luck for me and you'll find that's the case for most of us, unless we are willing to date someone hundreds of miles away and then face the challenge of one of the parties having to move to the other's area. I am not up for that kind of risk, heartache and disappointment. In my case, I am stuck ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@GreatNani Thank you for validating my reality and not trying to blame me or say the problem is me, rather than my situation. On the one hand, living in farming country makes for a very poor dating pool for an Agnostic hipster and non-conformist like me. On the other hand, it's really hard to even think about dating LD or moving far away and starting over, either with making friends or with moving back and rebuilding my life if the LD relationship failed. Because very few women on Agnostic who live far away would move to my area, for good reason. And I am emotionally wore out and tired enough, after moving three times already this decade, losing both parents and my wife, as well as being a dementia spouse for over 5 years coping with my wife's disease, I am not ready to risk being broken completely by trying to date LD and having it fail or trying to move away to a better dating pool and starting over by myself either and have that not work out. One can only take so much loss and disappointment in a decade. And my local friends are really all the support I have in my life.
Ever found love and got into a relationship with someone they met on agnostic?
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 16, 2019:
No luck for me and you'll find that's the case for most of us, unless we are willing to date someone hundreds of miles away and then face the challenge of one of the parties having to move to the other's area. I am not up for that kind of risk, heartache and disappointment. In my case, I am stuck ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@GreatNani We appear to have had equally hard times in recent years. I will address your points in order. The rejection and lying of online dating are very real in my case. You can accept it's true or not in my case. As far as Agnostic, I have been on here two and a half years and have yet to meet anyone at all in person, even tho I am willing to date 55 miles away, no further. As for dating someone less attractive than I want, meaning less than average-looking, no, I won't do that. I don't want to experience the disappointment and miserable experience again that it always has been for me when I meet someone, seem to be very compatible otherwise, and then quickly discover they are never going to be more than friendzone material. The women can easily see it, feel let down and often insulted, and I will not knowingly set myself or them up for that. Same with someone who is close to their family and has a strong relationship with them. First off, they will most likely reject me for not being family-oriented enough and, I am really not interested in spending much time around someone's family. Once a month maybe on average, but that's it. I don't mind getting to know someone's adult kids, it might even be nice if they became attached to me as family so I could get some support from them when I am older and sick or if I become widowed again, hopefully not within the next ten years. But not seeing them or her grandkids every week or more often than that. I really like doing couples stuff as well as seeing my friends some outside the relationship. I know there are women like that my age here on Agnostic that are independent and emotionally healthy, not tied up and emeshed with their families. But they sure don't seem to be in my area on Match nor in my area on Agnostic either. You have a valid point, I think, about the idea of being more open towards women who are family-oriented and such, but, at least on Match, any change in my attitude will make little difference, Nani, because, in my experience on there, for whatever reason, the vast majority of the women my age in my area indicate in their profiles checklist of traits at the end of the profile, that they are only looking for men with kids, even the women who don't have kids. How do I fight that, Nani?
Even the best laid plans go to hell.
webbew1 comments on Jul 17, 2019:
Retirement plan? What retirement plan??? I live paycheck to paycheck. My retirement plan is to work until they bury me in a box. Then they’ll piss on my grave for having the audacity to die while on the clock.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@Lucy_Fehr Glad you liked it being noted. I quoted it only because I liked the line about working for the man and because I don't know of any other song with a similar reference to that subject, except maybe the Bachman- Turner Overdrive song Taking Care Of Business, which I don't like at all.
Ever found love and got into a relationship with someone they met on agnostic?
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 16, 2019:
No luck for me and you'll find that's the case for most of us, unless we are willing to date someone hundreds of miles away and then face the challenge of one of the parties having to move to the other's area. I am not up for that kind of risk, heartache and disappointment. In my case, I am stuck ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@GreatNani I was very positive after becoming widowed. It took a 2 year education of how brutal the online dating scene is and all that rejection and lying to make me as negative as I am now. I don't see how most people can be otherwise about it without giving up and getting out of it. Your statement about how things have " happened for" you sounds more like magical thinking that actual connection and reality. I gave up religion for that reason, no longer wishing to engage in magical thinking...
Hi @Admin, When someone tags me in a comment I get a notification.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
I don't know about that, but the site seems to be glitching again for me with an old problem I've had, namely having my sent messages disappear soon after I send them and probably not being received by the member I'm sending them to.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@Ms_McSteven I don't think that's the case here with the latest problem. The guy and I already traded PMs once recently.
A man can't survive on beer alone....
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 16, 2019:
I'm surviving without either one, but a girlfriend would be nice.....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@snytiger6 That's what I have often done. However my next door neighbor with cat is moving in a matter of days.
I wish to share my feelings of joy! I was never looking for this love that filled my life, not ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 14, 2019:
Happy for you. Wish I still had hope of meeting someone like that for me, but the last two years have pretty much beaten it out of me.....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@Neenz I will not do a site like that because the last thing I want is a hookup or FWB.
How many of you feel as if your lack of any sort of religious or spiritual belief system has ...
1of5 comments on Jul 14, 2019:
My desire to never have kids impacted my dating/love life far more than being athiest ever did.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@1of5 I appreciate your wife's interest and effort, as well as your support. It's pretty common among people on the coasts to not know anybody in flyover land.....and my biggest problem is living in ground zero of flyover land.....
You have the best lures in your tackle box and can't even get a bite. Do you resort to extreems?
SaucyCheryl comments on Jul 16, 2019:
Fishing at the market. Life is too short.
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@SaucyCheryl Whatever....
I wish to share my feelings of joy! I was never looking for this love that filled my life, not ...
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 14, 2019:
Happy for you. Wish I still had hope of meeting someone like that for me, but the last two years have pretty much beaten it out of me.....
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@Neenz Again, I ask, which site did you meet on, Agnostic.com? This site has been totally useless for me in meeting anyone as nobody new has joined here in the last two years as far as women my age in my area.
Even the best laid plans go to hell.
TomMcGiverin comments on Jul 17, 2019:
Mine went ok, but it was mostly luck of inheriting a pretty good amount of money from, first, my mother, then my late wife, and now my father. I have always lived simply and frugally, so once I saw I would soon likely not need to work anymore, I retired about a year ago. Unless I have a stroke and ...
TomMcGiverin replies on Jul 17, 2019:
@Bigwavedave I hear you. It always feels better to leave on your own terms, but few of us get lucky enough to have it that way. I really enjoyed getting to tell my final employer to take their job and shove it.

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Agnostic, Atheist, Humanist, Secularist, Freethinker, Spiritual
Open to meeting women
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