I imagine this site is as much about recovery as anything else.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

Apologize for nothing Deiter...you are one of my favorite people on these boards. And, yes, this site's discussion boards are like one big recovery group or meeting...

I have been thinking about this website.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

They are hypocrites, but they support Trump because he at least talks like he supports their cultural agenda and that's what really matters to them, not having a leader that acts like a pious Christian. It's the agenda that matters to them, not having a role model. They would follow and support Satan himself if he ran for prez and promised to enact their agenda.

A controversial startup that charges $8,000 to fill your veins with young blood now claims to be up ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

Reminds me of that old TV series The Immortal, where a rich old codger was always pursuing a young man with magical blood that made him immortal so the old man wanted to capture him and make him a permanent supply of rejuvenating blood for the old man.

A controversial startup that charges $8,000 to fill your veins with young blood now claims to be up ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

Oh vanity and the fear of aging!

What kind of hair style do women favor?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

I refuse to follow the stereotypical path of most bald men like myself and grow a mustache and beard to attempt to distract or compensate for being bald. They aren't fooling anyone about their baldness. Women who I would like to date are either ok with bald men or they aren't. My guess is about 40% of women my age don't want a bald man, all other things being compatible, but I'll cope with that as it is without altering my look to lure them.

Spending a few days with a new man is a microcosm of the future relationship

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

He is the way he is because he has big bucks and a high status job, same with doctors. Unfortunately there are too many women who will put up with a lot of crap from men in both professions because of these facts, even more so if the man has good looks. He has no incentive to change his personality because there are always women who will accept how he is. A glowing example of how little personality counts with some in the dating game as long as the man is high value, as they say. Glad you have higher standards and are not seeking a sugar daddy.

Elderly lesbian couple lose discrimination case against retirement home

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

This doesn't surprise me as Missouri is even more conservative than Iowa, but many or most nursing homes have ties to church organizations as do many retirement communities. This issue will just become more and more contentious. Retirement communities and nursing homes too, I predict, will undergo radical changes, whether they want to or not, in the decade of the 2020s as the Baby Boomers become old enough to start populating these facilities and the facilities start having to cater to them. I have already heard that retirement communities are beginning to alter their entertainment for their residents to include more than just jazz and big band music for the older folks and start bringing in performers that play rock and roll for the Boomers who are now the youngest residents there. We will also see nursing homes in that decade that will allow for spouses to visit and have sex with their spouses in the facility, I predict.

Atheists can't feel awe and wonder. _Oprah Winfrey

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

I have never been that impressed with Oprah.

What's your opinion on unitarian churches?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 18, 2019:

They really vary widely as each congregation has its own culture. Unfortunately, the local one in my area is very classist and cliqueish and will probably always be that way, which is why I've stayed away for the last couple years. More than a decade ago, they had an interim minister for two years that confronted the congregation the best she could about those faults, but what ended up happening is that the culture either changed temporarily or at least went underground until she left after her two years, as required, and then the congregation's culture went back to the old ways when the new permanent minister came in. Many of the assholes from back then are still around and that galls me too. I agree with the other commenters that your beliefs or lack of will be accepted at any UU church. That's not an issue with me and the local church. My issue is the majority attitude they have that you don't belong there unless you make at least 75K a year (which puts you in the top 10% for this area) or have a high status job, preferably both. Otherwise, they treat you as inferior and not worth getting to know or socializing with at the church. In other words, a country club for intellectuals with its own blatant admission standards and only upper-middle class or higher need show up.

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

At least she canceled and didn't stand you up. I think doing the latter is inexcuseable, not matter how scared you are. A couple months ago a woman from my local area on this site messaged me after having ghosted me several months before when she apparently left the site for about six months. When she came back, she messaged me, as I said, by replying to a PM I had sent her before she left. In the new PM, she said she hadn't meant to seem rejecting and gave me her e-mail address. I tried contacting her on that and she never replied. The games people play..

That is a big kitty ??

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

More like a mountain lion. Could probably eat most dogs for breakfast....

2 YEAR AGO.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

Yup, America the great, with free speech and right to protest, as long as and until it butts up against corporate power.....

Hot tub....

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

There, there Tuxie.....

Ha ha.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

It gets better. I live in Iowa, but fortunately never in the western half of the state where all of his fans are. He will be facing two primary challengers next time and will likely be gone in two years. He's actually not the idiot that his critics from other states think he is, just a repulsive opportunist. And yes, Iowa is very white and Christian, but it still beats all hell out of living in the South....

I can't argue with that...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 17, 2019:

It takes a total package of all the above. I already have plenty of friends that are smart...

What I love about the Agnostic community.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 16, 2019:

I won't and don't block someone just because they keep disagreeing with me. I will always block if they personally attack me on the boards.

Maine coon cat - what a gorgeous tail!

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 16, 2019:

They have such huge, fluffy tails.

Speed Dating. What do you think?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 16, 2019:

Wish they had it in my area. Would probably work way better for me than Match. I say this somewhat sarcastically because I already know how bad Match is and this couldn't be any worse. In either format, looks are going to still be the most important factor by far in who rejects you and who doesn't. My three?s would be: Are you very religious? Do you like country music? and what is your political viewpoint? Those three would tell me all I need to know about their personality compatibility. If I traded contact info with them, I could quickly tell in one phone call if we shared enough common interests.

It’s very difficult to meet anyone anymore...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 16, 2019:

Tell me about it.....

Empathy.... Can you have too much?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 15, 2019:

I wanted to post this and get some feedback on whether others feel this way about visiting a Walmart. When I do visit a Walmart, because I am still not well off enough to always buy mundane stuff at a Target store instead, I always feel kind of depressed whenever I visit a Walmart. Because I look at the faces of both the shoppers and the employees and I see so much sadness and depression. Neither group looks like they really want to be there and I know way too much about how shitty Walmart treats its employees. So when I go there I feel like someone visiting someone in a prison, at least the way I've heard it makes people feel who've done that. The employees and the shoppers, for the most part, look defeated and that they know they are poorer than most and living on the bottom rungs of the society. This stuff is one reason I have always felt very angry at people who post stuff on FB and other online places showing pics of Walmart shoppers making fun of the poor people. Thoughts?

Apologies if the below is too authentic.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

I do think a lot of men take their wives for granted after a while and quit making as much of an effort to be nurturing or sexually appealing to them. But I also think that last part can go both ways. The comment below by Cast1es is very telling because it is exactly what one of my late wife's therapy clients said about the client's hubby, that he had killed every bit of love she ever had for him. Spooky to see that quoted here by someone else. I think what usually kills a relationship by a woman is becoming increasingly critical of the man, whether it is deserved or not. The withholding of sex by one or both partners is probably not far behind that. From what I've heard from other men and read in general, once the man feels belittled, demeaned, or overly criticized, that kills his sexual interest and love for the woman quicker than anything else. Whether it's the cause or the symptom, that line is usually the beginning of the end....

How does it make you feel when a date makes extravagant promises?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Haven't had the experience, but I would be wary of them. If they are manipulative rather than insecure, it has probably worked before with someone else, so they keep trying it....

Apologies if the below is too authentic.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Probably far more common than either gender admits. Didn't seem "too" authentic to me based on what I have heard and read. The truth is seldom pretty... Deiter, I applaud your courage to post this and be brutally honest, not just about yourself and your relationship, but also about your male friends and their experiences. We both know full well how much this may offend some of the women here, but I would hate to think this forum is a place where no one can share their truth, opinions, and actual personal experiences simply because it might seem too politically incorrect or sexist. There is already enough dishonesty, distrust, and lack of understanding between the genders both on this site and the world offline. Because of this sort of regular conflict on these boards, I have blocked some women, but I refuse to be bullied by anyone on here......

This is what I want.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Yup.

Cruel Christians Leave Fake $20 Tips Promoting Jesus | Michael Stone

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

If I worked as a waitress or waiter, I would find that so insulting.

Already had one rude comment! I posted some pictures of when I was performing as a burlesque ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

My late wife and I went to a burlesque show in Buffalo NY, where she was from. It was very entertaining and artistic. Your critic has probably never even been to one. Your costume is beautiful.

Serial vs parallel dating.. have i posted this topic already?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

From what I've read here over time on these boards, it appears that for most people on dating sites, esp. average-looking people, that parallel dating rarely comes into play as a choice because of how rare those folks make it far enough in the process to actually meet anyone in person. Thus, the choice of serial vs. parallel dating is more a choice reserved for those above average looking or better in their appearance.

When you move from dating into a serious relationship with one of those people, what do you tell the...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 14, 2019:

Reading the other comments, it appears that serial dating is pretty much the only way dating happens for average-looking people and the choice of serial or parallel is mostly reserved to those above-average or better looking, at least as far as online dating. There is currently another post with a poll on the subject of serial vs. parallel dating.

Honey, have you seen the cat anywhere?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Some cats really know how to hide well. I used to know a cat that knew how to hide behind trees from people seeing him.

When you move from dating into a serious relationship with one of those people, what do you tell the...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Don't know if you met these men on a dating site or not, but nowadays it just goes without saying that most women on dating sites are seeing more than one guy at a times and these men may already be assuming that about you. It may not be the case with all women on dating sites, but I'm sure it is for most women at your level of looks.

Cat thugs:

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

No different than people swooping in like vultures to scoop up the cash from a crashed armored car.

Race, Age, Stereotyping & Other Reasons to Live: I was invited to a two week test for a job at...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Glad you shared this. I wish I had more experiences like this. Renews your faith in humanity some that once in a while individuals can see across the differences in identity and tribe to appreciate you as a cool human being. This essay by itself convinces me you are a very talented writer. A guy that was a community organizer once told me something a long time ago that still sticks with me regarding stereotypes. He said that until we know someone else's story, all we have to know them by is stereotypes.

Mine was, Overgaard Arizona.?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Hampton, Iowa. Pop. 2500. It was hell....

There’s nothing more important

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Priceless and fortunate...

A discussion on a thread tonite has got me curious about the music tastes of the community here.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Update: I knew all along that country would either be at or very close to the bottom on this poll. Most intellectuals, which is what almost all non-believers are, don't like country and for good reasons.

Ladies: Are you now or have you ever been “simply irresistible?”

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Probably none, possibly one. Was never irresistible to anyone. More like I disappointed one woman who hoped we would end up marrying and it ended after several months.

There’s nothing more important

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Well, I've often heard that successful relationships are often built not on having healthy participants but on partners with matching neuroses.....

Florida Woman Put Her Dad with Alzheimer’s on a One-Way Flight to Denver | The Hearty Soul

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

This will become more and more common as the Boomers come down with dementia. I am lucky that my wife had plenty of income and money to pay for her care so I didn't have to do much for her at home in the early stages, then moving to assisted living with me in the late middle stage. The article didn't provide details about the old guy and his daughter's experience with him so I am reluctant to judge. I did know caregivers who were practically hostages in their own homes trying to care for relatives who needed to be in care facilities because of the level of their needs, but weren't due to lack of money or refusal to place them in one. The tragedy is that in these cases dementia destroys at least two or more lives most of the time. I never had kids and neither did my late wife, so unless I meet someone with kids, I will be on my own when I get old and sick. If my health fails years from now (more likely from something other than dementia), I will take my life rather than live in misery or as a burden to someone if my quality of life is poor. I fear that way more than death.

“No One Is at the Controls”: How Facebook, Amazon, and Others Are Turning Life into a Horrific ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

I've kind of been worried about this for a while, but been comforted by the fact that I will probably be dead before this stuff becomes widespread enough to affect me.

Do you want to be buried or sprinkled?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

Burned and sprinkled.

Famous songs that are covers - youtube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

At karaoke every performance is a cover version. Maybe that's why so many people hate it. I enjoy singing karaoke and have done so for 30 years, but a lot of the singers and song choices (esp.) bore me. That's why I've become very picky about what shows I attend. I'm a karaoke and music snob and proud of it!

Empathy.... Can you have too much?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 13, 2019:

The world is becoming more and more impersonal and narcissistic. Relationships are increasingly disposable. We need more people to become as empathetic as possible without burning themselves out.

The new york times exposed for sabotaging bernie sanders 2020 - youtube

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

The MSM is preparing to promote Warren as the Dem candidate for liberals and progressives over Bernie, which is why I am skeptical that she can be trusted to actually hold up as a progressive if she got to be prez. The media only provides fair coverage to those pre-selected by the ruling class to be acceptable and loyal to the status quo on economic and foreign policy.

The Consumer Electronics Show just banned a sex toy invented by and for women but awarded one made ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

Typical double standard BS, but no surprise....

Very depressing indeed

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

MSNBC is fake liberalism/progressive commentary. All you need to know that is how they cancelled Phil Donahue's show because he opposed the Iraq war in 2003 and that its parent company, NBC, owns General Electric, one of the biggest defense contractors around. They only pretend to be lefty because Fox had already cornered that market first.

Gaia had a choice - fireplace or lap!

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

The cat is saying, " Don't you dare move a muscle. I'm quite comfortable here".

The lyrics in the song are nice.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

To me, Anne Murray was always country music and I really hate country music. Even tho I've lived my whole life in the middle of where it's very popular, along with Christianity.

The Sledge Hammer Approach A man was driving a horse and cart through London when suddenly the ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

I think I heard an American version of this quite a while ago, only the weapon involved was a 2' x 4' piece of wood and the animal involved may have been a mule instead of a horse, I dunno. I guess irony and humor are in the eye of the beholder.

You don't stop playing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop playing.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

I believe that was also the subject of a Twilight Zone episode called Kick The Can.

Can you believe it, there are professional cuddlers that make $60 an hour? LOL

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

Explains the popularity of legit massage therapy. I go once a month. Costs $65/hr., the lowest going rate in my area. Been getting massages for almost three decades. Never heard of prof cuddling before.

This is how a church should be. Your thoughts?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

LiterateHiker, I fully agree this is how a church should be, but my local UU church is now anything but what you describe. Ironically, there is a small, very liberal UCC church right down the street from me, but they use the Bible and are Christian. I would probably fit in great there socially and share all their politics. And I've heard they have all the qualities of the UU church you visited. But I'm not going to lie or pretend to believe or be a Christian just to attend and enjoy their community.

This is how a church should be. Your thoughts?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

I made several really great friends at my local Unitarian church in the early 90s and they are still with me today. I also met my late wife because of these connections while she was attending a UU church about 30 miles away. The UU churches are full of great ideals and people who are Agnostic, Atheist, and/or Humanist as well as almost all very politically liberal to socialist. But the longer I was there, at least at my local one, the more turned off I was by how classist and cliqueish most of the members were. It started to seem more like a country club for intellectuals than a community that actually valued and embraced all members equally, whether they drove a bus or were a doctor, which was exactly the opposite of how I remember the Catholic church where I grew up. Because there, everybody felt welcome and valued, no matter their social or economic standing. Yes, there was probably cliqueishness there too, but it was so blatant at the UU church in spite of all the rhetoric and lip service about it being a caring community and respecting the dignity and worth of every human being etc. I got really disgusted with it and then withdrew even more after my late wife's dementia became late stage. I didn't need to be around negative stuff. Nowadays, I could probably meet someone to date as a widower there that would be compatible, but I just don't feel eager to go spend time there (even when I still know some people there) when I already feel treated as indesireable by Match.com and most of the people at the church that you meet will be quick to ask you what you do for a job so they can size you up on whether you fit in with them and are on their class level. Lots of middle management and corporate types. If you don't fit, they will be very quick to walk away and ignore you. That's the kind of classist bullshit I'm talking about, along with the fact that very few of them care about economic justice or inequality, no matter how much the ministers keep talking about social justice, which usually amounts to identity stuff like gay rights, feminism, race, immigrants, etc.. All stuff that's not offensive to upper middle class types. My late wife's old UU church is not so classist or cliqueish because it is much smaller, but because it's in a smaller college town, it has very few people my age. Part of the problem with my local one is its size, about 500 members. It's grown too large and impersonal compared to the early 90s and nowadays, for example, when they get to the part of the service for sharing milestones, joys and concerns, etc. in the lives of the members and their families, you have to submit those in advance by e-mail or in writing and they are read out loud by the minister. Very bureaucratic and impersonal.

The government shutdown spotlights a bigger issue: 78% of US workers live paycheck to paycheck

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 12, 2019:

This confirms that the middle class is now a fairly small class. By definition, middle class living used to be having some financial security to the point of some retirement money, some decent amount of savings, the ability to afford at least one good annual vacation, comfortably able to own and pay off a mortgage in 15 years. If only 20% of workers are not living check to check, that's a pretty skinny group on the overall distribution of wealth and income. It's been quite a while now that those living at a middle class level have become a much smaller, narrow % of the population compared to the 1960s, when they made up maybe 50% of the population. Instead of a really large, broad middle class we now have a very large underclass of the poor and unemployed along with a very large class of the working poor. Together they make up about maybe 70% of the population. We then have about 20% living in the kind of middle class that used be at least twice that size in the US. Then we have the top 10% made up of the rich and the upper-middle class, who make 100-150K a year. At least at the federal level, neither major party cares about the economic welfare of the bottom 70% of the population anymore, tho they do pay lip service to some of the better off members of the bottom 70% and vie to get their votes before ignoring them between election campaigns.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

I really hate this predictable shit of blaming the left for the Dems losing instead of the corporate Dems who keep pushing candidates that only appeal to maybe 25% of all eligible voters. The corporate Dems could win easily every time if they ran candidates that could inspire most of the 50% of non-voters, who are overwhelmingly poor, to vote for them, but that's not what they want. The poor don't vote not because they don't care or are uninformed. If anything, they are more aware and realistic than most middle class people who so vote. Poor people will turnout and vote for a candidate that seems trustworthy, inspiring and able to actually make a difference. But they will not turn out for a candidate who ignores class warfare against them, doesn't speak at all about the poor or inequality, and instead focuses on identity politics and multiculturalism. Why should poor whites care about that? They are consumed by survival and don't have the luxury to care about those things like middle class folks.

Earlier this week, I pointed out that AOC’s bluster and unwillingness to compromise would cause ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

The Dems could win with a progressive but they keep pushing corporate Dems like Hillary or Biden because it's what their big donors want. They really don't care what their average supporters think or want, and they sure as hell don't care what the poor or even the working poor want, so they go after what they really want. Which is maintaining the economic and foreign policy status quo regardless of whether they win or lose elections along with keeping them and their families in well-paying, high power jobs in govt., Wall Street, lobbying, or in corporate America. They and theirs do just fine no matter which way elections go.......If the Dems ran a real progressive, they would win in a landslide with all the tens of millions of lower income non-voters who would suddenly have hope and care enough to vote. The level of turnout would be at least 75% and heavily favor the Dems.

What is your opinion on this?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

I think the Beats and Hippies were the same types as far as personality and the transition from one to the other being the main counterculture group occurred sometime around 1966 or 67. The biggest difference between the two is that the hippies tried to take communal living further than the Beats by establishing their own autonomous communities, tho many of the Beats would live together and even share sexual partners. The rest of the differences were more about fashion and which drugs were the most preferred as well as music choices. The Beats were into jazz and folk, while the Hippies were into rock and folk. Same people, just different generations....

So question for the ladies. Would you ever date/marry down?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Tim- Why do you really care if she has more money? If you can pay your own way, it probably doesn't matter to her or she wouldn't have agreed to the coffee meeting. Are you on a dating site where she knows your income level from your profile? How are you aware of this money diff between her and you? The only thing I would worry about is the power difference that she might have in a relationship with you because of her wealth, but if she is the type to put you down or push you around because of it, it will become apparent soon enough if you begin dating. Ok, I see your comment that you are both in the top 10%, just different levels of it. See my last two sentences.

Hello, I’m new to the site.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

She's so cute and sweet-looking.

Would you date someone with a felony record?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

It would all depend on the nature of the crime and how long ago it was. And, obviously it would also depend on what they are like now.

So question for the ladies. Would you ever date/marry down?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

Didn't vote because I'm a man, but I do have an opinion on this and something related. I think women marry down a lot these days on money, but, at least in my area and age group, it appears most of them want to date a man who is their income level or about 15K more than them if possible. I base this on what is indicated in their profile categories of income levels. As far as dating or marrying up or down on levels of looks, I think women are more likely than men to date or marry someone from a lower level of looks than them, but even then, it seems like only a minority of women will date someone from a lower level of looks. It seems like very few men will date or marry down when it comes to levels of looks. So in the minority of relationships, where someone ends up with someone from a different level of looks, it's a woman who moves down and a man who moves up.

Curious.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 11, 2019:

No luck at all. Only a handful my age in my area. Since I joined a little over a year ago, I messaged all but one of them with interest in getting to know them and maybe meeting. Was rejected by all of them. No new women my age have joined from my area in the last year either.

Dan and I just got back from seeing another excellent movie "Vice.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 10, 2019:

Saw it and it showed me what I already knew, that Cheney is an evil genius MF that was so heartless and ruthless about seeking power, like his wife and his daughter Liz, that they all threw his daughter Mary under the bus-because she is a lesbian-just so Liz could get into Congress. Next to the Trumps, Americas's most FU family.

Eventually you will❤

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 10, 2019:

So far I've only met one, my late wife, and I feel very discouraged about the likelihood it will happen again.

Heard today from someone out of the blue who ghosted me back in September.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 10, 2019:

This is not the movies. I would not give him another chance, tho I might accept his apology as sincere. There are plenty of other men out there that are probably just as compatible that already have their shit together, unlike him even now, much less back then.

According to CNN, 7 independent investigative studies undertaken within the last two years, have ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 10, 2019:

They are afraid of being eventually accountable to the other races they hate and that's why they love and are buying guns, so they can fight the other races as well as maybe the cops once whites no longer run the govt., including the police. There are bloody times ahead when this finally happens, but these assholes will lose if they think they can outgun the cops.

Hello Iowans! As much as I would sometimes like to ignore it the reality is that the field for 2020...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 9, 2019:

I'm not going to vote because I don't really care. I have a friend that is very political and keeps me informed of all political events involving Dems. If I feel like going, I'll go with him. Since Bernie got screwed out of the nomination I doubt I will attend anything with the Dems. I figure any candidate that has a real chance of getting their nomination is no one for me to get excited enough about to go see. Been there, done that.

How do you respond to messages from those you have no interest in?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 9, 2019:

90-95% of the first messages I send to women on Match get no response, so I am grateful to someone who takes the time to respond even with a no thanks reply. I never give a hostile reply, I thank them. You look like an attractive woman, so I assume you get tons of messages from men. I'm amazed you have the time to message that many of the men you aren't interested in. Most women in your looks class are not that way, at least in my experience. Are you talking about this site or a paid site like Match? I'm not trying to be a pain, but one of my pet peeves is OPs on this site that do not specify if they are referring to online dating experiences on this site or on a paid site, because there seems to be so much difference in how things work and how people behave on one vs. the other type.

[consequenceofsound.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 9, 2019:

May as well. He already did Berlin before that wall fell.

"Anyone who makes people think for themselves is very dangerous.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 9, 2019:

Lenny Bruce was a subversive person, that's why the authorities harassed him, and he reacted by abusing drugs even more and killing himself that way. Saved an assassination for them. Who knows what they would have done to John Lennon back in the 70s if he hadn't gotten scared of the govt. and backed off on his political activities.

And - in other news.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

I think I would pass on both of them by watching something else on TV, reading or taking a nap, but fortunately this evening is my weekly karaoke show, so I'll be joining a few of my karaoke peeps there and singing. Sadly, this is my main social event and highlight of each week until I meet someone to date. Not interested myself, but my guess is once Stormy's affair with Trump became public, most men in America have already seen her in less than her underwear somewhere online or off.........I assume she's getting some $$$ for her appearance online.

I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Read it. Sounds like a bunch of idealistic psychobabble. I'm like most people. If someone's pics in a dating profile don't make me feel anything at all or worse, even turn me off on the thought of sex with them, I'm not going to message them on a dating site. If their looks from the pics make me think they're even somewhat physically attractive, I'll message them. If I meet them in person once or even twice, and I'm not feeling it by then, I'm going to politely let them know I don't want to go further. Nothing is more frustrating or humiliating to someone than going ahead and dating someone where one or both don't feel enough physical attraction to sexually desire the other. It's like starting to date someone and then finding out they're gay, asexual or lesbian, whether they know it or not. Not a fun situation for either party.

On a recent visit to Florida we ate at a very nice restaurant where the sign at the front door ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Yes, shoes and shirt required. Beyond that, they should not because more restrictive dress codes than that have often been used to discriminate against minority groups or other cultural groups, ie. hippies, that they owner doesn't like. The business has the legal right to go ahead and do this, but when they do, they deserve the protests, boycotts and other forms of condemnation that it will invite.

A good article about bad relationship habits: [getpocket.com]

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Nothing surprising, all common sense, but most likely the exception out there in the world of dating and couples. Because no matter how many people boast in their profiles about what great families they have and how connected they are with them, the divorce rates and the % of people on dating sites that are divorced say different, at least to me. Maybe they're trying to convince themselves as well as me about what a great job their parents did in mentoring them on relationships, but I don't buy it for most of them. What would really impress me more on Match would be a woman with the guts, strength and insight to instead say in their profile essay that they have been to therapy and what they learned from it, in a paragraph. That woman would get my attention and interest for honesty and awareness. Would impress me a lot more than cliches about communication, being family-oriented, etc.

I admire mature communication when I find a woman I am interested in.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Man, can I relate.. .Sorry it's been so bad for you. I've been trading messages with a woman on Match for a couple days now and I think I'm going to just suggest we meet soon. Because even tho the chat has been going fine, we both agree that chemistry, physical attraction, or whatever term you want to use, is important. So I don't want to waste either of us's time messaging much further. She only has a photo of herself from the neck up while I, like most people, have several photos including a full body shot. If there's no mutual attraction that way, I'd rather find out sooner than get either of our hopes up.

The online dating "Scattershot Effect" Years ago i had this friend .

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

Makes as much sense as anything else in the brutal funhouse mirror world of paid online dating sites. But if I were an expert, I would maybe find a way to improve my sorry lot on Match from a 90-95% failure rate on getting women to reply to my first messages and also would meet more than 5 women in 15 months. There must be a lot of jerks out there on the paid sites from the stories I hear from women. But it makes me wonder why and how all these jerks are out there actually meeting and going on real dates with women from the sites while it seems like most average guys like me spend about all our time on the sidelines waiting and hoping for our chance to date and instead just hearing the stories. I would love to know what the secret is of how those guys are so much more active than the average male member of the site. My intuition tells me that it's simply about having superior looks, but I'd like to think it's more complicated than that. Love to hear what others think.

How as athiest do you determine right from wrong ?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 8, 2019:

The bedrock principle is does this harm other people? I'm talking about real harm, not offending someone's lack of humor or sense of distressed privilege.

Sometimes you just got to stop looking.?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Nice thought and wish, but too naive and idealistic. The world never comes to you, you have to get out and meet it.

I was supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Wrong, I know damn well I have feelings, but I see your point. Sorry that, like me, you keep getting kicked in the gut over and over. Hope you have some better experiences soon and get your faith back. As for guys like him, they make me embarrassed to be male, tho maybe I shouldn't be. It's a bit like that line in The Shawshank Redemption, where Tim Robbins asks Morgan Freeman, who's told Robbins that a gang of gay rapists are out to get him and Robbins asks Freeman if it would help if he told them he wasn't gay. Freeman then says, "They'd have to be human first".

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I never thought I would say this, but guys like him make me appreciate the 50-something cougars I'm seeing on Match. They at least have the looks to seem plausible that they could date a young guy in his mid-30s or early 40s without having to be a sugar mama.

Living in San Diego and on the beach and still looking for a girlfriend.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I think he must have missed out on that recent post about the golddigger posting on her phone a tribute to her late sugar daddy on the anniv. of his death. It incurred a lot of disgust on this site, but was so touching and heartfelt it brought a tear to my eye, (sarcasm alert)..... But you're all right, he should have used a better photo and maybe also posted a copy of all his financial records. As Ronnie Raygun might have said, Experienced golddiggers trust, but always verify......... Thanks for all your comments, gang. This is the most laughs I've had all day.

Dixie, the country’s most divisive song

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I hate that song too, but luckily, I rarely hear it. The two songs I really hate, besides other country songs in general, are the two I always hear sung at karaoke shows around 9-11 and the 4th of July, namely God Bless The USA by Lee Greenwood, which I call the unofficial redneck national anthem, and the Toby Keith song, Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue. What an asshole!

Arizona right-wing group sends armed man into church to yell at volunteers for helping migrants – ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

The guy should have been arrested for domestic terrorism. These guys as well as militant anti-abortion types are bullies and domestic terrorists, and should be treated as such, pure and simple. But they aren't because too many in our govt. share their views, so nothing happens to them and they just become more bold. I don't fear ISIS or groups from the MIddle East, I fear what these assholes are allowed to do here because the abortion nuts, if not the border nuts, have already killed people here.

Oh dear.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

Too bad for her. I never liked the anorexic look. Like most men I prefer some curves. Makes you wonder what drove her to overslim so much. The ? is, what's considered beautiful BY WHO?

How would you like to repeatedly get the same canned message?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

I agree with you. The opening message should be a whole paragraph and mention something that confirms they actually read your profile. The problem with some women I've run across on Match is that they really don't have much personal info in their profile essays or what they do have is all cliche stuff, ie. " I feel honest communication/chemistry/family/ is/are really important..." How do you comment on that without sounding insincere or offending them? My opening messages contain the following elements in a short paragraph: Hi_____ I noticed/liked ______________ in your profile. We seem to both like____ as well as have_# of common interests. Please see my profile and message me if interested. Thanks, Tom Considering that I send out a couple dozen of these a month and rarely get a response, I don't put that much time or effort into them. But using this method doesn't take much of either anyway. The opening message, as long as it has these elements in it, is not that important in whether you get a response from the woman, so it's not worth sweating over. What really matters is the profile essay and your pics. Those are what women use to decide whether to reject you or accept you for replying to for further study on their part. When I really think it thru, the most important thing for a man on a site like Match is their main profile photo, because if a woman is getting 100 messages a week from different men, as I've heard that some do, the pic determines if the woman even bothers to view your profile in the first place.

My 2 year goal.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

A land yacht that stores a car, I wouldn't have believed it.

If you aren't happy single, you won't be happy taken.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 7, 2019:

What I know is that when I was young and single, I was happy some of the time, unhappy the rest of it. I had friends, hobbies, school, work. Then I met my late wife when I was 36 and we clicked. Liked most of the same things, got what each other were really about and shared many good experiences until she got dementia in 2011. Since then, and esp. since 2015, when she had lost her personality and most of her mind, I have been pretty unhappy. She died two years ago. Who wouldn't be unhappy in my case? I just know that my first 12 years with her were the happiest of my life. I would like to meet someone compatible, not a clone of her, and have that shared life again. I don't think that I am that unusual or that my being unhappy is some sign that I haven't finished grieving her death and moved on. I have. I started grieving her death more like four or five years ago, when she lost most of who she was. With all due respect for your lifestyle and happiness, Jolanta, don't assume that I am wrong or dysfunctional because I want to have a partner again. Neither you or anyone else on this site, none of whom have ever met me, know me well enough to make that judgment. Some are happier sharing their lives with someone special, some aren't. I'm the former.

After hearing horror tales from my daughters, friends, and women on here, I feel compelled to put ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I'm glad to see the women on here who commented appear to have taken you at your word for this. I am the same kind of guy, but I have lost hope of meeting a woman from this site in my area. So that leaves me with Match. And, sad to say, I know damn well that even if I posted a copy of this for my profile on Match, the women on there are so cynical and/or shallow that it would do me no good. Most of them would assume I was lying about my character and personality qualities while the rest wouldn't care because I didn't have the looks and money (high value male) qualities they were looking for, among other traits, such as being family-oriented, drinking socially, liking country music and college sports, and being religious. And then, after instead of meeting and dating the men they rejected for other reasons, those same women likely sit around complaining about the character of the jerks they meet and end up dating......instead of ever taking a look at their own mindset.

Hi there, everyone.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I can very much relate, but sad to say, at our age paid dating sites are really the only hope of meeting any compatible people if you are retired and don't go to a church. This site is only good for very long distance relationships, with a few exceptions. Local meetup groups, singles groups, volunteering and adult classes aren't going to work well either because, at least in my area, it's the same people who are on paid dating sites. May as well save the time, spend the money, and do it in one stop. Good luck. Your profile says you belong to a UU church. Don't worry, you can find a man there soon if you aren't really picky.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Seems too damn passive. Show a little guts. If you like a woman's profile, step up and send them a PM saying so and why if you're interested in dating or getting to know them. This wave thing is too much like the Wink or Like buttons on sites like Match. I don't bother with that crap because women are not going to respond to something as passive as that nor should they. It's not like this site is the same as Match, where there are lots of women in your area, so even if you send PMs it won't amount to that many of them or involve much time or effort. By the same token, I get about two or three Likes a month on Match and I almost never bother replying to them because it seems useless. Almost always it involves a woman who never even looked at my profile, but just clicked on Like after they saw my first name, age, city and main profile pic in their daily list of suggested matches. In other words they were just checking off that I was minimally acceptable to them. Also, in 15 months on Match, all but two of these likes were from women who were not at all physically attractive to me based on their pics. Of course, the two that were turned out to be women who were conservative and believers. Talk about fools gold......I did reply to them and told them why I wasn't interested.

Rant.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I'm so sorry it's pouring on you at this time. Seems bad stuff does happen in batches. Wonder if the newbie at work is connected to the person who made the decision or is just a kiss ass that got it that way. I do know in my work experience it always seemed like loyalty, dedication, and performance never mattered much in who got what from the bosses. Sucks to get used by bosses.

How did your closest friendship occur?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Occured at a Unitarian church in my area in the early 90s when we were both single and part of a social group for young adults.

Whats it like having not settled down with a family by the time you are 30?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

Didn't get married until I was 41, never had kids. Guess I never gave a damn about conforming or pleasing people who didn't know me. But to be honest, I wanted to be married earlier than that, just never had any luck with the traditional, conservative women of Iowa. None of them would have me for a long term relationship because I didn't want to have kids or date a women with kids.

Social experiment.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I wish members on this site would always specify if they are referring to online activity on this site or some other site. Don't know which this guy is talking about.

This is me most days.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

People seldom wonder what I think or what I am saying, as I emphasize my points,

Evangelical Christians Helped Elect Donald Trump, but Their Time as a Major Political Force Is ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

The fact that so many fundys would vote for a man so clearly un-Christian, immoral, a pig in his relationships with women and a serial adulterer, a man who clearly worships only money, power and himself, and so vulgar in his language, shows that for all their piety they are just shallow hypocrites when it comes to their religion and that they would vote for Satan himself if he claimed he would push their agenda.

Where do you draw the line?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I didn't vote because my answer doesn't neatly fit into that poll. My late wife was 16 years older than me, but at that time I was a lot younger than now. At my present age, 60, I will only date 8 years older than me because at this stage of life, I don't want to end up a caretaker again with a partner so soon after my last turn. But I realize also at this stage, that I could be the one needing a caretaker just as much as my partner or that a woman even ten years older than me could be in great health and well out live me. So, I'm leaving the range at 8 years older to hedge my bets and ten years younger, knowing full well that few women that much younger will ever give me a look in these days of widespread cougaring among women 50-55 yo.

If necessary to testify in court would you put your hand on the bible?

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 6, 2019:

I guess I would just tell them that I decline to do that because I don't believe in it and that also that I am the son of a judge and fully understand the importance of truth in courts, so they can each believe me or not.

I won the rat race! FuckingFlea (my petite tortie female cat) brought it into the house AND LET IT ...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Learned something new. I always thought that all cats were killers of both mice and rats. Maybe it's just feral cats that actually live on mice, rats, and birds. I'd heard that feral cats are being captured these days and put to work as mousers to kill and eat mice and rats in buildings. Need to remember that, as a former friend of mine once said, " Even if you win the rat race, in the end, you're still a rat". Altho I think she was referring to the human "rat race". I'd like to see of photo of the cat.

We've had quite a bit of political sniping going on with our great community in the past two or more...

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

I have already said plenty on the boards to reveal my politics, but I'll start by saying I despise liberalism simply because, as Chris Hedges says, it no longer stands for anything besides identity politics and multiculturalism, instead of opposing capitalism or endless war for empire and oil. I support policies of democratic socialism such as Bernie Sanders only I also believe, unlike him, in opposing the military industrial complex. Liberalism doesn't go far enough to oppose and fight back against the class warfare of the rich and corporations against everyone but the top 10%. I would like to see the US have a form of socialism like Scandanvia, where corporations are actually regulated, the rich actually pay their share, and banks and corporations do not own the govt. Lastly, I would like campaign reform where campaigns are much shorter and regulated, like in the UK, to only last for a few months and that all campaigns for federal office, at least, are publicly financed for all candidates who can meet a modest threshold of support, say 15%, in polls. No corporate money allowed for campaigns, low limits on individual contributions and free air time on TV for all candidates who meet the above threshold. With election reform like this, we would actually have governments that reflected the will of the people instead of just the wealthiest and most powerful. In turn, they would serve the common good instead of just the interests of the elite. I am very pessimistic about the future tho. Before the rich and corporations would ever allow this to happen, I think the US would see martial law, a military crackdown with militarized police and troops in the streets, and a dictatorship running things while we waited to see if the masses would resist with general strikes and protests to demand an end to it. Still better than the violent form of revolution the fascists in charge are hoping will happen so they can mow us down with the tools they already have prepared, like the Patriot Act and militarized police forces. The Occupy movement and how it was crushed are a preview of what I'm talking about.

[youtube.

TomMcGiverin comments on Jan 5, 2019:

Too bad in my experience on Match, few women apply her method. They use the site like it's shopping on Amazon. My zero dates-coffee meetings in my term, did go ok because by then I had probably already screened out the kind of women that would use them as job interviews rather than real, honest conversations. The problem is finding women on Match that are not shopping and swiping like she advised against. Those women appear to be a very small minority and it's hard to get their attention and interest if you have just average looks and money. Tons of better -looking guys with more money, ie, high value guys in the terms of the modern paradigm of classes and leagues.